Long time lurker, didn’t know where else to ask a question…
I don’t want mean comments about anyone’s behavior, just want to know if I’m
crazy for feeling the way I do. Non-wedding talk, will try to make it short as
possible but it’s long!<?xml:namespace prefix = "o" ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
5 people involved: Me, BF, BF’s bestie (house-owner), BF’s
bestie’s GF (house-resider), my bestie
For BF’s big blowout birthday party, BF’s bestie offered up
his house/land for us to have a LOT of people out, plus lots of room for outdoor
games. Even though we got other offers for where we could have the party, we
went with that because they are such good friends. (This was about 6 weeks
ago.)
Flashback, 4 weeks ago Saturday – we meet BF’s bestie’s new
GF. We were not introduced, and I didn’t know her name until they were official
on Facebook this past Wednesday. Since we were not introduced, we assumed this
was his “flavor of the day” (to put nicely,) so it was a surprise to everyone
in our group of friends when she moved in with him 2 days later.
Not trying to brag, but BF and I really did bust our booties
to make sure everything would go great on the day of. We went to set up
everything at 10 AM for the party at 6 PM, I cooked mac and cheese, mashed
potatoes, stuffed jalapenos, cookies, and watermelon, and my mom brought beans,
chips, dips, and brownies. Bestie brought cheesecake (his birthday cake.)
(Bestie was large part in party-planning.) (The meat was brought by the men –
crawfish, gator, brisket, and ribs.)
The morning of, as we were prepping, house-owner was a
totally @$$hole to me! Very few people get along with him, but I always
tolerated him for the fact that he is BF’s bestfriend… He spoke condescendingly
to me, acted like I was a child, and when I was explaining something to him
about our margarita machine rental, in front of the rental people, he said, “I
don’t even understand what you’re saying, but I don’t care.”
When I was preparing food in the house, I accidentally
called his GF by the wrong name (I mixed up 2 letters in her name, wasn’t an ex’s
name or anything.) House-owner corrected me nicely, and asked her the question
I had asked him, and she obviously had heard me get her name wrong and rudely
answered the question. I let it go.
After food, drinks, and some games, I was finally having fun
not worrying about the food and set up. I met with BF, who admitted he had
never eaten anything through the whole evening because he was too busy. I took
him in the house to make him a plate, where some people were hanging out. I
made him a plate of mac and cheese and mashed potatoes while I heated up
brisket, and the house-owner’s GF said, “I would put some salt and pepper on
the mac and cheese and mashed potatoes if I were you, they aren’t very good and
I didn’t like them.” (This, I clearly heard – she was standing next to me.)
I said, “That is kind of insulting… You don’t know who made
those, and it was me, and I’m standing right here.”
She said, “Well, I meant that I LIKED them, but…”
I have no idea what she tried to back track and say, because
smoke was already pouring from my ears. If you don’t like someone’s food – DON’T
EAT IT. I told BF I was going to step outside and would be back, I had said all
that needed to be said, and didn’t want it to escalate any more.
I stepped outside, spoke to bestie about what happened, and
she told me that earlier in the night, she had a conversation with house-owner’s
GF, in which she thanked house-owner’s GF for letting us throw the party at
their house, and she replied with an eye roll, “Well, it wasn’t really my idea…”
When that conversation was relayed to me, I no longer felt
welcome at their home, even though it was a party I was hosting. But because I
did not hear her say that, I was not mad at her, only upset that I felt that
our party wasn’t wanted at their place. I only wished that we had been told
sooner.
As I was walking back to the house, BF walked out and said
some choice words about the GF who offended me (and he is NEVER one to bash on
a friend, but he completely was, like I had never heard him.) When I relayed
what I had heard, he said that we would pack up our stuff and leave (it was
after midnight at this point, and many other people had left, so no scene had
to be made.)
As I was getting our cooler from the shop, house-owner walks
in and asks me if everything is okay, and I said “Not really” as I was walking
out the door. He relayed the message into the kitchen (where bestie was standing)
that I was throwing things around the shop, huffing and puffing, rolling my
eyes at him, etc. I would be honest if I did any of these things, but I really
was trying to leave without causing a scene, and I was already walking out the door
as he was walking in and asked me the question.
When that was relayed back to me and BF, his exact words
were, “We will go settle this right now.” (Uh oh… didn’t know what that meant.)
He called house owner out of the house, so it was just us 3,
and asked what the deal was and what was going on. I am paraphrasing the
conversation, although the sentences were said… I know I’m forgetting part of
the conversation. House owner: ‘What are you talking about? Is there something
going on?’ *Me and BF stare* House owner: ‘Ohhhh, yeah, [house-owner’s GF] said
you got upset that she said your food wasn’t that good, but she said she was
sorry and felt bad.’ Me: ‘Not really an apology if she doesn’t say it to me.’
House owner: ‘Well, you shouldn’t get mad about that.’ Me: ‘I’m not mad about
that, I have heard that she wasn’t cool with us having this party out here.’ HO:
‘Well, this is MY house, and she doesn’t have a say.’ Me: ‘I understand that,
but you have to realize how uncomfortable that makes us feel out here.’ HO: ‘Well,
who told you that she said that?’ Me: ‘That doesn’t matter, I’m not mad that she
said it, I’m saying if there was a problem, it should have been made clear to
us before the party.’ HO: ‘Well, if you won’t tell who told you, that how do I
know that it’s true?’ Me: ‘So you’re saying I made it up?’ HO: ‘I’ll get [HO
GF] up here right now and we will talk about this like adults.’ Me: ‘Sure, call
her up here!’
(At some point in this conversation, he also said, “[HO GF]
doesn’t know how to talk to drunk people… I had 4 8oz margaritas from 2 PM-12
AM, so no, I would not say I was drunk… At all… Or even had a buzz… Because I
was the DD for BF)
He calls her from the campfire, where she is sitting and
drinking from the margarita machine I paid for…
HO: ‘Did you say something to someone that you weren’t cool
with the party being here?’
[This is the part during a rap song when it’s edited and all
you hear are “bleep”s… Calling me vicious names, yelling at all 3 of us, “talking
it out like an adult”]
BF finally steps in and tells her to calm down, I can’t get
a sentence out, finally her BF shoves her into the house, accusing me of
upsetting her (at this point, no one has yelled except for house-owner and his
GF… at each other.) I said that I couldn’t explain because she wouldn’t let me
get a word in, and she rips the door back open to yell at me, “Then finish what
you were ******* saying!”
I raised my voice to say, “No, you walked away and finished
this!”
House-owner said that they were going to bed, but I said I
was going to get my stuff out of the kitchen and we would leave. My girlfriends
helped me clean the kitchen and take my stuff to the car, all the while we can
hear the 2 of them screaming at each other in the back bedroom, and finally
house-owner’s sister comes out and asked me what happened (I have been friends
with her for about 10-15 years). I was completely calm and explained what
happened, and she also said that the GF was sorry that she insulted my food.
She then explained that she is only 19 (???) and has had a rough life, been
kicked out of her parents’ house and already been to jail, that that’s just the
way she is, very blunt, etc. I said I was only upset about the food comment,
but after HO and his GF had treated me throughout the day already, we truly
didn’t feel comfortable being there and we were ready to leave. We left soon
after…
By the time I got home, HO had posted a Facebook status… “All
that was said were your mashed potatoes and mac and cheese were bland, no need
to tell lies and cause drama!”
I ignored it, the next morning I posted a thank you to
everyone who helped out (including him for letting us use his place.) He
commented that everything was great until the drama at the end of the night, it
would be nice if adults would just be adults and talk their problems out
(Remember the night before when we called her up to talk to us and she started
screaming and cussing? Yeah…)
He sent me a long message on facebook that said my drama was
completely uncalled for, it was dumb to get upset that she didn’t like my food,
and that I shouldn’t have made up a lie to start drama and say she didn’t want
us there. Also shouldn’t have caused a rift between BF and HO.
At this point, I truly believe it is a man vs. woman thing.
I don’t think a man will ever understand what it is to have her food insulted
by another woman. I could defend myself to him all day (as a woman,) and he will
defend her (as a man.) Am I crazy for getting upset about these things? Should
I feel bad? BF acts like they will get over it, they are guys, but he has
publicly called me out on FB twice now (without tagging me, but of course
everyone knows it is me.) Is it a southern woman thing to be upset that her cooking was insulted?
Maybe it is a cultural difference: BF and I are Caucasian,
HO and his GF are Mexican. Also, both guys are 29, I am 24, she is 19… I have
heard that her age just makes her immature, but I’m just trying to not be crazy
myself…