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Wedding Etiquette Forum
rach89
member
4 months since the wedding & no thank you note...annoyance and caution to lurkers
A Vent & Question:
I attended the wedding of a close friend from college in early July. I gave a boxed gift, and I know a few friends there gave cards and other boxed gifts. We talked about if/where the gift table was and a few of us put ours there together (once found). A member of the bridal party told us where to put them. I have not received a thank you note. I don't expect a mailed one because they used email for the invitations (Paperless Post) but I do want to ensure they got the gift. So in this case I'm especially annoyed not to yet have received a thank you note because if they plan to do it by email (my supposition), then they can COPY & PASTE for each one with slight changes, which as we all know is easier than writing by hand.
My questions: it's been 4 months and a 1 week, do I contact them (really the bride, because that's my friend) and ask if they received it, or let it go? If she says yes, and something along the lines of "yes, thank you, it's wonderful, we love it", should I accept that as a 'Thank You'?
Side vent 1: I don't care if your thank you note has a photo of the couple getting married. I just want the acknowledgement you received what I picked out. I was presumably there to see the wedding, so I don't need a thank you card (which I will throw out no matter how lovely) with a picture. if I wasn't there & still sent a gift, then I really don't want to wait for you to get those cards, I just want a prompt note.
Side vent 2: I had a Bat Mitzvah when I was 12. I was very grateful to receive those gifts. I was able to write about 80 thank you notes in two days, within the month of the event. I have some serious shade for all the adults who can't do this, when my friends and I could and did at 12 or 13 years old.
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Re: 4 months since the wedding & no thank you note...annoyance and caution to lurkers
On another note, maybe talk about it w other friends..maybe your thank you card got lost in the mail
Needless to say, when I asked her a couple of months ago for her new address, she never got back to me. So...she never got a save the date. We'll see if she gets an invitation from us.
Fwiw, I had a gift with no card, nothing at all to identify the gift giver. I asked family and no one knows who it was from.
Maybe your card got separated and they thought it was from one of your other friends. Shit happens.
Formerly martha1818
My reason for being suspicious (and I'm kind of ashamed of it) - we (2 other friends at the wedding and I) saw other guests outside the venue getting high and drinking from alcohol they had in their car. I know, I'm such a prude and nice people get high too. I know some of them. It was just such a rowdy, shitfaced drunk crowd by the end of the night that I could imagine someone just walking off with a gift because they think that would be hilarious.
I think I am letting my irritations from the event intrude on the lack of thank you note. The hotel block was an hour from the church. The church was extremely difficult to find. The processional started 40 minutes late. The processional took 1/2 an hour. The reception was another 20 minutes away and also extremely difficult to find. The reception did not seem to have AC (in July, on the east coast - it was so gross). They served nachos & pizza as the main course. The food was cold. There wasn't enough food. They had a photo booth which charged you $3 to get a copy of your photo strip. After all this, paying for the hotel, the gas, the rental car, and a gift, I will be so pissed if that gift is lost.
I will post again if I hear from her.
****************etf boxes********************
I think you need to separate whether you are annoyed at the event and lack of thank you note versus actually being concerned as to whether your gift was stolen by intoxicated guests. If you're truly concerned about the latter, then sure..follow up.
Yeah I was the maid of honor at my best friends more casual wedding last year, and I brought her a set of dishes and I never got any kind of thank you note. But her mom did 98% of the wedding and so I wasnt really surprised. I asked if she got it and she said yes and thank you. I just took that to be my thank you. Its really annoying but some people dont like to do thinks the proper way.
Then, my fiance's good friend got married about two months ago. My fiance was even in the wedding. We sent them a wine crate, where you open one bottle for certain anniversaries and each one has a special message from us. I also made her an ornament out of her wedding invitation. No thank you. I did get a fb message about it, but I still think that is awful etiquette. Just had to vent!
I have been told that thank you notes are outdated, no one bothers with them anymore. They say, you give a gift because you love the wedding couple, and if given in the right spirit, you don't want any thanks.
Sounds good, but me and hubby went to his (then) boss's wedding, and we didn't get a thank you note, and I didn't "love" his boss, or the bride, who I didn't even know!
Formerly martha1818
What you say is confounding to me. What is it that I said above, is so so wrong? The part where I didn't love my husband's boss? Can anyone here say they love their husband's boss? The majority, even? Or where I said that I have been told that thank you notes are passe?
I think thank you's are still the right thing to do. Times have changed so email is now acceptable, but some form of communication should be used.
Formerly martha1818
I meant to say, that people have told me that thank yous are passe, but that I don't believe that. I believe in doing thank yous, I have always done them, and the people who believe they are no longer necessary, are wrong.
I don't know why anyone would pay so much mind to what I post. I am just an ordinary poster here. Why would anyone "call me out on my bullshit"? If you don't agree with me, then shake it off!
I can't believe you didn't get a TY for the wedding gift where your FI was in the wedding and you gave such a heartfelt gift!!! I mean, I think it's crazy no matter what, but ESPECIALLY for such a sweet, heartfelt gift!! I would need to use extra notebook paper because my TY card would run out of space for that thank you haha
I'm sorry about that. Your gift was so sweet and you deserve a thank you note
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I think proper etiquette is a lost art these days, unfortunately.
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