Need support please!

doeydo · February 2015

Woah there. Why in the world would she come to you with this information, of being pregnant and getting an abortion? It isn't something most people share that much. Also, maybe she knew you would react this way so she is keeping it hush hush, or at least trying to. It is absolutely zero of your business, nor any of these busy bodies who are gossiping to you about it. She is an adult and she is in charge of her own body and her life decisions such as when to have a child. She can abort this little peanut and go on to have plenty of kids, if she so chooses. My mom had an abortion when she was younger, and then she went on to have me and my sisters later in life when she was ready. She always wanted to be a mom and she never regretted the abortion she had.

This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there. If anything, she needs love and support from you right now, not a guilt trip.

STARMOON44 · February 2015

Denise40 said:

STARMOON44 said:

This isn't your first grandchild. If you're going to carry on like your first grandchild died because your 25 year old daughter who is already taking care of 3 of her boyfriends children because he seemingly cannot grasp how condoms work decided to have an abortion at 8 weeks, I think it's pretty obvious why she didn't tell you.

She is an adult. Trust that if she wants your help, comfort, or involvement she will ask.

And check your own arrogance- there's no way you can be so certain she'll regret this. Sure, she might. But lots of women don't regret abortions at all. And others regret they were in a position to make that choice and still wouldn't change anything.

I'm sorry you think I'm showing arrogance by having concerns over my daughters emotional well being. Yes she is a great mother to his kids and it's her choice to do that. Thank you for your input.

Nope! I think you're showing arrogance by being convinced you know how she will feel when that cannot possibly be true. The difference between "I'm worried she will regret this" and "she's going to regret this decision."

ashley8918 · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

I get the feeling that the guy who told Denise is experiencing some sense of remorse regarding his child, and I assume that this guy doesn't want Denise to have similar remorse. That is just a guess. I'm not saying his telling Denise is wright or wrong, but I see why he was motivated to do It.

Or maybe he is just a shit friend/friend's H for betraying her confidence in such a profound way. THIS IS NOT HIS BUSINESS.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

STARMOON44 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

STARMOON44 said:
This isn't your first grandchild.
I was not the first grandchild on my mom's side, and I know my Nana would have been crushed had something happened to me or any one of my siblings or her other grandchildren. @Denise40‌ can be sad about what may happen to her grandchild.

Oh absolutely! If she wants to choose to spend her life sad because she's decided that an 8 week old fetus was her first grand baby, she certainly can. But she's not entitled to impose that view on her daughter who seemingly doesn't share it. Personally I think this situation calls for prayer, not meddling. And the phrase "this is my first grandchild" to me reads very much I am making this all about myself.

It's not like Denise decided to claim this child as her grandchild; it is a biological fact. And I grieve the loss of my nephews from a miscarriage in December. People process this differently. And I trust that if Denise does say something, that it will be eloquent and compassionate.

And I have been praying for Denise, Her Daughter, and grandchild since in saw this post.

ashley8918 · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

This isn't your first grandchild.
I was not the first grandchild on my mom's side, and I know my Nana would have been crushed had something happened to me or any one of my siblings or her other grandchildren. @Denise40‌ can be sad about what may happen to her grandchild.
Oh absolutely! If she wants to choose to spend her life sad because she's decided that an 8 week old fetus was her first grand baby, she certainly can. But she's not entitled to impose that view on her daughter who seemingly doesn't share it. Personally I think this situation calls for prayer, not meddling. And the phrase "this is my first grandchild" to me reads very much I am making this all about myself.
It's not like Denise decided to claim this child as her grandchild; it is a biological fact. And I grieve the loss of my nephews from a miscarriage in December. People process this differently. And I trust that if Denise does say something, that it will be eloquent and compassionate. And I have been praying for Denise, Her Daughter, and grandchild since in saw this post.

Good for you. She should do the same (if she's the praying sort) instead of meddling where she shouldn't.

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

doeydo said:
This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Denise40 · February 2015

I appreciate everyone's opinions and insight and their personal situations. I agree I came off being "arrogant" as some may think. I know it's her choice, her body and her life but when she herself told me in the past that she wanted to have a child before she turned 30 it's just makes me wonder that she is being pressured to do this. I know, it's still not my business or concern. I just got off the phone with her and I didn't say anything and neither did she. I told her that I loved her and that I'm here for her if she ever needed me.

STARMOON44 · February 2015

Edited to delete in light of Denise's follow up. Don't want to be piling on.

ashley8918 · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Oh, FFS. You know damn well that she was being facetious. She doesn't truly believe it's an "alien". It's just not her grandchild, because it's a fetus that will not be born by her daughter's responsible choice.

ashley8918 · February 2015

Denise40 said:

I appreciate everyone's opinions and insight and their personal situations. I agree I came off being "arrogant" as some may think. I know it's her choice, her body and her life but when she herself told me in the past that she wanted to have a child before she turned 30 it's just makes me wonder that she is being pressured to do this. I know, it's still not my business or concern. I just got off the phone with her and I didn't say anything and neither did she. I told her that I loved her and that I'm here for her if she ever needed me.

This is the best possible thing that you could have done. Mad respect.

JennyColada · February 2015

Denise40 said:

I appreciate everyone's opinions and insight and their personal situations. I agree I came off being "arrogant" as some may think. I know it's her choice, her body and her life but when she herself told me in the past that she wanted to have a child before she turned 30 it's just makes me wonder that she is being pressured to do this. I know, it's still not my business or concern. I just got off the phone with her and I didn't say anything and neither did she. I told her that I loved her and that I'm here for her if she ever needed me.

I think that it's totally normal to be worried for the happiness or success of your child. I mean, that's your job as a mother. I doubt my mom will ever stop worrying about me even when I'm 50.

But worrying aside, you have to trust in yourself. In your abilities as a mother. That you were able to raise a strong woman who won't be pressured into having a baby that she doesn't want or in aborting a baby that she does. Don't be afraid of your own capabilities as a mother. You did your best to raise a wonderful woman who is thoughtful and kind and responsible. But you have to let her make her own choices and, sometimes, her own mistakes.

Maybe she will regret this decision and be sad over it for a long time. In life, we sometimes do make choices that aren't right for us and all that we can do is to move on and learn from them. Maybe she will not regret this decision and learn that she really is stronger than she expected, and she can use that to be an even better mother someday when she is ready.

A lot of your worries seem to be stemmed in your own fears and insecurities, not in your daughter herself. You didn't fail as a mother just because your daughter hurts. You didn't fail as a mother because you got hurt.

doeydo · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Quote boxes??_________________________

I didn't literally mean that she was abducted by aliens and impregnated by one. JFC, it is an embryo/fetus thing, it is not alive nor is it a baby. If you look at an 8 week old fetus, just try to tell me it does not look like an alien: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/89/Human_Embryo.JPG/1024px-Human_Embryo.JPG

Denise40 · February 2015

STARMOON44 said:

This isn't your first grandchild.
I was not the first grandchild on my mom's side, and I know my Nana would have been crushed had something happened to me or any one of my siblings or her other grandchildren. @Denise40‌ can be sad about what may happen to her grandchild.
Oh absolutely! If she wants to choose to spend her life sad because she's decided that an 8 week old fetus was her first grand baby, she certainly can. But she's not entitled to impose that view on her daughter who seemingly doesn't share it. Personally I think this situation calls for prayer, not meddling. And the phrase "this is my first grandchild" to me reads very much I am making this all about myself.
It's not like Denise decided to claim this child as her grandchild; it is a biological fact. And I grieve the loss of my nephews from a miscarriage in December. People process this differently. And I trust that if Denise does say something, that it will be eloquent and compassionate. And I have been praying for Denise, Her Daughter, and grandchild since in saw this post.
@holyguacamole79‌ I have never doubted the sincere compassionate nature of your beliefs. But based on her comments so far I don't share your confidence that Denise will share her thoughts in an eloquent or compassionate way. I actually don't know if there is a way to say to someone who does not believe terminating her pregnancy was killing a child that she is mistaken, compassionately.

@STARMOON44‌ how would you know I wouldn't be eloquent or compassionate in my thoughts?? Just because of the way I "talk" here? Yes I believe everyone has a choice about how they handle things. I just want to be there for my daughter! Is that so wrong?

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

ashley8918 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

doeydo said:
This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

doeydo said:

doeydo said:
Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Oh, FFS. You know damn well that she was being facetious. She doesn't truly believe it's an "alien". It's just not her grandchild, because it's a fetus that will not be born by her daughter's responsible choice.

I know you have zero respect for me and my beliefs, so I don't expect you to give a shit that these kind of statements are offensive to me. I know what you are passionate about, and I refrain from slinging it in the mud because that's how I was raised. I believe that the "clump of cells" are, in fact,her grandchild. I beleueve that the two "clumps of cells" that were miscarried in December are my nephews. I only commented because I have some hope that doeydo will have some respect.

MadHops21 · February 2015

ashley8918, I like your posts. Let's hang out.

doeydo · February 2015

Denise40 said:

I appreciate everyone's opinions and insight and their personal situations. I agree I came off being "arrogant" as some may think. I know it's her choice, her body and her life but when she herself told me in the past that she wanted to have a child before she turned 30 it's just makes me wonder that she is being pressured to do this. I know, it's still not my business or concern. I just got off the phone with her and I didn't say anything and neither did she. I told her that I loved her and that I'm here for her if she ever needed me.

I am sure it is hard having to put aside your feelings in order to try to support your daughter, but I am sure she appreciates it/would appreciate it. Others have said that maybe you should speak to someone about your feelings about all this, and I'd just like to second that that might be helpful to you.

ETA I was trying to say "good on you" sort of thing, not sure if it came accross that way or not.

ashley8918 · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Oh, FFS. You know damn well that she was being facetious. She doesn't truly believe it's an "alien". It's just not her grandchild, because it's a fetus that will not be born by her daughter's responsible choice.
I know you have zero respect for me and my beliefs, so I don't expect you to give a shit that these kind of statements are offensive to me. I know what you are passionate about, and I refrain from slinging it in the mud because that's how I was raised. I believe that the "clump of cells" are, in fact,her grandchild. I beleueve that the two "clumps of cells" that were miscarried in December are my nephews. I only commented because I have some hope that doeydo will have some respect.

Fucking stop with this shit. You seem to have this idea that i'm out to get you or something, with no basis for this idea whatsoever.

And guess what, sugar, if you are going to get offended every time someone says something that is contrary to your beliefs, you are not cut out for the internet (or life, really).

A fetus is not a baby = not offensive

Anyone who thinks a fetus is a baby is a dumb fucknut = offensive

I did not say anything offensive. Doey didn't say anything offensive. You are inventing drama that isn't there.

ashley8918 · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

ashley8918, I like your posts. Let's hang out.

Holla atcha girl!

JennyColada · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:
I know you have zero respect for me and my beliefs, so I don't expect you to give a shit that these kind of statements are offensive to me. I know what you are passionate about, and I refrain from slinging it in the mud because that's how I was raised.

Yea? You know what's offensive to me? Having the doctor say "congratulations!" when I start sobbing after him telling me my pregnancy test was positive. Having someone tell me "I'll pray for your baby" when I discuss my (at the time) pregnancy. Having someone say "It must be tough living with so much regret/depression" when I discuss my abortion factually. Having someone TELL me (not ask me) that I'm going to regret my decision.

I can't with this shit.

MadHops21 · February 2015

doeydo ?

This is one of those threads you just want with popcorn, but I have to defend Doeydo here. She's pretty amazing on these boards and never fights anyone.

doeydo · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

This is not your first grandchild. This is a tiny little alien thing in your daughter's body that she does not want there..

Unless Denise's daughter got it on with a spawn from Mars, there is biologically not an alien in her uterus. It is a human and it is loved.

Oh, FFS. You know damn well that she was being facetious. She doesn't truly believe it's an "alien". It's just not her grandchild, because it's a fetus that will not be born by her daughter's responsible choice.
I know you have zero respect for me and my beliefs, so I don't expect you to give a shit that these kind of statements are offensive to me. I know what you are passionate about, and I refrain from slinging it in the mud because that's how I was raised. I believe that the "clump of cells" are, in fact,her grandchild. I beleueve that the two "clumps of cells" that were miscarried in December are my nephews. I only commented because I have some hope that doeydo will have some respect.

I am sure the miscarriage was very hard on the parents, and I am sorry for your/your family's losses. However, personally I do not believe what you believe and from the OP she was referring to the fetus as a grandchild, so in my first post on this thread I was going at it with a pro-choice mentality and perhaps make her look at it in a new light.

beethery · February 2015

JennyColada said:

holyguacamole79 said:
I know you have zero respect for me and my beliefs, so I don't expect you to give a shit that these kind of statements are offensive to me. I know what you are passionate about, and I refrain from slinging it in the mud because that's how I was raised.

Yea? You know what's offensive to me? Having the doctor say "congratulations!" when I start sobbing after him telling me my pregnancy test was positive. Having someone tell me "I'll pray for your baby" when I discuss my (at the time) pregnancy. Having someone say "It must be tough living with so much regret/depression" when I discuss my abortion factually. Having someone TELL me (not ask me) that I'm going to regret my decision.

I can't with this shit.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

ashley8918 said:
...., you are not cut out for the internet (or life, really).
.

I kick ass at life, thanks.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Denise, I think you handled the conversation the best way possible. I admire you for that, and hope you can find peace with whatever happens. You're a good mom. ((Hugs))

holyguacamole79 · February 2015

@JennyColada‌, I'm sorry that those words from others have hurt you.

doeydo · February 2015

MadHops21 said:

doeydo ?

This is one of those threads you just want with popcorn, but I have to defend Doeydo here. She's pretty amazing on these boards and never fights anyone.

We should all drink milkshakes and shit. Stupid distances

Denise40 · February 2015

@lolo883 thank you for saying that. I know I'm a good mom.

ashley8918 · February 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

...., you are not cut out for the internet (or life, really).
.I kick ass at life, thanks.

Classic "I have nothing of value to say, so I nitpick a tiny, irrelevant part of the post "

ashley8918 · February 2015

lolo883 said:

Denise, I think you handled the conversation the best way possible. I admire you for that, and hope you can find peace with whatever happens. You're a good mom. ((Hugs))

Adding more ((hugs))

Denise40 · February 2015

ashley8918 said:

lolo883 said:

Denise, I think you handled the conversation the best way possible. I admire you for that, and hope you can find peace with whatever happens. You're a good mom. ((Hugs))

Adding more ((hugs))

Thanks @ashley8918‌

Need support please!

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