Etiquette Confessions

slothiegal · January 2015

ashley8918 said:

slothiegal said:

Sigh, OK here goes guys....don't de-mod me of the E board!

--We had my now SILs as flower girl escorts (I know, I know...). They walked down with FG and held calla lillies, which they passed out (as a surprise) to the moms and grandmas when they reached the end of the aisle.

--My ILs threw us an engagement party....and only invited people who weren't invited to the wedding (and yes, some of those people brought us gifts).

--But the absolute WORST was slothieguy. HE ALSO WORE A TUX BEFORE 5:00. (It was actually really cute...I just assumed he would want to wear some more casual since the guy lives in jeans and t-shirts, usually with holes in them. He was a little hurt and said, "I never dress up. I just know you're going to be SO beautiful. I want to be wearing a tux next to you, dammnit!")

We could never! I mean, you are the proper channel.

A couple days ago, I was talking to someone about how I find it hilarious when posters assume I'm an etiquette expert since I mod over there. I always want to send them a picture of me doing whatever I am at that very moment, which is typically drinking straight from a bottle of wine with no pants on, and be like "YEAH, THIS IS YOUR ETIQUETTE GODDESS, LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?"

Just treat your guests right, yo. Even I can figure that out.

ashley8918 · January 2015

slothiegal said:

ashley8918 said:

slothiegal said:

Sigh, OK here goes guys....don't de-mod me of the E board!

--We had my now SILs as flower girl escorts (I know, I know...). They walked down with FG and held calla lillies, which they passed out (as a surprise) to the moms and grandmas when they reached the end of the aisle.

--My ILs threw us an engagement party....and only invited people who weren't invited to the wedding (and yes, some of those people brought us gifts).

--But the absolute WORST was slothieguy. HE ALSO WORE A TUX BEFORE 5:00. (It was actually really cute...I just assumed he would want to wear some more casual since the guy lives in jeans and t-shirts, usually with holes in them. He was a little hurt and said, "I never dress up. I just know you're going to be SO beautiful. I want to be wearing a tux next to you, dammnit!")

We could never! I mean, you are the proper channel.

A couple days ago, I was talking to someone about how I find it hilarious when posters assume I'm an etiquette expert since I mod over there. I always want to send them a picture of me doing whatever I am at that very moment, which is typically drinking straight from a bottle of wine with no pants on, and be like "YEAH, THIS IS YOUR ETIQUETTE GODDESS, LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?"

Just treat your guests right, yo. Even I can figure that out.

Sorry @lolo883. You've now been replaced as my hero. (I'm pretty fickle when it comes to my personal heroes, apparently.)

@slothiegal

slothiegal · January 2015

Uhhmmm I had a whole different post typed out, but then I noticed your siggy is now Raven, and that is more important than whatever I was blathering about so I must inform you that you are also my hero now.

WE CAN ALL BE HEREOS!

ETA because I was SO EXCITED about Raven AND being able to use a Bowie gif that I just couldn't even do words good.

ashley8918 · January 2015

slothiegal said:

Uhhmmm I had a whole different post typed out, but then I noticed your siggy is now Raven, and that is more important than whatever I was blathering about so I must inform you that you are also my hero now.

WE CAN ALL BE HEREOS!

ETA because I was SO EXCITED about Raven AND being able to use a Bowie gif that I just couldn't even do words good.

Sugargirl1019 · January 2015

I definitely had a website that told everyone my "theme", ladies wear this type of outfit and men wear this, and even said no children at one point. All but the theme was taken down. My mom read it and said "honey you can't tell people what to wear. Put "black tie optional". Then read the faux pas about that, and took out off.

We got some invites returned. And I HID those from DH! I really was over DH not giving me the proper/ updated addresses and zero fucks were given. Ooops sorry baby

ashley8918 · January 2015

Sugargirl1019 said:

I definitely had a website that told everyone my "theme", ladies wear this type of outfit and men wear this, and even said no children at one point. All but the theme was taken down. My mom read it and said "honey you can't tell people what to wear. Put "black tie optional". Then read the faux pas about that, and took out off. We got some invites returned. And I HID those from DH! I really was over DH not giving me the proper/ updated addresses and zero fucks were given. Ooops sorry baby

This sounds like more of a lying to your husband issue, and less of an ettiquette issue.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

My kids are on the STD magnet. Sorrynotsorry. They're adorable, the picture is too stinking cute for words and DF, FMIL and MOH all independently picked that as the picture. DF and I are kissing in background. M, my sarcastic princess, is clearly rolling her eyes. V, my goofy princess, is giggling at her sister.

I stuck labels on the STD envelopes. I'm a lefty. You don't want me writing on envelopes.

I used under paid labor to stamp the envelopes. Namely M and V. A good 75% of the stamps were crooked and/or upside down. That's what I get for paying in jelly beans.

I used the under paid labor again for the location and resort information mailing. Stamp ability did increase, I think only 10% were upside down.

I printed those envelopes on my printer. Again, lefty. Sorrynotsorry.

I included website info for resort, airport, and our wedding site in the second mailing as separate cards. Because I know our guests. The card got tossed. The business card sized insert is by the computer.

I told Great Aunt D "That's why the wedding is there." when she had a oh poor me fit "How can I invite my bridge club and bingo ladies to your wedding? They love weddings but can't afford to travel." She had the fit at me after getting nowhere with her sisters (DF's grandma got the most I think) several of DF's aunts, FMIL, 2 FSIL & DF. Nice wasn't working.

My daughters are wearing flower girl dresses that are more fussy than mine, along with more expensive. They want fluff and glitter, I said sure. FFIL took to changing lyrics to "Girls in pink dresses with blue sparkly sashes".

As such to the lyric change, he's getting an frame with that plus "These are two of my favorite granddaughters." on a brass tag deal, then putting a picture of the girls all princessed up with him it. Hey, he already made a place for their picture in his office. He has a freaking count down at work. Not labeled with anything like "DS is getting married". No sir. It's " X days until I'm officially their Grandpa" under their picture. We know who is really important. I know wedding pictures are a tacky gift, but he'd be crushed if he doesn't get one.

And I have a year left. Etiquette, what's etiquette?

Honestly, to us, we're following the important parts. Guests will be properly hosted, thank you cards are sent within a week of gift, heck, we sent thank you cards to three VVIPs who have been so welcoming to our wedding. I was almost expecting complains, several grumps aren't happy DF is marrying an older (by a matter of days - I'm 11th, he's 15th, we celebrate on the 13th) single mother. So some very fussy relatives being so happy means more than any gift, thus thank you cards went out. Our adult wedding party has no requirements to help craft or stuff envelopes, my girls do strictly because I'm Mom and they were hanging over my shoulder bugging me when I was labeling envelopes - if they wanted to be pests, I'm making them help.

The trivial parts - meh. I don't see labels or running envelopes through a printer to be a faux pas these days. Traditionally, RSVP cards were crass, you'd write your own response letter. We aren't having a formal wedding, so paying someone to immaculately handwrite addresses seems out of place more than a clear label or clean font computer printed envelopes. Sure, my girls will be over dressed, but if being a pretty, pretty, sparkly princess at 6 is wrong, then I don't want to be right. If they wanted to wear shorts and their swimsuit tops, I'd have been fine. Heck, they may change their minds and wear their swimsuits.

The only major violation on overall social etiquette was being a snarky bitch to D, but her badgering people to changing the location so she can bring everyone she knows without them getting any invitation is a pretty nasty etiquette failure on her part. Two wrongs may not equal a right, but it sure felt damn good.

larrygaga · January 2015

I might have a ten minute gap and it's because the times need to me even for me. I am not starting dinner at 5:50 so chill for ten minutes in your car

This would probably be for only the very punctual

lovesclimbing · January 2015

H and I printed the return addresses on our invitations (although we hand-wrote the to address.)

Also, I believe our invitations said something like "invite you to the celebration of their marriage," which I understand sounds like a PPD.

I invited people who weren't invited to the wedding to the shower. In my defense, I did not know that wasn't OK. I have been invited to showers and not invited to the wedding before, and I have never been offended.

Also, it's been two years and a few of our TY notes have not been sent. All of the ones to my friends and family and a few of his were sent, but H never wrote most of the ones to his side. I bugged him a few times, but he still hasn't done it. These are TYs to his mom and his grandparents and aunt and uncles. I really feel strongly that he should be the one to write them, not me. Also, there are ones to his groomsmen! I really, really shouldn't, and can't, be writing those ones!

velvethelicopters · January 2015

hellohkb said:
I haven't had my wedding yet but I am considering possibly wearing black. Apparently that will cause people to assume we're actually at a funeral. At a hotel on a Saturday evening with a DJ and a cake.

One thing I did that's a bit rude was not respond to a friend's bridal shower invite- But I didn't respond because I was salty/thoroughly amused that they put the wrong name on my invite. Not even improper spelling- A completely different name. I should not have been salty about it at all, but whatever.

Of course it's not a funeral! Everone knows you have those at the local gay bar on amateur drag queen stripper night. Duh. If your local gay bar lacks that night, you require them to start one just for the funeral.

That ends this round of Miss Velvet Helicopters "How to host a funeral" etiquette. I accept cash as payment. Homemade cookies might be an acceptable substitution.

larrygaga · January 2015

beethery said:
FI and the dudes are going to wear tuxes to our 5pm wedding. Devil take the hindmost and blow it out your ass lol

Oh yeah, this as well. I seriously have never seen anyone in real life be so tight in the ass that they care about when to wear a tux. Mine is at 4 and the men are wearing tan tuxes and anyone who has a problem can kiss his hairy tan tux covered ass

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

larrygaga said:
I might have a ten minute gap and it's because the times need to me even for me. I am not starting dinner at 5:50 so chill for ten minutes in your car

This would probably be for only the very punctual

.....thank you. I would be that person who'd be a little bit bothered at your off-kilter dinner time. I like nice even times. :15s and :45s bother me.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

KatieinBkln said:

MagicInk said:

lacqueredlover said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lacqueredlover said:

Actually Emilypost.com has a whole section on how to dress for black tie optional. I'm not sure why people on the knot get their panties in such a twist about it but whatevs, my wedding is going to be rocking either way, I'm not stressing over it.

We get our panties in a twist because 9 times out of 10 brides that come on here and want to put BTO on their invitations are not in any way shape or form having an event anywhere near an actual black tie event. Like they aren't even meeting 1 or 2 criteria of a black tie event, but they just want everyone to dress up so their guests won't ruin their pictures.

And for the most part, it's a silly and redundant thing to say because anyone who knows what black tie really is- a class of event not a dress code- knows that a tux is always an option to wear to a formal wedding.

You're right and I apologize, I forget that a lot of people are ridiculous on here and just want a day to dress up.

for the record, our event is a black tie event. It has all of the criteria of a black tie event. The reason I want it to read black tie optional is not so people know they have the option of wearing a tux, it's so that they know they do NOT have to wear one.

I kind of want to buy a white tux...I plan to wear that when I crash your wedding.

HOW DARE YOU WEAR WHITE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING ZOMG.

That's no longer an etiquette breech. If it's good enough for the British Royal family, it's good enough for any one.

Seems reasonable to me. Aren't they behind why brides are encouraged to wear white? Or am I mixing up my limited knowledge on historical royal families?

wrigleyville · January 2015

OMG. SORRYNOTSORRY. TWICE. IN ONE POST.

STAHP.

ashley8918 · January 2015

wrigleyville said:

OMG. SORRYNOTSORRY. TWICE. IN ONE POST.

STAHP.

LondonLisa · January 2015

I would hardly think the groom, FOB, or any other person who chooses to wear a dinner jacket/ tuxedo themself before 6 for a wedding is an etiquette violation! If one would like to get married in dungarees or white tie to each his own- what you wear has no bearing in my comfort. What IS an etiquette violation is asking your guests to dress in black tie for a non black tie event which, by definition, should be an evening event. That affects your guest's comfort and possibly worse, forces some of them to spend money on hiring one. ETF:typos

climbingsingle · January 2015

My husband wore a tux in the daytime! We're such rebels.

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

ashley8918 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

I definitely had a website that told everyone my "theme", ladies wear this type of outfit and men wear this, and even said no children at one point. All but the theme was taken down. My mom read it and said "honey you can't tell people what to wear. Put "black tie optional". Then read the faux pas about that, and took out off. We got some invites returned. And I HID those from DH! I really was over DH not giving me the proper/ updated addresses and zero fucks were given. Ooops sorry baby

This sounds like more of a lying to your husband issue, and less of an ettiquette issue.

I'd like to believe those were "missing" RSVPs that someone had to call and follow up with later, right? Not that people just straight up weren't invited since the invite didn't go to the right place. I assume there's more to the story.

We had one Save the Date returned, to a friend my then-fiance immediately called to say dude, you moved? where?

pinkcow13 · January 2015

Not married yet, but we are not inviting FI's cousin, who we invited to the E party. She was iffy to begin with, as we barely spend time with her compared to her sisters. I left it up to FI, and he decided to invite her, because she's family, even though they are not close at all. Well, she never RSVP'd, FI had to call her (we needed a definite count, b/c FMIL who hosted was paying per person for dinner and drinks. Which she stressed to her family), and she said she was coming, and asked if she could bring her 2 sons. FI told her she could bring the son who was 21, not the underage one. We counted them in, and surprise, they were complete no shows. She sent her sister to tell us she wasn't making it because her other son had just come home the day before from Juvie, and wanted to spend time with him. Interesting, because she posted pictures that Monday (e-party was Saturday) of him just having come home. Pics in their own home.

So, with all that being said, FI said he did not want to invite her to the wedding, since she rudely no-showed to the E-party, and may do so at the wedding. Since it is FI's family member, I'm leaving the decision up to him. Sorrynotsorry.

ashley8918 · January 2015

thisismynickname said:

ashley8918 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

I definitely had a website that told everyone my "theme", ladies wear this type of outfit and men wear this, and even said no children at one point. All but the theme was taken down. My mom read it and said "honey you can't tell people what to wear. Put "black tie optional". Then read the faux pas about that, and took out off. We got some invites returned. And I HID those from DH! I really was over DH not giving me the proper/ updated addresses and zero fucks were given. Ooops sorry baby

This sounds like more of a lying to your husband issue, and less of an ettiquette issue.

I'd like to believe those were "missing" RSVPs that someone had to call and follow up with later, right? Not that people just straight up weren't invited since the invite didn't go to the right place. I assume there's more to the story.
We had one Save the Date returned, to a friend my then-fiance immediately called to say dude, you moved? where?

Eh, she said invites, not RSVPs. Seems to me like these people just didn't get invited, and she lied by omission to her H about it.

mrsk616 · January 2015

levioosa said:

wrigleyville said:

classicalandedgy said:

What I don't give "fuck" about is what people who do not know me presume.

We aren't "presuming" anything. You said yourself that you aren't inviting someone's boyfriend/girlfriend unless they are engaged or living together. That's rude as fuck. You're basically saying their relationship doesn't count.

And yet single guests are getting a +1? That doesn't make any sense. You should give those invitations to the boyfriends/girlfriends of the guests who are invited.

When people say, "I understand," trust me - they don't. They're just being nice to your face because it would be rude to call it like it is. We, however, are not your friends, so we can give you an honest opinion.

We had a small wedding (43 guests) on a small budget, and we invited every single boyfriend/girlfriend, no matter if they were living together or how long they'd been together. We did that because we RESPECT people, and on a day that's all about love and commitment, the last thing you want to do is tell someone their loved one isn't good enough or doesn't count, simply because they aren't engaged or living together.

Yeah, giving plus ones to single guests over people who are in relationships makes ZERO sense to me.

my cousin did this and we were all pissed about it. it does not matter if they are living together or not they are still to be invited. its is just wrong and rude. and to let single guest have a plus but others not is not fair. just let everyone have a plus one and deal with it. we are.

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Oh, when we first got engaged (8 years prior to us being married) we had an engagement party. There were totally people that came to that that did not get invited to the wedding. Mostly because we had just lost touch or weren't as close. Nothing really exciting.

Chipmunk415 · January 2015

DH wore a tux for our 11 am ceremony outside by a lake. He looked smashing. I'm not sorry.

My RSVPs inadvertently indicated children were an available as a meal option. My friends and family who know me well found it fucking hilarious.

Our very Catholic/Anglican/Methodist/Lutheran families had looks of utter confusion when our officiant stated she was going to read one of DH's favorite prayers- by the Dali Llama. DH and I could not look at each other, our shoulders were shaking too hard from us trying to contain our laughter.

My officiant (and if you're looking for one, she does travel, she's awesome and is on the knot) was informed of how my Dad can be, running convos and throwing hissy fits when he's not the center of attention. We confided in her, and she agreed to attend our reception and "occupy" Dad with conversation. not sorry about it- they got along great.

I wrote some of my TY notes on my wedding day, after we got to our hotel, before we had our private dinner. DH was napping, I had a bottle of wine open. Before you're too scandalized, don't worry- the marriage had already been consumated. Twice.

ohannabelle · January 2015

Chipmunk415 said:

DH wore a tux for our 11 am ceremony outside by a lake. He looked smashing. I'm not sorry.

My RSVPs inadvertently indicated children were an available as a meal option. My friends and family who know me well found it fucking hilarious.

Our very Catholic/Anglican/Methodist/Lutheran families had looks of utter confusion when our officiant stated she was going to read one of DH's favorite prayers- by the Dali Llama. DH and I could not look at each other, our shoulders were shaking too hard from us trying to contain our laughter.

My officiant (and if you're looking for one, she does travel, she's awesome and is on the knot) was informed of how my Dad can be, running convos and throwing hissy fits when he's not the center of attention. We confided in her, and she agreed to attend our reception and "occupy" Dad with conversation. not sorry about it- they got along great.

I wrote some of my TY notes on my wedding day, after we got to our hotel, before we had our private dinner. DH was napping, I had a bottle of wine open. Before you're too scandalized, don't worry- the marriage had already been consumated. Twice.

I remember the child option for dinner! That was truly hilarious!

tpwkalyn · January 2015

*timidly raises hand*

I wore jeans to a wedding once.

*hides*

thisismynickname2 · January 2015

futurekhugz said:

*timidly raises hand*

I wore jeans to a wedding once.

*hides*

Oh gawd, I did too. Accidentally. We were invited by acquaintances to celebrate their marriage at a local bar one weekend. Lo and behold we were actually invited to a tiered reception! The bar was one of those with private dining areas so we actually showed up, in jeans (but generally nicer going-out outfits), and there were people in cocktail dresses and suits and the bride in her gown.

I say their etiquette faux pas outweighs our jeans at their wedding though.

wrigleyville · January 2015

A long, long time ago, I was dating a guy who lived across the state, and he was a GM in his friends' wedding. We'd been dating for about four months at that point, and I'd hung out with these friends a few times.

When my boyfriend got the invitation, it only had his name on it. He asked the groom why I hadn't been invited, and the groom said, "You guys have only been together a little while, and Bride only wants serious couples, like engaged and stuff."

My boyfriend called me, told me what happened, and then said, "I don't care what he says. I'm standing up in their wedding, so I'm bringing my girlfriend. That's just stupid. I'm in their wedding party!"

So, I went with him, not realizing that was technically against etiquette. I brought a gift, of course. The bride was sort of pissy with me, but she'd always been pissy, so I chalked it up to her being a raging thundercunt.

Once I got on TK, I realized I shouldn't have gone to the wedding since I hadn't been invited, but being on here also confirmed that my boyfriend was right for calling out the B&G on their bullshit.

sarahufl · January 2015

wrigleyville said:

A long, long time ago, I was dating a guy who lived across the state, and he was a GM in his friends' wedding. We'd been dating for about four months at that point, and I'd hung out with these friends a few times.

When my boyfriend got the invitation, it only had his name on it. He asked the groom why I hadn't been invited, and the groom said, "You guys have only been together a little while, and Bride only wants serious couples, like engaged and stuff."

My boyfriend called me, told me what happened, and then said, "I don't care what he says. I'm standing up in their wedding, so I'm bringing my girlfriend. That's just stupid. I'm in their wedding party!"

So, I went with him, not realizing that was technically against etiquette. I brought a gift, of course. The bride was sort of pissy with me, but she'd always been pissy, so I chalked it up to her being a raging thundercunt.

Once I got on TK, I realized I shouldn't have gone to the wedding since I hadn't been invited, but being on here also confirmed that my boyfriend was right for calling out the B&G on their bullshit.

that seriously made me LOL

hellosweetie1015 · January 2015

futurekhugz said:
*timidly raises hand*

I wore jeans to a wedding once.

*hides*

I did this to a wedding in March. It was in a barn and I was one of the best-dressed people there. I'd way overdressed honestly.

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