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Chit Chat
novella1186
member
Fuming right now.
in Chit Chat
Guys. I'm about to fucking lose it. Like my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking and I'm so. Fucking. Mad.
My mom texted me about my sister. It was her typical overly dramatic guilt-trip bullshit. "All I want for Christmas is for you and your sister to have a conversation." I said it's not up to me, I'm not the one doing the avoiding (my sister skipped Thanksgiving to avoid me and the last time we were both at my parents house at the same time she wouldn't even come into the same room as me) and I'm not the one she should be pestering about this and I am not going to have this conversation. The end.
She texted me AGAIN (another EXTREMELY long text) that "I'm just saying" blah blah blah, "You two don't even need to apologize, you just need to talk, and" blah blah blah. Well, this pissed me off.
I reminded my nosy, meddling, suffocating mother that I DID apologize to lovely sister, even though I did not owe her an apology, and my apology got no acknowledgement from her, so I have done more than my part to end the feud.
For some background, my apology to her came after a dramatic series of e-mails which my mother sent to BOTH of us (and when I mean dramatic holy shit you have no fucking idea). I was sick of the barrage of emails, texts, guilt trips, etc. So I e-mailed my sister (since she wouldn't answer her phone) and told her I just wanted to the fight to be done, I wasn't mad anymore, and I didn't need her to apologize or anything, and I was just so sick of "mom's fucking guilt trips. But I'm genuinely sorry for whatever I did that hurt your feelings." That's how it was worded. And this was a couple months ago.
My mom just texted me back with "An e-mail that you are sick of your mom guilt tripping you is not an apology."
Guys. I fucking lost it. I know I should not have responded. I know I should not have been responding to any of it. I know I should not engage. I know. But I fucking lost it.
I said: "Wow. So my apology wasn't worded to your liking and that makes it not count? My apology has been disqualified. That's fucking psychotic. Stop texting me. I am done with all of your bullshit."
Why did I even say that? What good did it do? No idea. I just can't fucking take it anymore with her drama and theatrics and guilt trips and to fucking say my apology wasn't good enough? It wasn't good enough. I fucking apologized for something I didn't do and it has been dismissed because it wasn't worded to my mother's standard but it wasn't even an apology to my mother. I can't fucking handle this. And needless to say I can't WAIT for my next therapy session. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. With this family.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Fuming right now.
Okay. Breathe. I have all the answers.
Turn off your phone. Take more deep breathes. Find your closest liquor stop and run there.
(I dont know the back story. But it doesnt sound like you can win here, so just dont engage.)
Ahh so frustrating! It seems you can't win with these people. I agree that not answering, heck not even READING the texts, e-mails, etc will be beneficial.
Because what happens when you DO engage? Or when you DO do what she wants by apologizing? The same "I wish you would talk to her blah blah"- it's the same BS no matter what you say, right? Once you stop engaging, they're just talking to themselves.
Formerly martha1818
Breathe. Drink. Talk with your therapist. Of you feel you have to respond to mom say, "Mom, I will no longer discuss this with you." Lather, rinse, repeat.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
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Novella, I have been following your family drama and I just wanted send you hugs. I have an attention whore, martyr complex, over dramatic, alcoholic (s)mother. I feel your pain.
I have taken several breaks from my mom over the years (I'm on one right now after her latest drunken, public scene) and they really helped me cool off. Give yourself some time, don't respond to the texts, poor a drink and binge watch one of your favorite TV shows.
So what. Anyone who is smart and knows your mother will know she's full of shit, and anyone too dumb to see that, oh well, let them think what they want, they're dumb anyway. Your mother and sister are clearly BSC, so stop trying to please either of them, it's clearly not going to happen, and not because it's your fault, but because they're clearly crazy.
Surprise of surprises.... my sister messaged me shortly after that extending the olive branch. Reverse psychology? I don't know exactly what happened, but my therapist said I had successfully drawn a boundary. I don't know if this will help or if you've already tried it and they are still being jerks but I sincerely hope this works out for you guys. It is really miserable being in your position, and I am so sorry