Feminism

levioosa · April 2015

I remember being around six and hearing the insult "you throw like a girl." It really pissed me off. Why does my sex make me automatically weak? Why do gendered insults even exist? Why am I automatically assumed to be inferior because of my sex?

When I got to high school, a lot of stuff didn't jive with me, but I still shied away from the word "feminist." In fact, one of my teachers berated us one day and told us (I went to an all girl's school) that we weren't "real feminists". She told us when she was our age she was burning her bras and refusing to shave her legs. That pissed me off too. I own 60 bras and various pieces of lingerie and I'm sorry, but I'm Italian and shaving my legs is a thing that needs to happen. You know who it's all for? Me. Because I feel fucking pretty when I wear them, and that doesn't make me a "bad" feminist. Neither does liking men, or liking to make SO nice meals before he gets home from work, like my teacher insinuated.

I finally figured it out in college. My eyes were really opened to the inequality that still exists. I had friends who were raped and abused. There were double standards at work and school (and society in general). "Boys will be boys," "the woman shall serve the man," "oh sweetie, it's a good thing you're pretty," "don't worry about that, just find a good man to marry." It was sickening. There was this insidious societal belief that my sex pre-determined my place in life, and I couldn't ignore it. So I became a feminist and owned it. So fuck yeah, feminism.

novella1186 · April 2015

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:
I've really never shared this story before. But here goes.

When I was 15, I started working at Dunkin Donuts. There was an older man in his 30s that worked in the kitchen. He was nice to me, would give me overrun donuts, and cigarettes (yes, I smoked) and would let me sit in his van on my smoke break when it was cold out.

He started hugging me while I was on shift. It at first seemed innocent. But then it made me uncomfortable. And I was too shy, scared, etc. to speak up. My parents didn't raise me with confidence, and didn't ever teach me to speak up for myself.

I started avoiding him. I switched my schedule. And then one day, he was there and he came up to me and he shoved his hands into my crotch.

I was horrified and scared. I told my boyfriend, who eventually made me tell my parents. I told the owners, and they didn't believe me. So my parents took me to the police. The owners had erased the video of this man touching me. But they did provide one video to the cops. One of this man hugging me. And you know what the cops said to me? "Well, he's hugging you and it looks like you are hugging him back. And in this frame, it looks like you are touching his buttocks."

They said to to me in front of my parents, and I wanted to die. And the frame where they said I was touching him? My hands were actually stretched out behind him, far away, because I was so uncomfortable and didn't want to touch him.

I spent about a week being ashamed for MY actions, when it finally occurred to me that what had happened was NOT my fault. And that all of these adults didn't take me seriously. And that I was a child, and this was an adult that assaulted me. So, that is what awakened me to feminism. I can't say much else, because recounting this has made me nauseous.
I'm so sorry that happened to you Climbing.

Me too.And this is what makes me frustrated. You shouldn't have to worry about being nice to someone. Like just because you are friendly with someone doesn't mean you want to be sexually assaulted. Women feel like they have to be standoffish so they don't get this kind of reaction.

I'm always overly nice. It's just who I am. But just because I say hello to you as I pass by does not mean I want to give you my number or get in your car or have sexual things yelled at me.

---------------------------box---------------------------------------------------------

Yep, and when we're standoffish we're being a bitch.

If I'm nice and speak to you, it must be cuz I wanna fuck you. If you try to speak to me and I don't respond the way you want or I deny your advances, I'm just a cold-hearted bitch and a prude.

Happened every time I went out in college.

I still have "aha moments" of what's ok and what's not. I posted a thread a few months ago about a friend of a friend (Brad's best friend, actually) who got touchy-feely with me at a party and made me extremely uncomfortable. I kept trying to push him away but he was literally following me around and grabbing me.

At the time (and even afterwards) I felt like I couldn't make a scene or make too big of a deal out of it because then I would kill the mood at the party and I would be a big bitch.

Magic actually responded in that thread that this thought process is wrong and it's part of the problem; I had every right to protect myself and not want his hands all over me, and it was not ok that he made me so uncomfortable, and if I made a scene it was HIS fault, not mine, because he was the one doing something shitty.

When you posted that, Magic, I was just like ".... Holy shit." Light-bulb went on.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

VulgarGirl · April 2015

TrixieJess · April 2015

novella1186 said:

TrixieJess said:
Awesome thread @Magicink! For me Feminism is thoroughly ingrained. My dad was my first feminist role model. My dad used to let me practise with his boys basketball teams and went to bat when I wanted to play sports at school that didn't have a "girls" team. He also told me that pretty fades and smart lasts forever, so not to hide the fact that I was a "smart girl". He also made me take self defense and learn how to stay safe in my own environment. As well as take control of my own body and birth control from a young age. I miss him everyday and wish that he could see me get married and meet my son.
Your dad sounds like a really amazing guy

He was! He had a rough life but he was a lot of fun and very open. Our house was a revolving door for wayward animals and kids

VulgarGirl · April 2015

VulgarGirl · April 2015

VulgarGirl · April 2015

Cookie Pusher · April 2015

I can't remember when I wasn't a feminist. I'm from a very patriarchal culture. I mean, that's pretty much why they abort or abandon girl babies in unimaginable numbers where I'm from. My bio-dad was not too keen on having daughters, but he managed to have 3 with my mom. Which, with his extremely limited education, he blamed on her (cuz it wasn't his XY's screwing it up for him). I spent my early childhood being told I wasn't good enough because I wasn't a boy, that I wasn't worth having because I wasn't a boy.

I'm the first person in my family to graduate from high school. My father couldn't understand why I was wasting so much money to go to college, but I'd better find a husband while I was there. I'm the first and so far only person in my family to graduate from college. My father wouldn't attend my graduation because, again, what was the point since I had wasted all that money and still hadn't found a husband. Go figure, I have a job I love at a company with many women in leadership positions and I'm married to some dude I met in college.

TrixieJess · April 2015

lolo883 said:

MagicInk said:
.
Have any of yall read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? It was incredibly fascinating and slightly infuriating at the same time. It makes me very mad that people ask women how they balance work/home but not men.

She also talks about how little girls are always called bossy while little boys have leadership skills. As someone who used to be called bossy, that really hit me.
I still get called bossy. I had someone say "Well aren't you a bossy little thing" when I was telling a new guy in the shop how to set up his station. Told him it was my shop and he could get the fuck out now.

ETA: I haven't read it but I really want to. I read an article she did where they talked about how she refused to discuss how she balances home/work cause they'd never ask a man that. And I was like "YES!!!!"

Wifey and I get asked which one of us will stay home when we have the kid. Not IF one of us will stay home. Which one. Because duh, we're both women so one of us HAS to be a SAHM.

I'll send you my copy! Please write notes in the margins before you send it back.

RIDICULOUS! It is super hard to stay home with a child. I took 7 months of the Mat/Pat leave and FI took the other 5. He loved it. He's the SAHD. I get a lot of questions about that. The truth of the matter is, if he went back to his job, that would be paying for daycare for our son, if we could find daycare in our area. He decided that it would be better if he stayed home and did the occasional side job. He takes care of the house and meals, I do the shopping and laundry. You do what works for your family and your finances. Gender Roles be damned!

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

@CookiePusher made me think of this one.

"Aren't you hoping for a boy?"

"It's always better to have a boy first so he can protect a girl if you have one."

"If you have a girl, you better get a lock on your basement door."

"Boys are so much easier. They aren't as needy or high-maintenance."

And so on..... Really? REALLY? And comments like this are exactly why we won't be telling people what we're having, if we even find out ourselves.

flutteringinfl · April 2015

I see little anti-woman things pretty much everywhere I go, and speaking out on it always gets me accused of being a "feminazi." I'm "overreacting." I've "never had to deal with real problems. I once posted on Reddit about getting called "princess" by a male colleague, and the vitrol that came of it was way worse than the act itself. People created accounts just to private message me about how I'm the reason people don't hire more women. Me. I'm the problem. Because I have a problem with being called "princess." Don't I want to be a princess? Princesses are awesome, right?

I have a coworker who when I started at this job was engaged to a guy who worked in another department. A couple months later he dumped her. We still see him around campus, and now it looks like my coworker's department is going to be moved to his location. She'll see him every day. But she's a professional and I have every confidence that she'll act as such. But our boss's boss still launched a mini-investigation to make sure my coworker would be "okay." Not "okay" in the sense that I would ask if she's okay. "Okay" in the sense that, "Is she going to make a scene because she can't handle her emotions around this guy?" I guarantee you no one is wondering if he'll be okay. Because he's a dude, and everyone knows that women are hysterical and men are stoic professionals.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:
I see little anti-woman things pretty much everywhere I go, and speaking out on it always gets me accused of being a "feminazi." I'm "overreacting." I've "never had to deal with real problems. I once posted on Reddit about getting called "princess" by a male colleague, and the vitrol that came of it was way worse than the act itself. People created accounts just to private message me about how I'm the reason people don't hire more women. Me. I'm the problem. Because I have a problem with being called "princess." Don't I want to be a princess? Princesses are awesome, right?

I have a coworker who when I started at this job was engaged to a guy who worked in another department. A couple months later he dumped her. We still see him around campus, and now it looks like my coworker's department is going to be moved to his location. She'll see him every day. But she's a professional and I have every confidence that she'll act as such. But our boss's boss still launched a mini-investigation to make sure my coworker would be "okay." Not "okay" in the sense that I would ask if she's okay. "Okay" in the sense that, "Is she going to make a scene because she can't handle her emotions around this guy?" I guarantee you no one is wondering if he'll be okay. Because he's a dude, and everyone knows that women are hysterical and men are stoic professionals.

We get very hystrical. All the time. Just oh so hysterical.

You should see my house. Just crying and screaming and gushing periods 24/7. It's a mess.

jenna8984 · April 2015

My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.

He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."

When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!

flutteringinfl · April 2015

MagicInk said:

flutteringinfl said:
I see little anti-woman things pretty much everywhere I go, and speaking out on it always gets me accused of being a "feminazi." I'm "overreacting." I've "never had to deal with real problems. I once posted on Reddit about getting called "princess" by a male colleague, and the vitrol that came of it was way worse than the act itself. People created accounts just to private message me about how I'm the reason people don't hire more women. Me. I'm the problem. Because I have a problem with being called "princess." Don't I want to be a princess? Princesses are awesome, right?

I have a coworker who when I started at this job was engaged to a guy who worked in another department. A couple months later he dumped her. We still see him around campus, and now it looks like my coworker's department is going to be moved to his location. She'll see him every day. But she's a professional and I have every confidence that she'll act as such. But our boss's boss still launched a mini-investigation to make sure my coworker would be "okay." Not "okay" in the sense that I would ask if she's okay. "Okay" in the sense that, "Is she going to make a scene because she can't handle her emotions around this guy?" I guarantee you no one is wondering if he'll be okay. Because he's a dude, and everyone knows that women are hysterical and men are stoic professionals.
We get very hystrical. All the time. Just oh so hysterical.

You should see my house. Just crying and screaming and gushing periods 24/7. It's a mess.

Yep. And I should add that my coworker has never caused a scene before, so there's no reason for anyone to suspect she will besides the fact that she's a woman, and therefore she can't handle her emotions around a man she used to bang. She already sees him a few times a week, and so far has managed not to throw a tantrum, but apparently working in the same building as him will just trigger something that will turn her into a demonic she-beast.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:
I see little anti-woman things pretty much everywhere I go, and speaking out on it always gets me accused of being a "feminazi." I'm "overreacting." I've "never had to deal with real problems. I once posted on Reddit about getting called "princess" by a male colleague, and the vitrol that came of it was way worse than the act itself. People created accounts just to private message me about how I'm the reason people don't hire more women. Me. I'm the problem. Because I have a problem with being called "princess." Don't I want to be a princess? Princesses are awesome, right?

I have a coworker who when I started at this job was engaged to a guy who worked in another department. A couple months later he dumped her. We still see him around campus, and now it looks like my coworker's department is going to be moved to his location. She'll see him every day. But she's a professional and I have every confidence that she'll act as such. But our boss's boss still launched a mini-investigation to make sure my coworker would be "okay." Not "okay" in the sense that I would ask if she's okay. "Okay" in the sense that, "Is she going to make a scene because she can't handle her emotions around this guy?" I guarantee you no one is wondering if he'll be okay. Because he's a dude, and everyone knows that women are hysterical and men are stoic professionals.
We get very hystrical. All the time. Just oh so hysterical.

You should see my house. Just crying and screaming and gushing periods 24/7. It's a mess.
Yep. And I should add that my coworker has never caused a scene before, so there's no reason for anyone to suspect she will besides the fact that she's a woman, and therefore she can't handle her emotions around a man she used to bang. She already sees him a few times a week, and so far has managed not to throw a tantrum, but apparently working in the same building as him will just trigger something that will turn her into a demonic she-beast.

If she was any kind sort of respectable woman, she wouldn't bang anyone before marriage anyway. No wonder he got rid of her. How could an unwed man respect an unwed woman he's boning?

flutteringinfl · April 2015

jenna8984 said:
My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.
He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."
When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!

A few weeks ago I got catcalled while in the grocery store parking lot (is nowhere sacred), and I gave the guy the finger. I told my coworker (same one from the story above) about it and she was horrified, because he could have retaliated for my reaction. So, what, I'm just supposed to ignore it or be okay with it because he might hurt me? Attitudes aren't going to change if we ignore the issues or pretend to be cool with it.

amelisha · April 2015

I'm absolutely a feminist. I learned exactly how important to me that was once I hit the Internet and started reading, and I learned a lot more about it in university when I took a bunch of cultural studies classes for my language degree. It matters and it is so important.

FI doesn't really understand, to be honest. Like, he's a smart man and he 100% believes that women are equal to men and should be treated as such, but sometimes he laughs when I'm full of "feminist rage" (I quote) thanks to something I read on Jezebel or The Hairpin or The Toast or whatever...because it's never affected his life he thinks inequality isn't a problem anymore. To be fair, he's the same about racism etc...just doesn't really think about it or get worked up about it like me. He's very apolitical, which is probably a good balance for someone like me, who can really get worked up about this stuff if you let me.

I explained the whole controversy with the catcalling and the #yesallwomen and his takeaway was pretty much that "Oh, I'm sorry that women feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't mind if someone called me sexy on the street." I was like hey, see that point I made flying 40,000 ft above you? But he tries. And he's getting better, so I persevere.

Currently, my feminist rage is directed at all the jerks who treat my boss (the CEO of an organization governing 10,000 members, who is one of the most capable people I've ever met) like she's a useless little figurehead who doesn't deserve her job. It's infuriating, and it's so unfair to me that her relative youth and gender are all it takes for people to not pay attention to how freaking brilliant the woman is. It's unbelievable.

TrixieJess · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
@CookiePusher made me think of this one.

"Aren't you hoping for a boy?"
"It's always better to have a boy first so he can protect a girl if you have one."
"If you have a girl, you better get a lock on your basement door."
"Boys are so much easier. They aren't as needy or high-maintenance."

And so on..... Really? REALLY? And comments like this are exactly why we won't be telling people what we're having, if we even find out ourselves.

Some of the little girls that my son is growing up with now are little forces to be reckoned with! I love it. And the bolded is BS, I grew up around all boys. They have just as much drama as girls, they just deal with it differently, usually by throwing a punch first.

flutteringinfl · April 2015

Oh! Oh! I just remembered the moment when I realized I was a feminist. It was in high school. I went with some friends to see Margaret Atwood at the local university. I had just read The Handmaid's Tale over the summer and loved it. At the talk, someone asked something to do with her being a feminist writer. I can't remember the exact question, but it prompted her to ask the audience, "Raise your hand if you think women should have the right to vote." Of course everyone raised their hands. She said, "Congratulations. You're all feminists."

And I thought to myself, "That's it? That's all it is? I had no idea!" And that's how Margaret Atwood personally made me aware I was a feminist.

flutteringinfl · April 2015

I really love this thread.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:

jenna8984 said:
My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.
He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."
When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!
A few weeks ago I got catcalled while in the grocery store parking lot (is nowhere sacred), and I gave the guy the finger. I told my coworker (same one from the story above) about it and she was horrified, because he could have retaliated for my reaction. So, what, I'm just supposed to ignore it or be okay with it because he might hurt me? Attitudes aren't going to change if we ignore the issues or pretend to be cool with it.

One day I was walking back to my shop from getting a soda and a guy thought it was ok to tell me he wanted to have sexual relations with me. But ya know, in slightly more vulgar terms.

So I told him I would not like to have sexual relations with him and would prefer to continue on my journey without receiving propositions from strange men on the street. But in more vulgar terms. At which point he called me a cunt.

I got back to the shop and retold this story to my friend and her friend she had brought with her. At which point her friend goes "Well...you are out dressed like that...you must want attention". And she got a nice lecture on feminism to which she responded "Well it's still dangerous, you shouldn't dress like that or engage with men on the street".

I wear heels bigger than their dicks and carry pepper spray. They should be scared of me.

redoryx · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:
Oh! Oh! I just remembered the moment when I realized I was a feminist. It was in high school. I went with some friends to see Margaret Atwood at the local university. I had just read The Handmaid's Tale over the summer and loved it. At the talk, someone asked something to do with her being a feminist writer. I can't remember the exact question, but it prompted her to ask the audience, "Raise your hand if you think women should have the right to vote." Of course everyone raised their hands. She said, "Congratulations. You're all feminists."

And I thought to myself, "That's it? That's all it is? I had no idea!" And that's how Margaret Atwood personally made me aware I was a feminist.

She's my favorite. I got my copy of Handmaid's Tale signed a couple years ago. I win at life.

princessgracekelly · April 2015

What is a feminism gif thread without Lisa Simpson?

The community I grew up in was very "Jesus is the man you serve in your life until you find a husband." My favorite feminist "aha!" moment was a couple of years ago when my younger brother came up to me and said, "You wanna hear a joke? Women's rights." I just stared at him like this:

It seemed like the wheels weren't turning in his head, so I said, "You know I'm a woman, right?"

And he just:

Yes, lil bro, the women in your life are people with thoughts and feelings. And the thing is, I wasn't even so much mad at the nature of the joke, though it is infuriating, as I was mad at the fact that five years earlier, a male high school friend of mine told me the same damn joke and I had the same damn reaction. So not only was my brother's joke lame, it was recycled lame.

amelisha · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:
Oh! Oh! I just remembered the moment when I realized I was a feminist. It was in high school. I went with some friends to see Margaret Atwood at the local university. I had just read The Handmaid's Tale over the summer and loved it. At the talk, someone asked something to do with her being a feminist writer. I can't remember the exact question, but it prompted her to ask the audience, "Raise your hand if you think women should have the right to vote." Of course everyone raised their hands. She said, "Congratulations. You're all feminists."

And I thought to myself, "That's it? That's all it is? I had no idea!" And that's how Margaret Atwood personally made me aware I was a feminist.

I LOVE MARGARET ATWOOD. I am dying for a good film version (not that awful one...) of The Handmaid's Tale and Oryx & Crake etc. to be made. I keep hoping thanks to the dystopian trend that someone will do it.

flutteringinfl · April 2015

MagicInk said:

flutteringinfl said:

jenna8984 said:
My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.
He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."
When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!
A few weeks ago I got catcalled while in the grocery store parking lot (is nowhere sacred), and I gave the guy the finger. I told my coworker (same one from the story above) about it and she was horrified, because he could have retaliated for my reaction. So, what, I'm just supposed to ignore it or be okay with it because he might hurt me? Attitudes aren't going to change if we ignore the issues or pretend to be cool with it.
One day I was walking back to my shop from getting a soda and a guy thought it was ok to tell me he wanted to have sexual relations with me. But ya know, in slightly more vulgar terms.

So I told him I would not like to have sexual relations with him and would prefer to continue on my journey without receiving propositions from strange men on the street. But in more vulgar terms. At which point he called me a cunt.

I got back to the shop and retold this story to my friend and her friend she had brought with her. At which point her friend goes "Well...you are out dressed like that...you must want attention". And she got a nice lecture on feminism to which she responded "Well it's still dangerous, you shouldn't dress like that or engage with men on the street".

I wear heels bigger than their dicks and carry pepper spray. They should be scared of me.

If someone literally said, "I'd like to have sexual relations with you," I mean, I wouldn't say yes, but I might react differently than, "Ey, baby, take it off!" or whatever. Not necessarily more favorably, but definitely differently.

When I told FI about it, his first reaction was, "Nice!" That didn't get a good response from me, but I explained why it was an issue, and good for him, he saw my point and agreed. But that didn't stop him from saying to me several times that day, "Baby, you look good enough to catcall!" I decided to just roll my eyes at that.

VulgarGirl · April 2015

amelisha said:
I explained the whole controversy with the catcalling and the #yesallwomen and his takeaway was pretty much that "Oh, I'm sorry that women feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't mind if someone called me sexy on the street." I was like hey, see that point I made flying 40,000 ft above you? But he tries. And he's getting better, so I persevere.

Of course he wouldn't mind. Because he doesn't have to fear physical violence. He hasn't spent every waking hour of his life thus far being told to fear half the population.

Ask if a gay man, a large gay man at that, a power top, yelled "Oh boy yes, shake that ass. Mmm...daddy like! Yeah, you want daddy to tear that ass up don't you! Oh, are you a naughty boy? Does daddy need to punish you?", if he'd think that was a compliment, or if he'd be scared/disgusted/upset.

Yes, real words really yelled at me by some guy twice my size. Just replace boy with girl.

badbnagdway · April 2015

Not a gif, but I think this commercial is haunting, especially for a shampoo commercial.

I don't remember not being a feminist. But I also grew up in a more progressive part of the country and my mom is a pretty cool lady. The saddest thing in the world to me is when I see the "I don't need feminism... because some bullshit that clearly shows I do not know what feminism is."

VulgarGirl · April 2015

flutteringinfl said:

MagicInk said:

flutteringinfl said:

jenna8984 said:
My father always taught me to stand up for myself. And not by fist fighting or anything crazy but with my words. One time when I was about 20 years old, driving home at midnight because I'd just finished a shift at the restaurant, I'm driving along nice and slow. This car comes rushing up my ass and as I slow down to a practical roll to pull into my driveway, he slams on his breaks and skids to the side. He continues to pull into my driveway behind me (remember it's midnight) and he instantly gets out and starts screaming at me that I almost caused an accident, and it was my fault that he almost hit me, and he should call the cops on me for my crazy driving.
He had an Indian accent and I could tell right off the bat that he expected me to cower and apologize. He was in for quite the shock when I yelled back "You're the psycho who was driving too fast, following too closely, not paying attention, and almost hit me. So please do call the cops because I'd love them to remove you from my property immedately, you fucking asshole." He was like uuh, uuh you can't speak to me like that little girl. I was like "HAA I just fucking did- so get off my property before I go inside and get my father and his shotgun."
When I told my girlfriends about it, they were all horrified. They all said I was too harsh, and abrasive, and a bitch, and they'd never speak to a stranger like that, and what if he attacked me. It made me so mad- like really- you would have just apologized and been nice to this douchecanoe because he's a man and you're "afraid" of what he might do to you?? That's not ok!
A few weeks ago I got catcalled while in the grocery store parking lot (is nowhere sacred), and I gave the guy the finger. I told my coworker (same one from the story above) about it and she was horrified, because he could have retaliated for my reaction. So, what, I'm just supposed to ignore it or be okay with it because he might hurt me? Attitudes aren't going to change if we ignore the issues or pretend to be cool with it.
One day I was walking back to my shop from getting a soda and a guy thought it was ok to tell me he wanted to have sexual relations with me. But ya know, in slightly more vulgar terms.

So I told him I would not like to have sexual relations with him and would prefer to continue on my journey without receiving propositions from strange men on the street. But in more vulgar terms. At which point he called me a cunt.

I got back to the shop and retold this story to my friend and her friend she had brought with her. At which point her friend goes "Well...you are out dressed like that...you must want attention". And she got a nice lecture on feminism to which she responded "Well it's still dangerous, you shouldn't dress like that or engage with men on the street".

I wear heels bigger than their dicks and carry pepper spray. They should be scared of me.
If someone literally said, "I'd like to have sexual relations with you," I mean, I wouldn't say yes, but I might react differently than, "Ey, baby, take it off!" or whatever. Not necessarily more favorably, but definitely differently.

When I told FI about it, his first reaction was, "Nice!" That didn't get a good response from me, but I explained why it was an issue, and good for him, he saw my point and agreed. But that didn't stop him from saying to me several times that day, "Baby, you look good enough to catcall!" I decided to just roll my eyes at that.

Yeah if someone actually said "Excuse me! I would like to have sexual relations with you!" I'd probably just go "Oh, no thank you, have a nice day". And laugh. Cause that's kind of funny.

amelisha · April 2015

MagicInk said:

amelisha said:
I explained the whole controversy with the catcalling and the #yesallwomen and his takeaway was pretty much that "Oh, I'm sorry that women feel uncomfortable, but I wouldn't mind if someone called me sexy on the street." I was like hey, see that point I made flying 40,000 ft above you? But he tries. And he's getting better, so I persevere.
Of course he wouldn't mind. Because he doesn't have to fear physical violence. He hasn't spent every waking hour of his life thus far being told to fear half the population.

Ask if a gay man, a large gay man at that, a power top, yelled "Oh boy yes, shake that ass. Mmm...daddy like! Yeah, you want daddy to tear that ass up don't you! Oh, are you a naughty boy? Does daddy need to punish you?", if he'd think that was a compliment, or if he'd be scared/disgusted/upset.

Yes, real words really yelled at me by some guy twice my size. Just replace boy with girl.

Oh, you don't have to tell me. And, in fact, he HAS had that experience more than once thanks to many nights out with me and my friends at the gay bar and to Pride events and he was pretty twink-y looking in his youth. But he doesn't really make the connection to it being a problem with our culture rather than an individual issue.

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