Which Is The Worst Etiquette Mistake?

themosthappy91 · April 2015

So my friends and I were having a discussion and it make me want to know: which wedding etiquette error do people consider most egregious? I'm sticking to the most common ones for this poll but feel free to chime in in the comments if there's one I left out that super pisses you off, or if you just want to say why you picked what you picked!

LondonLisa · April 2015

A lot of these are like: what is worse- punching your boss in the nose or stealing money from the company.

They are fairly obnoxious and should be avoided.

lovegood90 · April 2015

Theyre all bad, but not inviting SOs and tiered receptions are the worst IMHO because those are the two that can actually damage my relationship with you (general you).

The others are bad but they're ultimately down to poor hosting/AW/controlling behavior. But the two I mentioned are a direct slap in the face in a way, you know?

banana468 · April 2015

Of those choices I think it's the not inviting SOs and the tiered receptions are the worst because they're directly treating your guests poorly. Mix a cash bar in there with an unhosted gap and you've hit my big peeves.

Jen4948 · April 2015

Of those, I'd vote for a tie between b-listing and not inviting SOs, but all of them are bad.

photokitty · April 2015

LondonLisa said:
A lot of these are like: what is worse- punching your boss in the nose or stealing money from the company.

They are fairly obnoxious and should be avoided.

This, but I'd say not inviting SO. I'd rather be b listed than invited without my SO.

LabLove86 · April 2015

I chose invited w/o SO because that is the only one that would make me decline the invite.

The rest of them I would go but judge.

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

Not inviting SO is the absolute worst.

I also think tiered receptions are worse than B listing, but I understand why you lumped them together because it's ranking your friends and family. I'd rather be B listed and hosted properly than be on the A list of a tiered reception.

sophhabobopha · April 2015

I had to go with the SO's because to me it's the most obnoxious. "Come celebrae our love! But fuck your love, we don't have space lol!"

lightningsnow · April 2015

I went with not inviting SO's but another one is not enough seats for every but at an outdoor ceremony.

daria24 · April 2015

I actually think the absolute worst thing is not having enough food/appropriate food for the time of day. A 6pm Saturday wedding and all you have is cheese and crackers and a cash bar? My family would never, ever, ever get over that. They'd get over everything else first.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

Definitely not inviting SO's.

This is the first I've seen that a stated dress code is poor etiquette; all of the formal wedding invitations I've seen have "black tie optional" (or something to that effect) on the reception card. Could someone educate me?

banana468 · April 2015

I also agree that not inviting my DH would be the surefire way I'd decline.

hydrahydrangea said:
Definitely not inviting SO's.

This is the first I've seen that a stated dress code is poor etiquette; all of the formal wedding invitations I've seen have "black tie optional" (or something to that effect) on the reception card. Could someone educate me?

The only times it's OK to state a dress code are
1) When that's a venue requirement. You can put that a jacket and tie are required per venue.

2) When the event is black tie. And then, it has to meet all the requirements for a black tie event including time of day, type of venue, band not a DJ, gloved butler service, top shelf open bar. It isn't just a way to get guests to dress up.

Black tie optional isn't a thing. It's either black tie or it isn't. And if it's on there to say that men can wear tuxes that's BS because an after 6 PM wedding is formal and men can wear tuxes to it without that being stated.

And then there are the dress requests that are just aweful: dress code is flapper chic, fairy princess steam punk. Or "guests are not allowed to wear white, cream or pink."

BrinkyDink16 · April 2015

Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

ohannabelle · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

You're funny.

themosthappy91 · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

Oh girl... oh girl. Like you do you, whatever, but I just gotta give you a head's up that "etiquette smetiquette" isn't going to go over well on an etiquette forum.

On the off-chance this isn't MUD, please rethink these decisions. As you can see, very many people think these things are very rude, especially the B-listing.

themosthappy91 · April 2015

Double-post but I just want to say, since someone mentioned it I'm so mad I left out cash bar! That's a big one.

banana468 · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

At least the masks and costumes will hide all the eye rolling you're going to be getting from your guests.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

Aren't you the most specialest of snowflakes? Bless your heart, honey.

themuffinman16 · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

Did you see the poll? 86 people voted. 86 people overwhelmingly said B-listing is one of the rudest things you can do. We aren't your friends, we aren't your family. We have nothing at stake to keep our thoughts to ourselves. Your nearest and dearest will be judging you hard, and most of them will talk behind your back. This summer, i am invited to an OOT wedding with a 7 hour gap. I would NEVER tell the bride and groom my irritation with this. I am not the only person snarking about it, either. Just because your friends or family don't tell you, doesn't make it less heinous, it just means they have good manners.

redoryx · April 2015

Knottie39994948 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

tojai · April 2015

The only time an etiquette breach has really affected my relationship with the married couple was when they invited more people than they wanted to host and started un-inviting some of their guests to accommodate. I got to keep my invitation but was told my husband was uninvited. Needless to say we didn't attend that wedding.

I voted for not inviting SOs, but really I would have been much less offended if my husband hadn't been invited in the first place. There's just something so insulting about an invitation being rescinded.

redoryx · April 2015

I voted for not inviting SOs because to me nothing says you don't give a shit about your guests more than saying "Come celebrate our day of love but do it without the person YOU love."

peachy13 · April 2015

I went to a wedding (well PPD) last year that magically had ALL OF THESE THINGS. But the thing that people snarked about the most was the B-listing factor.

So, long story short, the wedding was a DW for close family and friends. Then there was an AHR which actually ended up being a PPD. Bride wore her dress, wedding party was forced to wear their suits and dresses again. First dance. Toasts. More spotlight dances. Cake cutting. And they invited about 50 guests who were not invited to the DW. So fucking gift grabby. There was literally a card box and a gift table too. There was a whole slew of other problems, but this was the one people were really pissed off about.

tcnoble · April 2015

Not inviting SO is the worst, but I also despise an unhosted gap.

bethsmiles · April 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

Because other couples planning weddings are doing so with venues that have infinite space...

Cookie Pusher · April 2015

bethsmiles said:

BrinkyDink16 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.
Because other couples planning weddings are doing so with venues that have infinite space...

Right? My venue could only hold 140, and I managed to stay within that number without having a B-list. Even though my mother is one of twelve kids (I have, in total, over 100 first cousins), DH and I made a guest list that fit within our budget and within our venue's capacity.

LondonLisa · April 2015

I was recently given an invite from a colleague. Incredibly sweet of him and I was really surprised until he casually says: "We aren't doing plus ones but if you wanted to come with the work group..." He is so sweet and innocent, and I genuinely think he has no idea how rude this is.

I tried my best to do the fake smile "ohhhhh thank you" but I'm pretty sure this was my face:

However, inside, I was this:

Needless to say they will be getting a decline and a card from my FIANCE (note: not plus one) and I.

thisismynickname2 · April 2015

Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

First highlighted: Then why didn't you get a BIGGER VENUE?

Second highlighted: You'd "love" to have them there but you're "not that close" to them? So why would you love to have them there if.... I just can't here. Just can't. Translation: We're not that close to you but we'd love to have you bring us a gift.

peachy13 · April 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

This is an etiquette thread on an etiquette board. And obviously your whole list here needs help but I just want to touch on the costumes part. Don't you think that your guests who don't show up in a costume probably don't want to wear one? It's not like they will have forgotten to wear one; it's that they don't want to wear one. And instead of just letting them be you're going to make them wear a mask before entering? wut.

ohannabelle · April 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
Man, we're doing so many of these supposed no nos!

We're having a dress code. You must wear a costume. If you don't, you will be asked to put on a provided mask before entering the venue.

We have a B-list. Our venue is a finite space of 170. We have more than 170 people we'd like to invite so unfortunately some people who we'd love to have there but aren't that close to have to be on a second string list.

We're having an unplugged ceremony and are requesting that all photos taken at the reception be uploaded to a shared facebook album we're putting up. I don't feel that's obnoxious. I want people to pay attention and be present.

Etiquette smetiquette. It's our day and we'll do what feels right for us.

Etiquette is an old French word, that loosely translated, means "don't be an asshole."

If you demand that your guests dress in a certain way, guess what?

If you B list, and divide your people into groups of super important and meh, less important, guess what?

If you tell grownups how to behave, because you want them to pay attention the way you want them to, guess what?

I checked the calendar. I see no new national holidays assigned, so guess what? It's not "your" day. It belongs to everybody in the world, and if you invite some of them somewhere, you have the responsibility to be kind to them, and consider their feelings and comfort. Getting married doesn't give anyone the right to be an asshole.

Which Is The Worst Etiquette Mistake?

Which Is The Worst Etiquette Mistake? 237 votes

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