Wedding Invivations - Help!!

marg1046 · December 2014

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

lyndausvi · December 2014

maggie12345678 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

her point is if no one is obligated to bring a gift then giving an 18 year old their own invite shouldn't feel obligated to give one.

It's silly to say, "well I do not want them to feel obligated to bring a gift, so I will put them on their parents." Like some how mommy and daddy now have to take care of the gift because you choose to put their adult kids on their invite. It's a weird train of thought.

marg1046 · December 2014

lyndausvi said:

maggie12345678 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

her point is if no one is obligated to bring a gift then giving an 18 year old their own invite shouldn't feel obligated to give one.

It's silly to say, "well I do not want them to feel obligated to bring a gift, so I will put them on their parents." Like some how mommy and daddy now have to take care of the gift because you choose to put their adult kids on their invite. It's a weird train of thought.

No actually thats not what I'm saying. I'm basically talking about lets say an 18 year old cousin who does not have a job, is in college, and lives under their parents roof. I wouldn't want the to feel like I am asking them to bring their own gift. I'm speaking from personal experience and how I would have felt if someone would have invited me separate from my parents at 18 or 19.

AddieCake · December 2014

As an adult at 18, I would have gotten my own gift for the couple even if I were included in the invitation, so not giving them their own invitation does not necessarily alleviate the feeling of needing/wanting to get a gift. I had a job, though. If the people in question do not have jobs, how would they feel obligated to get their own gifts? They have no money of their own to pay for it, so that in itself would clear them of feeling obligated to get their own gift. Send people 18 and over their own invitation, as is proper, and go have a margarita.

lyndausvi · December 2014

marg1046 said:

lyndausvi said:

maggie12345678 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

her point is if no one is obligated to bring a gift then giving an 18 year old their own invite shouldn't feel obligated to give one.

It's silly to say, "well I do not want them to feel obligated to bring a gift, so I will put them on their parents." Like some how mommy and daddy now have to take care of the gift because you choose to put their adult kids on their invite. It's a weird train of thought.

No actually thats not what I'm saying. I'm basically talking about lets say an 18 year old cousin who does not have a job, is in college, and lives under their parents roof. I wouldn't want the to feel like I am asking them to bring their own gift. I'm speaking from personal experience and how I would have felt if someone would have invited me separate from my parents at 18 or 19.

yeah, you are exactly saying that if I put them on mommy and daddy's invite then will not have to feel obligated to give their own gift.

What we are saying is invites are not asking for a gift. NO ONE should ever feel obligated to give a gift. So getting your own invite is pretty moot.

Invites and gifts are 2 separate issues and should never be thought about together. At all.

I have to say I'm pretty much side-eying you for thinking that if you are on your parent's invite you are somehow immune from giving a gift. No one has to give a gift, but to say "damn I got my own invite. Fuck now I have to give a gift" is a strange thought process.

For the record, when I was 10 I was invited to a baby shower on my mom's invite. Know what I did? In ceramics I made a Big Bird piggy bank and gave it to my cousin as a gift. The next year another cousin had a shower. I made another gift. A few cousins got married and I hand made cards, bought a xmas ornament, whatever I could afford.

So yeah, at a young age I took it upon myself to give my own gift even if I was on my parent's invite.

Gifts not have to cost a lot. An 18-year old should be able to find room for a card or even a Target dish towel set. Not that they are required to, but the age thing is a pretty dumb argument.

marg1046 · December 2014

lyndausvi said:

marg1046 said:

lyndausvi said:

maggie12345678 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

her point is if no one is obligated to bring a gift then giving an 18 year old their own invite shouldn't feel obligated to give one.

It's silly to say, "well I do not want them to feel obligated to bring a gift, so I will put them on their parents." Like some how mommy and daddy now have to take care of the gift because you choose to put their adult kids on their invite. It's a weird train of thought.

No actually thats not what I'm saying. I'm basically talking about lets say an 18 year old cousin who does not have a job, is in college, and lives under their parents roof. I wouldn't want the to feel like I am asking them to bring their own gift. I'm speaking from personal experience and how I would have felt if someone would have invited me separate from my parents at 18 or 19.

yeah, you are exactly saying that if I put them on mommy and daddy's invite then will not have to feel obligated to give their own gift.

What we are saying is invites are not asking for a gift. NO ONE should ever feel obligated to give a gift. So getting your own invite is pretty moot.

Invites and gifts are 2 separate issues and should never be thought about together. At all.

I have to say I'm pretty much side-eying you for thinking that if you are on your parent's invite you are somehow immune from giving a gift. No one has to give a gift, but to say "damn I got my own invite. Fuck now I have to give a gift" is a strange thought process.

For the record, when I was 10 I was invited to a baby shower on my mom's invite. Know what I did? In ceramics I made a Big Bird piggy bank and gave it to my cousin as a gift. The next year another cousin had a shower. I made another gift. A few cousins got married and I hand made cards, bought a xmas ornament, whatever I could afford.

So yeah, at a young age I took it upon myself to give my own gift even if I was on my parent's invite.

Gifts not have to cost a lot. An 18-year old should be able to find room for a card or even a Target dish towel set. Not that they are required to, but the age thing is a pretty dumb argument.

Well aren't you just a saint then. All praise Ms Lyndausvi for giving her own gift at 10 years old. I guess we all should be more like you.

My post isn't even about gifts. Theknot forum is awful.

lyndausvi · December 2014

May I remind you that you were the one who brought up gifts as a reason NOT to give someone their own invite.

and yes people should be more like me. Teaching kids a young age on etiquette would be benefit us all.

Cookie Pusher · December 2014

*gets out Bingo cards and a margarita*

This is such a circuitous argument. Whether or not you send someone their own invitation, they don't have to give a gift. And 18 year-old who live at home aren't necessarily the only people who don't necessarily have the means to give a gift. You don't know the finances of each and every person you're inviting, so according to your argument, you may be making other guests feel obligated to give you a gift they can't afford.

AddieCake · December 2014

If TK's forum is "just awful," why do you continue posting, despite it already being suggested to you previously to stop and just not look at this thread any more if you didn't want to see any more of the comments? It's not hard to just walk away, just like it's not hard to simply do the proper thing and send all 18 and overs their own damned invitations.

wrigleyville · December 2014

So, we're awful because you asked us a question, we gave you the correct answer, and you didn't like our answer?

lyndausvi · December 2014

I do not think we are awful. This is an etiquette board. We give honest answers about etiquette.

I can't speak for everyone, but I'm a firm believer in "Don't ask the question if you are not prepared for ALL of the answers."

Also every and all comments are fair game to be commented on.

penguin44 · December 2014

I agree. We should all be more like Lynda!

arrippa · December 2014

marg1046 said:

lyndausvi said:

marg1046 said:

lyndausvi said:

maggie12345678 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

her point is if no one is obligated to bring a gift then giving an 18 year old their own invite shouldn't feel obligated to give one.

It's silly to say, "well I do not want them to feel obligated to bring a gift, so I will put them on their parents." Like some how mommy and daddy now have to take care of the gift because you choose to put their adult kids on their invite. It's a weird train of thought.

No actually thats not what I'm saying. I'm basically talking about lets say an 18 year old cousin who does not have a job, is in college, and lives under their parents roof. I wouldn't want the to feel like I am asking them to bring their own gift. I'm speaking from personal experience and how I would have felt if someone would have invited me separate from my parents at 18 or 19.

yeah, you are exactly saying that if I put them on mommy and daddy's invite then will not have to feel obligated to give their own gift.

What we are saying is invites are not asking for a gift. NO ONE should ever feel obligated to give a gift. So getting your own invite is pretty moot.

Invites and gifts are 2 separate issues and should never be thought about together. At all.

I have to say I'm pretty much side-eying you for thinking that if you are on your parent's invite you are somehow immune from giving a gift. No one has to give a gift, but to say "damn I got my own invite. Fuck now I have to give a gift" is a strange thought process.

For the record, when I was 10 I was invited to a baby shower on my mom's invite. Know what I did? In ceramics I made a Big Bird piggy bank and gave it to my cousin as a gift. The next year another cousin had a shower. I made another gift. A few cousins got married and I hand made cards, bought a xmas ornament, whatever I could afford.

So yeah, at a young age I took it upon myself to give my own gift even if I was on my parent's invite.

Gifts not have to cost a lot. An 18-year old should be able to find room for a card or even a Target dish towel set. Not that they are required to, but the age thing is a pretty dumb argument.

Well aren't you just a saint then. All praise Ms Lyndausvi for giving her own gift at 10 years old. I guess we all should be more like you.

My post isn't even about gifts. Theknot forum is awful.

I bet you feel bad for our husbands too.

slothiegal · December 2014

penguin44 said:

I agree. We should all be more like Lynda!

jacques27 · December 2014

This post is hard to follow. I think I got it though.

1. OP posts about not wanting to send separate invites to legal adults. I'm going to guess this is a function of being too cheap to spend an extra $20 for more invitations to do that, but doesn't say that.

2. People give the etiquette approved response, which is not what the OP wanted.

3. OP counters that the etiquette approved response is dumb so she's not going to do it.

4. People respond with "But that's what etiquette dictates."

5. OP tries to make it seem like she's just being magnanimous by making sure the 18 year olds don't have to feel obligated to get gifts.

6. People point out that gifts are never required and just because OP was once an insecure 18 year old who would have felt better being on mommy and daddy's invitation doesn't mean that it is in fact the proper thing to do.

7. OP repeatedly threatens to take her ball and go home, but then never does.

8. We all realize how awesome lyndausvi is, though most of us already knew it.

Am I caught up?

lyndausvi · December 2014

redoryx · December 2014

marg1046 said:

redoryx said:

maggie12345678 said:

Thats not what I said by any means. I meant that if I was invited separately from my parents at the age of 18, I would have felt obligated to bring my own gift. And I DON'T want people to feel that way.

For the record, NOBODY is obligated to bring a gift. Doesn't matter if they are 18 or 80, invited on their own invitation or with someone else.

I 100% agree. Which is why i wrote the post you quoted. That I don't want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. So I'm not entirely sure why you had to add that comment?

I've read through the replies but I"m going to try again because clearly you aren't understanding.

You said you don't want to send an invitation to an 18 year old living at home because you don't want them to feel obligated to bring a separate gift.

You can say this isn't the point of your post, but that very simple statement implies that 1) Some who receives an invite will feel obligated to bring a gift 2) Their parents will for sure be bringing you a gift 3) You are anticipating gifts from all people who receive invitations to your wedding.

So. To repeat. Nobody is obligated to bring you a gift. If you are expecting/anticipating gifts from ANY of your guests you are doing it wrong.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

As someone who was over 18 and lumped into an invitation for a wedding with my parents, it does feel like a slight as a guest. It's like you're still considering them a child. I would send them a separate invitation. Recognize them for the adult that the are and treat them as such!

TK forums are wonderful! They helped me out a ton planning and give honest, objective advice. I would rather have an awesome much of ladies here give me the blunt advice than have a friend or family member tell me I committed a faux pas!

CMGragain · December 2014

" The Smith Family"? I hope they bring the dogs. After all - they are FAMILY!

Wedding Invivations - Help!!

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