"Warn" guests about informal reception?

Knottie65690625 · January 2015

Hi folks,

I'm having my reception at a neighborhood pub. Pub food in a pub. The party planner there had never had a wedding reception before, and suggested putting something on the invite like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" so people wouldn't be expecting a big sit down thing. What do you think of this? How would you handle it?

WhatawagSBNy · January 2015

Have not been to one since an Irish bar near Boston but a great wedding venue for a congenial group.

You can sneak it in on the directions card, as "to the pub where we will have our pizza, beer, music and dancing"

fwtx5815 · January 2015

I've read many times that the "level of hosting" shouldn't be stated on invitations.
On the reception card, put the name of the pub and the address, and people will likely know what to expect. They won't be anticipating a dual entrée plated meal with white glove service at the neighborhood bar.

esstee33 · January 2015

Knottie65690625 said:

Hi folks,

I'm having my reception at a neighborhood pub. Pub food in a pub. The party planner there had never had a wedding reception before, and suggested putting something on the invite like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" so people wouldn't be expecting a big sit down thing. What do you think of this? How would you handle it?

No, don't put anything like that on the invitation. Get super casual invitations, and do as @dallasbetch suggested and list the name and address of the pub. People can Google it if they're still confused, but the informality of the invitations and listing the pub should be a big light bulb for most people.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Ditto PPs, informal invites, less formal wording... You don't need to tell people its informal though. Once they get the informal invite and see that its at a local pub, they'll get the picture.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

Ditto PPs, informal invites, less formal wording... You don't need to tell people its informal though. Once they get the informal invite and see that its at a local pub, they'll get the picture.

This. Seriously, once I see that the reception is being held in a pub I will know not to wear my ballgown.

ElcaB · January 2015

I agree with others; the invitation & location should indicate the "feel" of this event for guests.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Another vote for a more casual invite & wording will help set the tone. Some people will still come dressed up because it's a wedding and they like to get dressed up.

Knottie13257900 · January 2015

You could always put a description on your wedding website if you don't want to include it on your actual invitation.

classicalandedgy · January 2015

esstee33 said:

Knottie65690625 said:

Hi folks,

I'm having my reception at a neighborhood pub. Pub food in a pub. The party planner there had never had a wedding reception before, and suggested putting something on the invite like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" so people wouldn't be expecting a big sit down thing. What do you think of this? How would you handle it?

No, don't put anything like that on the invitation. Get super casual invitations, and do as @dallasbetch suggested and list the name and address of the pub. People can Google it if they're still confused, but the informality of the invitations and listing the pub should be a big light bulb for most people.

This exactly...

Knottie44748925 · January 2015

I say, do whatever you want! If writing something like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" is more your style, then go for it!

dolewhipper · February 2015

Knottie44748925 said:

I say, do whatever you want! If writing something like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" is more your style, then go for it!

When people ask for invitation wording etiquette, it's poor etiquette to give poor etiquette.

OP, as others suggested, if you put the name of the pub with the address along with casual invitations, they will get the point (promise). Double points if the name of the pub has the word Pub or Bar in it.

weddingcactus · February 2015

I've been to a wedding followed by a reception dinner at a pub and then dessert at a hotel suite. I've also been to a wedding and reception at a campsite in the mountains. In all cases, the informality was clear from the location listed on the invitations and I was able to dress accordingly. And if some guests dress up a little more than you anticipated, there is no harm done.

JoanE2012 · February 2015

Knottie44748925 said:

I say, do whatever you want! If writing something like "pizza, beer and dancing to follow" is more your style, then go for it!

Nope! A wedding is not a "do what you want!" event. I promise you that if you list Paulie's Pub as the reception location, the average person won't have trouble deciphering the type of atmosphere/food.

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

As we're not doing a formal reception, we just noted that a picnic gathering would follow the ceremony. I agree that if you include the reception location, people will know what to expect. I would be appalled by a wedding planner suggesting that you have to qualify your venue choice, as though you need to be sure people have set the bar low.

Jen4948 · May 2015

No, you don't do describe your hospitality on your invitations. That means no "dinner and dancing"-type wording. You provide sufficient food and drink of the right type for the time and day for your reception. The graphics and style of your wording, as opposed to the wording, should convey the level of formality of your wedding.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

Speaking from personal experience I don't think I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of descriptor of the reception.

For example, we received a very formal invitation from FHs cousin a few weeks ago and it stated "Dinner and Dancing to Follow." That combined with the meal card on which we had to make choices clearly showed us the level of formality expected.

Our invitations proclaim "Frightful Festivities to Follow" above the location listing. We're into alliteration, lol.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
Speaking from personal experience I don't think I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of descriptor of the reception.

For example, we received a very formal invitation from FHs cousin a few weeks ago and it stated "Dinner and Dancing to Follow." That combined with the meal card on which we had to make choices clearly showed us the level of formality expected.

Our invitations proclaim "Frightful Festivities to Follow" above the location listing. We're into alliteration, lol.

Personal experience does not equal what is correct from an etiquette standpoint.

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
Speaking from personal experience I don't think I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of descriptor of the reception.

For example, we received a very formal invitation from FHs cousin a few weeks ago and it stated "Dinner and Dancing to Follow." That combined with the meal card on which we had to make choices clearly showed us the level of formality expected.

Our invitations proclaim "Frightful Festivities to Follow" above the location listing. We're into alliteration, lol.

No, all it "clearly showed" was that neither your FI's cousin nor you understand, let alone follow, correct etiquette.

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:
Speaking from personal experience I don't think I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of descriptor of the reception.

For example, we received a very formal invitation from FHs cousin a few weeks ago and it stated "Dinner and Dancing to Follow." That combined with the meal card on which we had to make choices clearly showed us the level of formality expected.

Our invitations proclaim "Frightful Festivities to Follow" above the location listing. We're into alliteration, lol.
No, all it "clearly showed" was that neither your FI's cousin nor you understand, let alone follow, correct etiquette.

Because etiquette is clearly the be all, end all and we should certainly be rude to each other about our invitation wording.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:
Speaking from personal experience I don't think I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't have some sort of descriptor of the reception.

For example, we received a very formal invitation from FHs cousin a few weeks ago and it stated "Dinner and Dancing to Follow." That combined with the meal card on which we had to make choices clearly showed us the level of formality expected.

Our invitations proclaim "Frightful Festivities to Follow" above the location listing. We're into alliteration, lol.
No, all it "clearly showed" was that neither your FI's cousin nor you understand, let alone follow, correct etiquette.
Because etiquette is clearly the be all, end all and we should certainly be rude to each other about our invitation wording.

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.

It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive

I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.

artbyallie · May 2015

Doing what suits you is all well and good until you offend someone or hurt their feelings. If one simply does not care how one's guests feel, then I am baffled as to why one would invite them in the first fucking place.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.

Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.

Tradition does not equal etiquette. Rules of etiquette exist for a number of reasons, not least of which are to help us treat one and other correctly, whether it be letting people step off the elevator before you charge in or hosting a proper gathering where you treat your guests well.

These are etiquette boards where people come to learn those general rules. They are actually very helpful.

What is not helpful, or received well, is when people come on here & try to defend bad ideas that are against the rules of etiquette or dispense advice that is not based on actual etiquette but personal opinion or experience. Why would we have standards of etiquette if they were subject to opinion?

Everyone is of course free to post as they wish. But don't expect not to be corrected if what you're promoting is rude, tacky, or might make your guests uncomfortable.

It's actually really simple if you take the time to read these boards.

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.
Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.

But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.
Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.
But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.

Wedding dictators? LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people post here asking questions about etiquette and we tell them what etiquette has to say. You don't like that? Go post somewhere else.

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.
Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.
But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.
Wedding dictators? LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people post here asking questions about etiquette and we tell them what etiquette has to say. You don't like that? Go post somewhere else.

I asked you some serious questions trying to understand where you're coming from, but apparently you excel at being rude while trying to tell other people that they are rude.
It would be one thing to explain what is considered proper etiquette, but what you have shared here has been nothing but rude and snarky things. Don't pretend to be the queen of etiquette when you can't even be civil towards anyone who has the misfortune of encountering you.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.
Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.
But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.
Wedding dictators? LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people post here asking questions about etiquette and we tell them what etiquette has to say. You don't like that? Go post somewhere else.
I asked you some serious questions trying to understand where you're coming from, but apparently you excel at being rude while trying to tell other people that they are rude.
It would be one thing to explain what is considered proper etiquette, but what you have shared here has been nothing but rude and snarky things. Don't pretend to be the queen of etiquette when you can't even be civil towards anyone who has the misfortune of encountering you.

I don't concern myself with the personal opinions of people who get defensive when told that what they want to do, and are going to do anyway, is not in accordance with etiquette or basic politeness.

And as for "pretend to be the queen of etiquette" ? Never have done that. "Can't even be civil" ? I'm not the one being rude or snarky, or even proposing to be rude or snarky.

Sorry, but if you need to pass judgments on anyone, you're barking up the wrong tree.

Knottie1429926455 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1429926455 said:

If you lurk, you'll find that this poster has a "I don't give a ----" attitude about other areas of etiquette as well. It's highly advisable that you check that out before you snark about who is being rude to whom again.
It's not a "I don't give a shit about etiquette" attitude so much as it's a "I think everyone should do what's right for them, their FH, and their own personal situation" attitude.

@Knottie1429926455 If you lurk you'll also find that a lot of posters have very black and white ideas about things whereas I see a lot more grey areas that take personal opinion into account. You're right though, there's no reason to be rude and that's why I always strive to be positive
I was under the impression that this is 2015 and we don't have to follow archaic traditions that don't apply to us, and that your wedding is supposed to be about what's suited to you and your family, but evidently not everyone sees it that way, so maybe I was mistaken.
I guess I'm doing my wedding all wrong as well, oh well. Doomed to failure it is, then.
Sure sounds like it, yes. Sorry, but it being 2015 does not invalidate good manners or make rudeness polite. Etiquette does not go out of date or style.
But it's simply the fact that the wording of your invitation and choosing to tell your guests what kind of reception to expect is not rude. It's offbeat, perhaps it's not the way things are usually done, but nothing about it is rude.
I find it terrifying that there are such ridiculous wedding dictators as yourself, there's just no need. I'd really like to understand what makes it offensive to tell your guests the kind of reception you are having? And why it affects you so deeply what other people include on their invitations, for that matter.
Wedding dictators? LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people post here asking questions about etiquette and we tell them what etiquette has to say. You don't like that? Go post somewhere else.
I asked you some serious questions trying to understand where you're coming from, but apparently you excel at being rude while trying to tell other people that they are rude.
It would be one thing to explain what is considered proper etiquette, but what you have shared here has been nothing but rude and snarky things. Don't pretend to be the queen of etiquette when you can't even be civil towards anyone who has the misfortune of encountering you.
I don't concern myself with the personal opinions of people who get defensive when told that what they want to do, and are going to do anyway, is not in accordance with etiquette or basic politeness.

And as for "pretend to be the queen of etiquette" ? Never have done that. "Can't even be civil" ? I''m not the one being rude or snarky, or even proposing to be rude or snarky.

Sorry, but if you need to pass judgments on anyone, you're barking up the wrong tree.

I feel bad for your husband.
I'm sorry that you can't be bothered to answer honest questions and would rather assume that everyone but you is in the wrong and you don't need to justify your rudeness.
I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but I hope you seek help with your superiority problem.

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