Chit Chat

virtual hugs, please?

I received my parents' Xmas card in the mail today. It was cute, but it had a note that really hurt. They said that it has been a banner year for them, and the high points of the year were my sister's wedding and the news that she is pregnant with their first grandchild. That's great ... and there are still two other "kids"in this family who didn't even get a shout out. I'm thrilled for my sister and her great year. I just feel like my brother and I got left off because we didn't do anything good enough. (I married last year, and my brother married the year before. Neither one of us got this attention).

I know it wasn't deliberate, and my mom apologized at first. She then came back and said that I'm just hormonal.

Hugs? Funny gifs? Soothing mom noises?
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Re: virtual hugs, please?

  • arrippaarrippa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    image
    ETA: I hate when people say that I am hormonal.  Sometimes, I want to punch them in the neck and blame the hormones for it.
  • I'm sorry :( Family has a way of saying the shit that stings the most. But if it's any consolation, I heart you, and you and the knotties have made my year extremely awesome! I'll put THAT in a fancy pants Christmas card any day!

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  • Ugh, that fucking sucks. Especially because I know you'd love to have a child. That must be really painful and I'm sorry.

    I'm also sorry that I'm on mobile and can't gif.

    Sending you virtual alcohol and a dart board.

  • I'm so sorry.  Families are often the ones who say the things that hurt the most.  *hugs* for you.  


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  • I'm sorry. That really sucks. And I'm sorry your Mom wasn't even able to be nice about it.

    I also very much know your feels. Last year's Christmas letter for my family went like so: youngest sister got married, BIG paragraph. Middle sister had a baby. Technically baby was almost one but since she was born so close to Christmas there was a big paragraph about her. Anjemon? Really small paragraph at the bottom basically "and she's still dating this boy and doing her band stuff". 

    I know my Mom was just writing about the big stuff, and I didn't have an eventful year. But it's still sucky.
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  • @anjemon, thanks.  I think that's something that I really fear about next year.  The grandbaby will be here, which will be exciting for sure.  I am not terribly optimistic about our ability to conceive (and we are looking to adopt).  So, next Christmas will likely be the continued celebration of the grandbaby.  

    I also feel badly for my brother (but he's the type to not really care about this kind of stuff).  His girlfriend miscarried their baby a few weeks ago.  He had an exciting year, then it tanked, so he got nothing.  

    *sigh*
  • Big hugs.   Far too often this isn't the "most wonderful time of the year" and the holiday season can have a way of feeling like lemon juice being squeezed on a paper cut.

    Your mom is also probably trying to brush off your complaint because she's feeling guilty and knows it.

    I hope 2015 is your year.  

    FWIW, I remember finding out that I had PCOS just before Christmas of 2009 and I felt robbed.   DH didn't understand the emotional toll it took but I told him that I felt like I did what I was supposed to do and that when we were actually ready for kids, it was a punch to the gut to find out that it may not be easy to have them.   Then DD was conceived after my HSG and she was born in late 2010.   That was both a great Christmas (because hooray baby!) and a terrible Christmas (because post partum hormones and lack of sleep made me feel the most craptacular ever).  
  • I hope this next year is a better year for you. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I received my parents' Xmas card in the mail today. It was cute, but it had a note that really hurt. They said that it has been a banner year for them, and the high points of the year were my sister's wedding and the news that she is pregnant with their first grandchild. That's great ... and there are still two other "kids"in this family who didn't even get a shout out. I'm thrilled for my sister and her great year. I just feel like my brother and I got left off because we didn't do anything good enough. (I married last year, and my brother married the year before. Neither one of us got this attention). I know it wasn't deliberate, and my mom apologized at first. She then came back and said that I'm just hormonal. Hugs? Funny gifs? Soothing mom noises?
    Maybe they weren't that excited about you getting married.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Thanks (mostly) everyone.  @shessocold, I hope you have a joyful holiday season.
  • That is so sucky. This reminds me of the girl (I read this on Buzzfeed) whose parents left her off the Christmas Card because she wasn't married, yet left her siblings, their spouses, and kids in. So she started sending her own card.

    Many Hugs, Guac!!! You're fabulous!
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • What did you do this year worthy of a mention on a Christmas card? Besides talk trash about your family on The Knot under multiple usernames, I mean.
    image
  • @pinkcow13 - yes!  I found that buzzfeed last night and had a good laugh about it!
  • I'm sure this year my family's letter is going to be super baby-centric, because my other sister had a son this year. But at least I know I've got something worthy of mention.

    Maybe before next year you can send your Mom some suggestions about what to put in? I sometimes feel like since I don't just chat with my Mom very frequently, she probably doesn't really know what I do with all my spare time. So you can send her some ideas for what to include.
    image
  • Oh man. I understand that your mom's excited about the "first grandchild," but with the difficulties that you and your brother are both having with children... I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that she doesn't realize it's truly hurtful.
  • @anjemon, it wasn't really a "letter".  It was 4 sentences.  "2014 has been a banner year for the X family.  Our family continues to grow with the marriage of our youngest dauter, Jill, to Jack.  It is with great expectation that we await our first grandchild in May 2015.  We wish the very best for you, our family and friends."

    Mom and Dad X

    My mom is pretty well in tuned with what I do ... and I know it wasn't intentional.  It just hurt last night when I opened it.  I'm doing better today.
  • drunkenwitch, I can't see the image - it's too tiny :(
  • @anjemon, it wasn't really a "letter".  It was 4 sentences.  "2014 has been a banner year for the X family.  Our family continues to grow with the marriage of our youngest dauter, Jill, to Jack.  It is with great expectation that we await our first grandchild in May 2015.  We wish the very best for you, our family and friends."

    Mom and Dad X

    My mom is pretty well in tuned with what I do ... and I know it wasn't intentional.  It just hurt last night when I opened it.  I'm doing better today.
    Are you maybe just being a bit sensitive and projecting some of your own things onto the card?

    It doesn't say whom is expecting the 1st grandchild.

    What did the previous two cards say that followed your marriage and your brothers?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm very sorry. (((((Hugs)))))
  • Funny gif time! 

    31 GIFs That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

    31 GIFs That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

    31 GIFs That Will Make You Laugh Every Time
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
    Funny Awkward animated GIF
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014

    Let's try this:


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFqB9y-m6MI


    And I still say you're prettier.


  •  

    ***hugs to you***

    So sorry @holyguacamole79... I really hope your Christmas is great!

    image
  • @anjemon, it wasn't really a "letter".  It was 4 sentences.  "2014 has been a banner year for the X family.  Our family continues to grow with the marriage of our youngest dauter, Jill, to Jack.  It is with great expectation that we await our first grandchild in May 2015.  We wish the very best for you, our family and friends."

    Mom and Dad X

    My mom is pretty well in tuned with what I do ... and I know it wasn't intentional.  It just hurt last night when I opened it.  I'm doing better today.
    Are you maybe just being a bit sensitive and projecting some of your own things onto the card?

    It doesn't say whom is expecting the 1st grandchild.

    What did the previous two cards say that followed your marriage and your brothers?
    I guess the weird thing is that I am sincerely happy for my sister and her husband.  I'm excited to become an aunt.  Once my initial shock and anger wore off, I was happy for my brother and his gf (until they lost the baby, of course).  But I have been known to be a bit sensitive. 

    Last year's card was like this - 
    image
    With one pic of my parents, one of me + H, one of my sister & her (then) FI, and one of my brother.  It had no "blurb" / "letter" - just a standard card saying Merry Christmas from the X family.

    The card the year before (when my brother got married) was a group picture of all of us (including his ex-wife and kids) from Thanksgiving.  Again, it was just a standard "Merry Christmas from the X family"


  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    I received my parents' Xmas card in the mail today. It was cute, but it had a note that really hurt. They said that it has been a banner year for them, and the high points of the year were my sister's wedding and the news that she is pregnant with their first grandchild. That's great ... and there are still two other "kids"in this family who didn't even get a shout out. I'm thrilled for my sister and her great year. I just feel like my brother and I got left off because we didn't do anything good enough. (I married last year, and my brother married the year before. Neither one of us got this attention). I know it wasn't deliberate, and my mom apologized at first. She then came back and said that I'm just hormonal. Hugs? Funny gifs? Soothing mom noises?
    Maybe they weren't that excited about you getting married.
    I don't know what you meant by this comment, but it seems a bit mean to me, and unnecessarily so. Kicking someone when they're down isn't very cool. 
    image
  • TKzilla said:
    What did you do this year worthy of a mention on a Christmas card? Besides talk trash about your family on The Knot under multiple usernames, I mean.
    Oh are personal attacks trendy now? Nope. Nope nope nope. If you come to a thread just to be mean and nasty, that fucking sucks. And it's lame. Move along. 
    image
  • I received my parents' Xmas card in the mail today. It was cute, but it had a note that really hurt. They said that it has been a banner year for them, and the high points of the year were my sister's wedding and the news that she is pregnant with their first grandchild. That's great ... and there are still two other "kids"in this family who didn't even get a shout out. I'm thrilled for my sister and her great year. I just feel like my brother and I got left off because we didn't do anything good enough. (I married last year, and my brother married the year before. Neither one of us got this attention). I know it wasn't deliberate, and my mom apologized at first. She then came back and said that I'm just hormonal. Hugs? Funny gifs? Soothing mom noises?
    Maybe they weren't that excited about you getting married.
    I don't know what you meant by this comment, but it seems a bit mean to me, and unnecessarily so. Kicking someone when they're down isn't very cool. 
    I don't know OP's family, it was just a thought. Just a possibility. I do know just a little about OP and I believe she overreacts and enjoys hearing people say nice things to her. I wanted to offer another response. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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