Engagement ring drama...

kmmssg · January 2015

JennyColada said:

I guess I am glad i have poor parents! LOL. The only thing I am inheriting is their debts.

Same here. Actually, considering I'm currently paying for rent for my parents' house, then passing will save me my own money. I'm definitely not excited to pay off their credit cards though. But I like to hope that in 20-30 years that they'll have that sorted out. I do think that my mom's parents have a decent sum of stuff (well, they used to, until my aunt sweet talked my grandma into "gifting" her what she wanted). I could not care less what she leaves me (I find most of her jewelry tacky and gawdy), and my mom just wants sentimental things (she just wants my grandma's wedding band and will happily let my aunt have the rest). But I know that my aunt is going to make it a big fucking deal. I kind of want to make more effort to visit my grandmother to get more on her good side to save my mom the hassle, but after my grandma passes I doubt it will matter.

SITB

@JennyColada - if your name is not on those credit cards YOU do not have to pay them off. If there is anything in their estate, that will have to go towards debt, but ifyour name isn't on the account they can't go after you for the balance.

My best buddy lost his 26 yo sister in a car accident several years ago. She had 3000.00 on a card. The company kept calling my buddy and he was waiting to see what kind of insurance policies might be out there, etc. When he told them there was no insurance money, this jerk from the credit card company tried to get my buddy to pay if off "so his sister's name will be clear now that she is gone. Wouldn't you want that for her, Sir?" Well, let me tell ya, my buddy went off on this guy like a mad man and then talked to his supervisor. He never got a call again. Blood sucking jerks.

larrygaga · January 2015

behsco90 said:

Reading all these stories brings back memories....

Before my grandma died, she kept saying "Family and togetherness." Apparently my uncle ignored that... My grandma willed her house to my mom because my mom has to take care of her sister, who is mentally disabled (schizophrenia) and does not take her medication, so without her medication, it is like taking care of a child.

Anyways, my mom asked her not to will her the house, because she knew it would cause problems, but my grandma didn't listen to her. So when my uncle found out, he was furious. He believed that my mom had influenced my grandmother and forced her to will her the house.

He went through her house and took almost all the nice stuff. I was looking forward to having a few of my grandmother's silver pieces, but he took it all! I wanted it for sentimental value but he was just taking it all out of spite.

Then what happened? He brought it all home and his wife said she didn't want some dead lady's stuff, so they ended up selling a bunch of it.

It's fine to say that taking care of someone severely mentally ill is a lot of work, but don't compare them to a child. It's degrading. I know you probably didn't mean it that way, but that is always how it comes across to people who don't know you.

I'm just saying so you know. Don't get pissed, get educated.

kitsunegari89 · January 2015

It's not worth the negative feelings that seem to be whirling around it. I had a similar contention surrounding my late grandmother's diamond ring, and though it was important and sentimental to me, I decided to let it go because I didn't want any bad energy surrounding something I'm planning on wearing until I'm dead. She never officially willed it to me before she died, even though it was given to my mother to give to me before my wedding. She didn't plan on dying only one month before the wedding (who plans for that?) and was wanting to hand it over it to me personally. When I'm that old, I'm going to put everything in writing. People can be so wretched. I may still end up with it, though. It hasn't "walked" out of my grandfather's house (yet... I've checked). You may still end up with this ring, as well, if it's meant to be.

apromise22 · January 2015

My fiance ordered me a new ring that I'm very excited about, and that's more my style anyway. But it feels weird to be switching it more than halfway through the engagement.

travla77 · January 2015

I think you did the right thing

debbeau · January 2015

I am sure the new ring is beautiful. I hope there was not too much drama when you returned the other one.

ChemFanatic25 · January 2015

kmmssg said:

JennyColada said:

I guess I am glad i have poor parents! LOL. The only thing I am inheriting is their debts.

Same here. Actually, considering I'm currently paying for rent for my parents' house, then passing will save me my own money. I'm definitely not excited to pay off their credit cards though. But I like to hope that in 20-30 years that they'll have that sorted out. I do think that my mom's parents have a decent sum of stuff (well, they used to, until my aunt sweet talked my grandma into "gifting" her what she wanted). I could not care less what she leaves me (I find most of her jewelry tacky and gawdy), and my mom just wants sentimental things (she just wants my grandma's wedding band and will happily let my aunt have the rest). But I know that my aunt is going to make it a big fucking deal. I kind of want to make more effort to visit my grandmother to get more on her good side to save my mom the hassle, but after my grandma passes I doubt it will matter.

SITB

@JennyColada - if your name is not on those credit cards YOU do not have to pay them off. If there is anything in their estate, that will have to go towards debt, but ifyour name isn't on the account they can't go after you for the balance.

My best buddy lost his 26 yo sister in a car accident several years ago. She had 3000.00 on a card. The company kept calling my buddy and he was waiting to see what kind of insurance policies might be out there, etc. When he told them there was no insurance money, this jerk from the credit card company tried to get my buddy to pay if off "so his sister's name will be clear now that she is gone. Wouldn't you want that for her, Sir?" Well, let me tell ya, my buddy went off on this guy like a mad man and then talked to his supervisor. He never got a call again. Blood sucking jerks.

This just made me breath a sigh of relief because I like to think I'm fiscally responsible but I know my mom is not. Hope that doesn't come off as cold and callous.

short+sassy · January 2015

JennyColada said:

I guess I am glad i have poor parents! LOL. The only thing I am inheriting is their debts.

Same here. Actually, considering I'm currently paying for rent for my parents' house, then passing will save me my own money. I'm definitely not excited to pay off their credit cards though. But I like to hope that in 20-30 years that they'll have that sorted out. I do think that my mom's parents have a decent sum of stuff (well, they used to, until my aunt sweet talked my grandma into "gifting" her what she wanted). I could not care less what she leaves me (I find most of her jewelry tacky and gawdy), and my mom just wants sentimental things (she just wants my grandma's wedding band and will happily let my aunt have the rest). But I know that my aunt is going to make it a big fucking deal. I kind of want to make more effort to visit my grandmother to get more on her good side to save my mom the hassle, but after my grandma passes I doubt it will matter.

Not a lawyer, not legal advice...but here is my understanding on debts of deceased people. You are not responsible for paying anyone's debts when they pass away, unless you are also listed on the debt. Their estate will pay the debt and, if there is not enough money in the estate to do that, too bad so sad for the credit card company (or whoever else might hold that debt).

With that said, if it is a collateralized loan...like a house or car...then the bank will foreclose/repo on the asset if the payments are not made.

behsco90 · January 2015

@larrygaga, my apologies I did not mean to offend, hindsight is 20/20 and I realize my choice of words wasn't the best.

larrygaga · January 2015

behsco90 said:

@larrygaga, my apologies I did not mean to offend, hindsight is 20/20 and I realize my choice of words wasn't the best.

Good! Never stop growing.

Knottie0839442 · January 2015

apromise22 said: My fiance ordered me a new ring that I'm very excited about, and that's more my style anyway. But it feels weird to be switching it more than halfway through the engagement.

Sorry to hear you have to deal with such unhappy drama, but glad to hear you have a beautiful ring on the way, and one that you and your FI picked out together. If anyone asks or makes you feel awkward, just remember that this ring is fully you, one you two chose together, to represent the story of your own love, hopes, and dreams.

Jen4948 · January 2015

Scratch your aunt off your guest list.

Or, wait, tell your family that the costs of inviting her are to be added back to your mother's share of your grandma's estate.

Engagement ring drama...

Re: Engagement ring drama...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards