@lurkergirl our girl name is after my grandma Joyce too. But we mashed it up with my sister's middle name Lynne for Jocelyn. Don't tell anybody; we don't want it to get popular. It's one of the few -lyn names that isn't in the top rankings lately.
Wait that just auto smileyed. Is that TK or my phone? :grimacing:
OMG, you're my spirit animal!!! My mom's middle name is Lynn, and I have played with lots of Joyce-lynn/Jocelyn combos. Unfortunately, I met someone I really didn't like with that name, and ruined for me for a kid, but I still think it's really pretty. And if we had more than one girl, I would try to work in Lynn somehow.
Ugh that's the worst when someone else ruins it.
EVERYONE else in our family (both our moms, both our other sisters, my other grandma) have/had Marie for a middle name so that's a given. Just makes it hard if we have another girl, because all the names are used up. And hard to find a boy's name that has that much meaning/history. :-/ I liked Hunter as an indirect homage to our dads and brothers but H thinks it's too trendy
So TTC ladies, how did yall know you were definitely ready to start TTC? Was there a defining moment? Do yall still worry about whether or not you're ready for parenthood? I feel like everyone I know worried about "what if I'm not ready for this??" while TTC and pregnant until the baby came and then they're like "I got this."
Well, like I said above, the plan is to start in the summer. At that time, my husband will be 37 and I'll be turning 33 around the time we want to start, we better get going soon cause we're not getting any younger.
We are financially stable, we have a house and relatively stable jobs, and we have a great family support system. It'll be time.
To answer @smichek For us there wasn't a single defining moment, but I'd say getting engaged was a big part of it. We knew we wanted kids, and once we were engaged that conversation came up a lot more and since we'll be 30 and 36 when we're married and we want 2, we figured we should go ahead and get started. We have a house and cars and a steady income with excellent job security, so as far as that side of it goes, I do feel ready. I get more scared of our relationship suffering. I'm a huge believer in putting each other first and being a team, but obviously babies and kids require MASSIVE amounts of attention. The fact that we already talk about how we can change our routine to accommodate changes (even though we know that it's impossible to really anticipate) makes me feel better though.
Funny story: We bought my car right after we got engaged, and FI insisted on test driving minivans. This is a man who normally requires 4wd and v8 for his vehicles. I loved that he was thinking ahead, and that is a smart way of thinking normally, but for one thing, we'll easily be able to get one in a few years if we need it, andplusalso if we can't conceive, I do not want to be stuck driving a mommy-mobile.
So TTC ladies, how did yall know you were definitely ready to start TTC? Was there a defining moment? Do yall still worry about whether or not you're ready for parenthood? I feel like everyone I know worried about "what if I'm not ready for this??" while TTC and pregnant until the baby came and then they're like "I got this."
We knew we'd be trying pretty soon after the wedding. We didn't really have "a moment," it's been more like a lifelong checklist of stability in finances, careers, housing and relationship. We had each taken care of the first three before we met, so since that fell into place we're good to go.
I don't think you're ever emotionally ready. (General you.) I sort of feel like if you think you are, it's proof that you don't know what you're in for. You should be nervous.
The bolded is one of my concerns. Am I ready to be responsible for a helpless baby who cannot do anything for his/her self? Am I ready to have a baby with me ALL THE TIME? Have we had enough smichek and H time where we can be spontaneous and just go do stuff without making a plan, getting a sitter, packing an epic fuckton of baby stuff into the car, etc?
I think that's definitely a valid concern. Only y'all know what's right for you, but I will say that my FI and I have been together for 7 years and lived together for most of it, so I don't at all feel like I'm missing out on "us" time. Plus we're older; FI would like to have kids before he's 40, and I would prefer to have them before I'm 35 (though my parents were 36 and 39 when they were surprised with my little sister--unplanned pregnancies: not just for teenagers!) so we kind of need to get on it!
No matter how much H pouty faces me, we are definitely NOT TTC any time soon. I am 25 and already have 2, so I'm not in any hurry. My Mirena gets removed and i'm honestly considering getting another one put in. Another 5 years seems great to me. H, not so much. He is older than me and is getting concerned about being an "old dad".
@lurkergirl I am really glad that you are taking the initials into consideration...a friend of mine just named her baby with the initials LOL. I'm like um, what was she thinking?
I do not wish to find out the sex. I know people want to be "prepared" with the room and the clothes and everything but I think it's the best surprise you could ever get. I also have no problem with everything being gender neutral.
I was joking with my husband that we should go with an O name, so that our child's initials will be "OG" I hope that is not inappropriate. But right now I'm totally in love with A names, even though I never thought I'd go for A names... pretty much every Armenian is Armen or Arsen or Arin or Artin and so on and so forth.
No matter how much H pouty faces me, we are definitely NOT TTC any time soon. I am 25 and already have 2, so I'm not in any hurry. My Mirena gets removed and i'm honestly considering getting another one put in. Another 5 years seems great to me. H, not so much. He is older than me and is getting concerned about being an "old dad".
How old is he, if you don't mind my asking? My dad was 35 when my parents had me and even though I was always the friend with the oldest dad, he was also the most fun dad. He was the dad that ALWAYS got requested to chaperone field trips or host class parties. Kids don't give two shits about their parents age as long as they're not boring and grouchy
He just turned 30 this year, so that would put him at 35 when i'm ready.
I am honestly not totally against trying sooner, but that depends on me being where I want to be in my career, and us selling this shit condo and buying a house sooner than expected. It's not impossible, but highly unlikely.
@smichek Everyone is different, but I can say that I never would have felt ready at your age. 22-29 have been the best years of my life- traveling, buying the house, personal goals such as a half marathon, climbing at my career, having "me" time, having BF/DH time.
Plus you said financially you can pay your bills...but what about all the extras like daycare, diapers, formula? I've had friends plan on strictly breastfeeding then their baby ends up with some weird allergy or stomach condition where they need special $500 a month formula. Daycare in my area is upwards of $900 a month. When I was younger I made just enough to cover my bills but now I have a pretty good excess each month that I know will be able to afford child expenses. I think that's a big part of feeling ready, for me anyways. We are also not a social couple, we see friends once a month or less so for us it won't be a change being home all the time or waking up early.
What I've realized is that you are NEVER financially ready for a child. And if you wait, then you'll never have kids. Unless, of course, you are rich. I stressed about finances and how we'd make it work- then I watched my friends, who with one income made less than half of what my husband and I take home, and they make it work. Their kids are clothed, fed, happy, have toys, etc. That made me a lot more comfortable about just going for it.
What I've realized is that you are NEVER financially ready for a child. And if you wait, then you'll never have kids. Unless, of course, you are rich. I stressed about finances and how we'd make it work- then I watched my friends, who with one income made less than half of what my husband and I take home, and they make it work. Their kids are clothed, fed, happy, have toys, etc. That made me a lot more comfortable about just going for it.
@sbmini it's totally true. I was just talking about this yesterday at lunch with my friend because my husband is very concerned about money and I said look at all the people we know who make less than us and make it work with 1-2 kids! My friend said "If I did it single at 18 years old- you can definitely do it!!" ....then I got a little jealous because we talked about how she will be "free" at 35 years old and I will be just starting out hahaha
People can certainly make it work at all stages of life/ financial security when they have to. But given the choice, I didn't want to bring a child into a life where I could only afford the bare necessities for it. I see friends struggle to send their kids to activities or sports, take them on vacation, spend enough time with them because they have to work so much, let their relationship suffer because they can't afford a babysitter for a date night. I didn't want that life for my kids. I've always wanted a baby, but had to think less selfishly about what I wanted for me versus what I wanted for it/them.
What I've realized is that you are NEVER financially ready for a child. And if you wait, then you'll never have kids. Unless, of course, you are rich. I stressed about finances and how we'd make it work- then I watched my friends, who with one income made less than half of what my husband and I take home, and they make it work. Their kids are clothed, fed, happy, have toys, etc. That made me a lot more comfortable about just going for it.
Pretty much this. FILs were dirt poor with three other kids when they found out FMIL was pregnant with FI and his twin sister. They made it work. Now they look back and talk about how hard it was, but they had everything they needed.
@smichek no there is no "set" number you should have in the bank but I'm definitely with @lolo883 about quality of life. There's a big difference between just making it work and being able to provide them with everything they deserve. Not having to say sorry, you're the only one in school who can't afford summer camp or soccer team. My parents weren't rich but they were older and stable and I never had to worry about our car breaking down, or the fridge breaking or things like that. We went on really nice vacations growing up and I will be proud to give that same security and advantages to my kids even though they aren't "necessary".
H and I want to start trying in the spring or summer, so I also hopped over to The Bump to check out the forums (mostly Baby on the Brain). They're absolutely not welcoming! I didn't even do an intro because I saw how negative and nasty they were to a lot of new posters. The acronyms kind of kill me, too. I guess you'd get used to it if you stuck around long enough, but I'll be looking for pregnancy groups elsewhere.
I hope I can go about this without worrying with charting and temping and all of that. It sounds like a full time job.
So TTC ladies, how did yall know you were definitely ready to start TTC? Was there a defining moment? Do yall still worry about whether or not you're ready for parenthood? I feel like everyone I know worried about "what if I'm not ready for this??" while TTC and pregnant until the baby came and then they're like "I got this."
We decided a long time ago that we wouldn't start TTC until we were married and both had stable jobs. Emotionally, I've been ready to TTC for a while. That's not to say I haven't had the occasional "OMG, am I ready for this?" moment. Those moments usually come after visiting my cousin's toddlers.
ETA I should add that I have no doubt that I'll have no idea what hit me when kids enter the picture. I think you can be emotionally ready to take the plunge without necessarily being emotionally prepared for everything that parenthood will throw at you. I feel ready to start the journey. I don't - and can't - know if I'm ready for everything that will happen along the way.
@smichek no there is no "set" number you should have in the bank but I'm definitely with @lolo883 about quality of life. There's a big difference between just making it work and being able to provide them with everything they deserve. Not having to say sorry, you're the only one in school who can't afford summer camp or soccer team. My parents weren't rich but they were older and stable and I never had to worry about our car breaking down, or the fridge breaking or things like that. We went on really nice vacations growing up and I will be proud to give that same security and advantages to my kids even though they aren't "necessary".
Another thing to think about too is typically- you have kids before your peak income years. When I was born, my parents were so poor that they ate out at restaurants because the grocery store didn't take credit cards. My mom had rugs over the thread-bare carpet. By the time my youngest sister came around- we were living in a 4,000 square foot home in an exclusive neighborhood taking 2 week summer vacations to 5-star resorts. So things can change with hardwork and determination.
I waffle back and forth on whether or not I want to have kids. FI does the same. We keep saying if we're both CF carriers, we're not going to have kids. Well add onto that for the past 6-8 months I've been thinking, "If my parents sell the business on down the line, and we don't have kids, I kind of want to open my own tattoo shop." FI is into it, I'm (obviously) into it.
So many delicious, confusing waffles being had over it.
@smichek no there is no "set" number you should have in the bank but I'm definitely with @lolo883 about quality of life. There's a big difference between just making it work and being able to provide them with everything they deserve. Not having to say sorry, you're the only one in school who can't afford summer camp or soccer team. My parents weren't rich but they were older and stable and I never had to worry about our car breaking down, or the fridge breaking or things like that. We went on really nice vacations growing up and I will be proud to give that same security and advantages to my kids even though they aren't "necessary".
Another thing to think about too is typically- you have kids before your peak income years. When I was born, my parents were so poor that they ate out at restaurants because the grocery store didn't take credit cards. My mom had rugs over the thread-bare carpet. By the time my youngest sister came around- we were living in a 4,000 square foot home in an exclusive neighborhood taking 2 week summer vacations to 5-star resorts. So things can change with hardwork and determination.
They can, but it's a lot harder to move yourself up when you're taking care of kids, not wanting to put in long hours, leaving work when they get sick, etc.
It's totally doable, and people do it, but I think it's really unwise to go into a decision like this (when it's a decision you're making - we're talking about purposeful TTC here, not the unplanned babies people keep bringing up) without considering it, or with a "hope for the best" attitude. You have to think about the sacrifices you have to make - because there will absolutely be sacrifices, whether to work or home life or both, in addition to financially - what things you're not willing to sacrifice, and how you and your partner will support each other through all these changes.
H and I know how much "excess" income we have per pay period and per month, we've budgeted which things we can do without, we know who can be home at a moment's notice if baby gets sick, we know who we'll be able to count on for childcare, etc. We don't have it all figured out, but it's important to talk about and be mindful of.
I'd also like to point out that sometimes "life" throws you a curve ball and no matter how much planning you do, you can hit some major bumps.
Didn't plan for DH to be unemployed while I'm 5 months pregnant. Does it suck? Yep! Does it put a bit of a glitch in the matrix? Yup! Will be okay at the end of day? You betcha.
I'd also like to point out that sometimes "life" throws you a curve ball and no matter how much planning you do, you can hit some major bumps.
Did plan for DH to be unemployed while I'm 5 months pregnant. Does it suck? Yep! Does it put a bit of a glitch in the matrix? Yup! Will be okay at the end of day? You betcha.
H surprised me the other day by telling me that he would be willing to start TTC this summer. I always thought he would want to wait longer so it was a very nice surprise.
FI and I have known we wanted kids together since we were 18. We also knew we didn't want to TTC until we both had full time jobs and were married. We're both young, 24, and want to start TTC in January 2016 that way we can enjoy a full year of just us being married.
I waffle back and forth on whether or not I want to have kids. FI does the same. We keep saying if we're both CF carriers, we're not going to have kids. Well add onto that for the past 6-8 months I've been thinking, "If my parents sell the business on down the line, and we don't have kids, I kind of want to open my own tattoo shop." FI is into it, I'm (obviously) into it.
So many delicious, confusing waffles being had over it.
I have a friend has CF and he and his wife just went through a huge process to get pregnant, and ensure that the baby would not be a carrier. It is possible.
I waffle back and forth on whether or not I want to have kids. FI does the same. We keep saying if we're both CF carriers, we're not going to have kids. Well add onto that for the past 6-8 months I've been thinking, "If my parents sell the business on down the line, and we don't have kids, I kind of want to open my own tattoo shop." FI is into it, I'm (obviously) into it.
So many delicious, confusing waffles being had over it.
I have a friend has CF and he and his wife just went through a huge process to get pregnant, and ensure that the baby would not be a carrier. It is possible.
Neither of us has CF, and before my cousin was diagnosed with it in '97, no one in my family had ever heard of it or had been known to have it. Turns out that all of my dad's siblings who got tested are carriers. He hasn't been tested, so they don't know. My mom is a carrier of a certain rare type of it I guess.
We're ambivalent on kids. We'll be happy to have them, but if we're both carriers it's not going to be a crushing blow to not have kids. Either option is fine with us.
I waffle back and forth on whether or not I want to have kids. FI does the same. We keep saying if we're both CF carriers, we're not going to have kids. Well add onto that for the past 6-8 months I've been thinking, "If my parents sell the business on down the line, and we don't have kids, I kind of want to open my own tattoo shop." FI is into it, I'm (obviously) into it.
So many delicious, confusing waffles being had over it.
I have a friend has CF and he and his wife just went through a huge process to get pregnant, and ensure that the baby would not be a carrier. It is possible.
Neither of us has CF, and before my cousin was diagnosed with it in '97, no one in my family had ever heard of it or had been known to have it. Turns out that all of my dad's siblings who got tested are carriers. He hasn't been tested, so they don't know. My mom is a carrier of a certain rare type of it I guess.
We're ambivalent on kids. We'll be happy to have them, but if we're both carriers it's not going to be a crushing blow to not have kids. Either option is fine with us.
My point is even if you are both carriers, you can have a kid without CF. It would take a lot of medical intervention, but its possible.
Re: the Bump forums do not seem welcoming
Ugh that's the worst when someone else ruins it.
EVERYONE else in our family (both our moms, both our other sisters, my other grandma) have/had Marie for a middle name so that's a given. Just makes it hard if we have another girl, because all the names are used up. And hard to find a boy's name that has that much meaning/history. :-/ I liked Hunter as an indirect homage to our dads and brothers but H thinks it's too trendy
To answer @smichek For us there wasn't a single defining moment, but I'd say getting engaged was a big part of it. We knew we wanted kids, and once we were engaged that conversation came up a lot more and since we'll be 30 and 36 when we're married and we want 2, we figured we should go ahead and get started. We have a house and cars and a steady income with excellent job security, so as far as that side of it goes, I do feel ready. I get more scared of our relationship suffering. I'm a huge believer in putting each other first and being a team, but obviously babies and kids require MASSIVE amounts of attention. The fact that we already talk about how we can change our routine to accommodate changes (even though we know that it's impossible to really anticipate) makes me feel better though.
Funny story: We bought my car right after we got engaged, and FI insisted on test driving minivans. This is a man who normally requires 4wd and v8 for his vehicles. I loved that he was thinking ahead, and that is a smart way of thinking normally, but for one thing, we'll easily be able to get one in a few years if we need it, andplusalso if we can't conceive, I do not want to be stuck driving a mommy-mobile.
I don't think you're ever emotionally ready. (General you.) I sort of feel like if you think you are, it's proof that you don't know what you're in for. You should be nervous.
ETA
I should add that I have no doubt that I'll have no idea what hit me when kids enter the picture. I think you can be emotionally ready to take the plunge without necessarily being emotionally prepared for everything that parenthood will throw at you. I feel ready to start the journey. I don't - and can't - know if I'm ready for everything that will happen along the way.
I'm the fuck out.
Do you have CF? @beethery
I have a friend has CF and he and his wife just went through a huge process to get pregnant, and ensure that the baby would not be a carrier. It is possible.
I'm the fuck out.
I'm the fuck out.