I agree with (most of) the pps. I definitely think that for your own peace of mind (at the base minimum) you should at least try to get a drug test. You know something isn't right. I am so sorry for what happened.
I also might cut your FI a bit of slack - but not much. Yes, he should have called 911 and he ought to be listening to you (and I'm glad you said he was starting to) but he was inebriated. Stupidity and inebriation can (to an extent) go hand in hand. God forbid it happen again, but if it were to, I'd hope he learned from this experience.
Everhart, seriously? No. I've defended you before but that's over the line. Op is afraid she is drugged, and what do you do? You tell her to take it as a learning experience? And I think atlastsomebody (I don't remember her full sn) said something along the same lines. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want someone to go all sanctimonious on you and say "well you should have watched your drink better?" Your response and attitude disgusts me more than the op's story - because you are helping those creepy skeeves who put things in people's drinks.
ETF words. Shouldn't be allowed to knot from mobile. Fat fingers.
Ah, "victim blaming" one of my favorite misnomers. All "victim" is is a term for someone wha had something shitty happen to them against their will either by someone else's negligence or fault. Who wants to be one of those? Who wouldn't do everything in their power to prevent that?
I'm on my way to work, during the season we see more of this type of stuff than usual. Between 9:00 pm and 2:00 am I will personally witness at least 25 specific acts of potential victimization. I can't lecture them all so I'll hope for the best for them.
I never told the OP she shouldn't seek medical attention, I asked why she wanted to. Because as I provided clear examples, this type of thing rarely goes further than a police report. The bullshit aggravation she may go through, and possible expense may not be worth it depending upon what she hopes to accomplish. If it's just to get checked out medically, sure, if she thinks it's worthwhile, she should. But hoping it will spur the police to really take this seriously is a long shot. She wasn't abducted, mugged, raped, etc. She just blacked out and woke up on her couch at home, with her FI who reported no trouble. The police aren't going to do much but add this to the heap.
After my hours spent watching flagging personal responsibility tonight I have the right to throw on my running shoes at 3:30 in the morning and go for a run in City Park, in the dark, alone. If I'm gang raped by a group of scumbags they are solely responsible for the victim label I'll have applied to me. Great, we'll have our terminology correct but thanks, I'd rather hop on my treadmill and not be "victimized."
I'll wear my seatbelt on my drive home too. Not because I don't trust my own driving but because I'd like to mitigate the damage of potential victimization by others as best as possible. I won't pick up any hitchhikers either and I'll lock my doors when I get home. Common sense all of them, even though I have the right to not do any of these things and no has the right to victimize me. I take my safety extremely seriously, and watch people all the time who clearly do not. Not saying that of the OP, however, she's not the only one reading this.
There's lots of scenarios in life that are completely out of our control and cannot be avoided. Who has access to your cocktail in public ain't one of them.
What in the fuck is the matter with you?
I walk at three in the morning, AS IS MY FUCKING RIGHT. I can walk around at three am fucking stark ass naked and that doesn't mean I should be raped.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
Ah, "victim blaming" one of my favorite misnomers. All "victim" is is a term for someone wha had something shitty happen to them against their will either by someone else's negligence or fault. Who wants to be one of those? Who wouldn't do everything in their power to prevent that?
I'm on my way to work, during the season we see more of this type of stuff than usual. Between 9:00 pm and 2:00 am I will personally witness at least 25 specific acts of potential victimization. I can't lecture them all so I'll hope for the best for them.
I never told the OP she shouldn't seek medical attention, I asked why she wanted to. Because as I provided clear examples, this type of thing rarely goes further than a police report. The bullshit aggravation she may go through, and possible expense may not be worth it depending upon what she hopes to accomplish. If it's just to get checked out medically, sure, if she thinks it's worthwhile, she should. But hoping it will spur the police to really take this seriously is a long shot. She wasn't abducted, mugged, raped, etc. She just blacked out and woke up on her couch at home, with her FI who reported no trouble. The police aren't going to do much but add this to the heap.
After my hours spent watching flagging personal responsibility tonight I have the right to throw on my running shoes at 3:30 in the morning and go for a run in City Park, in the dark, alone. If I'm gang raped by a group of scumbags they are solely responsible for the victim label I'll have applied to me. Great, we'll have our terminology correct but thanks, I'd rather hop on my treadmill and not be "victimized."
I'll wear my seatbelt on my drive home too. Not because I don't trust my own driving but because I'd like to mitigate the damage of potential victimization by others as best as possible. I won't pick up any hitchhikers either and I'll lock my doors when I get home. Common sense all of them, even though I have the right to not do any of these things and no has the right to victimize me. I take my safety extremely seriously, and watch people all the time who clearly do not. Not saying that of the OP, however, she's not the only one reading this.
There's lots of scenarios in life that are completely out of our control and cannot be avoided. Who has access to your cocktail in public ain't one of them.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
I'm going to cut your FI a ton of slack. Because I assume he wasn't sober either. And that's why you guys were in an Uber in the first place - because neither of you should have been driving. So I'm not sure why if getting home from the bar was an unsafe drive, why driving to the ER was any better of an idea. Second, still assuming he was intoxicated too, he probably wasn't making the best decisions ever. That's why there's a huge difference between being drunk and sober.
I can imagine you feel violated in some way, as you should because some creepy fucker may have slipped you something.
If you go to the ER today what are you hoping to accomplish? Let's say that you test positive from some drug that you didn't take yourself. Now what? If you're invested enough to try to get this incident to the police or the bar owner then proceed, sure.
In a perfect world the bar will have surveillance footage, someone will sit through an hour or so of footage watching you, your drink(s), and everyone who came near it, then by a stroke of extreme luck the camera catches said creeper taking out a pill/powder/tincture, his/her face, the act of he or she putting it in your drink, your drinking the drink, etc. What are the odds?
I run a bar. Our cameras are not there for the consumer, they are there to protect our assets. Meaning they are located over cash registers, store rooms, liquor storage, coolers and offices. This is the arrangement in most bars with cameras. Sure, we have other cameras in other places, but it's rare they ever catch anything nefarious in great detail. And rarely, if ever, is the footage good enough to use in prosecution. So my question really goes back to how much effort do you want to put into this seriously?
Be thankful you got home safely with your FI and not the drug-wielding creeper. Be thankful you feel okay this morning. And never, EVER leave your drink out of your sight or unattended ever, ever again. Because unless it was the bartender, you should have physical control over your beverage at all times. It's a sad world that we need to be that vigilant at all times, but that's just a fact. I watch women (and men) many nights of the week leave their drinks on the bar or at their table (usually with their purses too) to go to the bathroom or head to the dance floor and I get so damn frustrated. It's not that I don't want these women to be able to do this worry free, but it only takes a second to slip someone something and turn their night into a horror movie. Maybe I'm paranoid (okay, I am, I admit it) but I trust very few people and pretty much zero strangers.
Count your lucky stars you're okay, call the bar and let them know in case they have other similar complaints from last night, and try to do something today to take your mind off creepy fuckers who suck at life.
Don't be so obtuse... we all gather he was too intoxicated to drive but that's why 911 exists. If someone cannot wake up to loud noises or pain it is an EMERGENCY and you can call 911. Point blank. And for her FI to admit that this is not usual for her, it makes it even scarier.
Look, my dad has given me the "never leave your drink unattended" speech before as well, and when i'm out, I do my best not to, but God knows how quickly something can happen even if you are being vigilant. And whether or not she was being as vigilant as you deem she should have been (and I roll my eyes as I type that), if she was drugged, there is no one to blame but the person who did it.
OP, I'm sorry. This must be scary for you. Sending you all the virtual hugs and prayers. I hope you and your FI can have a good talk about this and if you were able to see a doctor that you got the answers you were looking for.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
Then clearly you haven't read the shit you're typing.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
Then clearly you haven't read the shit you're typing.
I haven't said anything I'd deem stupid. My only interest in this is not seeing more women in the op's position if they can help it. But like clockwork working in a bar, I'll be able to set my watch by it.
mrs4everhart said:
mrs4everhart said:
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
__________________________________________________________________Damn boxes!
The first problem here is that you're assuming she left her cocktail at the bar unattended, which from what I recall she didn't say she did. How do we know the bartender didn't slip something in the drink as he made it or some creeper didn't just quickly slip something in while she bent down to pick something up? How can you assume anything about her situation?
And again, while we can give advice to maybe help for next time, now is not the time to talk about what you think she should have done because it doesn't help and you spent more time blaming her for not "watching out" than the son of a bitch who may have drugged her.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
The first problem here is that you're assuming she left her cocktail at the bar unattended, which from what I recall she didn't say she did. How do we know the bartender didn't slip something in the drink as he made it or some creeper didn't just quickly slip something in while she bent down to pick something up? How can you assume anything about her situation?
And again, while we can give advice to maybe help for next time, now is not the time to talk about what you think she should have done because it doesn't help and you spent more time blaming her for not "watching out" than the son of a bitch who may have drugged her.
ETA: TK's boxes are killing me
When is the correct time to make women aware of how to actively contribute to their safety? The OP had a bad night. But but by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park. Many women won't be so lucky.
And I assume if she was drugged, which has not been confirmed, it probably wasn't the bartender bc in order for that to ever work he'd have to know when she was leaving the bar (by herself) and hope he was off in time to take advantage of her. A random creeper is much more likely a suspect. And the exact types women should be hyper aware of.
Y'all can continue to try to make this out to be me being the bad guy. I'll continue to watch women make stupid decisions and poor choices for a living.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
The first problem here is that you're assuming she left her cocktail at the bar unattended, which from what I recall she didn't say she did. How do we know the bartender didn't slip something in the drink as he made it or some creeper didn't just quickly slip something in while she bent down to pick something up? How can you assume anything about her situation?
And again, while we can give advice to maybe help for next time, now is not the time to talk about what you think she should have done because it doesn't help and you spent more time blaming her for not "watching out" than the son of a bitch who may have drugged her.
ETA: TK's boxes are killing me
When is the correct time to make women aware of how to actively contribute to their safety? The OP had a bad night. But but by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park. Many women won't be so lucky.
And I assume if she was drugged, which has not been confirmed, it probably wasn't the bartender bc in order for that to ever work he'd have to know when she was leaving the bar (by herself) and hope he was off in time to take advantage of her. A random creeper is much more likely a suspect. And the exact types women should be hyper aware of.
Y'all can continue to try to make this out to be me being the bad guy. I'll continue to watch women make stupid decisions and poor choices for a living.
OP, I hope you are okay. This sounds terribly off. It doesn't matter if you had one drink or ten throughout the night, if this was unusual for you, you should get help.
I don't have any words for the idiots in this thread who are victim blaming that won't get me banned.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
You are so full of shit. A victim should never be shamed because they didn't try hard enough not to be raped or beaten or what the fuck ever!
I have been sexually assaulted in my own God damned home. And guess what... I have about as much preparation to avoid being victimized under my belt as you could ask for. I carry a gun. Hell, there are several in my home! I have done krav maga and jujitsu along with other self defense classes. I also carry mace, a hardened plastic version of brass knuckles, and an array of knives should I ever need to deter some asshole.
Even with all these precautions, a man still managed to pick the lock on my door, surprise me in my bed, and assault me. So I take it I didn't make enough "right" choices to avoid this.
You disgust me!
OP I hope you are doing ok. You certainly have every right to be freaked out about possibly being drugged. And if you feel up to, a test asap would definitely be warranted. Besides, even if you were not drugged, this does not sound normal for you and needs to be checked out.
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
 
When is the correct time to make women aware of how to actively contribute to their safety? The OP had a bad night. But but by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park. Many women won't be so lucky.
And I assume if she was drugged, which has not been confirmed, it probably wasn't the bartender bc in order for that to ever work he'd have to know when she was leaving the bar (by herself) and hope he was off in time to take advantage of her. A random creeper is much more likely a suspect. And the exact types women should be hyper aware of.
Y'all can continue to try to make this out to be me being the bad guy. I'll continue to watch women make stupid decisions and poor choices for a living.
;
Nope nope nope. All the nope.
Yes, there are some common sense steps that we can utilize in order to make us more safe. Covering your drink, getting your keys out before you get to the parking lot, all of those and more. But basically saying that if you do all those things nothing bad will every happen to you is so BEYOND ridiculous, my eyes hurt from rolling them so hard.
People do horrible things to each other. And people do horrible things regardless of whether others protect themselves or not. You can do everything right and STILL be assaulted - which takes the blame off people preventing things, and puts it right back on the people who do them, where it should be.
"The OP had a bad night. But by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park" Maybe by your standards it was a walk in the park, but by the OP's standards, it was a pretty fucking bad night. Who are you to assign the level of trauma she's feeling? Every person is different. Everyone responds to things in a different way. And people who just wave off bad experiences because it doesn't rate high on their meter give me a bad taste in my mouth.
@mrsdee15 - I hope you're feeling better. If you decided to go and get a drug test and it comes back positive, I hope you do take the results and make a police report. Maybe your local department won't do anything with it, but maybe similar occurrences have happened at that bar and they're slowly building a case and yours will help prevent this from happening to other people.
Eight drinks is a lot. I get that everyone here's probably had more than that in college, etc., but still.
Were you tired? Dehydrated? During lent, I'd only had one meal and passed out after two glasses of wine. FI couldn't wake me up.
And, as much as everyone here says go to the ER, how good is your health insurance? My work is cheap. If I go to the ER, it will cost me a small fortune. Something to think about. Is it worth $2,500 to find out whether someone roofied you or not? That's my ER deductible before insurance kicks in. It might be $3,500. Especially when GHB and other things are hard to detect. And after I pay the first $2,500/$3,500, then I have to cover a certain percentage of charges after that.
Use it as a learning experience. You probably don't need eight drinks in a night. Watch your drinks and your company. And tell your FI not to be such a dumbass.
WTF kind of comment is all this. Please go away. You have bad advice.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
Regardless of how fucking asinine your comments are, I truly hope nothing like this happens to you. It's a completely helpless and heartbreaking feeling. You feel guilty, even though you did absolutely NOTHING wrong, That's the point you're missing. It doesn't matter how many actions she did to prevent something like this, it happened. AND IT'S NOT HER FUCKING FAULT.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
These are temporary solutions to a problem that is going to take a lot of work and time to fix. The point is that women shouldn't have to take self-defense classes or carry pepper spray or worry abotu when they leave the house.
OP please update when you can, either way. I hope you're doing ok.
Everhart I'm mostly on chit chat these days so I had no prior opinion of you but you are fucking gross. Ridiculousness aside, your posts are irrelevant, insensitive and rude because it ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED. Unless you can build her a time machine your superiority veiled as concern is completely useless. Trolling on etiquette matters is one thing, begging for attention on a plea for sympathy and understanding is quit another.
BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.
No, there fucking isn't. Because rape is NEVER EVER the victim's fault IN ANY FUCKING WAY
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
So, tell me @mrs4everhart
What could I have done right when I was raped? I was out with a "friend" who said needed help and felt sad and down. I offered to keep company and talk to him. I was taken advantage of. What did I do wrong?
You are really messed up.
Everything everhart talks about provides rape culture. I can not believe she is THAT messed up
Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.
I have been drugged and assaulted before. It was the bartender. There was no one around but my girlfriend, and I was super vigilant with my drink. I had two drinks and remember waking up in the bathroom in the middle of it but was too drugged to even lift my arms to fight him off. It was awful. For several months afterward, I used to wake up screaming and was scared to go to sleep. The unknown is the scariest part of being drugged. The guilt you inevitably feel when you can't protect yourself is huge (you have no reason to feel guilty, but it just happens). Now, I know it wasn't my fault. I was in the path of an opportunistic wad of subhuman shit. But if someone had told me the next morning, that I could have avoided the situation if I had known better, I probably would never have gotten over it. Have a heart, everhart.
OP, all the hugs to you, and I hope all is okay with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. No one should go through this. IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.
Is reading comprehension that hard? At what point did I compare watching one's own cocktail in public and rapists breaking and entering? Jesus fucking Christ, is understanding the difference between the things we can control and the things we can't that fucking hard? I get that some posters aren't as bright as others but I've been pretty goddamn clear about the difference and I don't get what's hard to grasp. I'll continue to concern myself with personal safety and what exactly I consider people's own responsibilities to themselves. Not all of us are bumbling through life with blinders on. Some of us have a healthy grasp on what is and isn't within our control. I'm beyond tired of people not having an equally firm grasp on the same.
Is reading comprehension that hard? At what point did I compare watching one's own cocktail in public and rapists breaking and entering? Jesus fucking Christ, is understanding the difference between the things we can control and the things we can't that fucking hard? I get that some posters aren't as bright as others but I've been pretty goddamn clear about the difference and I don't get what's hard to grasp. I'll continue to concern myself with personal safety and what exactly I consider people's own responsibilities to themselves. Not all of us are bumbling through life with blinders on. Some of us have a healthy grasp on what is and isn't within our control. I'm beyond tired of people not having an equally firm grasp on the same.
Maybe you should just go somewhere else then. I promise these ladies will understand if you want to leave.
Re: Someone On My Side?
I also might cut your FI a bit of slack - but not much. Yes, he should have called 911 and he ought to be listening to you (and I'm glad you said he was starting to) but he was inebriated. Stupidity and inebriation can (to an extent) go hand in hand. God forbid it happen again, but if it were to, I'd hope he learned from this experience.
Everhart, seriously? No. I've defended you before but that's over the line. Op is afraid she is drugged, and what do you do? You tell her to take it as a learning experience? And I think atlastsomebody (I don't remember her full sn) said something along the same lines. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want someone to go all sanctimonious on you and say "well you should have watched your drink better?" Your response and attitude disgusts me more than the op's story - because you are helping those creepy skeeves who put things in people's drinks.
ETF words. Shouldn't be allowed to knot from mobile. Fat fingers.
How sad for you.
Oh, there's not? Tell that to all the men and women teaching self defense classes. And concealed carry classes. And the folks selling pepper spray, mace and tasers. It's not about assigning blame. It's always gonna be the fault of the scumbag who perpetrated the crime. That's not the argument. The argument is whether one can help prevent becoming a victim on the first place, regardless of fault. And yes, yes you can in many instances. Like leaving your cocktail on the bar unattended. Digging for your keys in your purse unaware of your surroundings in a dark parking lot. But people like you will never get it because you're more interested in worrying about whose fault bad things are than helping prevent them.
I haven't said anything I'd deem stupid. My only interest in this is not seeing more women in the op's position if they can help it. But like clockwork working in a bar, I'll be able to set my watch by it.
The first problem here is that you're assuming she left her cocktail at the bar unattended, which from what I recall she didn't say she did. How do we know the bartender didn't slip something in the drink as he made it or some creeper didn't just quickly slip something in while she bent down to pick something up? How can you assume anything about her situation?
The first problem here is that you're assuming she left her cocktail at the bar unattended, which from what I recall she didn't say she did. How do we know the bartender didn't slip something in the drink as he made it or some creeper didn't just quickly slip something in while she bent down to pick something up? How can you assume anything about her situation?
When is the correct time to make women aware of how to actively contribute to their safety? The OP had a bad night. But but by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park. Many women won't be so lucky.
And I assume if she was drugged, which has not been confirmed, it probably wasn't the bartender bc in order for that to ever work he'd have to know when she was leaving the bar (by herself) and hope he was off in time to take advantage of her. A random creeper is much more likely a suspect. And the exact types women should be hyper aware of.
Y'all can continue to try to make this out to be me being the bad guy. I'll continue to watch women make stupid decisions and poor choices for a living.
You are so full of shit. A victim should never be shamed because they didn't try hard enough not to be raped or beaten or what the fuck ever!
I have been sexually assaulted in my own God damned home. And guess what... I have about as much preparation to avoid being victimized under my belt as you could ask for. I carry a gun. Hell, there are several in my home! I have done krav maga and jujitsu along with other self defense classes. I also carry mace, a hardened plastic version of brass knuckles, and an array of knives should I ever need to deter some asshole.
Even with all these precautions, a man still managed to pick the lock on my door, surprise me in my bed, and assault me. So I take it I didn't make enough "right" choices to avoid this.
You disgust me!
OP I hope you are doing ok. You certainly have every right to be freaked out about possibly being drugged. And if you feel up to, a test asap would definitely be warranted. Besides, even if you were not drugged, this does not sound normal for you and needs to be checked out.
;
Nope nope nope. All the nope.
Yes, there are some common sense steps that we can utilize in order to make us more safe. Covering your drink, getting your keys out before you get to the parking lot, all of those and more. But basically saying that if you do all those things nothing bad will every happen to you is so BEYOND ridiculous, my eyes hurt from rolling them so hard.
People do horrible things to each other. And people do horrible things regardless of whether others protect themselves or not. You can do everything right and STILL be assaulted - which takes the blame off people preventing things, and puts it right back on the people who do them, where it should be.
"The OP had a bad night. But by bad night standards, this sounds like a walk in a park" Maybe by your standards it was a walk in the park, but by the OP's standards, it was a pretty fucking bad night. Who are you to assign the level of trauma she's feeling? Every person is different. Everyone responds to things in a different way. And people who just wave off bad experiences because it doesn't rate high on their meter give me a bad taste in my mouth.
@mrsdee15 - I hope you're feeling better. If you decided to go and get a drug test and it comes back positive, I hope you do take the results and make a police report. Maybe your local department won't do anything with it, but maybe similar occurrences have happened at that bar and they're slowly building a case and yours will help prevent this from happening to other people.
Everhart I'm mostly on chit chat these days so I had no prior opinion of you but you are fucking gross. Ridiculousness aside, your posts are irrelevant, insensitive and rude because it ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENED. Unless you can build her a time machine your superiority veiled as concern is completely useless. Trolling on etiquette matters is one thing, begging for attention on a plea for sympathy and understanding is quit another.
TLDR: Fuck. You.
Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.
I'm the fuck out.