"Outdated Wedding Traditions"

[Deleted User] · May 2015

levioosa said:

adk19 said:

lyndausvi said:
1) garter toss - No. I didn't even get a garter

2) Giving away - My dad escorted me down the aisle, but he did not give me away

3) Bouquet toss- no

4) Not seeing before the wedding. We did spend the night apart and the entire morning. We did a first look about 2 hours before the wedding.

5) Cake smashing - no

6) Tossing rice - No.

7) Veil - I didn't not wear a veil

8) Gender specific WP - we did that. But we also believed the wedding party was for both of us and not his side/ her side. Meaning, just because the women were on my side, it didn't mean they were there to support ME. They were supporting US.

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - I think was done but not as a directive from us. We didn't have ushers and guests could sit where they wanted. From looking at the pictures it seems like they picked sides on their own

10) Bride's family paying - yeah, my parents mostly paid (we covered a decent amount on our own). They offered. We agreed and were able to have a kickass 3.5 week HM as a result. I don't think it should be a tradition, but I have no problem with parent's CHOOSING to help. The couple or the groom's parents should never ASSUME they will. Nor should the bride's parents think it's their responsibility

11) Dollar dance- nope. I do not know people who do either.

12) Something blue, old, new, whatever - I guess I did it by default. I had a new dress, my mom gave me her mom's wedding band to keep forever. Not as an "old" for the tradition. My seamstress put in a blue ribbon inside the dress. I never asked her to. I did borrow a bracelet from a jewelry. Then DH ended up buying it for me after the wedding.

13) Diamond ring - the stone was from my MIL.

14) +one for everyone. - I have no idea what that need to go away immediately. But yes we did because we are nice to our guests.

15) announcing the WP - yep. I like to hear who is who. But not necessary.

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.

17) Receiving line - we didn't plan on having one, but ended with one. It doubled as the line to the bar. So I do not think it was much of a hardship as the author claims they can be.

18) Favors - we had a candy buffet. Favors are generally a waste and I agree they are so unnecessary. Our candy buffet was a huge hit, though. It was so worth the cost.

I don't understand the garter. I got one for prom because I was supposed to according to all my girlfriends. I was then horrified to discover that my date was to take it off my leg and wear it around his arm for the rest of the evening. As in, they had an official time where the DJ announced that it was time for all the dudes to slide up their date's thigh to grab the garter. Horrified, I tell you. I will never buy another garter.
Where the hell did you go to school!? I have never heard of such a thing.

Chicago suburbs. Graduated in a class of over 600, freshman year started with over 900, lots of dropouts and did-not-graduates. Well, that was my only history with the garter, so I so don't understand or like it at all.

TheArtemisMoon · May 2015

No wedding party except flower girl and ring bearer. I also refuse to be introduced with my husband's first name. No garter toss. I did cave to the bouquet toss though. No cake smashing (mutual agreement).

SepiaTone · May 2015

lovemesomemonster said:
My family has done a dollar dance at every wedding I have ever been to (I'm the second to last one to get hitched) and I'm not doing it. No big entrance, no receiving line, no garter/bouquet toss, no flower girl. Still debating the first dances but I'm sure FI will want to do them. Looks like mine won't be official if we aren't doing any of this!

FI does not want to see me before the ceremony and Dad will be walking me down the aisle so I guess we are doing some of the traditional things.

Ok, so I had not even heard of the dollar dance until I saw it at a wedding last May, and I applaud you for saying no. It's just creepy. "Hey folks, pay money to dance with the bride!" Even creepier when you realize that, until maybe recently, it was "Hey folks, pay money to dance with a young virgin! Last chance!"

Seriously, why is it a thing? And, if you're going to have it, at least up the price with inflation. But, honestly, just don't whore yourself out at your own wedding. Super gross.

sheknows6 · May 2015

My DJ asked me why there wasn't a dollar dance in the day-of timeline I made for him....I didn't have the strength to tell him why not so I just smiled and said "because I think they're inappropriate".

SepiaTone · May 2015

adk19 said:

levioosa said:

adk19 said:

lyndausvi said:
1) garter toss - No. I didn't even get a garter

2) Giving away - My dad escorted me down the aisle, but he did not give me away

3) Bouquet toss- no

4) Not seeing before the wedding. We did spend the night apart and the entire morning. We did a first look about 2 hours before the wedding.

5) Cake smashing - no

6) Tossing rice - No.

7) Veil - I didn't not wear a veil

8) Gender specific WP - we did that. But we also believed the wedding party was for both of us and not his side/ her side. Meaning, just because the women were on my side, it didn't mean they were there to support ME. They were supporting US.

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - I think was done but not as a directive from us. We didn't have ushers and guests could sit where they wanted. From looking at the pictures it seems like they picked sides on their own

10) Bride's family paying - yeah, my parents mostly paid (we covered a decent amount on our own). They offered. We agreed and were able to have a kickass 3.5 week HM as a result. I don't think it should be a tradition, but I have no problem with parent's CHOOSING to help. The couple or the groom's parents should never ASSUME they will. Nor should the bride's parents think it's their responsibility

11) Dollar dance- nope. I do not know people who do either.

12) Something blue, old, new, whatever - I guess I did it by default. I had a new dress, my mom gave me her mom's wedding band to keep forever. Not as an "old" for the tradition. My seamstress put in a blue ribbon inside the dress. I never asked her to. I did borrow a bracelet from a jewelry. Then DH ended up buying it for me after the wedding.

13) Diamond ring - the stone was from my MIL.

14) +one for everyone. - I have no idea what that need to go away immediately. But yes we did because we are nice to our guests.

15) announcing the WP - yep. I like to hear who is who. But not necessary.

16) White dress - I had an Ivory one.

17) Receiving line - we didn't plan on having one, but ended with one. It doubled as the line to the bar. So I do not think it was much of a hardship as the author claims they can be.

18) Favors - we had a candy buffet. Favors are generally a waste and I agree they are so unnecessary. Our candy buffet was a huge hit, though. It was so worth the cost.

I don't understand the garter. I got one for prom because I was supposed to according to all my girlfriends. I was then horrified to discover that my date was to take it off my leg and wear it around his arm for the rest of the evening. As in, they had an official time where the DJ announced that it was time for all the dudes to slide up their date's thigh to grab the garter. Horrified, I tell you. I will never buy another garter.
Where the hell did you go to school!? I have never heard of such a thing.
Chicago suburbs. Graduated in a class of over 600, freshman year started with over 900, lots of dropouts and did-not-graduates. Well, that was my only history with the garter, so I so don't understand or like it at all.

Garter goes in with dollar dance: "Here, have some clothes from a (if it was early last century) virgin to bring you luck in finding your own to marry."

Seriously, so much wedding culture is tied up in some really weird-ass stuff.

MissKittyDanger · May 2015

Some yes, some no, some slightly different!

*sorry it's long! i just went over the list and just answered each!

- Garter - maybe, if I can find one that I like, I'm open to the idea.

- "giving away the bride" - well that's not technically an option with me. FI and I are both walking down aisle with our mothers because I can't walk alone or I'll lose it. {lost my dad April 2014 and he vastly looked forward to that}

- bouquet toss - I have enough people this could work.

- not seeing each other before wedding - yes and no. he's staying somewhere else because there is no room for him at our apt {I have a few bridesmaids from out of town staying with me} BUT we are seeing each other before walking down the aisle

- cake smashing - nope. we joked about this but agreed if we tried, someone would get hurt.

- throwing rice - bubbles for us actually

- veil - nope. looks awful on me and I hate the way it feels

- gender specific wedding parties - neither of us have a best friend of opposite gender ....

- bride's side/groom's side - hahahaha mine would be barely anyone! only specific seating is parents and grand parents but they're all mixed together

- bride's family paying - ahahahaha nope! My mum has helped where she can but actually FI's mum and step dad are paying for something as a wedding gift. {they offered this after we did all the budgeting on what we could afford}

- dollar dance - nope. never heard of it either

- something old/new/borrowed/blue - inadvertently I do have these. Didn't look for anything specific, but yes. I do have these

- diamond rings - nope. my engagement ring is quite different and my band is going to be plain.

- plus one - only if we previously knew you had someone but it's not automatic.

- announcing wedding party - nope

- white dress - yes but mine is short, does that count?

- receiving line - no.

- guest favours - yes but they're small

oops! sorry so long!

KLM7386 · May 2015

1) Garter toss - No, there are not enough single guys to do that.

2) Giving away - Both parents are walking me down the isle but I don't think they're going to "give me away"

3) Bouquet toss - Yes, but that was my sister's request and we have enough single ladies to make it work.

4)Not seeing each other before the wedding - We'll be separated for the night and getting ready separately, but we're doing first look to get a lot of the pictures out of the way.
5) Cake smashing - That's just a waste for cake and cake is too yummy to waste especially since my Aunt is making it.

6) Tossing rice - No, that's just silly.

7) Veil - No, why spend money (or time if you're crafty) for something that you're only going to wear for 15 minutes?

8) Gender specific WP - ours is like this by accident but we only have two each.

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - First couple rows, yes but I honestly don't care where people sit and I'm not going to have a tacky sign to say "pick a seat not a side"

10) Bride's family paying - My parents could only afford a little bit. My Fiance's family is actually paying for a good chunk of it, and we're paying for the rest.

11) Dollar dance - No, another silly thing.

12)Something blue, old, new, whatever - More than likely not since there's nothing that I want to borrow.

13) Diamond ring - the side stone happens to be diamond but my main stone is ruby.
13a) Fiance spend 3 months salary on ring?- NOPE that's one stupid tradition.

14) Plus one for everyone. - No, unless they were in a relationship or they don't know anyone other than us.

15) Announcing the WP - No, waste time.

16) White dress - It's white AND red (and no I'm not talking about a red sash on the waist).

17) Receiving line - No, we'd rather mingle with people during the night.

18) Favors- We're doing Coozies, it was actually cheaper than buying enough candy to make everyone happy. Plus Coozies are awesome to use.

anniecm5 · May 2015

I think we are going to do a receiving line. We want make sure to greet everyone personally. I still will probably do table visits during the reception but if we have a receiving line, we don't have to stress about getting around to every table if we're pressed for time or people are starting to get up to dance.

I went to a wedding recently as a guest but did not even speak to the bride or groom all night, they never came around.

NFLDBride15 · June 2015

1) Garter toss - Nope; Nan and Pop don't need to see FI reaching up my dress, thank you very much. So awkward.

2) Giving away - Pfft, my parents pretty much gave me away when I moved out of their place and moved in with FI. I might walk down the aisle with my dad if he can make it to the ceremony, but if he can't I'm walking solo.

3) Bouquet toss - Another no; the only single ladies are my MOH (who is quite content to stay single and own a ton of cats) and FI's Nan, which would make the whole bouquet/garter thing awkward and disturbing.

4)Not seeing each other before the wedding - He doesn't want to, so that's cool by me. Also the logistics don't really allow for it anyways

5) Cake smashing - FI and I mutually refuse to do this. Since our ceremony is all about the cake and we are putting a ton of effort and resources into it, we are not wasting it on cake-smashing shenanigans.

6) Tossing rice - Bottom line is we don't want to get pelted in the face with anything, be it cake, rice, soapy bubble mix, rogue sparkler sparks, etc.

7) Veil - Haven't decided yet, because mom offered me hers and it would be kind of a sentimental touch. We'll see...

8) Gender specific WP - It just happened to work out that way, but otherwise I'd be totally fine with mixing things up

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - Screw that- we have such a small guest list that will have to intermingle. Which is good- we're all becoming family now, FILs might as well get used to my clan.

10) Bride's family paying - We are fronting the money for the wedding. My folks and FILs gave us a hundred bucks each when we got engaged, and that's all that we could possibly want from them. Mom and dad already shelled out some pretty big bucks to help cover my University, I think they have more than helped out with funding my stuff

11) Dollar dance - It's not even a thing here, and I'm pretty sure my family would hate us if we attempted something like a dollar dance.

12)Something blue, old, new, whatever - Maybe, but it's just because I'm a sentimental old codger and have some things belonging to my 2 late Nans that I would like to incorporate

13) Diamond ring - yup, but only because FI was absolutely insistant; I was cool with anything (I told the jeweller that I would have been cool with a RingPop or one of those rings that make a funny sound when you blow into them, which prompted the Stink Eye from the sales person)

13a) Fiance spend 3 months salary on ring?- oh hell no- I wouldn't let him!

14) Plus one for everyone. - Every one of the guests is in a relationship, except my aforementioned MOH and FI's BM (who just so happens to want to hook up with MOH, so yeah, no plus ones needed)

15) Announcing the WP - Everybody knows each other anyways- there's no point.

16) White dress - Ok, yeah, I went with the white dress. And I am not ashamed haha.

17) Receiving line - Our guests are the same folks that would make up the line, so yeah...no.

18) Favors- Nope. Let's be honest, most of us only keep them long enough until we don't feel guilty tossing them.

princessleia22 · June 2015

I didn't do most of them either:

1) Garter toss - Nope... I didn't even wear a garter.

2) Giving away - My dad walked me down the aisle, then we had all 4 of our parents stand and officiant asked who supports this union, and they said yes. So, instead of daddy "giving me away", we had all our parents show their support. Of course, that did lead to a lot of jokes beforehand about what happens if they say no.

3) Bouquet toss - Nope.

4)Not seeing each other before the wedding - We saw each other the morning of, he was present while I got my hair and makeup done (and brought all us girls Starbucks). But, he didn't see my dress at all, or know any details about what it looked like, until I was walking down the aisle. So, we were together until maybe about an hour before the wedding.

5) Cake smashing - Absolutely not. DH and I agreed that this was a bad idea. We didn't want to be mad at each other on our wedding day. Plus, we did our photos after the reception, so we didn't want to mess up our clothes or my makeup before our photos.

6) Tossing rice - Nope. Wasn't allowed at our venue, but we wouldn't have done it even if we could. We tried to simplify the wedding and rice (or bubble or whatever) just seemed silly and unnecessary to us.

7) Veil - Nope.

8) Gender specific WP - Yeah, but it just worked out that way. We did have kids in the wedding party, though, which isn't typical.

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - Nope, didn't matter. I don't recall if people instinctively sat on "the proper" side or not, but it didn't matter and nobody instructed them on where to sit.

10) Bride's family paying - Nope, DH and I paid. Parents chipped in a bit as they felt like it though. My parents bought my dress and contributed toward our photos. DH's parents paid travel expenses to get his sister & her family to our wedding.

11) Dollar dance - Hell no.

12)Something blue, old, new, whatever - Technically, I guess I had something old (heirloom e-ring), new (dress, jewelry, etc), and blue (I had lots of blue), but it wasn't intentional to fulfill this superstition. And I didn't have anything borrowed.

13) Diamond ring - Yeah, but it was his grandmothers ring.

14) Plus one for everyone. - Yes, but we had a destination wedding, so we wouldn't expect people to come alone. And we only had one couple attend that wasn't married yet (excluding kids), but they were engaged and got married a couple months after us.

15) Announcing the WP - Nope.

16) White dress - Yeah. Well, it was an off white. But, I added a long blue sash to it.

17) Receiving line - Nope. We only had 25 guests, so we just hung out and talked to everyone at the reception.

18) Favors- Not really. Since it was a destination wedding, I did welcome bags that had maps of the town, some local snacks, and things like that, but I gave them out day before the wedding.

dreamsinpink · June 2015

We are doing most..

1) Garter toss - yes, as of right now.

2) Giving away - Yup. Blusher veil and all

3) Bouquet toss - yes, but not the one I walk down the aisle with.

4)Not seeing each other before the wedding - We wont. We don't live together either, so we will stay separately the night before.

7) Veil - Cathedral and blusher. Full Catholic wedding, so pretty traditional. Plus FI didn't have many requests, but this was one.

8) Gender specific WP - Yes, my brother will be on his side and a friend of his (female) on mine

9) Bride's side/ groom's side - Yup. But there will be so many people I'm sure it will end up getting mixed.

10) Bride's family paying - My parents are doing what they can, but FI and I will pay for the majority

11) Dollar dance - Is there a $50 dance?! I want to do that one!

12)Something blue, old, new, whatever - I actually love this one.

13) Diamond ring - Yes, surprisingly. I didn't think he was going to get me a diamond.
14) Plus one for everyone. - Yes, I wouldn't want to go to a wedding alone, I cant really expect others to.

15) Announcing the WP - yup

16) White dress - Ivory, blonde hair and white don't mix well.

17) Receiving line - Not sure... I am not crazy about this idea, especially with 300 guests. FMIL wants it... we will see

18) Favors- Yes

Edit- Missed a couple..

5) Cake smashing - I would be pissed if this happened.

6) Tossing rice - Maybe rose petals.. haven't decided. FI wants sparklers but I am terrified of them and that sounds like a recipe for disaster. Open bar+sparklers=someone catching on fire. probably me.

randomslove · June 2015

Can't speak for all of them, because it's a little early, but...

1. Garter toss- No.
2. Given away- My step-dad is walking me down the aisle, but we're not calling it "giving away" or anything.
3. Bouquet toss- Probably not.
4. Not seeing each other before the wedding- Yes. We have discussed starting it out after dinner the night before, so the next time we see each other, it'll be when I walk down the aisle.
5. Smashing cake- Nope.
6. Throwing rice- No.
7. Wearing a veil- My mother has actually offered me her veil for the wedding "if it goes with your dress." So, I will definitely be wearing her veil.
8. Gender-specific wedding parties- Yes, but only because the three people we wanted standing up with us were our individual genders.
9. Separate sides- I don't think so, unless he really insist on it.
10. Bride's family pays- Yeah, no. We are paying ourselves.
11. Dollar dance- I didn't know this was a thing until the last wedding I went to. Nah.
12. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- I might even get the sixpence for my shoe.
13. Diamond rings- I told him I don't need a ring and that I love colored gemstones, too. He said, "No. I want to get you a traditional diamond ring." It's not just me who this matters to, so...
14. Plus One- I think pretty much everyone we're inviting is in a serious relationship, minus like two people. So, yes.
15. Announcing the wedding party- I don't see the point.
16. Wearing a white dress- Probably.
17. Having a receiving line- Probably not. Our wedding is going to be small, so it'll be easier to visit everyone.
18. Giving out wedding favors- I want a candy bar and will provide little bags so people can take some with them. So, yes.

princessbuttercup09 · June 2015

1. Garter toss- I don't plan to wear one but FI may toss one with lotto tickets attached.
2. Given away- Yes. My dad will be walking me down and making jokes the whole way to keep me laughing.
3. Bouquet toss- Probably the same deal as the garter- a toss with lotto tickets attached. A quick picture of the 2 who caught the garter/bouquet but no putting on the garter thing...
4. Not seeing each other before the wedding- Yes. I'll probably stay at my parents for the night before.
5. Smashing cake- Nope.
6. Throwing rice- No.
7. Wearing a veil- Yes. My mom was adamant about it.
8. Gender-specific wedding parties- Yep- just how it worked out.
9. Separate sides- Doesn't matter to me.
10. Bride's family pays- My parents paid for my dress oner than that we are paying ourselves.
11. Dollar dance- No thanks.
12. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- I think I will.
13. Diamond rings- Yes
14. Plus One- Yes
15. Announcing the wedding party- Not sure...
16. Wearing a white dress- Yes! I have it. I love it.
17. Having a receiving line- Probably.
18. Giving out wedding favors- We're doing a candy bar as our favor.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

We are having an open wedding so the receiving line is a must but outside of that, we aren't doing most any of the others. My dad is walking me, but not "giving me away". I have thought about the something old-new-borrowed-blue but I think my Gma's pearls will be good enough....maybe blue panties

. My wedding dress is soft gold and we can't afford favors for 600+ people so they will have to be happy with the cheesecake and hot cocoa/coffee bar. Our WP happened to work out as guys vs girls, no flower girl or ring bearer. Diamond, yes but it's not a sin, just was his preference. Plus one, well it's an open wedding so are inviting whole families. No dollar dance but maybe a kiss jar.

TheCheeseWench · June 2015

Garter (wearing or tossing) - No. I refuse the tossing nonsense and thus fail to see the point of wearing unnecessary fluff-covered elastic around my thigh.

"Giving away the bride" - I had actually intended to walk alone, since my family tree looks like a flaming bramble bush from Hell (bio dad won't be there, but Mother's current and last Hubs will) but my Mother has asked to walk me down the aisle. I wasn't sure at first if it was from a grand desire to show her love and approval for FI and the marriage, or to avoid the awkwardness for her DH should I ask my former stepfather (whom I consider to be my "Dad") instead. Either way, after mangling my hip in a car accident a couple of months ago and briefly having to consider postponing an in-the-woods-on-uneven-ground DW if walking was going to be questionable; having some (literal and figurative) support isn't the worst idea, so I'm extra glad I had told her she could. Bonus: "Dad" is fantastically cool and says that I have bigger things to worry about and he'll be peachy just being there. Oh, there will be no "Give Away". It's a stroll down the aisle. That's it.

Bouquet toss - Doubtful. If any of the important fam are horrified by my plan to skip it, I'll file it in the "Pick your battles" category and probably aim it at a pre-designated plant to avoid any mishaps.

Not seeing each other before wedding - Not sure yet. We are having a DW, and we have 2 on site cabins reserved. The small one for us and a big one for 10 close friends right next door (the reserved hotel blocks are 15 min away). The night before he will stay next door with the friends, and my bridesmaids will stay with me so that we can use it for hair/makeup the day of. We may see each other before for photos, but that is all still up in the air. I'm hoping my cameraman from work will be able to come be my photog. I adore him and would hate to hire a stranger if he can be there.

Cake smashing - Not if he wants to move into the cabin with me after the wedding... No really, one of my bridesmaids/best friends happens to be my stylist for my job. She would kick his ass for wrecking her work on set (I'm good enough at that all by myself), and would sure as Hell not hesitate that day either. Oh, and it's tacky.

Throwing rice - We are using spent grains from the brewery where the wedding will be.

Veil - No. No real problem with them, I just don't want one.

Gender specific wedding parties - Yes, but just happenstance. I would not hesitate to mix it up were it the case.

Bride's side/groom's side - The chairs will not be arranged that way based on the space, more in rings. We will have a few "reserved" seats in the front for immediate family but other than that we hope people will just sit down where they want.

Bride's family footing the bill - Nope, but both families have contributed specific things. Mother is doing the flowers herself (she LOVES that stuff) and wanted to buy the dress, and FILs offered to pay for the RD & HM.

Dollar dance - This is happening at the point right after we invite all of our respective exes up to the mic to discuss in an in-depth Q&A, why our previous relationships didn't work out. Seriously I don't see much of a difference in tackiness. Barf.

Something old/new/borrowed/blue - Honestly hadn't really thought about it. I wear my Grandmother's original engagement ring on my right ring finger every day, because I love the story behind it. My Gpa sent her $100 (from his station in the South Pacific) towards the end of WWII and told her to buy herself a diamond ring so that they could marry when he returned. He later bought her a larger ring which she still wears at 91, but I like the sentiment of the old one that she gave to me. Other than that, I don't really care.

Diamond rings - Mine has diamonds, his does not. I would not have been upset by a lack of diamond, but despite his insistence that the diamond ring industry is a racket, he bought the ring because he thought people would "expect it" and didn't want either of us to feel judged. Silly boy. What I love is that even though he gave in to the whole "ring" thing, he bought me a pair of diamond earrings that he gave me along with it when he proposed because he wanted to give me something that wasn't "expected". Something he WANTED to pick out just for me. I will wear those at the wedding as well.

Plus one - If you are going to traipse down to our out-of-state THURSDAY wedding, the least we can do is buy your date (spouse/SO/child/escort/bum-you-met-at-the-gas-station) some delicious pizza and craft beer. We chose to marry at a brewery that was not available on weekends, so kudos to you for caring enough to show up.

Announcing wedding party - No. I assume if you traveled a number of hours during most people's work week that you know who we are and our new post-wedding status. Thus we will not be announcing ourselves, let alone pointing a spotlight on our dear friends who have already done their wedding duty and probably now just want to drink enough to make any outstanding toasts entertaining.

White dress - Champagne, bc I'm freaking Casper. It's knee-length though and has a pink sash.

Receiving line - No. Out-of-State on a weekday should keep the guests at a number manageable enough to actually mingle and enjoy them.

Guest favors - We are craft beer nerds. We have made a beer glass that makes reference to both the brewery where the wedding takes place and also some funny things pertaining to our history. It's one of those can-shaped glasses so if you are not a beer drinker you can hopefully find a use for it. If not for some of those factors I may have skipped it.

ohannabelle · June 2015

DplusKDec192015 said:

We are having an open wedding so the receiving line is a must but outside of that, we aren't doing most any of the others. My dad is walking me, but not "giving me away". I have thought about the something old-new-borrowed-blue but I think my Gma's pearls will be good enough....maybe blue panties . My wedding dress is soft gold and we can't afford favors for 600+ people so they will have to be happy with the cheesecake and hot cocoa/coffee bar. Our WP happened to work out as guys vs girls, no flower girl or ring bearer. Diamond, yes but it's not a sin, just was his preference. Plus one, well it's an open wedding so are inviting whole families. No dollar dance but maybe a kiss jar.

I'm afraid to ask what a kissing jar is, but I'm asking. If it involves people giving money, don't do it.

OllisaurusRex · June 2015

1 - Garter toss - No. It's like my horror at Galia Lahav attire. Ok, a very minor version but still. That's lingerie, it's private and for FI and I alone.

2 - Giving away - Erm. Well, yeah, kind of. I'm the only girl, my dad really really wants to and this was one of only two requests. One was to please not go sticking lace on burlap, so since I wasn't planning that, I figure I can indulge my dad on the other request. Besides, he's not saying anything, he's just walking me up the aisle and giving me a hug. I'm ok with that.

3 - Bouquet toss - Knowing my horrible, horrible aim, I'd hit myself if I tried it.

4 - Not seeing each other - Hell no. We live together, he's watching me make my dress, he will be helping a bit to hem the dress, and well. I lurve me some food. Either we take 90% of family and wedding party pictures before or no cocktail hour nibbles of yum for me. I do not approve of that. And FI is prone to the hangry so even more reason to see him early, nerves will hopefully settle and he can eat during the day.

5 - Cake smashing - Well, I'm threatening to not even have cake because pie is better. But I don't find violence that hilarious, nor am I young enough to enjoy a food fight. Plus, it's a grievous crime to waste good desert in my world.

6 - Rice tossing - Can't toss anything loose or use any open flame per site. Oh darn. But I am considering glow sticks.Because hello. Glow. Sticks.

7 - Veil - Way, way too formal for us and our wedding.

8 - Gender sides for attendants - Well, my brothers aren't that cute in dresses. But seriously, since we are having a pretty casual wedding ceremony, we aren't having any.

9 - guest sides - Probably, because that's how our families roll and I personally abhor the cutesy "Pick a seat, not a side" signs.

10 - Who pays - Well, my dad said he'd pay for my college or wedding. I didn't want student loans, so college it was.

11 - Money dance - abhorrent to me. Money grabby, and I don't like them.

12 - old, new.... - Yeah. But I like those.

13 - Diamonds - Not to my taste, plus I have major ethical issues there.

14 - Plus ones - One part of etiquette I refuse to break.

15 - No wedding party solves that!

16 - wearing white - Nope, sewing my blue dress!

17 - Receiving line - Yes, but small guest list and can get done fast. Just us however!

18 - Favors - Maybe, not sure. If so, they'll be food or similar.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

ohannabelle said:

DplusKDec192015 said:

We are having an open wedding so the receiving line is a must but outside of that, we aren't doing most any of the others. My dad is walking me, but not "giving me away". I have thought about the something old-new-borrowed-blue but I think my Gma's pearls will be good enough....maybe blue panties . My wedding dress is soft gold and we can't afford favors for 600+ people so they will have to be happy with the cheesecake and hot cocoa/coffee bar. Our WP happened to work out as guys vs girls, no flower girl or ring bearer. Diamond, yes but it's not a sin, just was his preference. Plus one, well it's an open wedding so are inviting whole families. No dollar dance but maybe a kiss jar.

I'm afraid to ask what a kissing jar is, but I'm asking. If it involves people giving money, don't do it.

It's a a way for people to help fund the honeymoon, just like a money dance (but we aren't allowed dancing at our venue so we can't do that). Instead of people attacking the glasses with knives, they put some money in a kiss jar and ring the bell....the couple then kisses.

I agree that it's tacky and some could see it as money grabbing but his mom wanted the money dance and all of his brothers had a money dance so I am letting her win this battle.

ohannabelle · June 2015

DplusKDec192015 said:

ohannabelle said:

DplusKDec192015 said:

We are having an open wedding so the receiving line is a must but outside of that, we aren't doing most any of the others. My dad is walking me, but not "giving me away". I have thought about the something old-new-borrowed-blue but I think my Gma's pearls will be good enough....maybe blue panties . My wedding dress is soft gold and we can't afford favors for 600+ people so they will have to be happy with the cheesecake and hot cocoa/coffee bar. Our WP happened to work out as guys vs girls, no flower girl or ring bearer. Diamond, yes but it's not a sin, just was his preference. Plus one, well it's an open wedding so are inviting whole families. No dollar dance but maybe a kiss jar.

I'm afraid to ask what a kissing jar is, but I'm asking. If it involves people giving money, don't do it.

It's a a way for people to help fund the honeymoon, just like a money dance (but we aren't allowed dancing at our venue so we can't do that). Instead of people attacking the glasses with knives, they put some money in a kiss jar and ring the bell....the couple then kisses.

I agree that it's tacky and some could see it as money grabbing but his mom wanted the money dance and all of his brothers had a money dance so I am letting her win this battle.

"Some could see it as money grabbing" because that's exactly what it is.

Nobody should be "funding" your honeymoon. I'm sorry, this is just gross. How about a big adult No. Sorry, MIL. I'm not using my guests to fill my piggy bank, because I'm not greedy and don't want to look like a moneygrubber taking advantage of my wedding to score spare change from my guests.

Or you could just get a cardboard box, make a sign saying "Need help" and sit on the curb. Same thing, except without a bell.

There just isn't a cute way to beg for money. None.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

Adults pick their battles and I have fought so many others that are more important to me. My FI family is Latino so they come expecting the money dance since it's tradition for them and no one ever complained at the FBIL weddings. I don't feel like fighting with my FMIL and I don't need to fight here. You have stated your opinion, which is your right....let me have my right to choose without the nasty comments and sarcasm.

ohannabelle · June 2015

DplusKDec192015 said:

Adults pick their battles and I have fought so many others that are more important to me. My FI family is Latino so they come expecting the money dance since it's tradition for them and no one ever complained at the FBIL weddings. I don't feel like fighting with my FMIL and I don't need to fight here. You have stated your opinion, which is your right....let me have my right to choose without the nasty comments and sarcasm.

Did you read the header at the top of the page? Snarky board? Leave your feelings at the door? Honest opinions given here?

Sorry if you don't like it, but it's not just tacky, it 's really grossly tacky. If you don't care that you look like a greedy beggar taking advantage of your guests, great. Of course "nobody complains" at weddings. People have manners. But they'll judge the hell out of you behind your back, and they'll be embarrassed for you.

If you don't want to hear it, don't post your plans for fleecing your guests to pay for your vacation on a public board clearly labeled "Snarky" and then whine and complain when someone tells you your begathon is tacky as hell, and you should be embarrassed. It's cringeworthy behavior.

Grownups pay for their own honeymoons. They don't use their weddings to display donation jars. That's just so fucking greedy. You're not a charity, your wedding isn't a fundraiser.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

Our wedding and honeymoon are fully funded and paid for. EDIT: by us, no parents involved

I gotcha on the snarky part, I didn't find it through the board and didn't realize that was the board it was under. Sorry and I respect your opinion, it honestly does help me make a decision, just felt attacked to the max from the get go and wasn't prepared (which I would have been if I knew it was a Snarky board post, my bad).

I don't need anyone's money, I don't want the jar. I am appeasing the batty MIL so she gets off my back about every other thing she wants in the wedding. I understand your view and it's not a stretch for me to see it. Might bring it up to FI so he can decide if it's a view we want our guests to possibly have.

ohannabelle · June 2015

That's fair, DPlus, thanks for not going all speshul snowflake on us.

Batty MILs are awful, and require firm rules. Put your foot down, put it down firmly, and just get used to saying, I appreciate your input, but this has been decided. If they keep up, it's, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to discuss whateverissue any more." And that's it.

Your Fiancé's foot needs to be firmly next to yours. He should have your back on this. If MIL needs to be told NO, he's the one who should tell her.

It's actually a good way to start out, because you let people know that you two are setting the rules in your marriage, your family. Get that established early, before she starts telling you where to buy your house and how to raise your children and where to go for holidays. All that shit.

Do not reward pushy behavior for the sake of temporary peace, or you get even more pushy behavior. Stop that shit before it happens.

It's not her wedding. She gets a corsage, and bragging rights. That's it.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

ohannabelle said:

That's fair, DPlus, thanks for not going all speshul snowflake on us.

Batty MILs are awful, and require firm rules. Put your foot down, put it down firmly, and just get used to saying, I appreciate your input, but this has been decided. If they keep up, it's, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to discuss whateverissue any more." And that's it.
Your Fiancé's foot needs to be firmly next to yours. He should have your back on this. If MIL needs to be told NO, he's the one who should tell her.

It's actually a good way to start out, because you let people know that you two are setting the rules in your marriage, your family. Get that established early, before she starts telling you where to buy your house and how to raise your children and where to go for holidays. All that shit.
Do not reward pushy behavior for the sake of temporary peace, or you get even more pushy behavior. Stop that shit before it happens.
It's not her wedding. She gets a corsage, and bragging rights. That's it.

Lol, I'm def not a special snowflake (had to Google that :embarrassed: ). I poked my head into the wrong conversation with the wrong intentions.

Oh yes, I am learning that the hard way. I grew up being the appeaser and that drives my FI nuts. You should have been there in the MIDDLE OF CHURCH when she was throwing a middle-age temper tantrum about our Save the Dates and he stepped in between us and told her to shut her mouth and grow up. That's not the extent of his demands but I can't remember his words, just how embarrassed I was. She and I had talk at home and she didn't say a thing, she gets in public and her IQ drops. He is usually the one to handle he as I don't know how to have a backbone without cause a loss of limbs and vital organs. I don't have a medium, just appeasing ---> cut throat psycho. In the end though, everyone sees her craziness and even though I feel embarrassed, she is the one who should be ashamed.

justsie · June 2015

DplusKDec192015 said:

ohannabelle said:

That's fair, DPlus, thanks for not going all speshul snowflake on us.

Batty MILs are awful, and require firm rules. Put your foot down, put it down firmly, and just get used to saying, I appreciate your input, but this has been decided. If they keep up, it's, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to discuss whateverissue any more." And that's it.
Your Fiancé's foot needs to be firmly next to yours. He should have your back on this. If MIL needs to be told NO, he's the one who should tell her.

It's actually a good way to start out, because you let people know that you two are setting the rules in your marriage, your family. Get that established early, before she starts telling you where to buy your house and how to raise your children and where to go for holidays. All that shit.
Do not reward pushy behavior for the sake of temporary peace, or you get even more pushy behavior. Stop that shit before it happens.
It's not her wedding. She gets a corsage, and bragging rights. That's it.

Lol, I'm def not a special snowflake (had to Google that :embarrassed: ). I poked my head into the wrong conversation with the wrong intentions.

Oh yes, I am learning that the hard way. I grew up being the appeaser and that drives my FI nuts. You should have been there in the MIDDLE OF CHURCH when she was throwing a middle-age temper tantrum about our Save the Dates and he stepped in between us and told her to shut her mouth and grow up. That's not the extent of his demands but I can't remember his words, just how embarrassed I was. She and I had talk at home and she didn't say a thing, she gets in public and her IQ drops. He is usually the one to handle he as I don't know how to have a backbone without cause a loss of limbs and vital organs. I don't have a medium, just appeasing ---> cut throat psycho. In the end though, everyone sees her craziness and even though I feel embarrassed, she is the one who should be ashamed.

I get what you are saying, but people are not going to equate your money jar for anything other than your tackyness in asking guests for money. That will be a direct reflection on you and how you treat your guests at the wedding.

Knottie1431976867 · July 2015

I find it interesting that many of these "old fashioned" traditions are a lot more widespread in the US than abroad. I'm Italian and will marry my American fiancé next June (2016). I've been to weddings both in Italy and the US. I had never heard of "giving away the bride" until I saw a wedding in the US. No real wedding parties in Italy, no garter and no new/old/borrowed/blue. I had to actually look for a money dance on youtube to understand what it was. Interesting. We probably have other traditions that would sound weird to the average US bride, of course.

TheCheeseWench · July 2015

Knottie1431976867 said:

I find it interesting that many of these "old fashioned" traditions are a lot more widespread in the US than abroad. I'm Italian and will marry my American fiancé next June (2016). I've been to weddings both in Italy and the US. I had never heard of "giving away the bride" until I saw a wedding in the US. No real wedding parties in Italy, no garter and no new/old/borrowed/blue. I had to actually look for a money dance on youtube to understand what it was. Interesting. We probably have other traditions that would sound weird to the average US bride, of course.

If it were not for family, I would have just eloped to Italy instead of fussing with this American wedding. Instead we will be honeymooning there (and Belgium). Best wishes for a joyful combination of traditions!

Knottie1431976867 · July 2015

TheCheeseWench said:

Knottie1431976867 said:

I find it interesting that many of these "old fashioned" traditions are a lot more widespread in the US than abroad. I'm Italian and will marry my American fiancé next June (2016). I've been to weddings both in Italy and the US. I had never heard of "giving away the bride" until I saw a wedding in the US. No real wedding parties in Italy, no garter and no new/old/borrowed/blue. I had to actually look for a money dance on youtube to understand what it was. Interesting. We probably have other traditions that would sound weird to the average US bride, of course.

If it were not for family, I would have just eloped to Italy instead of fussing with this American wedding. Instead we will be honeymooning there (and Belgium). Best wishes for a joyful combination of traditions!

Thank you! We will get married in Italy and live here for a year or two before possibly moving back to the US.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

I am going to love this particular board...

My 2 cents on outdated traditions

1. Garter toss- tacky, tacky, tacky. I have never been to a wedding and saw this and didn't feel uncomfortable. Didn't do this the first time, wouldn't do it the second.

2. Given away- Did it the first time, won't do it again. Dad met lifetime quota. I think if you are an independent women who is paying for your own wedding, you can skip this. This tradition dates back to the bride being "property" of her family.

3. Bouquet toss- Nope. Not that it isn't funny seeing your attendants elbow each other in the face, or their boyfriends look of terror when they catch it.

4. Not seeing each other before the wedding- Nope, too much work at a destination wedding, plus we have lived together 9 years so meh.

5. Smashing cake- Nope, always tacky and degrading imo.

6. Throwing rice- Nope, not environmentally friendly and a mess. Plus most venues won't let you and it kills birds.

7. Wearing a veil- Nope, gonna be on a beach with wind. Enough said.

8. Gender-specific wedding parties- Nope, no wedding party at all.

9. Separate sides- Nope, we have 8 guests on a beach...

10. Bride's family pays- Nope, they did the first time. This one is on me.

11. Dollar dance- Ewww and no.

12. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue- Probably not, unless it works out accidentally.

13. Diamond rings- Yes

14. Plus One- not applicable on destination wedding with 8 guests.

15. Announcing the wedding party- what wedding party?

16. Wearing a white dress- Maybe, or ivory or blush.

17. Having a receiving line- Nope, this is an outdated, annoying, and waste of time tradition.

18. Giving out wedding favors- Yes, and we will have out of town welcome bags as well.

Being a second time bride, I am likely skipping more traditions than most. Here are some other things I won't be doing...
Showers, pre-wedding parties, bachelor/bachelorette parties, registering for gifts, rehearsal dinner, ceremony stuff (lighting candles, unity sand), guest book, formal reception, dancing, dj announcing anything, cake cutting, any sort of post reception send off.

Kahlyla · July 2015

DplusKDec192015 said:

Our wedding and honeymoon are fully funded and paid for. EDIT: by us, no parents involved

I gotcha on the snarky part, I didn't find it through the board and didn't realize that was the board it was under. Sorry and I respect your opinion, it honestly does help me make a decision, just felt attacked to the max from the get go and wasn't prepared (which I would have been if I knew it was a Snarky board post, my bad).

I don't need anyone's money, I don't want the jar. I am appeasing the batty MIL so she gets off my back about every other thing she wants in the wedding. I understand your view and it's not a stretch for me to see it. Might bring it up to FI so he can decide if it's a view we want our guests to possibly have.

What if the jar was intended to receive not money, but little slips of paper with marriage advice written on them? Or little tokens of some sort that you yourselves provide?

Full disclosure, one of my husband's cousins did the "kissing jar" at their wedding, and I snarked on it, oh yes, did I snark. As did everyone at our table. The best man introduced it as a "game", whereby participants should put "a toonie" (yes, $2 coins only, please!) in the jar if they wanted to see the couple kiss. Before I could stop myself I blurted out (quietly enough, meh), "that's not a game, that's panhandling!" Plus, I think they may have made, like, 6 bucks or so by the end of the night. People do tend to tire of all the "getting the couple to kiss" stuff pretty early on, after all.

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