Spectacularly dumb restaurant customers

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

I thought of @lyndausvi and her husband:
http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/more-stories-of-spectacularly-dumb-restaurant-customers-1677513213

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

This is my Fav:

"I work at a craft beer/hot dog bar in the Pacific Northwest. We get a lot of granola folks who come in regularly (because PNW) even though we aren't even close to a hippy-friendly bar.

One afternoon, we get a large group who is, for the most part, friendly and quick with their orders, until the last gal who is "VERY allergic to gluten", and asks for a full description of every single hot dog topping on the menu, to determine what has gluten. It was tedious and somewhat annoying (it was a crazy busy shift), but better safe than sorry, right?

She then says, "Are your all-beef dogs made with animal carcasses?"

I stared at her for a minute, not sure if she was joking, until I noticed all of her friends looking down in embarrassment. All I could say was, "I mean, yeah, they're technically carcasses. They're not rotting or gross or anything, but they're definitely dead animals."

She replies, "In that case, I'll have a veggie dog."

"...The main ingredient in our veggie dogs is gluten."

"Oh, that's okay. As long as it's not a carcass."

1st, the customer clearly had no gluten intolerance as evidenced by what she ordered. And 2nd, how fucking hard is it to figure out if a hot dog topping is a wheat product?! This is as absurd to me as Trader Joes writing on the packageing of the Chocolate Covered Blueberries that they are gluten free. . . no fucking shit!!! They are blueberries and chocolate!!!!!

dolewhipper · January 2015

I laughed out loud on the second one. I used to work at Starbucks and had a customer once ask for a cold cappuccino. So I made him an iced latte. He screamed at me that it was right. He wanted me to heat up the milk and make a cappuccino, then pour it over ice, but keep the froth. Explaining to him that it would melt the ice quickly and not work, he didn't care. I pretended to heat and froth the milk up, but didn't really. Sorry not sorry, silly man.

lyndausvi · January 2015

I will have to read it when I have time. I'm sure I will be in stitches.

I saw one the other day where the woman wanted a poached egg with no yokes, because she doesn't like the taste of yokes.. But wanted double hollandaise sauce. Which for those who do not know is made all most exclusively of egg yokes.

Don't forget my woman who complained that her double vodka on the rocks was too strong.

SBmini · January 2015

The gluten thing made me roll my eyes. My sister works in food service and she deals with this all the time. "Does your roasted chicken have gluten" No. Why the fuck would roasted chicken have gluten. "Do your green beans have gluten" MFer do you even know what gluten is? The saline (read SALT) solution for my netipot even says gluten free on it.

Best gluten thing ever. (warning language)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34tdQdrA2sI

amelisha · January 2015

I love Behind Closed Ovens! It's my favourite thing on Jez/Kitchenette.

Read the archives if you've got some time on your hands; there are some RIDICULOUS stories. And I believe them all after all my years bartending and cocktailing. People are crazy.

One of my personal favourites from my own experience: I had a regular at the steakhouse who used to insist on a medium-rare steak, "but no blood. NO BLOOD." After many, many returned meals, we all learned that this meant "well-done, but when you serve it to him you have to call it 'medium-rare' or he won't eat it."

Maggie0829 · January 2015

These are the type of people that need to be moved to a special island designated solely for dumbasses.

sarawifenow · January 2015

Haha the tempura one! I would be a terrible server because I would totally call people like that out on their shit.

lyndausvi · January 2015

Not too long ago a couple came in for a tasting. They are not members, but got sponsored. They said they are kosher. They know DH's kitchen isn't Kosher but they wanted the menu to be kosher. (some kosher people do not worry about the plates and stuff, but will not eat non-kosher foods).

Okay, fine. For a Catholic boy DH knows his Kosher. Even his Jewish BFF would consult DH on Kosher.

Anyway, after the tasting they asked if they could add shrimp cocktail to the menu. DH is all "shrimp cocktail? What? That is not kosher. "

Well after DH called them out they said that they are not actually kosher, just do not like pork products.

Umm, you know you could have just said we do not want pork without pulling the kosher card and then end up looking stupid by ordering shrimp?

levioosa · January 2015

Gluten and dairy are often in a lot of places they shouldn't be with processed food, so I get someone who is truly allergic asking about it. (Why the hell is there dairy in my taco seasoning?!) That being said, people who are truly allergic know all about which foods they can and cannot eat, so asking a dumb question like "does this hot dog bun contain gluten" wouldn't even happen. I have friends who are allergic to gluten, and it's not cute for them, it's life threatening. If someone bullshits them at a restaurant and gives them food that's been in contact with gluten, they end up in the hospital. As such, they don't eat out much. Then there's SO's Mom who swears that she is gluten intolerant but she'll eat pizza and say, "I'll just take a pill for it." Um, there isn't a pill for it. Or a cure. *face palm*

Sometimes I miss the pace of working in a restaurant, but then I read stuff like this and I don't miss it at all.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

SBmini said:

The gluten thing made me roll my eyes. My sister works in food service and she deals with this all the time. "Does your roasted chicken have gluten" No. Why the fuck would roasted chicken have gluten. "Do your green beans have gluten" MFer do you even know what gluten is? The saline (read SALT) solution for my netipot even says gluten free on it.

Best gluten thing ever. (warning language) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34tdQdrA2sI

Oh FFS ><

That video was priceless and on point, hahaha!

jenna8984 · January 2015

hahaha those are great! And so infuriating at the same time!

I had SO many people order the quesadilla and then send it back because they didn't know it had bacon in it and they are vegetarian. Ok, so you did not read the description at all? I started just telling everyone who ordered it "there's bacon in that" and waiting for a yes or no.

One lady ordered "soy pepper" chicken which came drenched in soy pepper sauce. She called me over and said she wasn't happy with it and wanted a new order of the same thing. I asked why and she said it's just not cooked right. So I thought the chicken was undercooked or something and got her a new one. She calls me over again and says it's still not right. I'm like what is wrong with it? She says she doesn't like sauce, can I just get it without the sauce? I'm like you stupid fuck you could have just ordered a plain chicken breast the first time or even the second time!

SBmini · January 2015

If ya'll want more, this thread is truly brilliant

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2r7crn/waiters_of_reddit_whats_the_most_ridiculous_order/

This one was my favorite- it happened in Detroit:

I once had a guy place his order, and then say "And give me one of those spaghetti appetizers."

I had been working there for a couple months, and we had no pasta dishes whatsoever on the menu. I politely tried to clarify this, but he wasn't having it. He just kept getting more irate. He insisted that he eats here all the time, and he always gets the spaghetti appetizer.

Eventually, he gets up from his table, storms over to another one, and points at what he wants on another diner's table. He was pointing at their cole slaw. And yes, as far as he was concerned, I was still the asshole for not knowing what he was talking about.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

I'm afraid of Reddit!

[Deleted User] · January 2015

dolewhipper · January 2015

Ugh. The gluten debate.

I really get stomach cramps/digestive issues when I have wheat flour. You have no idea how many times I ask if a sauce or soup has flour in it (most times it does, but sometimes they don't so I get excited) or if they have a wheat free bread. The servers 99% of the time ask, "Oh, you mean gluten?" Sigh.

I usually just say, "Sure."

novella1186 · January 2015

pinkrevenge said:

Let me know when you get to the lady who had an allergy to "crunchy".

My sister was on the no-gluten thing for about two minutes, and it made me crazy. So I actually asked, and then texted my sister and said "Yeah, so I just had my bio-checkup with the dietitian and the nutritionist, and they both said that if you're not gluten intolerant there is no reason to avoid gluten. Unless you just like paying more".

Someone on my facebook posted their "gluten-free" dinner of pasta with olive oil and whole green olives on it. Not only did it look sad, it raised some serious questions about what they thought gluten was.

My college roommate has serious issues with wheat flour and after a million tests, her doctor said she has a mild gluten intolerance, so now she strictly avoids it. We were at a restaurant that offers gluten-free bread and were both getting sandwiches. I ordered mine just the normal way it came. She ordered hers and then asked for the gluten free bread. The waiter then looks at me and says "and how about you? are you also doing gluten free?" I gave him a weird look and said "no. Just regular bread is fine."

It annoyed us both because she's not "doing" gluten free. Her choice is either to not eat it, or get physically ill for days (I've witnessed how sick she gets and I feel awful for her). That's one of the reasons the whole gluten free trend annoys the crap out of me. So many people do it just because it's a trend. Like the ladies in FI's office who "went gluten free to lose weight." Ugh. No. It doesn't work like that!

Based on the evidence it also seems like a lot of people think gluten is anything unhealthy.

lyndausvi · January 2015

DH doesn't have too much of a problem with gluten free. Except that he can not and will not guarantee a gluten free environment. For example, gluten free bread is going to be toasted in the same oven as gluten bread. Since bread makes crumbs it's likely there will be cross-contamination. He does keep GF bread around, but doesn't go out of his way to make GF meals. He has some meals that are naturally GF. He doesn't mind modification to removed a GF items.

He does have a problem with gluten free people who do not know what they are talking about. You can add vegans, vegetarians and other people who claim they are something but clearly are not based on what they are requesting.

ETA - oh and he does have a problem with parents coming in saying their kid can't eat this, that or the other thing. Pretty much everything that is on his menu. He would rather the parent simply say "can you make my child a grilled chicken with some veggies" or something like that? Most of these parents come in at the height of service with 100's of tickets in the window and they want him to stop what he is doing and figure out something to cook for the kid.

Do a chef a favor. Check the menu out. Call ahead. Inform the kitchen of the allergy ahead of time and let them come up with something then. Not when there is a restaurant full of people.

novella1186 · January 2015

I'm really fucking allergic to work today. Lemme tell ya.

These restaurant stories were a fun distraction :P

[Deleted User] · January 2015

loveislouder · January 2015

Gluten story:

Went to for birthday dinner with a girlfriend of mine who is deathly allergic to gluten - she will die. She tells the server this, and asks for grilled chicken, veggies and a baked potato. No big deal, right? She gets it, it has toast on it. My friend mentions (again) that she has an allergy so the waitress comes to her plate, picks up the toast and puts it in her mouth and walks away. So we grab the manager, tell him the same thing. He apologizes, says he'll bring out another plate. Which he does, with gravy on it. We had to leave.

princessofgenovia · January 2015

dolewhipper said:

I laughed out loud on the second one. I used to work at Starbucks and had a customer once ask for a cold cappuccino. So I made him an iced latte. He screamed at me that it was right. He wanted me to heat up the milk and make a cappuccino, then pour it over ice, but keep the froth. Explaining to him that it would melt the ice quickly and not work, he didn't care. I pretended to heat and froth the milk up, but didn't really. Sorry not sorry, silly man.

This is a legit drink at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Basically you just make an iced latte then froth some milk and put the froth on top. Dumb as shit if you ask me and I judged every single person who ordered one when I worked there. I made them. But I judged the shit out of you. The ice makes the froth go bye bye.

flutteringinfl · January 2015

levioosa said:

Gluten and dairy are often in a lot of places they shouldn't be with processed food, so I get someone who is truly allergic asking about it. (Why the hell is there dairy in my taco seasoning?!) That being said, people who are truly allergic know all about which foods they can and cannot eat, so asking a dumb question like "does this hot dog bun contain gluten" wouldn't even happen. I have friends who are allergic to gluten, and it's not cute for them, it's life threatening. If someone bullshits them at a restaurant and gives them food that's been in contact with gluten, they end up in the hospital. As such, they don't eat out much. Then there's SO's Mom who swears that she is gluten intolerant but she'll eat pizza and say, "I'll just take a pill for it." Um, there isn't a pill for it. Or a cure. *face palm*

Sometimes I miss the pace of working in a restaurant, but then I read stuff like this and I don't miss it at all.

My dad went gluten free for awhile and if he couldn't avoid gluten (or just didn't feel like it) he had some kind of pill that he crushed over the food and claimed that it "neutralized" the gluten. I'm pretty sure it was all bullshit. He must have been sick of it too, because all it took to convince him to start eating gluten again was to send him an internet article I found saying unless you have Celiac, gluten-free is pretty much a waste of time and money.

novella1186 · January 2015

flutteringinftmyers said:

levioosa said:

Gluten and dairy are often in a lot of places they shouldn't be with processed food, so I get someone who is truly allergic asking about it. (Why the hell is there dairy in my taco seasoning?!) That being said, people who are truly allergic know all about which foods they can and cannot eat, so asking a dumb question like "does this hot dog bun contain gluten" wouldn't even happen. I have friends who are allergic to gluten, and it's not cute for them, it's life threatening. If someone bullshits them at a restaurant and gives them food that's been in contact with gluten, they end up in the hospital. As such, they don't eat out much. Then there's SO's Mom who swears that she is gluten intolerant but she'll eat pizza and say, "I'll just take a pill for it." Um, there isn't a pill for it. Or a cure. *face palm*

Sometimes I miss the pace of working in a restaurant, but then I read stuff like this and I don't miss it at all.

My dad went gluten free for awhile and if he couldn't avoid gluten (or just didn't feel like it) he had some kind of pill that he crushed over the food and claimed that it "neutralized" the gluten. I'm pretty sure it was all bullshit. He must have been sick of it too, because all it took to convince him to start eating gluten again was to send him an internet article I found saying unless you have Celiac, gluten-free is pretty much a waste of time and money.

You don't have to have Celiac, you could also just have an intolerance. It's not life-threatening but it's the same as any other intolerance (such as lactose intolerance) where you get severe stomach cramps, pain, you get sick, etc etc.

But yeah if you have no legit allergy and no intolerance, then not eating gluten is pointless.

flutteringinfl · January 2015

novella1186 said:

flutteringinftmyers said:

levioosa said:

Gluten and dairy are often in a lot of places they shouldn't be with processed food, so I get someone who is truly allergic asking about it. (Why the hell is there dairy in my taco seasoning?!) That being said, people who are truly allergic know all about which foods they can and cannot eat, so asking a dumb question like "does this hot dog bun contain gluten" wouldn't even happen. I have friends who are allergic to gluten, and it's not cute for them, it's life threatening. If someone bullshits them at a restaurant and gives them food that's been in contact with gluten, they end up in the hospital. As such, they don't eat out much. Then there's SO's Mom who swears that she is gluten intolerant but she'll eat pizza and say, "I'll just take a pill for it." Um, there isn't a pill for it. Or a cure. *face palm*

Sometimes I miss the pace of working in a restaurant, but then I read stuff like this and I don't miss it at all.

My dad went gluten free for awhile and if he couldn't avoid gluten (or just didn't feel like it) he had some kind of pill that he crushed over the food and claimed that it "neutralized" the gluten. I'm pretty sure it was all bullshit. He must have been sick of it too, because all it took to convince him to start eating gluten again was to send him an internet article I found saying unless you have Celiac, gluten-free is pretty much a waste of time and money.

You don't have to have Celiac, you could also just have an intolerance. It's not life-threatening but it's the same as any other intolerance (such as lactose intolerance) where you get severe stomach cramps, pain, you get sick, etc etc.

But yeah if you have no legit allergy and no intolerance, then not eating gluten is pointless.

Pretty sure he didn't. His brother (who is not a doctor) said to him one day, "My wife and I are gluten free and we love it! Don't you have digestion issues sometimes? You should try it!" He claimed it really helped him but it couldn't have helped him that much if he was swayed to go back to eating it so easily. Then again, he's always been the kind of guy who's easy to convince of things if you sound smart enough.

levioosa · January 2015

I worked at a non-Mexican restaurant. I had a couple of guys come in once and request carne asada. I kindly told them that we did not offer carne asada and we were not that type of restaurant. They told me they knew we had carne asada in the back because our cooks must be Mexican, then they demanded to speak to the manager. I sent over my manager, who ended up making them carne asada in the back from scratch. I couldn't believe it. Like, WTF.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

loveislouder said:

Gluten story:

Went to for birthday dinner with a girlfriend of mine who is deathly allergic to gluten - she will die. She tells the server this, and asks for grilled chicken, veggies and a baked potato. No big deal, right? She gets it, it has toast on it. My friend mentions (again) that she has an allergy so the waitress comes to her plate, picks up the toast and puts it in her mouth and walks away. So we grab the manager, tell him the same thing. He apologizes, says he'll bring out another plate. Which he does, with gravy on it. We had to leave.

So she has celiac's disease?

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

novella1186 said:

flutteringinftmyers said:

levioosa said:

Gluten and dairy are often in a lot of places they shouldn't be with processed food, so I get someone who is truly allergic asking about it. (Why the hell is there dairy in my taco seasoning?!) That being said, people who are truly allergic know all about which foods they can and cannot eat, so asking a dumb question like "does this hot dog bun contain gluten" wouldn't even happen. I have friends who are allergic to gluten, and it's not cute for them, it's life threatening. If someone bullshits them at a restaurant and gives them food that's been in contact with gluten, they end up in the hospital. As such, they don't eat out much. Then there's SO's Mom who swears that she is gluten intolerant but she'll eat pizza and say, "I'll just take a pill for it." Um, there isn't a pill for it. Or a cure. *face palm*

Sometimes I miss the pace of working in a restaurant, but then I read stuff like this and I don't miss it at all.

My dad went gluten free for awhile and if he couldn't avoid gluten (or just didn't feel like it) he had some kind of pill that he crushed over the food and claimed that it "neutralized" the gluten. I'm pretty sure it was all bullshit. He must have been sick of it too, because all it took to convince him to start eating gluten again was to send him an internet article I found saying unless you have Celiac, gluten-free is pretty much a waste of time and money.

You don't have to have Celiac, you could also just have an intolerance. It's not life-threatening but it's the same as any other intolerance (such as lactose intolerance) where you get severe stomach cramps, pain, you get sick, etc etc.

But yeah if you have no legit allergy and no intolerance, then not eating gluten is pointless.

Actually research is proving this to be false. . . which is what many physicians have been saying all along.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/rosspomeroy/2014/05/15/non-celiac-gluten-sensitivity-may-not-exist/

People who don't have celiac disease but claim to be gluten intolerant are likely FODMAP intolerant.

OliveOilsMom · January 2015

pinkrevenge said:

Let me know when you get to the lady who had an allergy to "crunchy".

My sister was on the no-gluten thing for about two minutes, and it made me crazy. So I actually asked, and then texted my sister and said "Yeah, so I just had my bio-checkup with the dietitian and the nutritionist, and they both said that if you're not gluten intolerant there is no reason to avoid gluten. Unless you just like paying more".

Someone on my facebook posted their "gluten-free" dinner of pasta with olive oil and whole green olives on it. Not only did it look sad, it raised some serious questions about what they thought gluten was.

To the bolded: They actually make gluten free pasta. I don't know what it's made from, but my sister had some once. Her doctor put her on a strict diet to rule out a potential Celiac diagnosis. She took a few bites and couldn't go any further.

Over 10+ years ago, I worked at a restaurant. It was in a vacation destination, so we would often have the same people come back each year. The one guy I always remembered used to come in during the afternoon. He would make a special request to have his gluten free pasta, which he provided, cooked up for dinner that evening when he came in with his family. He would always speak with the owner to ensure he would have fresh hot water and no other gluten items in his dinner. This was well before gluten free was as big as it was now!

lyndausvi · January 2015

When we lived in the islands DH was yelled out for not having ORGANIC LOCAL STRAWBERRIES. Because you know, strawberries are indigenous to the islands.

Oh and they would say "oh I want the salmon. I love having locally caught fish." Yeah, okay, someone doesn't know where salmon come from.

/face palm/

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

pinkrevenge said:

Let me know when you get to the lady who had an allergy to "crunchy".

My sister was on the no-gluten thing for about two minutes, and it made me crazy. So I actually asked, and then texted my sister and said "Yeah, so I just had my bio-checkup with the dietitian and the nutritionist, and they both said that if you're not gluten intolerant there is no reason to avoid gluten. Unless you just like paying more".

Someone on my facebook posted their "gluten-free" dinner of pasta with olive oil and whole green olives on it. Not only did it look sad, it raised some serious questions about what they thought gluten was.

Is this in the Reddit thread or in the archives of Behind Closed Ovens?

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