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novella1186
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Bringing liquor-- update in the thread
I'm used to bringing my own liquor to parties because 1. college and 2. my stomach is weird so my "safe" drink is either Stoli and tonic or Tanqueray and tonic. Of course, I share with whoever else wants some. A lot of our friends are in-- or just finished-- grad school so they're broke anyway and I bring liquor to their parties as a courtesy to them (and/or they've asked me to).
But here's what I need help with. We're going to a Christmas party on Saturday at my friend's house, and he is not a broke college kid. His wife prides herself on being the greatest party host ever (and she really is) and goes all out to make her guests comfortable. So in normal adult life when it's a real party at someone's established home, is it rude to bring your own liquor?
At first I thought nothing of it, but then I thought of it in terms of a wedding. If I were going to a wedding and knew ahead of time that they were only serving beer and wine, I would not show up with a bottle of Stoli in my hand. I would drink the wine (beer makes me sick unfortunately) or if it wasn't a type of wine I could drink, I'd have water or iced tea or whatever else. Because you graciously accept what the host has graciously provided, right? So does this apply to Christmas parties also? I have no problem with not bringing my own stuff. Obviously if they don't have anything I'm able to drink, I'll just have water or whatever, just like in the wedding scenario.
I just don't want to do anything that my friend's wife may see as rude. Like "hey I didn't expect your stuff to be good enough so I brought my own" or something. Maybe this is another one of those things that I'm totally over-thinking...
But here's what I need help with. We're going to a Christmas party on Saturday at my friend's house, and he is not a broke college kid. His wife prides herself on being the greatest party host ever (and she really is) and goes all out to make her guests comfortable. So in normal adult life when it's a real party at someone's established home, is it rude to bring your own liquor?
At first I thought nothing of it, but then I thought of it in terms of a wedding. If I were going to a wedding and knew ahead of time that they were only serving beer and wine, I would not show up with a bottle of Stoli in my hand. I would drink the wine (beer makes me sick unfortunately) or if it wasn't a type of wine I could drink, I'd have water or iced tea or whatever else. Because you graciously accept what the host has graciously provided, right? So does this apply to Christmas parties also? I have no problem with not bringing my own stuff. Obviously if they don't have anything I'm able to drink, I'll just have water or whatever, just like in the wedding scenario.
I just don't want to do anything that my friend's wife may see as rude. Like "hey I didn't expect your stuff to be good enough so I brought my own" or something. Maybe this is another one of those things that I'm totally over-thinking...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bringing liquor-- update in the thread
FI and I are going to a surprise b-day party for his best friend tonight. We aren't bringing anything to contribute food or drink wise. I will say though, that I have asked the host of the party if we can bring anything, or help them with anything before hand for the party. I don't know etiquette wise if that's ok, but it's kind of just a habit for me to ask, because I've been in the craziness of planning a party myself before and sometimes you forget stuff or just don't have time to pick up what you need. If I were you @novella1186 I think I might err on the side of caution on this one like you said in a PP.
I agree that I think it depends. I've hosted small dinner parties with a few other couples and would have been offended if they brought food because obviously the intent is for me to cook. However, if they talked to me ahead of time and offer to bring bread or something of that sort I'd be ok with it. For family events my dad always brings beer to share because he's very into craft beer and thats ok, I'd rather him bring what he likes than me try and guess.
On the flip side we are hosting a pretty casual Christmas party in a few weeks for friends. We will provide food and drinks but they are welcome to bring something if they'd like. Since dinner is not the main objective I feel it's fine if others bring things and I'm used to this concept in both friend and family gatherings, I wouldn't judge one bit. Last year's Christmas party we provided enough food and drinks that it would've been fine if no one brought anything. Some did and some didn't. A few friends like to cook and take it as an opportunity to try new things and others brought drinks to share among everyone.
That being said - that doesn't exactly answer your question. If a friend of mine had a specific food or beverage intolerance and wanted to bring their own option instead of asking me to cater to their individual needs, I would 100% support them. I have friends who have various allergies, dietary needs (vegetarian, gluten free), and they choose to bring an option for themselves in case there aren't any safe options provided for them. I would never presume to wonder why somebody brought their own vodka. You are in my home, I want you to be 100% comfortable. If that means you want to bring your own cocktail making kit because you like to drink only one type of drink and you aren't sure I'll have the ingredients, I would certainly not be upset by that.
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I was raised that you never go to anyone's house for a party w/o bringing wine or a dessert or a floral arrangement. It doesn't matter if they are throwing a fully catered party or not, it's rude not to bring a hostess gift.
Now in my circle most holiday and "just for the hell of it" parties are "potluck" in the sense that 90% of the people attending were raised like me and will bring food or ask if they can bring food or do anything to help. And usually the party host/hostess says, "Great, thank you! Can you make that awesome Spinach-artichoke- crab dip you made for so and so's party?" Or they will decline if they really don't need anything. . . in which case we all show up with wine. And if we show up with wine, 90% of the time the host/hostess opens it up so it can be served during the party.
Now, that being said, unless I was explicitly told to bring whatever alcohol that i personally want to drink with me to the party, I would not BYOB to another person's party. I would give them a hostess gift and I would drink whatever they had to offer me. I feel like BYOB would be akin to showing up and having a pizza delivered.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
And if anyone is Italian, well you know:
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
However, I wouldn't do that in this case. If you and she provided all of the alcohol for your past event, and she didn't specifically say to bring whatever you want to drink this time. . . chances are the rando that showed up at your last party with his/her own swill was just being a cad.
Bring your food dish and just drink what she provides.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Ok, but your saying "I require Stoli or Tanqueray" instead of "vodka or gin" is what's giving me a princess vibe.
My comment was in reference to a PP who was suggesting: "Mention that your tummy doesn't like certain things and that you were thinking of bringing your own."
Which I thought she meant as a way to gently ask the host if you could bring a preferred drink so as not to seem presumptuous and rude. I didn't realize she meant you actually have GI issues.
If you actually have GI issues, then tell the host and/or bring something you know you can eat or drink. .. as was mentioned by that PP.
Dinner party etiquette is really not as complicated as this thread is making it out to be ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."