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Probably nosy, but....

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Re: Probably nosy, but....

  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Oh, yeah, we do every time, and that does make the whole pain thing really just an "afterwards" issue, not a "during" one, fortunately. 

    Too bad I kinda like him, because I admit I'd trade that bit in for something slightly less poky if I got to pick, but on the spectrum of bedroom issues to complain about it's probably the best possible problem to have, haha.

    I'm guessing no one feels too sorry for me somehow, but hey, complaining a bit semi-anonymously on the Internet is my only chance to admit this particular problem to anyone, right? 

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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MagicInk said:


    larrygaga said:

    Do you use lube? Maybe you should use lube if it hurts you that much like DAMN

    EVERYONE SHOULD USE LUBE. LUBE IS GOOD.

    And good lube. Leave the KY and Astroglide at Wal-Mart. I like Pink myself. But go to a real grown up sex shop and try some out. On your fingers. See what feels nice and slippery. Lube is good no matter what kind of sex you are having.

    I like Jo lube too, especially the flavored for oral sex.


    Boxity box box.

    Jo is my favorite. FI had some when I met him and I was quite pleasantly surprised. We have a few others but only the Jo stuff stays by our bed.
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    VulgarGirl
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
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    So....since we're TMI-ing it anyways....

    Any other good recommendations for lube besides the two mentioned?  My problem with lube (cheapo  lube) is that when I use it I get yeast and urinary tract infections (sorry, TMI).  KY doesn't seem to cause as many problems, but I still try to avoid it. Coconut oil works pretty well too, but it stains my sheets. 


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  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    DH doesn't have a high sex drive at all. Physical intimacy isn't really on his radar. On the other hand, I place a LOT of my self esteem on my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and sex is on my mind near constantly.

    We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month. I'd much prefer it to be 1-2 times a week.
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    As for lube, I like Pjur silicon myself.

    I've oddly heard that grape seed oil is wonderful (but tends to stain sheets).
  • levioosa said:

    So....since we're TMI-ing it anyways....

    Any other good recommendations for lube besides the two mentioned?  My problem with lube (cheapo  lube) is that when I use it I get yeast and urinary tract infections (sorry, TMI).  KY doesn't seem to cause as many problems, but I still try to avoid it. Coconut oil works pretty well too, but it stains my sheets. 

    Are you always getting up and peeing after sex? That should make the biggest difference. Anything skillet will name it easier for bacteria to travel where it doesn't belong.

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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We've found a rhythm with about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes a little less (like once every week and a couple/few days). 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So....since we're TMI-ing it anyways....

    Any other good recommendations for lube besides the two mentioned?  My problem with lube (cheapo  lube) is that when I use it I get yeast and urinary tract infections (sorry, TMI).  KY doesn't seem to cause as many problems, but I still try to avoid it. Coconut oil works pretty well too, but it stains my sheets. 
    Are you always getting up and peeing after sex? That should make the biggest difference. Anything skillet will name it easier for bacteria to travel where it doesn't belong.
    I do everything short of taking prophylactics (I have them, but I don't like taking daily antibiotics if I can avoid it).  I pee before, I pee after, I make sure we're both clean, take D-mannose, etc.  I had bladder reconstruction surgery as an infant and have always had them, but they were pretty well controlled before I started having sex.  Sex is like a fast track for them to happen now which sucks because I can never enjoy the afterglow--I'm always running to the bathroom ten seconds later.  It hasn't been too bad lately, but it's tough not using lube.  Since KY works better than generic, I'm wondering if quality really will make a difference. 


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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker

    DH doesn't have a high sex drive at all. Physical intimacy isn't really on his radar. On the other hand, I place a LOT of my self esteem on my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and sex is on my mind near constantly.

    We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month. I'd much prefer it to be 1-2 times a week.

    We are the same. I have a huge appetite, and he doesn't. Im not okay with it. Sometimes I have made myself believe that he doesn't find me attractive and get very down if he doesn't respond to me touching him and tells me to stop. Which is like 9/10 times. I don't know why I can't use my hands on him like I have on exes. He doesn't respond the same. Sex is one of our "daily works". He knows I feel upset if he doesn't give me attention, and I have to understand he is tired or would like to work on his fishtank more (damn tank).

    I do communicate with him when I am unhappy, and he always responds excellently. But it's ALWAYS me starting things. Recently we've been having sex 3-4 times a week. Once we even did it twice in one day! I wish he would initiate it though. I'm wanting to ask him about looking at some pictures together just to get him excited more, but am afraid to.

    But damn I'm concerned about when he's older.. He actually already said "I'm tired and old and just can't get it on like I used to". You're 24 honey... /sigh. Only med is Adderall. It didn't used to affect him though. Unless it's because we're married and it isn't fun anymore.. (See there's that ugly voice telling me lies again).

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    JennyColadadoeydothemuffinman16
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We're about every 10 days.  It sucks.  DH would probably love it every day but I have zero drive.  I've tried going off BCP in case it was that but nothing changed.  It was like this before DH/when I was single, so it's me.  I wish I was in the mood more often though.  

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    DH doesn't have a high sex drive at all. Physical intimacy isn't really on his radar. On the other hand, I place a LOT of my self esteem on my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and sex is on my mind near constantly. We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month. I'd much prefer it to be 1-2 times a week.
    We are the same. I have a huge appetite, and he doesn't. Im not okay with it. Sometimes I have made myself believe that he doesn't find me attractive and get very down if he doesn't respond to me touching him and tells me to stop. Which is like 9/10 times. I don't know why I can't use my hands on him like I have on exes. He doesn't respond the same. Sex is one of our "daily works". He knows I feel upset if he doesn't give me attention, and I have to understand he is tired or would like to work on his fishtank more (damn tank). I do communicate with him when I am unhappy, and he always responds excellently. But it's ALWAYS me starting things. Recently we've been having sex 3-4 times a week. Once we even did it twice in one day! I wish he would initiate it though. I'm wanting to ask him about looking at some pictures together just to get him excited more, but am afraid to. But damn I'm concerned about when he's older.. He actually already said "I'm tired and old and just can't get it on like I used to". You're 24 honey... /sigh. Only med is Adderall. It didn't used to affect him though. Unless it's because we're married and it isn't fun anymore.. (See there's that ugly voice telling me lies again).
    Like, porn? Forgive me if I am confused but aren't you one of those "PORNZ IS CHEATING" folks?
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015

    DH doesn't have a high sex drive at all. Physical intimacy isn't really on his radar. On the other hand, I place a LOT of my self esteem on my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and sex is on my mind near constantly.

    We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month. I'd much prefer it to be 1-2 times a week.

    We are the same. I have a huge appetite, and he doesn't. Im not okay with it. Sometimes I have made myself believe that he doesn't find me attractive and get very down if he doesn't respond to me touching him and tells me to stop. Which is like 9/10 times. I don't know why I can't use my hands on him like I have on exes. He doesn't respond the same. Sex is one of our "daily works". He knows I feel upset if he doesn't give me attention, and I have to understand he is tired or would like to work on his fishtank more (damn tank).

    I do communicate with him when I am unhappy, and he always responds excellently. But it's ALWAYS me starting things.
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    Same. I very often walk around nude or in lacy lingerie and I'll hop over to DH and he will smile and then ask I if prefer chicken or Lamb for dinner. Que sad trombone.

    It can be a big blow to me ego and, like you, I try to communicate it. It's not ideal, but it's something we can work through.
    doeydo
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    DH doesn't have a high sex drive at all. Physical intimacy isn't really on his radar. On the other hand, I place a LOT of my self esteem on my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and sex is on my mind near constantly. We have sex maybe 1-2 times a month. I'd much prefer it to be 1-2 times a week.
    We are the same. I have a huge appetite, and he doesn't. Im not okay with it. Sometimes I have made myself believe that he doesn't find me attractive and get very down if he doesn't respond to me touching him and tells me to stop. Which is like 9/10 times. I don't know why I can't use my hands on him like I have on exes. He doesn't respond the same. Sex is one of our "daily works". He knows I feel upset if he doesn't give me attention, and I have to understand he is tired or would like to work on his fishtank more (damn tank). I do communicate with him when I am unhappy, and he always responds excellently. But it's ALWAYS me starting things. Recently we've been having sex 3-4 times a week. Once we even did it twice in one day! I wish he would initiate it though. I'm wanting to ask him about looking at some pictures together just to get him excited more, but am afraid to. But damn I'm concerned about when he's older.. He actually already said "I'm tired and old and just can't get it on like I used to". You're 24 honey... /sigh. Only med is Adderall. It didn't used to affect him though. Unless it's because we're married and it isn't fun anymore.. (See there's that ugly voice telling me lies again).
    Because individuals vary from person to person and what is sexually gratifying for one will not be for another. Your husband is not the same type of person as your exes and you really shouldn't hold him to those expectations.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    esstee33ashley8918sarahufl
  • I'm of the "quality vs quantity" kind. We finally moved in together in November after 6 years of dating. We actually have sex less often now, but it's way better because it's not the "try to be quiet we live with our parents" variety.

    I would say we average 1-3x a week.. We are weekend warriors! We cuddle and watch Netflix every night during the week. Like some other PPs have said, sometimes that kind of intimacy can be just as fulfilling :smile:
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MagicInk said:
    larrygaga said:
    Do you use lube? Maybe you should use lube if it hurts you that much like DAMN
    EVERYONE SHOULD USE LUBE. LUBE IS GOOD.

    And good lube. Leave the KY and Astroglide at Wal-Mart. I like Pink myself. But go to a real grown up sex shop and try some out. On your fingers. See what feels nice and slippery. Lube is good no matter what kind of sex you are having.

    I like Jo lube too, especially the flavored for oral sex.
    I actually don't really. We like the friction.
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  • I'm happy with this thread. 

    I'm so not into sex. Ever. At all. Nope. I went to my gyno, she says she doesn't think it's BC related because I've been on nuvaring for 5 years and this has only been an issue for the past year. She asked if I wanted to try something else, but I'd rather not take a pill everyday and I don't want an IUD because I'm not sure how soon we want to have kids. 

    I've always had a lot of anxiety about life, and so I made an appointment with a therapist. I'm hoping maybe if I can get my stress levels under control I can have more of an interest in a sex life. 

    FI is really supportive and not pushy, but when he does try or ask I get really stress, try but my body isn't into it because my mind isn't into it, then it ends up not being enjoyable for me at all, which then means more stress and anxiety next time. 

    And it's not like I want to use a vibrator, or have fantasies about other guys...I'm just completely uninterested. But I'm not like happily asexual, so I'm mostly miserable about it. Pleh. 
  • I love you ladies! That same fucking bitch visits me too. And I also struggle with my libido and lately fi has been too.

    Even though I don't always get super horny (wine helps a lot) I do love the closeness and intimacy of sex. For that reason, I like to do it at least 2-3 times per week.

    But when we first got together we were like high schoolers. All day, erry day!

    The last few months have been rough though. FI had hernia surgery in October, and he has about a 4 inch scar on his groin and one in his belly button, both with implants underneath. The doctor said anything that causes him to strain (even like coughing or pooping too hard) can cause discomfort for up to a damn year. So basically sex hurts him. And even when he does suffer through it, he winds up extra sore afterward.

    Sorry for rambling. Y'all are my therapy.




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  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2015
    larrygaga said:
    amelisha said:
    Not to get graphic, but we have a size issue that sometimes limits frequency, as I sometimes need a recovery day depending on the previous day's exuberance or duration, and more than once a day is asking for a painful next day as well.

    We do other stuff every day I'm not up for the whole enchilada (lol...) though, so I still consider us "daily" people. 
    Damn are you dating Shaq?
    FI's actually only about six foot even and like 150 pounds. VERY small feet for a tallish dude too, interestingly...8.5. Which just goes to show that appearances can be deceiving.

    ETA: Sorry everyone. Bet you all really wanted to know that....
    Johnny 3 Legs.. That's what my friends and I used to call a skinny dude with a huge wang. That and "a pleasant surprise" I guess.
    I've been with my fair share of guys, and the two skinniest and average-tallish dudes I've been with had the biggest dicks.  They were pretty long but not that wide.
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  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So, I have another TMI question that is about penetration.  The first bit of getting the d in, it feels really tight in there and we have to work to get it in all the way.  Then, once it is in and we start going for a few thrusts, it feels all very not tight, at least to me.  Does anyone else have this happen?
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  • mrsk616mrsk616 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    levioosa said:
    So....since we're TMI-ing it anyways....

    Any other good recommendations for lube besides the two mentioned?  My problem with lube (cheapo  lube) is that when I use it I get yeast and urinary tract infections (sorry, TMI).  KY doesn't seem to cause as many problems, but I still try to avoid it. Coconut oil works pretty well too, but it stains my sheets. 
    we use pure romance whipped collection, i love it no issues for me. and it doubles as a lotion (how its made i guess) a little pricey but i wont use anything else. oh and its also edible. 

    we go at least one a week, once we move in together that might change because right now the house has no furniture so we do it when and where we can.
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    MagicInk said:
    Pretty much every day. Sometimes a few times a day. Sometimes we skip a day, especially if one of us is sick. But on average...it's a daily occurance.

    I have learned we might not be the "norm". 
    I'm SO jealous!!  FI and I used to be like that, but since August we've been off because I have to get up earlier (and therefore go to bed a lot earlier) for my job now.  And he usually works pretty late, so we've been stuck at only 2-3 times per week :(.  I know we need to adjust, but I really hate how much just a couple of hours in wake up/bedtime can mess with our sex life
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Like everyone else, it varies, but lately it hasn't been very often.  My latest change in my cocktail of meds has reeeeeeally decreased my sex drive.  It's not necessarily a good or bad thing, it just is.  H and I just make sure to maintain an open dialogue about it all.
    Anniversary

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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    doeydo said:
    So, I have another TMI question that is about penetration.  The first bit of getting the d in, it feels really tight in there and we have to work to get it in all the way.  Then, once it is in and we start going for a few thrusts, it feels all very not tight, at least to me.  Does anyone else have this happen?
    Probably means you need more foreplay. This only happens to me if I'm not actually ready for penetration yet.
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