Just Engaged and Proposals

Engaged with no ring

 Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?

Re: Engaged with no ring

  • My sister didn't have an engagement ring. She definitely got some "well, you're not really engaged" and "why didn't he buy you a ring?" ignorant comments, but she still got married so.....

    In fact, the ring she wears now and "received" during her wedding ceremony is a ring she bought herself before she even met her H. It's a ruby with two diamonds on the sides. Very pretty, very untraditional. Lots of ladies IRL and on these boards don't wear a diamond. You know the whole diamond thing was just marketing that doesn't even date back very far?
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    lurkergirlFutureMsNguyen
  • Most of my family never got engagement rings; it's just me and one of my aunts. I guess maybe it's a difference in culture? 

    I think it's totally fine not to have a ring and honestly I believe that "I'm married/engaged" should be enough even without the ring. People will always give you crap for it, but you know what? I have a ring and people still give me crap for it ("oh, but it's not a diamond", "it's fake costume jewelry", "mine/your's is bigger than your's/mine", "you're lying, you're not really engaged").

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Lots of people get engaged without a ring. If you don't mind having a ring, let your fiance get you one if it will make him happy. If you are vehemently opposed to one, however, make that clear. You shouldn't be forced to wear jewelry you don't want. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]
  • I have a ring but its not a diamond. It's an absolutely gorgeous London blue topaz and certain ppl I can feel silently judging my fiancé and I because of it. I don't care though. In my opinion, as long as you're happy about it, everyone should be happy.
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    You don't need a ring, and if you have one, it doesn't have to be a diamond.  I have a diamond as my main stone but it has two sapphires next to it.  I love rings with a pop of colour!  

    Anyone that judges someone else for not having a diamond or an engagement ring at all is an ass.
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  • My family is British, and engagement rings are not really a thing in most of Europe. So I'm really the odd one out with a diamond and platinum engagement ring. Everyone else just has a simple yellow gold wedding band. I treasure my ring because my FI gave it to me, and for what it signifies. However, I do sometimes feel a bit weird about it because, as at least one PP has mentioned, the American ideal of an engagement ring is really a marketing racket pushed upon us by a corrupt diamond industry. I think you have the right idea by aiming to save your money for your wedding bands.
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    My mom never had an e-ring, and I always thought that her simple wedding band was lovely!
    caseyphough
  • porkchops926porkchops926 Cape Cod member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's all about who YOU are. If you and your SO have agreed to be married and are getting married then you're engaged. If someone has married you and you have a marriage contract then you're married. 

    My brother and SIL don't wear either bands or her engagement ring. I don't pry, they've been happily married for 12 years, it's just not for them I assume. It's whatever you want to do and what you feel is important to you. 

    Anyway it's not like you need the ring to say "I'm engaged". If people say "where's your ring" say that it's just not your thing. Don't go by what the popular opinion is just to deflect annoying comments. 
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  • We picked my ring out together about an hour after he proposed.  It took 2 weeks to get in, and you wouldn't believe the questions and snarky comments I got.


    "If you ask me, you should have waited to announce your engagement until after you got your ring.  It's not really official after all."

    "What kind of man proposes with no ring?"

    "It better be worth it if you have to wait two weeks for it!"


    Fun fact, I had my venue booked a week after he proposed, before I had my ring.  Guess I was "really engaged" after all.

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  • My FI proposed without a ring and we have no plans to get one. It was very spur of the moment and I was so surprised and over the moon that I didn't even notice. I'm fine not having a ring. I've never been much for jewellery other than dog tags around my neck. I served in the military and now work in a bust emergency room so I wouldn't want to wear a ring because it would get messy, dirty or wrecked. (This is just me of course and I know lots of nurses who wear rings under their gloves and it works for them fine). We aren't going to have wedding rings either. You should do whatever you are comfortable and happy with.
  •  Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?

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    Rings get in the way of my work and several hobbies, so any one I get is removed and put down 30 or 40 times a week until I put in down and it disappears. I knew myself too well to agree to a diamond or other showy stone. At first Hubby now did not know what to make of this, and everyone kept saying, where is the ring.

    He finally gave up on rings. I have an engagement ring I put on when we go out. Flat, no stone, painted with a design on blue enamel. Now it shares a box with my gold wedding band.

    What I do have was first one set of sapphires for my pierced ears. Then white and blue sapphires on a favorite necklace. For my wedding day and worn regularly thereafter, tiny rubies in a ring of gold earrings. And a gold locket.

    It is enough. And each of the small gifts means more. The money was better spent getting a house sooner.

    FI gets a kick out of surprising me at odd times with little things. One of the funniest was little turned wood shelves with a bowl top he installed by each sink, near my quilting frame, by my violin case, all the places I take off my rings when I do wear them.
    And I have not lost either in 8 years.

    Do what feels right to you.
  • mbellem said:

    My FI proposed without a ring and we have no plans to get one. It was very spur of the moment and I was so surprised and over the moon that I didn't even notice. I'm fine not having a ring. I've never been much for jewellery other than dog tags around my neck. I served in the military and now work in a bust emergency room so I wouldn't want to wear a ring because it would get messy, dirty or wrecked. (This is just me of course and I know lots of nurses who wear rings under their gloves and it works for them fine). We aren't going to have wedding rings either. You should do whatever you are comfortable and happy with.

    *******
    Another former Military and nurse / PT here. I don't know how others manage rings with stones and proper hand washing, and loving up with zones that often cut gloves. I have huge strong hands that fill my gloves.
  • From a guy's perspective, this is exactly what every man wants to hear.  It's the reason why some men go above and beyond to make sure the women they love have the things they want.  There is a satisfaction and abundance of clarity which occurs when a woman claims to be encouraged by the symbolism and virtue of proposals and engagements rather than the glamour of diamonds and price tags.  The moment your concern for diamond quality, manufacturer, or price tags becomes a priority, that's the moment your potential groom reconsiders the security of the relationship.  The fact that you stated you care more about planning for the future and care about the bands to symbolize your unity makes your fiancé want to give you not only a diamond, but the biggest diamond in the store.  He will eventually get you a diamond.  Men are not complicated at all.  We fear the same thing that women do.  We value the little things, as well.  The women who value the little things are the ones men strive to give them big things. 

    I hope you and your future husband get everything you want.

  • I have a simple gold band as my engagement ring that I wear on my right hand. My fiance's Brazilian (I'm American) and in Brazil both the guy and the girl traditionally get gold band engagement rings. On our wedding day, we'll move the rings to our right hands and I'll get a sapphire solitaire as my wedding band (I don't want a diamond). It's our way of combining our traditions.

    There's no rule that says you have to have a diamond...or a ring at all. Do what's right for you guys.
  • From a guy's perspective, this is exactly what every man wants to hear.  It's the reason why some men go above and beyond to make sure the women they love have the things they want.  There is a satisfaction and abundance of clarity which occurs when a woman claims to be encouraged by the symbolism and virtue of proposals and engagements rather than the glamour of diamonds and price tags.  The moment your concern for diamond quality, manufacturer, or price tags becomes a priority, that's the moment your potential groom reconsiders the security of the relationship.  The fact that you stated you care more about planning for the future and care about the bands to symbolize your unity makes your fiancé want to give you not only a diamond, but the biggest diamond in the store.  He will eventually get you a diamond.  Men are not complicated at all.  We fear the same thing that women do.  We value the little things, as well.  The women who value the little things are the ones men strive to give them big things. 

    I hope you and your future husband get everything you want.


    Replying ONLY to the bolded part, I would highly disagree. Do all women want diamonds? No. But if someone is buying me a diamond, I don't want them to get ripped off. So yes, I would insist on some research into the 'quality' of a diamond.

     

    However, i do agree with the rest. If it MUST be Tiffanys, or cost x amount, then I see where you're coming from. But quality is pretty important if you're paying thousands of dollars for something IMO.

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    FutureMsNguyen
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    From a guy's perspective, this is exactly what every man wants to hear.  It's the reason why some men go above and beyond to make sure the women they love have the things they want.  There is a satisfaction and abundance of clarity which occurs when a woman claims to be encouraged by the symbolism and virtue of proposals and engagements rather than the glamour of diamonds and price tags.  The moment your concern for diamond quality, manufacturer, or price tags becomes a priority, that's the moment your potential groom reconsiders the security of the relationship.  The fact that you stated you care more about planning for the future and care about the bands to symbolize your unity makes your fiancé want to give you not only a diamond, but the biggest diamond in the store.  He will eventually get you a diamond.  Men are not complicated at all.  We fear the same thing that women do.  We value the little things, as well.  The women who value the little things are the ones men strive to give them big things. 

    I hope you and your future husband get everything you want.


    Replying ONLY to the bolded part, I would highly disagree. Do all women want diamonds? No. But if someone is buying me a diamond, I don't want them to get ripped off. So yes, I would insist on some research into the 'quality' of a diamond.

     

    However, i do agree with the rest. If it MUST be Tiffanys, or cost x amount, then I see where you're coming from. But quality is pretty important if you're paying thousands of dollars for something IMO.

    I kind of agree with both of you. Like I mentioned earlier in this thread, I LOVED my mom's plain wedding band (it did have three tiny diamonds on it, more like sparkles than diamonds), it was the most beautiful thing to me.

    DH knew this fully well, and we tried on rings together and I was always the one saying "no no! The smaller one is great!" and constantly remind him "I don't care if my ring is made out of cardboard!"

    He was the one to ultimately pick out my ring (and diamond) and he picked out something more amazing than I could have ever imagined. HE was the one who wanted to get me a "truly colorless" stone. So I think that makes sense. Would he have gotten me the same ring if I gave him the specifics of exactly what I wanted/needed? Sure. But he wouldn't have had as much fun picking it out and buying it for me.
  • I am divorced. My ex husband gave me a diamond solitaire engagement ring. This time round I want to forget tradition and go with a big, flashy, pink or purple stone. I am having a good friend of mine design it. I don't care if people think it's costume jewellery or feel bad for me because my partner didn't "give me" a diamond. I like bold statement jewellery in bright colours, and I have learnt to stop caring about what other people think :-)
    [Deleted User]
  •  Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?
    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  
  •  Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?
    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
     Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?
    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  

    WTF?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  •  Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?
    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  
    Wow, that's a bit strong. No need to project, it's not a personal insult against you. Jeez.
  • I made this ring originally when we were just dating, and a similar one that was orange for him. Due to a lack of money and whatnot, I don't have my actual engagement ring yet, but I will. For now I wear this all the time.




  •  Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?

    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  

    image


    Wow... Was only asking because so many people looked at me like I was crazy for not having one, and thought is it really that big of a deal? So here's an idea whatever horse you rode up on and decided I need to get off mine... step off first lady.
    sophhabobophasouthernbelle0915drunkenwitch
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My mom never got an engagement ring and she's been married for ten years. Fuck what anybody else thinks. :)
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2015



     Personally I don't expect an engagement ring. I've never been much for jewelry, in fact the only ring I have is a mothers ring I wear on a bottlecap necklace because I work in a factory. Second I hate having someone to spend money on me. My fiance insists that I not only get a ring but it HAS TO HAVE A DIAMOND. To me it's not a big deal to just save the money and put it towards our wedding bands. I understand its a sign that I'm not single, so is a polite "sorry but I'm married". Does anyone else feel the same?

    First of all, get off your high horse.  Do you think you're the only woman in the world who doesn't expect an engagement ring?  Do you want a medal for your honorable act?  Please.
    Statements like this piss me off because this is a message board for women who are engaged...most of the women here have ENGAGEMENT RINGS.  Stop being obnoxious.  


    ETA _____box


    Someone put on her over sensitive panties this morning.

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