noh

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

$5 and bragging rights says it was about fat people.

bride2b71614 · February 2015

I want to know the full story...No, I take that back, I just want to know what scandalous thing was said.

novella1186 · February 2015

Dreamergirl8812 said:

$5 and bragging rights says it was about fat people.

We might have a winner!

sophhabobopha · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 · February 2015

Wow a lot of ridiculous insanity while I was at work today...thankfully there are a couple helpful caring people on here. I have never posted before and edited incorrectly.

Actually, What my FI said was that he thinks, in his opinion, is "that people that move to a different state are selfish". My MOH though this was directed at her brother because my FI reiterated his opinion during a comment about her brother. I can completely see why she feels it is directed at her brother. However, this opinion of his has has been said by him times before. We are all entitled to our opinions and in this case I do not agree with him. However, I do not think think that she should be mad at me as I have apologized and sided with her. I have told her I am willing to do what ever it takes to gain her respect back. This is his opinion about his brother, his friends and everyone else. She is my friend and not his friend. She has been my friend for over 10 years and I was planning on it being much longer than that. She's known me, through high school, relationships, weight challenges, college and more so she should know how much I care about her and value her thoughts and feelings. He has said he is sorry and I have told her that he is sorry and did not mean to make her feel singled out. He himself said he would tell her when he sees her.

My issues now is that she hasn't responded to my plea to make it right.

This has nothing to do with the wedding the photos and the show of it all. as i told her she does not have to be up there by my side by any means as I would never ask her to do something that would make her uncomfortable. I am asking for real answers and real life stories to help both her and I make it through this. Yes, I may not have worded it correctly prior but it was all in a rush to ask for help before work,

ftrmsv2015 · February 2015

Thank you teddygirl9 I'm trying.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

Wow a lot of ridiculous insanity while I was at work today...thankfully there are a couple helpful caring people on here. I have never posted before and edited incorrectly.

Actually, What my FI said was that he thinks, in his opinion, is "that people that move to a different state are selfish". My MOH though this was directed at her brother because my FI reiterated his opinion during a comment about her brother. I can completely see why she feels it is directed at her brother. However, this opinion of his has has been said by him times before. We are all entitled to our opinions and in this case I do not agree with him. However, I do not think think that she should be mad at me as I have apologized and sided with her. I have told her i am willing to do what ever it takes to gain her respect back. This is his opinion about his brother, his friends and everyone else. She is my friend and not his friend. She has been my firend for over 10 years and I was planning on it being much longer than that. She's known me, through highschool, relationships, weight challenges, college and more. he has said he is sorry and I have told her that he is sorry and did not mean to make her feel singled out. He himself said he would tell her when he sees her.

My issues now is that she hasn't responded to my plea to make it right.

This has nothing to do with the wedding the photos and the show of it all. as i told her she does not have to be up there by my side by any means as i would never ask her to do something that would make her uncomfortable. i am asking for real answers and real life stories of this. yes I may not have worded it correctly prior but it was all in a rush to ask for help before work,

So your FI thinks everyone needs to stay in the state they were born in? Ok then, guess I'm a selfish person because I moved where I got a job. Honestly, that's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Why does he feel this way?

I don't know why your MOH would be mad at you for this, but if your FI is so closed minded about something so trivial, I'd be afraid what he would say about more contriversial topics.

flantastic · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

Wow a lot of ridiculous insanity while I was at work today...thankfully there are a couple helpful caring people on here. I have never posted before and edited incorrectly.

Actually, What my FI said was that he thinks, in his opinion, is "that people that move to a different state are selfish". My MOH though this was directed at her brother because my FI reiterated his opinion during a comment about her brother. I can completely see why she feels it is directed at her brother. However, this opinion of his has has been said by him times before. We are all entitled to our opinions and in this case I do not agree with him. However, I do not think think that she should be mad at me as I have apologized and sided with her. I have told her i am willing to do what ever it takes to gain her respect back. This is his opinion about his brother, his friends and everyone else. She is my friend and not his friend. She has been my firend for over 10 years and I was planning on it being much longer than that. She's known me, through highschool, relationships, weight challenges, college and more. he has said he is sorry and I have told her that he is sorry and did not mean to make her feel singled out. He himself said he would tell her when he sees her.

My issues now is that she hasn't responded to my plea to make it right.

This has nothing to do with the wedding the photos and the show of it all. as i told her she does not have to be up there by my side by any means as i would never ask her to do something that would make her uncomfortable. i am asking for real answers and real life stories of this. yes I may not have worded it correctly prior but it was all in a rush to ask for help before work,

This is a ridiculous position.

If I were your MOH: I wouldn't be over-the-top offended by the statement itself, but I would be offended if it was made clear (and it has been) that my brother (among others) was being judged for no good reason. I might wonder what other stupid stuff your FI was judgmental about. I doubt I would drop out of your wedding party, but if I felt that one member of the couple getting married was not-so-silently judging my family, it would be hard to respect him and therefore there might be tension with you, my friend.

Your FI's apology isn't "Sorry, I shouldn't have judged your brother," it's "I'm sorry you feel bad about my opinion." There's a big difference, and the latter isn't really comforting.

I might not make the same choices as your MOH, but she's entitled to make them. All you can really do is continue to reach out as a friend and hope she accepts.

themosthappy91 · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

Wow a lot of ridiculous insanity while I was at work today...thankfully there are a couple helpful caring people on here. I have never posted before and edited incorrectly.

Actually, What my FI said was that he thinks, in his opinion, is "that people that move to a different state are selfish". My MOH though this was directed at her brother because my FI reiterated his opinion during a comment about her brother. I can completely see why she feels it is directed at her brother. However, this opinion of his has has been said by him times before. We are all entitled to our opinions and in this case I do not agree with him. However, I do not think think that she should be mad at me as I have apologized and sided with her. I have told her I am willing to do what ever it takes to gain her respect back. This is his opinion about his brother, his friends and everyone else. She is my friend and not his friend. She has been my friend for over 10 years and I was planning on it being much longer than that. She's known me, through high school, relationships, weight challenges, college and more so she should know how much I care about her and value her thoughts and feelings. He has said he is sorry and I have told her that he is sorry and did not mean to make her feel singled out. He himself said he would tell her when he sees her.

My issues now is that she hasn't responded to my plea to make it right.

This has nothing to do with the wedding the photos and the show of it all. as i told her she does not have to be up there by my side by any means as I would never ask her to do something that would make her uncomfortable. I am asking for real answers and real life stories to help both her and I make it through this. Yes, I may not have worded it correctly prior but it was all in a rush to ask for help before work,

Well that's not what I was expecting... and truthfully not as bad as what I was imagining, but somehow much more bizarre.

That is a very weird position and I'm curious like PP why he feels that way... I am obsessed with my home state and would never consider moving away but I don't think others are wrong to do so? At any rate, that's a really rude thing for him to say, which I think you know so I won't hound it... I just hope he's learned his lesson about putting negative labels on ANY group of people (well unless it's like, terrorists or something... maybe anti-vaxxers... lol). I hope this event has caused him to reconsider his position and forced him to see how wrong he is... but as for your friend, there's really not a lot to do other than for him to tell her how out of line he was and he's sorry. Then it's up to her- this wouldn't be something that would end a friendship for me, but obviously she took it personally and that's her prerogative.

ftrmsv2015 · February 2015

Yes, huskypuppy14 I agree it is a ridiculous opinion. Again it is his opinion I dont agree with, however, this is one one of those questions all couples should talk about before marriage, both of us agreed to disagree on this topic as there were other much more important topics he and I agreed on like how to raise our children, what religion(s) we practice, how we would react if one of us was hurt and could no longer work, etc. He works hard, he is caring, great with his family and kids, and he takes great care of me and tells me I am beautiful everyday. He gives little love notes randomly and calls me to check up on my day on his lunch break, I wish every girl had a guy that they felt like this with. I really think all males and females disagree on at least one thing with there SO.

I told him what he said was unacceptable, and for hurting her feelings he is sorry. Everyone has said something in a moment that just comes out wrong or shouldn't be said at all, but I think if they truly are sorry they should get a chance at earning back respect.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

Honestly, this was kind of a let down. I was hoping for scandel.

JennyColada · February 2015

It doesn't sound to me like your Fi (or you) have anything to be sorry for.

I think your MOH should be sorry for being such an over reactive child. It's not fair for her to throw your wedding back in your face over some off handed comment that your Fi said that may or may not have come out the wrong way.

themosthappy91 · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

Yes, huskypuppy14 I agree it is a ridiculous opinion. Again it is his opinion I dont agree with, however, this is one one of those questions all couples should talk about before marriage, both of us agreed to disagree on this topic as there were other much more important topics he and I agreed on like how to raise our children, what religion(s) we practice, how we would react if one of us was hurt and could no longer work, etc. He works hard, he is caring, great with his family and kids, and he takes great care of me and tells me I am beautiful everyday. He gives little love notes randomly and calls me to check up on my day on his lunch break, I wish every girl had a guy that they felt like this with. I really think all males and females disagree on at least one thing with there SO.

I told him what he said was unacceptable, and for hurting her feelings he is sorry. Everyone has said something in a moment that just comes out wrong or shouldn't be said at all, but I think if they truly are sorry they should get a chance at earning back respect.

But why does he feel that way? Where is that coming from?

ftrmsv2015 · February 2015

jennycolada and ladies. Thank you! I will just keep reaching out and see how it goes. I dont care about a wedding or having a MOH. I care about having my friend back more than anything. I appreciate your comments wish me luck!

ftrmsv2015 · February 2015

themosthappy91 I am not sure. I have asked and he says it is just his opinion. He must just really love his family and home. I am not sure why he feels so strongly about it, but it really is so insignificant to me i just never really pressed the topic.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

JennyColada said:

It doesn't sound to me like your Fi (or you) have anything to be sorry for. I think your MOH should be sorry for being such an over reactive child. It's not fair for her to throw your wedding back in your face over some off handed comment that your Fi said that may or may not have come out the wrong way.

Yeah. Why does MOH give such a shit?

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

themosthappy91 I am not sure. I have asked and he says it is just his opinion. He must just really love his family and home. I am not sure why he feels so strongly about it, but it really is so insignificant to me i just never really pressed the topic.

I assume you grew up in the same state then. And what about large vs small states. Texas and California are big states, whereas my home state (CT) is one of the smallest. I moved 2 hours away to Massachusetts, but I'm still close to my family, and closer than someone in a larger state moving hours away.

What's going to happen if you have kids and they move away when they are adults. Is he going to disown them?

Viczaesar · February 2015

ftrmsv2015 said:

Yes, huskypuppy14 I agree it is a ridiculous opinion. Again it is his opinion I dont agree with, however, this is one one of those questions all couples should talk about before marriage, both of us agreed to disagree on this topic as there were other much more important topics he and I agreed on like how to raise our children, what religion(s) we practice, how we would react if one of us was hurt and could no longer work, etc. He works hard, he is caring, great with his family and kids, and he takes great care of me and tells me I am beautiful everyday. He gives little love notes randomly and calls me to check up on my day on his lunch break, I wish every girl had a guy that they felt like this with. I really think all males and females disagree on at least one thing with there SO.

I told him what he said was unacceptable, and for hurting her feelings he is sorry. Everyone has said something in a moment that just comes out wrong or shouldn't be said at all, but I think if they truly are sorry they should get a chance at earning back respect.

Say what? Since when did "do you think people who leave the state in which they were born are selfish, yes or no?" become one of the topics that should be discussed before marriage? This whole thing is absolutely bizarre. I suggest you tell your FI to stop saying stupid, inconsequential shit to people whom it is likely to offend.

hellohkb · February 2015

Viczaesar said:

ftrmsv2015 said:

Yes, huskypuppy14 I agree it is a ridiculous opinion. Again it is his opinion I dont agree with, however, this is one one of those questions all couples should talk about before marriage, both of us agreed to disagree on this topic as there were other much more important topics he and I agreed on like how to raise our children, what religion(s) we practice, how we would react if one of us was hurt and could no longer work, etc. He works hard, he is caring, great with his family and kids, and he takes great care of me and tells me I am beautiful everyday. He gives little love notes randomly and calls me to check up on my day on his lunch break, I wish every girl had a guy that they felt like this with. I really think all males and females disagree on at least one thing with there SO.

I told him what he said was unacceptable, and for hurting her feelings he is sorry. Everyone has said something in a moment that just comes out wrong or shouldn't be said at all, but I think if they truly are sorry they should get a chance at earning back respect.

Say what? Since when did "do you think people who leave the state in which they were born are selfish, yes or no?" become one of the topics that should be discussed before marriage? This whole thing is absolutely bizarre. I suggest you tell your FI to stop saying stupid, inconsequential shit to people whom it is likely to offend.

I agree with this completely. What he said was straight up bizarre. While your MOH may have overreacted a bit, he did say something pretty odd and rude. I would have a talk with him and tell him to keep that opinion to himself.

What a different world we would live in if no one ever decided to move away from where we were born. If my ancient ancestors never moved, I have no idea where I would be living now. Somewhere in the Middle East, I presume. ETA: Actually, I suppose we would all be living in Africa, since that is where all human beings are said to have originated from.

paperpusher · February 2015

I wonder what his opinion is on people who move to a different country...

STARMOON44 · February 2015

I don't believe any of this, except that your FI is a jerk who was rude to your friend. You want to marry someone who feels entitled to be rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate, and not apologetic go right ahead. Won't be the last time it costs you a friendship.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

I go back to my original gut feeling that she wanted out of this wedding for other reasons, maybe money, maybe something else personal. And you've done all you can do so I think it's on her now to make her choices. I don't think you should be groveling, and I don't think it would do much good if it hasn't already. I would maybe try to reach out like "I miss my friend, can we go out for dinner out something and talk about anything but the wedding?" See how she reacts.

flutteringinfl · February 2015

Either your MOH is oversensitive or there's more to this than you're telling us, but in either case, your MOH has the right to feel how she feels. If she's decided that she doesn't want to be friends any more, whether or not we or you agree that it's for a rational reason, that's her choice, and there's not a whole lot you can do to change her mind. You can reach out to her, but apologies to her from you or your FI need to be framed as, "I'm sorry those things were said because that is an unfair way of thinking," and not, "I'm sorry you were offended" if you want them to have any sort of impact.

I really think there's more to this. But maybe I'm naive.

climbingsingle · February 2015

Damn. This thread gave me blue balls.

mikenberger · February 2015

What? That's IT? You would've thought he pledged allegiance to ISIS and was moving you two to the Middle East.

maeday2 · February 2015

How does "edited incorrectly" turn into "noh" ?

ohannabelle · February 2015

Really?

I mean, seriously? That's it?

This is so strange that it's impossible to make sense of. Just zero logic in any of this.

He has opinions on other people moving? Strong enough opinions that other people can be offended by them? That's a really bizarre thing to even think about. Just...no logic or reason to the opinion, just weird.

And when you mentioned it- I take full blame and responsibility for delivering the grooms comment to her, as I did a horrible delivery and did not take into account how she may react and did not take into account her sensitivity that she may have on such subjects.

What????? This also doesn't make any sense at all. How did you possibly do a "horrible delivery" of such a non issue, and how in a month of Sundays would anybody have a "sensitivity" about said non issue? No logical person would think anything but, "Okay. Weird thought processing." Not, How could you mention moving! I have sensitivities about moving!

It all sounds like created drama about nothing. He invented a weird non issue, you invented a "horrible" presentation of weird non issue, she invented offense at invented non issue (because what kind of person could take this seriously? My brother moved! How dare you insult my brother for moving!) and everyone is stressed and unhappy because of weird and totally illogical invented bizarre random nothing.

Are drugs involved? That would explain the lack of logic.

Or, the other explanation is that you all three are indulging yourselves in drama, but neglected to find a good subject to motivate it, so just grabbed the first subject that came to mind. It would make as much sense as getting upset about potato bugs.

Whatever the issue is, I'd bet a million dollars it has nothing to do with people moving.

sal2015 · February 2015

I don't see why either of them are upset about this. I wouldn't give another thought to someone moving to a different state (unless I was really close to them) and I wouldn't give another thought to someone having such a weird opinion.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

Oh, BOOOOO!

I really wanted this to be more offensive and less wacky. (I mean, I guess in the OP's shoes I'd rather have a wacky FI and MOH than an offensive FI, but we're talking about me and my very important feelings here, people).

It's all so...odd. I mean, I can see how a person (MOH) could get offended if another person (FI) expressed a weirdo opinion and then like, kept pressing and pressing and pressing it, but that is not apparently the case. Apparently a third party (OP) mentioned in passing that the weirdo opinion holder has a weird opinion....and the MOH flipped? Do none of the people in this scenario realize that there are infinite topics they could focus their minds on and be better served?

I have to agree with others that this shit is about something deeper, which the MOH is declining to share with the OP for whatever reason. That sucks, not least because it means she makes up stupid shit to drop out of a wedding rather than being honest with her friend. But there's nothing to be done now.

photokitty · February 2015

maeday2 said:

How does "edited incorrectly" turn into "noh" ?

I never saw it pre-dd, but I assumed it was supposed to be moh- or maid of honor, and the title was never edited, just miss typed from he get go???

noh

Re: noh

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