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A Non-Religious Religious Ceremony
My groom and I (who aren't actually engaged yet but have started planning) see a pastor for couple's counseling. He's someone my mom who is a pastor knows. I went to school to be a minister and was a minister at one time. Religion, however, is not a significant part of my life anymore. We want to have the pastor who is giving us counseling marry us. He's been so supportive and even dealt with my rants when my man stresses me out and encouraged my man in ways he needs encouragement and also kept me in check from time to time when I become too mothering.
Anyway, we want to also get married in a chapel.
However, as I said, religion is no longer a big part of my life. And my groom is agnostic. If he leans towards any religion, it's Buddhism. How can we tell the pastor to marry us but to (we wouldn't use these words) "Keep the religion to a minimum."
Anyway, we want to also get married in a chapel.
However, as I said, religion is no longer a big part of my life. And my groom is agnostic. If he leans towards any religion, it's Buddhism. How can we tell the pastor to marry us but to (we wouldn't use these words) "Keep the religion to a minimum."
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Re: A Non-Religious Religious Ceremony
In most states, a member of the clergy is empowered to marry couples within his faith, and also to conduct a civil ceremony.
Not knowing his faith or yours, it seems to me that it is wrong to ask this pastor to conduct a religious ceremony and take the religion out, or make a religion light version.
But if he is willing to conduct a basic civil ceremony plus any reading or words of inspiration from him, and any statements or vows you write, that sounds fine.
As to marriage in a chapel, there are many non-denominational chapels used by many people who may have strong faith or religious or philosophical beliefs, but who do not believe in all of the tenets of any one organized religion. Often interfaith ceremonies are held in such places.
Not far from us, both a Unitarian and a Congregational church make available their sanctuaries and 1 additional chapel to couples who state that they believe in the Creator, but consider their relationship with this God a personal one, not needing the structure of an organized religion, or a priest or other clergy as an intermediary.
With the permission of their congregations who own the church, they function the way that many University and Military chapels do. At minimum, a civil ceremony. In addition, personal statements, which may be religious or may simply address the matter of marriage unions. University and military clergy regularly perform marriages often designated as non-denominational.
This sounds okay to me, if it is what you have in mind.
But churches like Roman Catholic and many Anabaptist faiths would not welcome anyone not of their faith, and using their chapel would not be allowed.
Then you two need to sit down and discuss what kind of ceremony you want to have, and how to balance your two faiths. How does your fiance feel about being married in a (Christian?) chapel?
And I can't really tell if you consider faith to be an active part of your life or not, but I will reiterate PP's point that using a church for sentimental or any other reason besides faith is incredibly insulting to many people, myself included.
You will be ridiculously rude if you waltz into a clergymember's office and tell him to keep the religion to a minimum. You're telling that person to minimize what they've dedicated their life to doing. It'd be like me walking into a meeting with my kid's teacher and telling them I wanted them to keep the teaching to a minimum during school days. It makes no sense at best, and is insulting and demeaning at worst.
If you really want him to officiate, you could ask him to perform a civil ceremony at another location, but expecting him to perform a ceremony outside his faith in his house of worship is not appropriate.
PS - you haven't said whether you are on the same page as your FI regarding what type of ceremony you want, where you'd like it to be, and who you want to officiate. Those are decisions you need to make together-before you book either a ceremony venue or officiant.
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fka dallasbetch
As a committed Christian, I find it offensive that you want to use a religious building for a civil wedding ceremony.
So, you're getting married in a chapel with no heat and you'd like the pastor to remove anything religious from the ceremony. And none of this sounds ridiculous to you??
I'm the farthest thing from religious. But this is really disrespectful. If you don't want a religious ceremony, do not get married in a church.