Color of bms and mob and smob

lurkergirl · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So I'm getting the impression that if you have questions about how the whole wedding thing works then not asks questions.
Sorry the small things are stressing me out.

But this shouldn't even be a "thing" to stress about!

So in other words let mob and smob pick out their own dresses and hope they don't try to show each other up? I'm nervous about this too because I can't remember the last time my dad and mom have been in the same room in close proximity to each other too.

I've never known mothers trying to show each other up. Perhaps make it a fun afternoon for the two of you and go shopping with each of them. Do lunch, try on dresses, etc. I did that with my mom and my mother in law.

I would love to do this with them but one lives in California and the other lives in Arizona and I'm in Nevada.
I think I'm going to have to sit back and see how this does play out and hope it works out. I have three to five venues I'm looking at. We've already decided it would be less stress to keep ceremony and reception at same location and close to a hotel or even at the hotel/casino.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Wait you're worried about their clothes and haven't picked a venue yet? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, and I recommend a deep breath and a glass of wine.

wrigleyville · January 2015

I have never paid attention to the hem length on the BMs dresses. Seriously. Nobody is going to care.

Don't worry about the mothers trying to show each other up. Dictating their attire won't help anyway; one could buy a fancier dress in that color. Just let them dress however they want to.

My aunt was instructed to wear black at my cousin's wedding. She was so uncomfortable and panicked that people would judge her all day. Instead of enjoying the wedding, she was self-conscious and kept explaining why she, the mother of the groom, was in black. I felt so bad for her.

ohannabelle · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So I'm getting the impression that if you have questions about how the whole wedding thing works then not asks questions. Sorry the small things are stressing me out.

But this shouldn't even be a "thing" to stress about!

So in other words let mob and smob pick out their own dresses and hope they don't try to show each other up? I'm nervous about this too because I can't remember the last time my dad and mom have been in the same room in close proximity to each other too.

Yep. Typically, nobody wants to stick out like a sore thumb. Everybody wants to look nice. I think it's okay to say things like, we're not doing super formal, or I think my Mom's wearing floor length, or whatever, as long as it's followed by "just wear whatever you feel best in."

nhultberg461 · January 2015

lurkergirl said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So I'm getting the impression that if you have questions about how the whole wedding thing works then not asks questions. Sorry the small things are stressing me out.

But this shouldn't even be a "thing" to stress about!

So in other words let mob and smob pick out their own dresses and hope they don't try to show each other up? I'm nervous about this too because I can't remember the last time my dad and mom have been in the same room in close proximity to each other too.

I've never known mothers trying to show each other up. Perhaps make it a fun afternoon for the two of you and go shopping with each of them. Do lunch, try on dresses, etc. I did that with my mom and my mother in law.

I would love to do this with them but one lives in California and the other lives in Arizona and I'm in Nevada. I think I'm going to have to sit back and see how this does play out and hope it works out. I have three to five venues I'm looking at. We've already decided it would be less stress to keep ceremony and reception at same location and close to a hotel or even at the hotel/casino.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ Wait you're worried about their clothes and haven't picked a venue yet? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, and I recommend a deep breath and a glass of wine.

Theses are the things that just pop in my head and random times

lurkergirl · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

lurkergirl said:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ Wait you're worried about their clothes and haven't picked a venue yet? I think you're getting ahead of yourself, and I recommend a deep breath and a glass of wine.

Theses are the things that just pop in my head and random times

If you are this early, there are approximately 1million more things that will pop into your mind during planning. You will drive yourself nuts if you let all those things cause you stress.

We've had a couple "giving zero fucks" threads over in Chit Chat where people commiserate on the things they just gave up on/didn't care about during planning. You should check them out!

ETA: Found the threads! (And again to fix the links

)

Here is one.

And the other.

WinstonsGirl · January 2015

For my Brother's wedding, my Mom and MoB both bought the same dress. They compared notes with the Bride and then with each other and realized they were going to wear the same thing. One said she'd wear it to something else and found a new dress. They all had a good laugh over it.

Don't stress over this. If they want to turn it into a big deal, they are the ones who will look bad, not you. I couldn't even tell you who was at my wedding much less what they were wearing. I can't even remember what I said to DH. You will not notice the little details. You will be too excited about getting married.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

bb2016 · January 2015

WinstonsGirl said:

For my Brother's wedding, my Mom and MoB both bought the same dress. They compared notes with the Bride and then with each other and realized they were going to wear the same thing. One said she'd wear it to something else and found a new dress. They all had a good laugh over it.

Don't stress over this. If they want to turn it into a big deal, they are the ones who will look bad, not you. I couldn't even tell you who was at my wedding much less what they were wearing. I can't even remember what I said to DH. You will not notice the little details. You will be too excited about getting married.

I think this part is very true!

NYCMercedes · January 2015

As your daughter is 14, I'm assuming your other BMs are mature. The age difference is what I'd notice about your WP. I'd think it was so cute that you're having her as your MOH way before I'd notice the different dress lengths. You're a kind bride to let your BMs pick out their own dresses.

MobKaz · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So I'm getting the impression that if you have questions about how the whole wedding thing works then not asks questions. Sorry the small things are stressing me out.

But this shouldn't even be a "thing" to stress about!

So in other words let mob and smob pick out their own dresses and hope they don't try to show each other up? I'm nervous about this too because I can't remember the last time my dad and mom have been in the same room in close proximity to each other too.

I was both a MOB and MOG. I can promise you that I will always be "outdressed". I do not like dresses. When I did have to purchase one for the weddings, they were structured, conservative, and as unembellished as possible. I can guarantee you that a long gown will never be in my future. It was very easy to be "shown up". I didn't care. Neither should you. If grown ass adults want to play "one up" or any other game, let them. It's on them.

kmmssg · January 2015

4 time MOB/SMOB. I think you would start a SERIOUS issue if you tell them both to get a black dress with a red sash. I would be far less than tickled pink to find that out on the wedding day. Sounds like a uniform.

I promise promise promise this is a non-issue! If they have a little contest with each other it's not your monkey, not your circus. Make sure that if their are issues between them, that you stay out of it. My biogirls stepmom has serious competition issues with me. I used to suck into it. Now I don't and she has been their stepmom for 23 years.

I will share this little story with you - my MIL passed away in 2000. She was a Rock Star among rock stars in my eyes. She was kind-hearted and smart enough to know that she should maintain a very cordial relationship with my husband's ex-wife since their were children involved. When MIL passed away, DH's ex-wife and I showed up at the funeral in the exact same suit. Damn you Kohls. We are cordial enough to each other and smiled and went about our ways. DH's 4 brothers teased me about it all day. It was a little awkward.

I have planned 2 of my own weddings and those of the 4 girls (it was all their vision though!). I swear to you that you can let this one go and it won't be a problem.

crackktheskyy · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

mlg78 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So I'm getting the impression that if you have questions about how the whole wedding thing works then not asks questions. Sorry the small things are stressing me out.

But this shouldn't even be a "thing" to stress about!

So in other words let mob and smob pick out their own dresses and hope they don't try to show each other up? I'm nervous about this too because I can't remember the last time my dad and mom have been in the same room in close proximity to each other too.

My parents are divorced, too.

I told my mom and step mom to pick out their own dresses. They can wear whatever they feel happy/comfortable in!

They both picked out different long, beautiful, and blue dresses. Neither one tried to show the other up. I went shopping individually with both. They both love their respective dresses because they had the opportunity to choose something they felt comfortable in.

Have a glass of wine and breathe. This will work out ok! Also, no one will notice the different heights of you BMs. Everyone will be too busy celebrating with you!

JCbride2015 · January 2015

I'm late to this thread but just wanted to underscore, time for the beverage of your choice and some deep breathing. There are plenty of things worth spending energy on regarding your wedding: your relationship, the budget, whether your guests will have yummy food to eat. What other people wear is totally not one of those things.

Nobody's belittling you for saying not to worry about it; we're just saying, we've been there, and it's not worth it.

FWIW, I'm positive that my mom will vastly out-dress my SM. And my FMIL will out-dress both of them. It's just their personalities and styles. And that's fine.

marie2785 · January 2015

This is fun to read. My mother has asked me repeatedly to tell my FMIL that she (my mom) is wearing a long gown so that FMIL doesn't feel "shown up" on the wedding day. My mom seems really worried about this and even told my FI he MUST tell his mother.

So I casually mentioned it when FMIL was asking about my dress and BM dresses "Yea, mine is like this, and my BM are wearing long navy gown and the groomsmen are in tuxes. My mom is also wearing a long navy dress because she loves wearing really formal things. I think most of the guests will be in cocktail-party attire though and not as formal as the wedding party or my parents". My FMIL then agreed "yea, that's how it usually goes" and moved on to more detailed questions about my dress. So yea...totally no big deal.

aurianna · January 2015

Mostly ditto'ing everyone else:
The guests won't mind if the BMs have different dress lengths. If every girl picks out the dress she thinks she looks the best in, the BMs will all look beautiful regardless of length.

Yup, let the moms pick out whatever. A few people have given some good suggestions on how to handle it IF someone brings it up, but if no one does, not much you can do.
FWIW my step mom and mom were in no pictures together, so even if there had been a big disparity in their clothing, no one would have remembered.

The other thing I wanted to say though, is I'm sorry people were telling you you were ridiculous for choosing a color scheme around your ring. Last time I checked, the average bride doesn't pick a color scheme because it has some momentous, sacred meaning; she picks colors she likes. You like black. Your ring is black. I feel like that's as valid a reason as any other for picking your color scheme.

Red and black sounds fun.

Good luck finding a venue!

RosieC18 · January 2015

I want to show a little solidarity on choosing colors to match your ring. My colors were baby blue, navy and white, with a lot of green in our flowers. My ring is a very light saphhire and matched the lighter blue. I didn't do it to be cute, or expect anyone else to notice or care but I love my ring and I love that color and I enjoyed that they matched.

I think you're going to have a much more pleasant wedding planning experience if you try to let go of all the things you have no control over, like what your mothers wear. Not your issue and as someone said above, if they act immaturely it will reflect poorly on them, not you. Stay above the fray!

ShesSoCold · January 2015

Holy cart before the horse.

OP, you don't know when, where or how you're getting married. The attire of the moms shouldn't ever be anything you worry about, let alone now!! You have bigger fish to fry.

FWIW, at my brother's wedding, my mom "out-dressed" my brother's MIL. MIL never wears makeup or does her hair and she lives and works on a farm. She wore a simple pantsuit with her natural face and hair. My mom had this amazing floor-length gown and professional hair and makeup. Both moms looked great because they looked comfortable and like themselves.

Viczaesar · January 2015

I just realized that my sister will be the Mother of the Groom when my nephew gets married this summer, and just the thought of someone trying to tell her how to dress is cracking me up! I'd love to watch that conversation go down.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Would it look off if the moh had a short dress and then the two bms had long dresses? Im letting them pick their dresses based on their budgets. I don't want them to pay over what they are comfortable with.

Personally, I don't like the look of mismatched lengths. I gave my BMs a choice of 5 coordinating colors and a length and told them to pick any dress, any fabric, in one of the 5 colors.

But, I'd worry about getting an actual wedding date and venue secured before you worry about details like BM attire and your color scheme.

BrandNewJ · January 2015

Lol this is really funny. My mom told me that I will not be allowed to go with her to pick her dress, tell her what color or anything. I never even asked to go with her. She just said this out of nowhere while shopping for my dress. Who cares how the moms dress? This is ridiculous.

hpubride · January 2015

If it helps my mom and mil both decided that they didn't want to be mistaken as bridesmaids or trying to hard so they wanted to stay far away from the bm dress color which was purple, they wouldn't even consider a lavender or dark purple.I would let people wear what makes them feel comfortable. Good luck!

Color of bms and mob and smob

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