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What To Say and What NOT to Say to a Young(er) Bride: A Guide

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Re: What To Say and What NOT to Say to a Young(er) Bride: A Guide

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    glitch104 said:
    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!
    I took this as sarcasm.  

    You know, kind of how someone will post how pink hair is terrible and someone else will respond with "Pink hair will totally RUIN your marriage, you HAVE to make her change it or else!! Your marriage won't be valid if you have pics with pink hair in them!!1!"
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
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    plainjane0415 said:
    glitch104 said:
    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!
    I'm still trying to figure out what part of this post makes @MandyMost "trapped in the 17th century".
    Yeah seriously what's happening here?
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
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    edited November 2014
    lovesclimbing said: glitch104 said: MandyMost said: I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 
    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY! I took this as sarcasm.  
    You know, kind of how someone will post how pink hair is terrible and someone else will respond with "Pink hair will totally RUIN your marriage, you HAVE to make her change it or else!! Your marriage won't be valid if you have pics with pink hair in them!!1!"

    ****************
     I'm not sure how to interpret that as     anything, let alone sarcasm. 
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
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    glitch104 said:
    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!
    The fact that people change as they grow older has nothing to do with what century it is. In fact, people probably change a lot more now since we are actually able to get out there and live our lives instead of being very secluded and always surrounded by the same people.

    If you don't think you're going to change as you get older, wow, you're going to be in for a BIG awakening!
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My god what I wouldn't give to gif Brick Tamland from Anchorman... "LOUD NOISES!!" DAMN INABILITY TO GIF ON MOBILE!!

    image
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    beethery said:

    @mikenberger will this do?


    image
    The dude on the right is killing me. Could be the beer as well. Definitely could.

    image
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  • rachelia160rachelia160 member
    First Comment
    My fiancé and I will be 23 and 24 when we get married, which is on the youngish side, but if someone were to ask why were getting married young, I don't think core reasons would be any different than someone getting married at 28, 32, or 54--we make each other better, we're best friends, we have similar goals and desires in life, etc.  Going on the EXTREME defensive in a derogatory way towards people who do things differently just makes it seem like you're insecure that it's not really a good idea either and are looking for validation.

    I understand the underlying frustration though.  I completely appreciate my family and (hilariously blunt!) posters on this forum sharing their viewpoint and advice about things to think about before taking the plunge, at a young age or ANY age, but when you have people who have nothing more productive to say than "You're too young, you'll regret it!," it's just annoying.  Explain to me why you think that and I'll listen, but just telling me it's stupid doesn't help anyone.
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    I skipped and got to the yelling part, so LOUD NOISES!!!!!

    My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year and a half so far, and will be getting married in June 2016. I'm 23 and he's 25,we may be young, but we're confident in our relationship and don't bother with the naysayers (sp?). I hear it all the time at work "OH you're so young!" Sure, I guess. It's whatever, I don't mind if they judge me. They can say whatever they want, but there's no need to justify my actions to them. 

    I know I don't know everything at 23 because I thought I knew everything at 19. I'm constantly growing. But I know I am confident in our ability to keep growing together in this relationship and work things out if they are tough. Relationship is healthy and the "haters gonna hate hate hate" (shudder).

    But seriously, if you have to justify your reasoning with "I'm more mature" and get your panties in a bunch when other people assuming things about you, then it's time to step back and breath (or is it breathe?). Focus on what you want in this marriage and not try to deflect what others are saying. There was a rumor that I was pregnant and me and my fiance laughed at. That was 8 months ago and I haven't grown a belly since, so just shows to them that someone lied and they look bad.

    Edit: Spelling because contacts at night are a bad idea 
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
    Funny Awkward animated GIF
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    beethery said:
    ohannabelle said:
    glitch104 said:
    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!
    WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, THIS 17TH CENTURY THING? 
    I DON'T GET IT. 
    WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?
    image

    This is 14th century BUT IT FEELS APPROPRIATE FOR THIS WHERE THIS ALL WENT, RIGHT? I FEEL LIKE IT IS.
    I'm only catching up on this thread now, but @beethery wins the internet for this picture. I died laughing.  
    ________________________________


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  • themermaidbride118themermaidbride118 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2014
    themosthappy91 said:
    Blugh I was excited to read this because I too get surprised at how comfortable people are being really judge-y and invasive about getting married at my age (23) but this is sort of silly and definitely more than a little bit rude.  

    This is a nasty phenomenon I see a lot among friends my age, now that we're just graduating college and seeing the first real wave of a lot of us getting married- the two camps (married and not-married) paint each other so ridiculously, and it's always the exact same stupid stereotype.  The not-married people are like "Well I am going to take the time to live my life for me- see the world, focus on my career ambitions, have fun and figure this whole 'life' thing out!  That is clearly the much superior option."  The married people are like "I don't feel the need to sleep around and party for the next five years of my life, what a waste of time.  I'm better than all these poor single people who have to try to fill their loneliness with such shallow pursuits."  And you know what?  Both sides are SO DUMB.  You can travel, work on yourself and your career, party and go out- all with or without a spouse or significant other.    

    The reality is, yes you are going to be a way different person at 30 than you are at 20, so a lot of people would rather not make that kind of commitment at this juncture.  You're also going to be a way different person at 40 than 30, or 50 as opposed to 40, so to me I see it all as a risk.  To me, getting married is just kind of about reaching that point where you feel confident that yeah, at some point in the future both you and your SO are probably going to be different people than you are today, but you think you can roll with that.  No one- whether they're getting married at 23 or 43- can ever know for sure, and you just have to hope you're one of the ones who can make it work.  

      
    ALL of this. I am also a 22 year old soon-to-be bride. I have friends who are in long relationships, friends who are loving being single, and friends who have never dated. I personally could not care less what people do, and no one should (though they obviously do).

    I'm in it for myself, and when the very few people who have said something about my age have confronted me, I shrugged it off. Only I know myself and my intentions... which is true of anyone at any age. Most people who 'say things' are on facebook (or other internet places) and do so passive aggressively. It's sad what people take to heart. When all else fails, just remember that no one thinks about you 1/2 as much as you think they do.
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  • mrsrebeccacampbellmrsrebeccacampbell member
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    I was 19 when I got engaged. I am 20 now. My mother was actually asking me what was taking FI so long before we got engaged, everyone in my family and my FI family has been super supportive of our decision. The only person we know personally who has brought up our age was our pastor during pre marriage counselling. I know I am young and have a lot to learn but I am confident that marrying my FI is the right thing to do. I do not take marriage lightly. It can be annoying at times when a stranger asks if I am pregnant or asks why we don't just move in together, but I don't take it to heart. 
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  • NoneForUsNoneForUs member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    First of all, the "my grandparents married at 18 and they are doing well" argument is laughably ridiculous. You cannot compare your grandparents' time to current modern society. Expectations were very different and women typically did not pursue education because they were raised to be young housewives. 

    Secondly, a mature adult doesn't need to justify her decisions to anyone. Your first post reads like a defensive tantrum. I guarantee that once you reach the age of 30, you will be laughing at what a naive yet cocky kid you were. Age brings the wisdom to know that you have a lot of learn, especially when you are very young. 

    I married when I was 28 and I was told that I was too young. When people said that to me, I didn't take it to heart because I was confident in my choice. I also considered the source of those remarks and they were always made by trashy ghetto types. 
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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is so great.. just cracked a beer to watch this awesomeness happen. I agree with most of these posts, if you feel the need to attack others for their decisions, get ready to be called immature. At 23 and 24 FI and I bought our first house together (were not engaged) and got a lot of side glances and well meaning advice from others with more life experience. Knowing they probably knew what they were talking about I took their advice, thought it over, thanked them, and proceeded with my life.. Might want to try taking a more subtle approach to how you're feeling as opposed to bashing others in your great blog to be understood! ENJOY advice given to you by others with a couple more years on this earth, generally it's with your best interest in mind and I'm sure 10yrs from now most of it will make sense to you.

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  • porkchops926porkchops926 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @sothiegal me too! I think she just slinked away, but I keep hoping.
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  • onefootinthebayouonefootinthebayou member
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    kelseykhaos said:
    For what it's worth, this was meant to be humorous. It wasn't meant to be taken -too- seriously. Most of the comments I've gotten have been from strangers who only know my age and that I'm engaged. I'm genuinely appalled at some of these comments and feel like some of the responses are just as immature as what you're accusing me of. I usually give a much more tactful, thought-out response than this. So, do with that what you will. 
    Don't take it personally.  Posting something, even if it's light-hearted to you, can strike a nerve with the cliques on here.  You'll see through the life of one of these threads that gets out of hand, the comments will start with some genuinely good advice, perhaps gentle correction if you're really looking for it, but heaven forbid they get a hold of some OP bait they don't like and the comments go from helpful to snarky (appropriate for this board, I suppose) to complete and outright ridicule.  Don't worry, at some point, they are not even talking to you anymore, they are just talking to each other.  It is unpleasant, and it can be frustrating when they misunderstand or misconstrue where you may be coming from but I would just shrug it off if I were you.  It's too bad, a lot of these very same posters, who can be profane, rude, and aggressive, actually have some excellent advice on other threads and although I hate to admit it, many of them are spot-on when it comes to etiquette.  It's just unfortunate when they gang up like this - most of the admittedly good advice and feedback they had for you is actually diminished by their delivery.    
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  • majorkiramajorkira member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Is it weird I'm kind of bummed I *didn't* get any comments? I'm 27 but was totally waiting for comments from wedding vendors.  

    I still insist on being carded 
    "EXCUSE ME SIR, BUT YOU FORGOT TO CARD ME. CLEARLY I LOOK 18 SO YOU MUST HAVE MEANT TO CARD ME"


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