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Etiquette Confessions

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Re: Etiquette Confessions

  • dcbride86dcbride86 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    My bat mitzvah invitation said "black tie optional".  Although that was beyond my control and I was 12 so even if it was within my control, I wouldn't have known any better.  Also, I squashed that for my actual wedding invites (thanks to the AMAZING suggestions/arguments to make to my mom that I found here)

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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    My parents want my wedding to be black tie.  I personally do not so we are compromising on black tie optional.  I personally think it's weird that it's considered to be 'against etiquette' because where I'm from, that's a very specific type of attire (and 4 out of the last 5 weddings I went to were.)  If people wanna judge me on it, let them, I honestly couldn't care less.
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  • charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Not married yet, but I have a few.

    We're having ushers. There are people I wanted involved in the wedding, but the sizes of our bridal parties were going to get out of hand.

    I sent out Save the Dates 8 months out and used address labels.

    We're probably not paying for parking.


    DF wants to do hosted beer/cash everything else. That will be my hill to die on. He doesn't get that it's rude because everyone he knows does it. We've been to 7 weddings in the past 13ish months, all but one were for his friends or family. The only one that DIDN'T have this was MY friend's wedding (open bar).

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    lacqueredlover said:
    Apparently I'm making an etiquette violation by having my wedding be Black Tie Optional but I could give two fucks, it's how my circle does it when tuxedos are not required and it's happening.


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    That's ok, we still love you.
    thisismynickname said:
    @prettygirllost, that picture with everything is to die for. 
    Thanks!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Oh, something that isn't against etiquette but is mega petty/bitchy that I have no shame about:

    Never got a thank you card for a baby shower gift for a relative; when I was invited to this baby's baptism and BF was "and guest-ed" I conveniently came down with strep throat that week. BF was surprised/concerned at how quickly I was able to pull an excuse out of my ass.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    image


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lacqueredlover said:
    My parents want my wedding to be black tie.  I personally do not so we are compromising on black tie optional.  I personally think it's weird that it's considered to be 'against etiquette' because where I'm from, that's a very specific type of attire (and 4 out of the last 5 weddings I went to were.)  If people wanna judge me on it, let them, I honestly couldn't care less.
    Your circle uses the term and is fine with it, so I doubt anyone is going to be offended by its use.

    But I'm curious as to how you dress differently to attend a wedding where BTO was printed on the invitation versus a wedding where Black Tie was printed on the invitation versus a wedding that has a very formal, fancy invitation with inner and outer envelopes, etc and no attire line printed on it?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    She has a section on how to dress for it because the term confuses so many people. That's why we "get our panties in a twist".
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  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    Moderator Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    lolo883 said:


    hellohkb said:

    I haven't had my wedding yet but I am considering possibly wearing black. Apparently that will cause people to assume we're actually at a funeral. At a hotel on a Saturday evening with a DJ and a cake.

    One thing I did that's a bit rude was not respond to a friend's bridal shower invite- But I didn't respond because I was salty/thoroughly amused that they put the wrong name on my invite. Not even improper spelling- A completely different name. I should not have been salty about it at all, but whatever.

    That's what I want my funeral to be like.

    That would be awesome! I've definitely given some thought about my own funeral but I guess I'll be dead so I won't care too much. I hope my loved ones do something fun with the money they could spend on a classic funeral. Oh god, my response took a very odd turn. SORRY LOLO, CARRY ON.


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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    My parents want my wedding to be black tie.  I personally do not so we are compromising on black tie optional.  I personally think it's weird that it's considered to be 'against etiquette' because where I'm from, that's a very specific type of attire (and 4 out of the last 5 weddings I went to were.)  If people wanna judge me on it, let them, I honestly couldn't care less.
    Your circle uses the term and is fine with it, so I doubt anyone is going to be offended by its use.

    But I'm curious as to how you dress differently to attend a wedding where BTO was printed on the invitation versus a wedding where Black Tie was printed on the invitation versus a wedding that has a very formal, fancy invitation with inner and outer envelopes, etc and no attire line printed on it?
    Personally, if I knew every man was going to be in a tux (BTR) I'd definitely wear a long dress. If I knew only some men would likely be in tuxes and some in suits (BTO), I'd probably wear a shorter, but still very fancy cocktail dress and rock the gold metallic shoes. 

    Most people in my circle don't wear tuxes ever, so the fanciest of fancy invitations would not elicit a tux. So without ANY stipulation of attire, I would have no reason to believe anyone but the WP would be in tuxes. I would probably still wear the fancy dress just because I like to, but might tone down the jewelry or shoes or something.

    But that's just me and I know you weren't asking me. :)
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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    My parents want my wedding to be black tie.  I personally do not so we are compromising on black tie optional.  I personally think it's weird that it's considered to be 'against etiquette' because where I'm from, that's a very specific type of attire (and 4 out of the last 5 weddings I went to were.)  If people wanna judge me on it, let them, I honestly couldn't care less.
    Your circle uses the term and is fine with it, so I doubt anyone is going to be offended by its use.

    But I'm curious as to how you dress differently to attend a wedding where BTO was printed on the invitation versus a wedding where Black Tie was printed on the invitation versus a wedding that has a very formal, fancy invitation with inner and outer envelopes, etc and no attire line printed on it?
    I personally wouldn't dress differently between the two but for my FI, if it's black tie then he will wear a tuxedo, if it's black tie optional, he prefers not to.  I've also never seen a wedding that has no attire printed on it.  Even the fanciest of weddings I've attended that were black tie at ridiculous NYC venues and invitations with more pieces of paper than I used in all of college, they had Black Tie or Black Tie Required written on them.   

    The exception to this is his friends who had an invitation they clearly printed themselves, no attire line but then on their wedding website stated they want it to be formal wear. That was a way bigger issue for me because the wedding is at 3 pm in palm springs and had I not looked at their website, I would have been dressed far more casually then they are apparently wanting.

    Eh I guess to me, it's all just semantics.  The real etiquette breaches to me are not inviting SO's, having a cash bar, having a gap and not having enough food/drinks.  Other than that, enjoy your wedding and stop caring so much about the etiquette.  I'm just excited to marry by best friend and party with my loved ones.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    I haven't had my wedding yet but I am considering possibly wearing black. Apparently that will cause people to assume we're actually at a funeral. At a hotel on a Saturday evening with a DJ and a cake.

    One thing I did that's a bit rude was not respond to a friend's bridal shower invite- But I didn't respond because I was salty/thoroughly amused that they put the wrong name on my invite. Not even improper spelling- A completely different name. I should not have been salty about it at all, but whatever.
    That's what I want my funeral to be like.
    That would be awesome! I've definitely given some thought about my own funeral but I guess I'll be dead so I won't care too much. I hope my loved ones do something fun with the money they could spend on a classic funeral. Oh god, my response took a very odd turn. SORRY LOLO, CARRY ON.
    It's cool; I'll make sure you're invited to my funeral. :)
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    image
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    lolo883 said:
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    I haven't had my wedding yet but I am considering possibly wearing black. Apparently that will cause people to assume we're actually at a funeral. At a hotel on a Saturday evening with a DJ and a cake.

    One thing I did that's a bit rude was not respond to a friend's bridal shower invite- But I didn't respond because I was salty/thoroughly amused that they put the wrong name on my invite. Not even improper spelling- A completely different name. I should not have been salty about it at all, but whatever.
    That's what I want my funeral to be like.
    That would be awesome! I've definitely given some thought about my own funeral but I guess I'll be dead so I won't care too much. I hope my loved ones do something fun with the money they could spend on a classic funeral. Oh god, my response took a very odd turn. SORRY LOLO, CARRY ON.
    It's cool; I'll make sure you're invited to my funeral. :)
    You guys could start your own fun funeral planning company! 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    image


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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    Oh yeah, we know you're doing it up and doing it right as far as black tie is concerned!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    MagicInk said:
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
    Only if you wear it backwards!
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    image
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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    KatieinBkln said:
    MagicInk said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
    HOW DARE YOU WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING ZOMG.
    I'd totally be cool with you wearing a white tux when you crash my wedding.  I'll meet you at the mac and cheese bar.  Please have a glass of booze waiting for me
    image


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lacqueredlover said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    MagicInk said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
    HOW DARE YOU WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING ZOMG.
    I'd totally be cool with you wearing a white tux when you crash my wedding.  I'll meet you at the mac and cheese bar.  Please have a glass of booze waiting for me
    It better have lobster in it. . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • LadyMillilLadyMillil member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I had attire information and adults only on my website, but after lurking here I removed that.

    The wedding was in April and I just sent thank you cards to DH's family in Europe that sent gifts but didn't attend in December because I wanted to include a bunch of wedding photos and the photographer took 7 months to get them to us. The rest of the thank you cards went out on time.

    My bachelorette party was where I currently live not across the country where the wedding was. None of the guests were invited to the wedding. It was all work friends and it's common in our department to have a party for anybody when something exciting is happening.

    Anniversary
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    We had almost 2 hours between our ceremony and dinner starting. But our wedding consisted of 12 other people, all of them wanted to be part of the pictures and travelled around with us for most of them. Our photographer was entertained at their enthusiasm.

    I did however pay for all of our guests (except moms and FIL since they declined) to go canoeing for an hour while we did the last pictures alone. They all rave about it still and loved it. I think that puts me in the clear for having a gap, since we did host something. It was canoes instead of alcohol :P
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    MagicInk said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
    HOW DARE YOU WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING ZOMG.
    I'd totally be cool with you wearing a white tux when you crash my wedding.  I'll meet you at the mac and cheese bar.  Please have a glass of booze waiting for me
    It better have lobster in it. . .
    This is the menu for it:

    ARTISANAL MAC & CHEESE BAR
    a trio of creamy mac & cheese, made to order & served in individual tasting vessels
    SMOKED CHICKEN ORGANIC CHEDDAR MAC & CHEESE
    with scallions & caramelized shallots, topped with cornbread crumb crust
    TOMATO FRESH RICOTTA MAC & CHEESE
    with basil & arugula, topped with focaccia crumb crust
    GARDEN GREEN VEGETABLE GOAT MAC & CHEESE
    with truffle oil & lemon zest, topped with pumpernickel crumb crust
    SERVED WITH HELP YOURSELF TOPPINGS & MIX INS
    crispy bacon, cilantro pesto, tomato chutney, shallot jam, soft herb salad, cracked peppercorns

    PARMESAN ALMOND GALETTES, SEEDED FLATBREADS & HERBED LAVASH CRISPS 


    There will be the raw bar with lobster ;-P
    Well now I'm starving! That all sounds delicous.
    image
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    MagicInk said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    lacqueredlover said:
    Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional.  I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.
    We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event.  Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

    And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.
    You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

    for the record, our event is a black tie event.  It has all of the criteria of a black tie event.  The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.  
    I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.
    HOW DARE YOU WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING ZOMG.
    I'd totally be cool with you wearing a white tux when you crash my wedding.  I'll meet you at the mac and cheese bar.  Please have a glass of booze waiting for me
    It better have lobster in it. . .
    This is the menu for it:

    ARTISANAL MAC & CHEESE BAR
    a trio of creamy mac & cheese, made to order & served in individual tasting vessels
    SMOKED CHICKEN ORGANIC CHEDDAR MAC & CHEESE
    with scallions & caramelized shallots, topped with cornbread crumb crust
    TOMATO FRESH RICOTTA MAC & CHEESE
    with basil & arugula, topped with focaccia crumb crust
    GARDEN GREEN VEGETABLE GOAT MAC & CHEESE
    with truffle oil & lemon zest, topped with pumpernickel crumb crust
    SERVED WITH HELP YOURSELF TOPPINGS & MIX INS
    crispy bacon, cilantro pesto, tomato chutney, shallot jam, soft herb salad, cracked peppercorns

    PARMESAN ALMOND GALETTES, SEEDED FLATBREADS & HERBED LAVASH CRISPS 


    There will be the raw bar with lobster ;-P
    I have no words.  So much YUM.  Can I come? 


    image
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