Feminism

VulgarGirl · April 2015

We need a feminism thread. Becuase #yesallwomen, because slut shaming happened, because rape culture is clearly prevalent.

So gifs, what feminism means to you, when you realized you were feminist, whatever. Just, need some feminism right now.

redoryx · April 2015

Feminism for me is supporting a woman's choices in life, even if it's not a choice I'd make for myself.

My moment: my little sister always talked about how her dream was to grow up to be little Suzy Homemaker. For years I was like WTF is wrong with you? That is your dream? Women spent decades fighting against being that. But then I realized, the difference is, she's choosing that for herself instead of not having another option, have at it.

I should add -- I don't remember when I decided I was a feminist, that moment above was when I decided what kind of feminist I wanted to be.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

I don't remember when I realized I was a feminist. I kind of remember my mom explaining to me but feminism in my world was just a thing that was. Like the sky was blue, or that ice cream tasted good, I didn't need more info. I got it.

But I remember the first time I heard a woman say she wasn't a feminist. And I could not wrap my brain around it. I was about 10, and it was some woman at a party at my dad's place. I'm not sure how it came up or why I was even there but she said "Well I wouldn't say I'm a feminist...", I asked my dad why a woman wouldn't be a feminist. They seemed to go hand and hand to me. Woman=feminist. The idea that women are equal seems like something women should get behind.

I really still don't get it. My dad tried to explain it to me but finally just said "Some people don't really understand feminism. But you do, and that's good" and then he gave me ice cream.

climbingsingle · April 2015

thisismynickname2 · April 2015

What feminism means to me.... First, great gifs, covers a lot of ground.

Second, I am very career-oriented and I think I maybe "became a feminist" when I realize how sick I was of hearing comments like, "When are you going to settle down and have kids and move the suburbs?" Um, what? Feminism, to me, means choice. Choice to be career-oriented. Choice to be a SAHM. Choice to do whatever floats my boat. Choice to write a snarky response to a charitable organization who thought celebrating Women's History Month with an event centered around shoes was a wise idea. I don't want to be judged for my choices and don't believe any woman should be. It even goes in the other direction; I don't like hearing about "women's issues" in politics. Libertarian Girl, who I follow on Facebook, just posted today that "I declare fixing the tax code a women's issue, because I'm a woman and that's what I care about." Amen to that. How about we just have issues that everyone can get behind?

novella1186 · April 2015

In high school I tried to report that my ex had threatened my life (again) and slammed me into a locker. This was just one incident on one particular day, and I reported this one because I was finally too scared to keep trying to ignore him.

He was called into a meeting with a principal and 2 guidance counselors, and our campus police officer. He explained to them that I was lying as a means to get revenge against him for dumping me [I actually dumped him, after he punched me in the face and shoved me backwards down a flight of stairs], because he wouldn't take me back [I didn't want him back], and I was just a "crazy bitch."

They all believed him and he got away with it. (And continued to get away with it for the year and a half we had left of high school).

So it was extremely easy for all these authority figures to believe that I was an irrational, overly emotional, crazy, vengeful bitch who was lying.

They refused to believe that a guy was being violent and threatening my life. Because, you know, women get emotional and irrational from breakups. But charismatic popular guys with a good story are surely telling the truth (ahem, rape culture, anyone?)

That's why feminism matters to me.

littlepep · April 2015

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

@MagicInk, I didn't want to quote your whole post because space, but THIS:

I'm SO sick of "feminism" being a dirty word. I was out for a friend's party and had this conversation:

Another girl who attended: "So you didn't change your last name?"

Me: "No"

Girl: "Why not? Oh god, you aren't one of those FEMINISTS are you?"

Me: "Well, I think men and women should be equal... So yes, I am."

Girl: "I mean, obviously I believe in equal pay and whatever, but there are certain rules you should respect. You know what I mean?"

Me: "No, please go on."

Girl: (insert sexist bullshit)

It's always, "well, of course we think things should be equal, BUT......" Please. Either you believe in full equality, or you don't. Plain and simple.

Where's my girl @katiekessler at and her man that doesn't do laundry? Oh wait....

holyguacamole79 · April 2015

ETA another Emma Watson gem

novella1186 · April 2015

Magic, I agree with you on "when" I became a feminist; it was just a totally natural thing I grew up with.

My dad's mom was brilliant; spoke multiple languages and started college at the age of 16. She was so sharp and so intelligent it was scary. All she wanted was to become a doctor, but after undergrad she had to get married and have kids and be a housewife. Cuz that was the only way to go.

My mom got a full-ride scholarship to art school and really wanted to go. She's stupidly talented. Like holy shit-level talented. But she was raised by her grandparents (she was orphaned as a baby) who were of the generation that the idea of a woman attending college was abhorrent. They made her give up her scholarship and attend secretary school until she found a husband. She did as she was told, and her first husband was an alcoholic piece of shit.

In her 40s she went to Real Estate school and is now the top-selling agent in her office (4 years in a row, or something like that) and has won multiple awards. So clearly she has some skills that are worth using.

I was raised with the sentiment that both these things (my grandma's situation and my mom's) were gross and wrong, and a total injustice.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
@MagicInk, I didn't want to quote your whole post because space, but THIS:

I'm SO sick of "feminism" being a dirty word. I was out for a friend's party and had this conversation:

Another girl who attended: "So you didn't change your last name?"
Me: "No"
Girl: "Why not? Oh god, you aren't one of those FEMINISTS are you?"
Me: "Well, I think men and women should be equal... So yes, I am."
Girl: "I mean, obviously I believe in equal pay and whatever, but there are certain rules you should respect. You know what I mean?"
Me: "No, please go on."
Girl: (insert sexist bullshit)

It's always, "well, of course we think things should be equal, BUT......" Please. Either you believe in full equality, or you don't. Plain and simple.

Where's my girl @katiekessler at and her man that doesn't do laundry? Oh wait....

I got the opposite reaction. As a feminist, some of my feminist friends couldn't believe that I was so repressed and helpless that I chose to change my name when I got married. As another PP said, to me it's about choice. I chose to change my name.

Another example, I don't think I could ever be a stay at home mom. I would go crazy. But if a woman chooses that life path, more power to her.

littlepep · April 2015

Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.

bethsmiles · April 2015

VulgarGirl · April 2015

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littlepep said:
Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.

I still get called bossy. I had someone say "Well aren't you a bossy little thing" when I was telling a new guy in the shop how to set up his station. Told him it was my shop and he could get the fuck out now.

ETA: I haven't read it but I really want to. I read an article she did where they talked about how she refused to discuss how she balances home/work cause they'd never ask a man that. And I was like "YES!!!!"

Wifey and I get asked which one of us will stay home when we have the kid. Not IF one of us will stay home. Which one. Because duh, we're both women so one of us HAS to be a SAHM.

NowIamMrsKlein · April 2015

redoryx said:
Feminism for me is supporting a woman's choices in life, even if it's not a choice I'd make for myself.
My moment: my little sister always talked about how her dream was to grow up to be little Suzy Homemaker. For years I was like WTF is wrong with you? That is your dream? Women spent decades fighting against being that. But then I realized, the difference is, she's choosing that for herself instead of not having another option, have at it.
I should add -- I don't remember when I decided I was a feminist, that moment above was when I decided what kind of feminist I wanted to be.

I have a similar moment to yours. My little sister went to school for nursing and after she graduated she found a job in the field. Two years ago due to where they lived and other factors she ended up quitting her job because she wasn't receiving enough hours. She never went back to work. I had a very hard time understanding why she would give up on her 'dream' of nursing to stay at home and keep house for her husband.

It wasn't until I sat down and thought about it that I realized that she herself made that choice. Her husband didn't force her, she had other work opportunities, but as an individual she made the choice of what she wanted to do. And just because she chose to stay at home didn't make her choice any less important than my choice to continue working.

It was realizing that I was judging another woman for a personal choice that really stuck with me. And it bothered me that I did that. That was my moment.

marie2785 · April 2015

Feminism to me is having CHOICES. I can choose to be career oriented, not change my name, not have kids, not get married, and it's considered acceptable. Or I can choose to be a stay at home mom and people are cool with that too. I can also choose a middle ground and be happy with it and not have people question my choices. My intellect is considered on par with a man, and I deserve the same respect for my intelligence and achievements as any man does, and I also deserve the same paycheck for the same work.

My FI thinks because I like to cook, love pink stuff and cats, and plan to change my name after marriage, that I am "totally not a feminist" (he's of the feminism=dirty word crowd). Our neighbor agreed. I told them to shove it. I like to cook since it's a creative outlet. I like pink because it's girly, I have a higher level position and make more money than my FI, and I like to bike 50 miles in the mud and kick guy's butts on the trail because I'm a total bad ass. Thanks to the women's rights movement I can be all those things and it's considered normal

.

novella1186 · April 2015

littlepep said:
Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.

We talked about this a lot in a leadership class I had to take for grad school. We read one article where people had to come up with adjectives of 2 different people in the same position of power; one was a woman, one was a man.

The man had words like: Assertive, intelligent, driven, strong

The woman had words like: Bitchy, controlling, pushy

charlottesmom0626 · April 2015

I realized I was a feminist when I went to an all women's college.

SO empowering, so important, loved it.

Growing up the word "feminist" was always tied to extremists and negative connotations. Once I started going to college and realized that I loved how I felt interacting with other strong, independent, smart women- I truly understood feminism and embraced the term, despite the stereotypes.

I think the first time I truly outwardly called myself a feminist was when my FMIL said to me that it's easier to tell her male coworkers she has a boyfriend than to explain she's uninterested. I basically went on a rant about how a woman doesn't need to be "taken" by another man to choose to not want to have a sexual/personal relationship with her coworkers. I told her she has her own opinions and a right to exercise them.

climbingsingle · April 2015

I've really never shared this story before. But here goes.

When I was 15, I started working at Dunkin Donuts. There was an older man in his 30s that worked in the kitchen. He was nice to me, would give me overrun donuts, and cigarettes (yes, I smoked) and would let me sit in his van on my smoke break when it was cold out.

He started hugging me while I was on shift. It at first seemed innocent. But then it made me uncomfortable. And I was too shy, scared, etc. to speak up. My parents didn't raise me with confidence, and didn't ever teach me to speak up for myself.

I started avoiding him. I switched my schedule. And then one day, he was there and he came up to me and he shoved his hands into my crotch.

I was horrified and scared. I told my boyfriend, who eventually made me tell my parents. I told the owners, and they didn't believe me. So my parents took me to the police. The owners had erased the video of this man touching me. But they did provide one video to the cops. One of this man hugging me. And you know what the cops said to me? "Well, he's hugging you and it looks like you are hugging him back. And in this frame, it looks like you are touching his buttocks."

They said to to me in front of my parents, and I wanted to die. And the frame where they said I was touching him? My hands were actually stretched out behind him, far away, because I was so uncomfortable and didn't want to touch him.

I spent about a week being ashamed for MY actions, when it finally occurred to me that what had happened was NOT my fault. And that all of these adults didn't take me seriously. And that I was a child, and this was an adult that assaulted me. So, that is what awakened me to feminism. I can't say much else, because recounting this has made me nauseous.

larrygaga · April 2015

Feminism to me means proving I am just as good as a man. That includes watching people's reactions when I talk about building computers and other electronics.

No, my father or boyfriend did not teach me that. Yes, I taught myself. Yes, I fix them and build them for people in my life, including the men.

Surprise! I'm not a cute dumb girl that likes clothes and celebrities. I'm a cute smart girl getting her master's and teaching her engineer boyfriend a thing or two about computers.

“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
― Betty White

Women who say they arent feminists remind me of the Dave chappelle skit where he's a blind black guy trying to join the KKK

VulgarGirl · April 2015

climbingwife said:
I've really never shared this story before. But here goes.

When I was 15, I started working at Dunkin Donuts. There was an older man in his 30s that worked in the kitchen. He was nice to me, would give me overrun donuts, and cigarettes (yes, I smoked) and would let me sit in his van on my smoke break when it was cold out.

He started hugging me while I was on shift. It at first seemed innocent. But then it made me uncomfortable. And I was too shy, scared, etc. to speak up. My parents didn't raise me with confidence, and didn't ever teach me to speak up for myself.

I started avoiding him. I switched my schedule. And then one day, he was there and he came up to me and he shoved his hands into my crotch.

I was horrified and scared. I told my boyfriend, who eventually made me tell my parents. I told the owners, and they didn't believe me. So my parents took me to the police. The owners had erased the video of this man touching me. But they did provide one video to the cops. One of this man hugging me. And you know what the cops said to me? "Well, he's hugging you and it looks like you are hugging him back. And in this frame, it looks like you are touching his buttocks."

They said to to me in front of my parents, and I wanted to die. And the frame where they said I was touching him? My hands were actually stretched out behind him, far away, because I was so uncomfortable and didn't want to touch him.

I spent about a week being ashamed for MY actions, when it finally occurred to me that what had happened was NOT my fault. And that all of these adults didn't take me seriously. And that I was a child, and this was an adult that assaulted me. So, that is what awakened me to feminism. I can't say much else, because recounting this has made me nauseous.

I'm so sorry that happened to you Climbing.

littlepep · April 2015

novella1186 said:

show previous quotes
littlepep said:
Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.
We talked about this a lot in a leadership class I had to take for grad school. We read one article where people had to come up with adjectives of 2 different people in the same position of power; one was a woman, one was a man.

The man had words like: Assertive, intelligent, driven, strong
The woman had words like: Bitchy, controlling, pushy

Yeah not ok. Glad they are talking about it in your class! That's awesome.

novella1186 · April 2015

"For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"

-Andy Rooney

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

@climbingwife - that story is AWFUL. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

redoryx · April 2015

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

show previous quotes
redoryx said:
Feminism for me is supporting a woman's choices in life, even if it's not a choice I'd make for myself.
My moment: my little sister always talked about how her dream was to grow up to be little Suzy Homemaker. For years I was like WTF is wrong with you? That is your dream? Women spent decades fighting against being that. But then I realized, the difference is, she's choosing that for herself instead of not having another option, have at it.
I should add -- I don't remember when I decided I was a feminist, that moment above was when I decided what kind of feminist I wanted to be.

I have a similar moment to yours. My little sister went to school for nursing and after she graduated she found a job in the field. Two years ago due to where they lived and other factors she ended up quitting her job because she wasn't receiving enough hours. She never went back to work. I had a very hard time understanding why she would give up on her 'dream' of nursing to stay at home and keep house for her husband.

It wasn't until I sat down and thought about it that I realized that she herself made that choice. Her husband didn't force her, she had other work opportunities, but as an individual she made the choice of what she wanted to do. And just because she chose to stay at home didn't make her choice any less important than my choice to continue working.

It was realizing that I was judging another woman for a personal choice that really stuck with me. And it bothered me that I did that. That was my moment.

THIS THIS THIS

Me too. It was realizing I was judging her that was my come to jesus moment

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

MagicInk said:
.
show previous quotes
littlepep said:
Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.
I still get called bossy. I had someone say "Well aren't you a bossy little thing" when I was telling a new guy in the shop how to set up his station. Told him it was my shop and he could get the fuck out now.

ETA: I haven't read it but I really want to. I read an article she did where they talked about how she refused to discuss how she balances home/work cause they'd never ask a man that. And I was like "YES!!!!"

Wifey and I get asked which one of us will stay home when we have the kid. Not IF one of us will stay home. Which one. Because duh, we're both women so one of us HAS to be a SAHM.

I'll send you my copy! Please write notes in the margins before you send it back.

TrixieJess · April 2015

Awesome thread @Magicink! For me Feminism is thoroughly ingrained. My dad was my first feminist role model. My dad used to let me practise with his boys basketball teams and went to bat when I wanted to play sports at school that didn't have a "girls" team. He also told me that pretty fades and smart lasts forever, so not to hide the fact that I was a "smart girl". He also made me take self defense and learn how to stay safe in my own environment. As well as take control of my own body and birth control from a young age. I miss him everyday and wish that he could see me get married and meet my son.

novella1186 · April 2015

TrixieJess said:
Awesome thread @Magicink! For me Feminism is thoroughly ingrained. My dad was my first feminist role model. My dad used to let me practise with his boys basketball teams and went to bat when I wanted to play sports at school that didn't have a "girls" team. He also told me that pretty fades and smart lasts forever, so not to hide the fact that I was a "smart girl". He also made me take self defense and learn how to stay safe in my own environment. As well as take control of my own body and birth control from a young age. I miss him everyday and wish that he could see me get married and meet my son.

Your dad sounds like a really amazing guy

littlepep · April 2015

MagicInk said:

show previous quotes
climbingwife said:
I've really never shared this story before. But here goes.

When I was 15, I started working at Dunkin Donuts. There was an older man in his 30s that worked in the kitchen. He was nice to me, would give me overrun donuts, and cigarettes (yes, I smoked) and would let me sit in his van on my smoke break when it was cold out.

He started hugging me while I was on shift. It at first seemed innocent. But then it made me uncomfortable. And I was too shy, scared, etc. to speak up. My parents didn't raise me with confidence, and didn't ever teach me to speak up for myself.

I started avoiding him. I switched my schedule. And then one day, he was there and he came up to me and he shoved his hands into my crotch.

I was horrified and scared. I told my boyfriend, who eventually made me tell my parents. I told the owners, and they didn't believe me. So my parents took me to the police. The owners had erased the video of this man touching me. But they did provide one video to the cops. One of this man hugging me. And you know what the cops said to me? "Well, he's hugging you and it looks like you are hugging him back. And in this frame, it looks like you are touching his buttocks."

They said to to me in front of my parents, and I wanted to die. And the frame where they said I was touching him? My hands were actually stretched out behind him, far away, because I was so uncomfortable and didn't want to touch him.

I spent about a week being ashamed for MY actions, when it finally occurred to me that what had happened was NOT my fault. And that all of these adults didn't take me seriously. And that I was a child, and this was an adult that assaulted me. So, that is what awakened me to feminism. I can't say much else, because recounting this has made me nauseous.
I'm so sorry that happened to you Climbing.

Me too.And this is what makes me frustrated. You shouldn't have to worry about being nice to someone. Like just because you are friendly with someone doesn't mean you want to be sexually assaulted. Women feel like they have to be standoffish so they don't get this kind of reaction.

I'm always overly nice. It's just who I am. But just because I say hello to you as I pass by does not mean I want to give you my number or get in your car or have sexual things yelled at me.

LadyMillil · April 2015

I am really smart. I did very well in math and science. I enjoyed these subjects, especially biology. I was the top student in my grade. At my school, when you got to gr. 7 you started to prepare for the education stream you wanted in high school. I wanted to do all advanced math and science courses and go to medical school. I was told that because I was a girl I should be a nurse not a doctor. I didn't understand why. I didn't know what feminism was until I got to university, but being told I couldn't be a doctor because I'm a woman was when I realized I was a feminist.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

climbingwife said:
But just because I say hello to you as I pass by does not mean I want to give you my number or get in your car or have sexual things yelled at me.

Oh come on, it's a compliment! You should be flattered!

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