Did you/Will you have any rituals?

madamerwin · April 2015

FeeleyToBe said:
We are going to have readings but we timed the ones we like to make sure that it's only about 5 minutes total for both. I loath unity candles / sand ceremonies so none of that. Instead we decided to sign our marriage license at the wedding; our parents will be our witnesses- way to include them and for them to "show" people they support our choice.

ETF: stuff

I was just thinking about this! I have not seen it done, but now I am wondering why more people don't sign the marriage license during the ceremony. I don't want to do a sand/candle/wine type thing, but I like the idea of signing in front of everyone!

In terms of rituals, we will be asking all of our guests to take a vow of sorts - officiant (my dad) will say something about how we are not just individuals, but part of a community. And then he will ask everyone to affirm that, as part of our community, they support us going into our marriage. (Something like "Do you all, as part of this couple's community, promise to support them as they enter into this marriage?" or something more eloquent, I will let my dad figure out how to word it.)

I am also thinking about a ring warming ceremony, but we will have over 100 guests and we want to keep the ceremony mercifully short (under 10 minutes). So not sure if we can make that work.

minttobemrsb · April 2015

I asked a similar question last week.

We aren't doing any extra unity rituals. We didn't really feel the need for it. Our ceremony will last about 10 minutes. Entrances, short opening words from our chaplain, exchanging vows, blessing, and exit. Tada!

To each their own.

jenna8984 · April 2015

We did not, it was about 5 minutes including one reading.
@tfmrserwin where I'm from the marriage license application has to be signed by the couple at least three days before the wedding. Then only the officiant signs and returns the official license saying they completed the ceremony. Not even "witness" signatures needed.

littlepep · April 2015

MagicInk said:

ashley8918 said:

littlemushroom said:
We did a sand ceremony and a reading. From start to finish our ceremony was still short, but not too short. My friend's ceremony was less than 5 minutes and that was too short in pretty much everyone's minds, including the bride and groom.

DH and I love the vase from our sand ceremony. We chose the sand because it would be a pretty memento of the day that we could have displayed in our room. We also chose the sand because we we could choose colors that represented values we wanted in our marriage, like patience and trust. The deeper meaning behind it makes it extra special to us.

Other than photos, the unity sand will likely be the only memento we keep from our wedding day.
Who would complain about a "too short" ceremony? This is so bizarre to me. Like, oh, you get to get he fuck up out of there and celebrate sooner? THE HORROR.
Yeah I'm lost too. I've never been at a wedding ceremony and thought "God I hope this goes on for a longer amount of time!"

The quicker I get to dancing the better.

sophhabobopha · April 2015

Nawww. I want it as short as possible.

I'll be going,"MAN AND WIFE. MAN AND WIFE."

larrygaga · April 2015

We are doing a lovelock thing. Basically, we are going to lock an antique lock on the fence behind the ceremony. there is a fence there because it overlooks a cliff into a river. FI is going to throw the keys down into the river. It shouldn't take more than a minute!!!!

Like the thing they do in france.

FiancB · April 2015

We had some nautical rope that we tied a knot with. Our ceremony was pretty short- officiant welcomed everybody and quoted a couple things, we each read a surprise letter/vows to each other, we tied the knot, and we were married.

It was totally something I jacked off of pinterest but at the time I was planning a wedding right next to the beach where I grew up and it fit. When we changed our minds we still liked it so we went with it and other beach-theme-ish things.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

Kinda but not really? We did do the "hand blessing ceremony" but it was really just standing there holding hands while the preacher read something. H's godmother did a reading as well. Whole thing was 15-20 minutes start to finish which I thought was perfect.

blabla89 · April 2015

We're not having any of the unity things. I really wanted to do communion but FI made it clear that he wasn't interested.

Casadena · April 2015

I personally (and mean no offense) think that the sand/candle/wine/painting(i really saw this at a wedding once) is really silly. Kind of like a theme - isn't wedding and vows enough?

pinkcow13 · April 2015

MagicInk said:
We had two readings and a unity cocktail.

I like the idea of doing a shot during the wedding ceremony. Which is what we did.

Wow knotting on mobile really sucks. I really love this. I actually told FI I would love to do a tequila shot during the Ceremony. We are actually planning on doing a shot after the ceremony with our bridal party.

As long as the ritual doesn't take long, I wouldn't mind doing it.

Blergbot · April 2015

I wasn't feeling any rituals. Totally NMS. But my mother did read a poem. She is an English professor, and I asked her to pick one and read it for us. It was a total surprise. It was the one part of the ceremony where I actively cried. So beautiful. Here is the poem:

A Blessing for a Wedding

By Jane Hirschfeld

Today when persimmons ripen
Today when fox-kits come out of their den into snow
Today when the spotted egg releases its wren song
Today when the maple sets down its red leaves
Today when windows keep their promise to open
Today when fire keeps its promise to warm
Today when someone you love has died
or someone you never met has died
Today when someone you love has been born
or someone you will not meet has been born
Today when rain leaps to the waiting of roots in their dryness
Today when starlight bends to the roofs of the hungry and tired
Today when someone sits long inside his last sorrow
Today when someone steps into the heat of her first embrace
Today, let this light bless you
With these friends let it bless you
With snow-scent and lavender bless you
Let the vow of this day keep itself wildly and wholly
Spoken and silent, surprise you inside your ears
Sleeping and waking, unfold itself inside your eyes
Let its fierceness and tenderness hold you
Let its vastness be undisguised in all your days

Blergbot · April 2015

Blergbot said:
I wasn't feeling any rituals. Totally NMS. But my mother did read a poem. She is an English professor, and I asked her to pick one and read it for us. It was a total surprise. It was the one part of the ceremony where I actively cried. So beautiful. Here is the poem:

A Blessing for a Wedding
By Jane Hirschfeld

Today when persimmons ripen
Today when fox-kits come out of their den into snow
Today when the spotted egg releases its wren song
Today when the maple sets down its red leaves
Today when windows keep their promise to open
Today when fire keeps its promise to warm
Today when someone you love has died
or someone you never met has died
Today when someone you love has been born
or someone you will not meet has been born
Today when rain leaps to the waiting of roots in their dryness
Today when starlight bends to the roofs of the hungry and tired
Today when someone sits long inside his last sorrow
Today when someone steps into the heat of her first embrace
Today, let this light bless you
With these friends let it bless you
With snow-scent and lavender bless you
Let the vow of this day keep itself wildly and wholly
Spoken and silent, surprise you inside your ears
Sleeping and waking, unfold itself inside your eyes
Let its fierceness and tenderness hold you
Let its vastness be undisguised in all your days

Crying all over again.

holyguacamole79 · April 2015

sarawifenow said:
We did the sand ceremony and I loved it. We found a frame that had a hollow back to put the sand in and we put an engagement photo in it. I loved that thing...that is until my demon cat knocked it off of the mantle and shattered it. Do I get a do over?

After my brother's wedding, his BIL put the vase with the sand in the back of his truck (not thinking, obviously). Needless to say, there was sand all over the back of his truck. Ooops.

pinkcow13 · April 2015

Blergbot said:

Blergbot said:
I wasn't feeling any rituals. Totally NMS. But my mother did read a poem. She is an English professor, and I asked her to pick one and read it for us. It was a total surprise. It was the one part of the ceremony where I actively cried. So beautiful. Here is the poem:

A Blessing for a Wedding
By Jane Hirschfeld

Today when persimmons ripen
Today when fox-kits come out of their den into snow
Today when the spotted egg releases its wren song
Today when the maple sets down its red leaves
Today when windows keep their promise to open
Today when fire keeps its promise to warm
Today when someone you love has died
or someone you never met has died
Today when someone you love has been born
or someone you will not meet has been born
Today when rain leaps to the waiting of roots in their dryness
Today when starlight bends to the roofs of the hungry and tired
Today when someone sits long inside his last sorrow
Today when someone steps into the heat of her first embrace
Today, let this light bless you
With these friends let it bless you
With snow-scent and lavender bless you
Let the vow of this day keep itself wildly and wholly
Spoken and silent, surprise you inside your ears
Sleeping and waking, unfold itself inside your eyes
Let its fierceness and tenderness hold you
Let its vastness be undisguised in all your days

Crying all over again.

Wow, that's really beautiful! And really meaningful, too.

cupcait927 · April 2015

Casadena said:
I personally (and mean no offense) think that the sand/candle/wine/painting(i really saw this at a wedding once) is really silly. Kind of like a theme - isn't wedding and vows enough?

Oh I think most of the unity things are silly as well. We mainly did the wine ceremony because a) I got to drink during the ceremony and b) it was a way to honor our mothers. My dad walked me down the aisle, H's dad brought our rings up, and our sisters were our witnesses for our marriage license so this was a way to include our moms. They came up and each poured our wine into our glasses before H and I then combined the two into one glass. If we hadn't wanted to include our moms in some way, we probably wouldn't even have done one. One of our favorite pictures from the whole day is H and MIL hugging during the wine ceremony.

emmaaa · April 2015

Our cermony was less than 15 minutes, walking in and all. I had originally wanted to do the unity candles but kind of forgot until a few weeks before and decided we didn't need it.

My mom complained that it was too short and she didn't have time to cry.

I'm very glad it was short and so were my BM's standing in heels and guests that wanted to get a beer.

littlemushroom · April 2015

ashley8918 said:

littlemushroom said:
We did a sand ceremony and a reading. From start to finish our ceremony was still short, but not too short. My friend's ceremony was less than 5 minutes and that was too short in pretty much everyone's minds, including the bride and groom.

DH and I love the vase from our sand ceremony. We chose the sand because it would be a pretty memento of the day that we could have displayed in our room. We also chose the sand because we we could choose colors that represented values we wanted in our marriage, like patience and trust. The deeper meaning behind it makes it extra special to us.

Other than photos, the unity sand will likely be the only memento we keep from our wedding day.
Who would complain about a "too short" ceremony? This is so bizarre to me. Like, oh, you get to get he fuck up out of there and celebrate sooner? THE HORROR.

The entire thing, including processing in and out, took 4 minutes. Basically, the ceremony (what should be the most important part of the day since that is how you actually get married) felt like a total afterthought. It ended up feeling like something that had to be gotten out of the way instead of the happy occasion it was. Afterwards, everyone (bride and groom included) felt like it was way too short. The comments made to me by guests, the bride's and groom's families, and the bride herself really stuck with me.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

littlemushroom said:

ashley8918 said:

littlemushroom said:
We did a sand ceremony and a reading. From start to finish our ceremony was still short, but not too short. My friend's ceremony was less than 5 minutes and that was too short in pretty much everyone's minds, including the bride and groom.

DH and I love the vase from our sand ceremony. We chose the sand because it would be a pretty memento of the day that we could have displayed in our room. We also chose the sand because we we could choose colors that represented values we wanted in our marriage, like patience and trust. The deeper meaning behind it makes it extra special to us.

Other than photos, the unity sand will likely be the only memento we keep from our wedding day.
Who would complain about a "too short" ceremony? This is so bizarre to me. Like, oh, you get to get he fuck up out of there and celebrate sooner? THE HORROR.
The entire thing, including processing in and out, took 4 minutes. Basically, the ceremony (what should be the most important part of the day since that is how you actually get married) felt like a total afterthought. It ended up feeling like something that had to be gotten out of the way instead of the happy occasion it was. Afterwards, everyone (bride and groom included) felt like it was way too short. The comments made to me by guests, the bride's and groom's families, and the bride herself really stuck with me.

I feel this way about super duper short ceremonies too. It's the whole POINT of the day. No, they don't need to drag on with songs and multiple readings and interpretive dance and shit, but... be long enough to have a chance to actually get emotional, I guess.

madamerwin · April 2015

lolo883 said:

littlemushroom said:

ashley8918 said:

littlemushroom said:
We did a sand ceremony and a reading. From start to finish our ceremony was still short, but not too short. My friend's ceremony was less than 5 minutes and that was too short in pretty much everyone's minds, including the bride and groom.

DH and I love the vase from our sand ceremony. We chose the sand because it would be a pretty memento of the day that we could have displayed in our room. We also chose the sand because we we could choose colors that represented values we wanted in our marriage, like patience and trust. The deeper meaning behind it makes it extra special to us.

Other than photos, the unity sand will likely be the only memento we keep from our wedding day.
Who would complain about a "too short" ceremony? This is so bizarre to me. Like, oh, you get to get he fuck up out of there and celebrate sooner? THE HORROR.
The entire thing, including processing in and out, took 4 minutes. Basically, the ceremony (what should be the most important part of the day since that is how you actually get married) felt like a total afterthought. It ended up feeling like something that had to be gotten out of the way instead of the happy occasion it was. Afterwards, everyone (bride and groom included) felt like it was way too short. The comments made to me by guests, the bride's and groom's families, and the bride herself really stuck with me.
I feel this way about super duper short ceremonies too. It's the whole POINT of the day. No, they don't need to drag on with songs and multiple readings and interpretive dance and shit, but... be long enough to have a chance to actually get emotional, I guess.

I agree. I am all for short ceremonies, but if it's over before I even had a chance to settle into my seat, I would feel like I missed something. That said, ours will be under 15 minutes, for sure.

ElcaB · April 2015

We did two things:

As guests arrived, we had a table of framed photos of our parents & grandparents on their wedding days and guests had the option to "warm the rings" by holding the rings and "warming" them with prayers, blessings, or wishes for us.

During the ceremony, we did a salt ceremony during which we each exchanged a pinch of salt into each other's salt vessels. This comes from an old ritual to bind agreements, the idea being that one person cannot break the agreement until they can separate their own individual grains of salt from the other person's vessel.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

We did a letter exchange. So we each wrote each other a letter about why we chose to be married and whatever else we felt like writing. Then we put the letters into a box to be opened on our 5 year anniversary to help us revisit why we chose to be married to each other and whatever. It took about 1 minute during our ceremony and the officiant made it sound much better than I'm making it sound.

I'm actually really looking forward to reading them in a few years.

cupcait927 · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
We did a letter exchange. So we each wrote each other a letter about why we chose to be married and whatever else we felt like writing. Then we put the letters into a box to be opened on our 5 year anniversary to help us revisit why we chose to be married to each other and whatever. It took about 1 minute during our ceremony and the officiant made it sound much better than I'm making it sound.

I'm actually really looking forward to reading them in a few years.

We did this too. I didn't include it in my example of our unity ceremony since it took about 30 seconds to explain. We had already written the letters and had a bottle of wine and two classes already in the box. We had it sitting on a wine barrel during the ceremony and our officiant took a few seconds to explain the signifance to our guests and that was that. I had completely forgotten about it until the other day when H mentioned something about how he can't wait to read the letter I wrote him. Really, any excuse for us to drink more wine then or in the future was good enough for us to include it on our ceremony.

arrippa · April 2015

ElcaB said:
We did two things:

As guests arrived, we had a table of framed photos of our parents & grandparents on their wedding days and guests had the option to "warm the rings" by holding the rings and "warming" them with prayers, blessings, or wishes for us.

During the ceremony, we did a salt ceremony during which we each exchanged a pinch of salt into each other's salt vessels. This comes from an old ritual to bind agreements, the idea being that one person cannot break the agreement until they can separate their own individual grains of salt from the other person's vessel.

I want to do something like this but I was worried about the rings. Not that I don't trust my guests, but you never know about their SO's.

ashley8918 · April 2015

lolo883 said:

littlemushroom said:

ashley8918 said:

littlemushroom said:
We did a sand ceremony and a reading. From start to finish our ceremony was still short, but not too short. My friend's ceremony was less than 5 minutes and that was too short in pretty much everyone's minds, including the bride and groom.

DH and I love the vase from our sand ceremony. We chose the sand because it would be a pretty memento of the day that we could have displayed in our room. We also chose the sand because we we could choose colors that represented values we wanted in our marriage, like patience and trust. The deeper meaning behind it makes it extra special to us.

Other than photos, the unity sand will likely be the only memento we keep from our wedding day.
Who would complain about a "too short" ceremony? This is so bizarre to me. Like, oh, you get to get he fuck up out of there and celebrate sooner? THE HORROR.
The entire thing, including processing in and out, took 4 minutes. Basically, the ceremony (what should be the most important part of the day since that is how you actually get married) felt like a total afterthought. It ended up feeling like something that had to be gotten out of the way instead of the happy occasion it was. Afterwards, everyone (bride and groom included) felt like it was way too short. The comments made to me by guests, the bride's and groom's families, and the bride herself really stuck with me.
I feel this way about super duper short ceremonies too. It's the whole POINT of the day. No, they don't need to drag on with songs and multiple readings and interpretive dance and shit, but... be long enough to have a chance to actually get emotional, I guess.

Meh, maybe it's just because i'm an emotionless robot. Wedding ceremonies do not make me emotional at all, other than a little "Hooray! Happy friends/family/whatever!". My ceremony only took 5-10 minutes and I am certain that it did not feel like an "afterthought". But, for me, it WAS something that I had to get out of the way because I have terrible anxiety and was intensely uncomfortable having a captive audience.

ElcaB · April 2015

arrippa said:

ElcaB said:
We did two things:

As guests arrived, we had a table of framed photos of our parents & grandparents on their wedding days and guests had the option to "warm the rings" by holding the rings and "warming" them with prayers, blessings, or wishes for us.

During the ceremony, we did a salt ceremony during which we each exchanged a pinch of salt into each other's salt vessels. This comes from an old ritual to bind agreements, the idea being that one person cannot break the agreement until they can separate their own individual grains of salt from the other person's vessel.
I want to do something like this but I was worried about the rings. Not that I don't trust my guests, but you never know about their SO's.

@arrippa, we hired a few people to assist with general wedding-day stuff, and one of them stood there to monitor until it was time to start. He did a quick cleaning of the rings & delivered them to BM prior to the start of the ceremony.

arrippa · April 2015

ElcaB said:

arrippa said:

ElcaB said:
We did two things:

As guests arrived, we had a table of framed photos of our parents & grandparents on their wedding days and guests had the option to "warm the rings" by holding the rings and "warming" them with prayers, blessings, or wishes for us.

During the ceremony, we did a salt ceremony during which we each exchanged a pinch of salt into each other's salt vessels. This comes from an old ritual to bind agreements, the idea being that one person cannot break the agreement until they can separate their own individual grains of salt from the other person's vessel.
I want to do something like this but I was worried about the rings. Not that I don't trust my guests, but you never know about their SO's.
@arrippa, we hired a few people to assist with general wedding-day stuff, and one of them stood there to monitor until it was time to start. He did a quick cleaning of the rings & delivered them to BM prior to the start of the ceremony.

I do love the idea of it. I was also thinking about maybe just passing the rings along the front row so our family can pray/bless the rings.

pinkcow13 · April 2015

Yea at first I was not really into any of the rituals, but then I realized they are actually really lovely. Our ceremony is actually going to be really short. So I think maybe doing the wine ceremony will be fine. Plus, drinking vino during the ceremony is fine by me!

louxnoelle · April 2015

arrippa said:

ElcaB said:

arrippa said:

ElcaB said:
We did two things:

As guests arrived, we had a table of framed photos of our parents & grandparents on their wedding days and guests had the option to "warm the rings" by holding the rings and "warming" them with prayers, blessings, or wishes for us.

During the ceremony, we did a salt ceremony during which we each exchanged a pinch of salt into each other's salt vessels. This comes from an old ritual to bind agreements, the idea being that one person cannot break the agreement until they can separate their own individual grains of salt from the other person's vessel.
I want to do something like this but I was worried about the rings. Not that I don't trust my guests, but you never know about their SO's.
@arrippa, we hired a few people to assist with general wedding-day stuff, and one of them stood there to monitor until it was time to start. He did a quick cleaning of the rings & delivered them to BM prior to the start of the ceremony.
I do love the idea of it. I was also thinking about maybe just passing the rings along the front row so our family can pray/bless the rings.

That's our gameplan, to pass them along the first row of family members. I think the sentiment behind it is so nice, and it won't tack on any time.

Cookie Pusher · April 2015

Instead of the standard do you/I do vows, we used the four questions from our handfasting. We had 2 short readings as well. Our ceremony (including processional and recessional) took about 20 minutes, I think? We also did a Chinese tea ceremony during the reception.

Did you/Will you have any rituals?

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