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Honeymoon Discussions
jls5121
member
Honeymoon Registries - Prepay for Flight?
Hi ladies!
My fiance and I are hoping to go to Thailand for our honeymoon in October, however, we're using a honeymoon registry to pay for everything and have exactly $0.00 to put toward our honeymoon until gifts start rolling in. I've never utilized a honeymoon registry or anything like it, so for those of you out there who opted for the honeymoon registry over regular registries, how did you go about booking your flight/hotel, etc? Do you have to just book in advance and use the money people give you to "reimburse" yourselves? Does the money they give you go toward a pre-determined flight, which doesn't get "booked" until it's paid for? I can't find answers anywhere, so I'm taking it straight to the source - brides!
My fiance and I are hoping to go to Thailand for our honeymoon in October, however, we're using a honeymoon registry to pay for everything and have exactly $0.00 to put toward our honeymoon until gifts start rolling in. I've never utilized a honeymoon registry or anything like it, so for those of you out there who opted for the honeymoon registry over regular registries, how did you go about booking your flight/hotel, etc? Do you have to just book in advance and use the money people give you to "reimburse" yourselves? Does the money they give you go toward a pre-determined flight, which doesn't get "booked" until it's paid for? I can't find answers anywhere, so I'm taking it straight to the source - brides!
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Re: Honeymoon Registries - Prepay for Flight?
I recommend reading this.
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/281647/thinking-of-a-honeymoon-registry#latest
That being said, your HM registry has cutesy things for your guests to purchase, but they really aren't purchasing those items. The HM registry just takes the cash your guests send to it and turn around and send you a check for that money, minus a usage fee. You collect your money only once, so you really need to pay for your hotels/flights on your own. Which is why HM registries don't make sense- you don't have any idea how much money you'll get and when, so you really need to plan a HM you can afford.
etf- spelling
Most people give money as wedding gifts anyway. And you get 100% of it.
Ditto everything that's already been said, plus, like I think someone else mentioned, even if it wasn't rude and they didn't take a cut from your money, you still wouldn't get a cent of it until AFTER our wedding. Even if they contribute to it before your wedding. At least if you don't register, you'll more than likely get cash before or the day of your wedding, and you won't lose 2-5% of it to some company.
I would definitely either plan a honeymoon you can afford, or put it off until you can afford it.
DH and I had two nights in a Kansas City hotel. We couldn't afford a fancy honeymoon. Our first fancy trip (Alaska cruise) was for our 25th Anniversary. It was worth the wait. I suggest you wait until you can afford your dream trip to Thailand by yourself. (I was in Thailand in January. Not as impressed as I had expected. There is a lot of poverty there.)
I actually just went back and looked up their wedding website and they used honeyfund.com. They actually got every single item except a stay at a hotel which, minus the contributions they got, cost them $450 out of pocket.
I'd just be careful if you literally can't contribute at all because if you don't get all the contributions you need for the whole trip I'm not exactly sure what happens. You'd have to explore honeyfund.com to find that out I suppose.
As a pp mentioned, you don't often get your funds until after the wedding (when most will gift money) so you really need to be able to afford your trip, as you will have had to book it in advance (unless you are taking a delayed HM.)
IMHO, it doesn't make sense to me to use a HM registry. It's registering for cash. Since you won't get most of the money until after the wedding, why not just let people give you a check or cash in a card? You'll get the full amount that way.
We had no budget for a honeymoon either, all of our extra cash went towards buying plane tickets to the US and back when we got married. Our mini-moon was a trip to a baseball game and a night in a hotel - but we were able to save up enough money to go to Hawaii for our one-year anniversary.
Even if you do the HM registry (which I agree is rude), many people wait until the last minute to buy gifts so I think it'd be a stretch to schedule the HM ahead of time using those funds. Assuming you were able to finance the entire trip through the HM registry in the first place (which I also think may be a bit of a stretch).
I agree with what everyone else has said about how rude this is...you also need to consider that there are ALWAYS stories on here about how girls set up honeymoon registries, and then no one contributed to them, so they wound up not being able to take the honeymoon they planned on. In cases where the girls had "prepaid" for stuff, they had to then cancel those plans and lose money.
I would suggest that if you want to go to Thailand, you start saving. Fortunately you can get inexpensive accomodations and meals over there because of the favorable exchange rate, but the flights will be pricey. If you're depending on other people to contribute to your airfare, and then they don't, you'll wind up last minute without a honeymoon planned.
The answer here is always ALWAYS to plan the vacation that YOU will be able to 100% afford on your own, and take that vacation. Drop the honeymoon registry. If people want to give you cash wedding gifts, they will, and you are more than welcome to use that cash for your honeymoon costs.
Not sure about why it's rude to register for a honeymoon, being that we've been together for ten years and have no need for physical gifts like blenders and pans. It's not like we're sending out a memo saying "If you attend our wedding, you're required to give us a gift on honeyfund.com." If people want to go that route they will, and if they don't, they won't! Simple as that. My bet is that the people who care about us and want us to enjoy ourselves (read: the people we invite to our wedding) will be happy to give the gift that we WANT instead of just massive quantities of things we don't actually want or need. But every family is different, and maybe it IS rude amongst your family & friends. I won't pretend to know.
Anyway, much appreciated for all the input! I guess we'll have to explore a couple alternatives and see what happens!
Registries exist as a guideline to help those who want to purchase gifts to assist a newly married couple set up their home. Registries are more tied to bridal showers than weddings and the purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the couple with gifts to set up their new home, as it was assumed in the past that either the couple did not live together prior to marriage or they were young and did not have the resources to set up a home prior to getting married. Registries were introduced as a guide to let people who want to purchase gifts know what the couple needs or what color schemes they prefer. Traditional items on the registry are things used in daily life to properly run a home- things like plates, forks, toasters, towels, and linens.
In present times, many couples are marrying later in life or have already lived together for years. So, they don't need items to run a home. In that case, it's appropriate to not register (or register for a few items you may like to upgrade), decline a shower, and not mention any needs. If you are trying to save for something, just mention to those who ask via word of mouth "We did not register as we're saving for X."
Again, registries are not asking for gifts, they are a guideline. However, a honeymoon registry asks for luxury items that you don't even get when you register for them!!!! You get money minus a fee!!! Keep in mind that many of your guests may not be able to afford a vacation at all themselves. So, they may find it rude that you are essentially asking for a luxury item that they themselves can never have. Most people have towels, plates, forks, toasters, etc. So, that is not rude- it's needed to exist on a somewhat basic level. Vacations are not basic for many people.
ETF- grammar
You did NOT get them a partial tour on a glass bottom boat. You gave them a gift of cash, LESS a service fee taken out from the honeymoon registry company. They actually got not one single item. They received a check from the honeymoon registry company, MINUS a service fee taken from each and every contributor. So it actually cost this couple more than $450 "out of pocket", since they also needed to come up with the additional money taken out of every pocket of every contributor.
It has nothing to do with the way I look at this; it is the reality of honeymoon funds. You also have no assurance that this couple actually took the boat tour, or even went on the actual honeymoon.
My son gifted his sister two REAL honeymoon experiences. She did not have any honeymoon fund. He called restaurants and experience sites in the town they were staying and made arrangements. His sister and her husband received the full experience and he received the FULL value of his gift.
Serious question OP - say some people contribute to your honeymoon fund - like your grandmother buys you the "zipline tour" and your uncle buys you the "dinner on the beach." But no one else contributes. Now you can't take the vacation because you can't afford it on your own. What happens to the "gifts" you HAVE received? Suddenly, grandma thinks she bought you an experience, but really you just got a pile of cash that you may or may not use for that experience. To me, that's the worst part about the honeymoon registry - that it's misleading, and that nothing is actually forcing you to use the funds for the experiences that these people have purchased for you. I mean if you want to lose 7% of what would have otherwise been cash gifts, i think that's really stupid, but it's your call. It's the falsehood that people are buying you actual experiences that i think is the most rude.
I can get behind an actual honeymoon registry - like the kind that is set up with your resort or travel agent, where NO FEES COME OUT and people can pay directly for ACTUAL EVENTS for your trip - things that you will be scheduled to do by your resort or travel agent. Otherwise, if you don't need anything for your house, forego a shower, register for nothing, and people will get the hint and write you checks. You can then use those checks to pay for your vacation.
I would never operate under the assumption that you'd get enough cash to pay for this trip from your honeymoon registry - i'd be so worried about putting myself into credit card debt and not having the cash at the end of the day to get myself out of it. that's a terrible way to start a marriage, especially when it's just for an optional vacation and not an actual emergency of some sort.
I went to Thailand for my HM. The airfare alone was crazy. We flew coach from Chicago and it was close to $1000 per person and we went in the off season. October- February are the most popular times to go to Thailand.
If you have zero dollars saved for this trip, do you honestly think you are going to get over $5k in cash gifts? IMO, I think you need a bare minimum of $5k to be able to get hotels, food, transportation, airfare, etc.
And if your guests do manage to contribute $5k to your HM fund, Honeyfund will be keeping $350 for fees.
Oh, and the fact the you have kids and have never been on a vacation doesn't make you any more entitled to a vacation you can't afford.
It has nothing to do with the way I look at this; it is the reality of honeymoon funds. You also have no assurance that this couple actually took the boat tour, or even went on the actual honeymoon.
My son gifted his sister two REAL honeymoon experiences. She did not have any honeymoon fund. He called restaurants and experience sites in the town they were staying and made arrangements. His sister and her husband received the full experience and he received the FULL value of his gift.
Actually, we do because they sent us pictures of them on the boat tour with an additional thank you for contributing towards it. I do see what you're saying about how it might make more sense to just give cash but our friends used the site the way it was intended so I don't feel like we were mislead or they were slighted at all.