Bridesmaid Drama

swagandmoxie · May 2015

Is it ok for me to ASK my daughters to lace up my dress. I ASKED them to be my maid and matron of honor. Do any of you know why you ask people to be in your bridal party? Part of the reason is to HELP you out. Not wait on you, not plan showers and parties and spend money on a fancy dress to make YOU look good. Hmm should I insult my friend who's a baker and ask some random bakery to make my cake. Should we insult our cousin who's a DJ who does the music for the family Christmas party EVERY YEAR... no thanks we'd rather hire a stranger than pay you to make our wedding fun. Should I insult my cousin who offered to do ceremony and family photos... Oh no thanks you can't enjoy the reception if you're working during the ceremony. I'd rather pay a stranger than you. And I think I'll have some random Judge who doesn't even know anything about me and my fiance to officiate our wedding. That will really make it personal and special. And my friend who JUST UP AND EXPECTED to be a bridesmaid.... (I guess that's ok) I'm just suppose to tell her, no thanks my daughter's are filling in as witnesses. I don't need you for anything. Instead of sitting down with her and saying FH and I are doing this all ourselves and I KNOW you want to be involved so you can HELP us. Would you do me a huge favor and make sure the lights are plugged in and the candles are lit and ready for the ceremony. I need someone I can trust and count on to do that, it's really important to me and I love you and this will really help me out. And he face lights up light a Christmas tree and she says " Does that make me the reception manager " and I say it sure does and everybody will see what a great job you did. This means soooo much to me, thank you so much.

I'm really confused where it went from me asking a best friend to be something more to me than just a bridesmaid to making my guests at my wedding do my grunt work while I sit around being Queen and insult everyone I know who offered, expected and wanted to be part of beyond just a guest.

lovegood90 · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
Is it ok for me to ASK my daughters to lace up my dress. I ASKED them to be my maid and matron of honor. Do any of you know why you ask people to be in your bridal party? Part of the reason is to HELP you out. Not wait on you, not plan showers and parties and spend money on a fancy dress to make YOU look good. Hmm should I insult my friend who's a baker and ask some random bakery to make my cake. Should we insult our cousin who's a DJ who does the music for the family Christmas party EVERY YEAR... no thanks we'd rather hire a stranger than pay you to make our wedding fun. Should I insult my cousin who offered to do ceremony and family photos... Oh no thanks you can't enjoy the reception if you're working during the ceremony. I'd rather pay a stranger than you. And I think I'll have some random Judge who doesn't even know anything about me and my fiance to officiate our wedding. That will really make it personal and special. And my friend who JUST UP AND EXPECTED to be a bridesmaid.... (I guess that's ok) I'm just suppose to tell her, no thanks my daughter's are filling in as witnesses. I don't need you for anything. Instead of sitting down with her and saying FH and I are doing this all ourselves and I KNOW you want to be involved so you can HELP us. Would you do me a huge favor and make sure the lights are plugged in and the candles are lit and ready for the ceremony. I need someone I can trust and count on to do that, it's really important to me and I love you and this will really help me out. And he face lights up light a Christmas tree and she says " Does that make me the reception manager " and I say it sure does and everybody will see what a great job you did. This means soooo much to me, thank you so much.

I'm really confused where it went from me asking a best friend to be something more to me than just a bridesmaid to making my guests at my wedding do my grunt work while I sit around being Queen and insult everyone I know who offered, expected and wanted to be part of beyond just a guest.

To the bolded: this is NOT true. The wedding industry, movies and TV shows have skewed this.

The bridal party roles are simply ceremonial, symbolic roles of HONOR- AKA it is just a title. The only reason you should be asking someone to be your bridesmaid or maid of honor is because they are so important to you that you want them to be standing next to you as you commit to be with the love of your life. That's IT. This is about YOU honoring THEM, not them helping you with anything.

Of course they can offer and you're free to accept, but it is 100% not their responsibility to have anything to do with the planning of execution of your wedding. They are guests of honor. End of story.

TrixieJess · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
Is it ok for me to ASK my daughters to lace up my dress. I ASKED them to be my maid and matron of honor. Do any of you know why you ask people to be in your bridal party? Part of the reason is to HELP you out. Not wait on you, not plan showers and parties and spend money on a fancy dress to make YOU look good. Hmm should I insult my friend who's a baker and ask some random bakery to make my cake. Should we insult our cousin who's a DJ who does the music for the family Christmas party EVERY YEAR... no thanks we'd rather hire a stranger than pay you to make our wedding fun. Should I insult my cousin who offered to do ceremony and family photos... Oh no thanks you can't enjoy the reception if you're working during the ceremony. I'd rather pay a stranger than you. And I think I'll have some random Judge who doesn't even know anything about me and my fiance to officiate our wedding. That will really make it personal and special. And my friend who JUST UP AND EXPECTED to be a bridesmaid.... (I guess that's ok) I'm just suppose to tell her, no thanks my daughter's are filling in as witnesses. I don't need you for anything. Instead of sitting down with her and saying FH and I are doing this all ourselves and I KNOW you want to be involved so you can HELP us. Would you do me a huge favor and make sure the lights are plugged in and the candles are lit and ready for the ceremony. I need someone I can trust and count on to do that, it's really important to me and I love you and this will really help me out. And he face lights up light a Christmas tree and she says " Does that make me the reception manager " and I say it sure does and everybody will see what a great job you did. This means soooo much to me, thank you so much.

I'm really confused where it went from me asking a best friend to be something more to me than just a bridesmaid to making my guests at my wedding do my grunt work while I sit around being Queen and insult everyone I know who offered, expected and wanted to be part of beyond just a guest.

I asked my best friend because she's the awesomest! I can't think of anyone else who I want standing up with me when I get married to the person I love most in the world.

My MOH isn't even going to be in the country until 2 weeks before my wedding. In that time, she has to visit with all her other friends, family and any medical and dental appointments that are outstanding. Do I expect her to do anything for my wedding? Yep, show up, hopefully sober, in a dress. I'll let her know what time to be there and she'll show. I can get myself dressed. FI can do up my zipper, it's all good. Your friends aren't your hired help, unless you are paying them.

I was in a wedding once for a bride like you. We are no longer friends. Maybe you should take a look at how you are treating the people around you.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
Is it ok for me to ASK my daughters to lace up my dress. I ASKED them to be my maid and matron of honor. Do any of you know why you ask people to be in your bridal party? Part of the reason is to HELP you out. Not wait on you, not plan showers and parties and spend money on a fancy dress to make YOU look good. Hmm should I insult my friend who's a baker and ask some random bakery to make my cake. Should we insult our cousin who's a DJ who does the music for the family Christmas party EVERY YEAR... no thanks we'd rather hire a stranger than pay you to make our wedding fun. Should I insult my cousin who offered to do ceremony and family photos... Oh no thanks you can't enjoy the reception if you're working during the ceremony. I'd rather pay a stranger than you. And I think I'll have some random Judge who doesn't even know anything about me and my fiance to officiate our wedding. That will really make it personal and special. And my friend who JUST UP AND EXPECTED to be a bridesmaid.... (I guess that's ok) I'm just suppose to tell her, no thanks my daughter's are filling in as witnesses. I don't need you for anything. Instead of sitting down with her and saying FH and I are doing this all ourselves and I KNOW you want to be involved so you can HELP us. Would you do me a huge favor and make sure the lights are plugged in and the candles are lit and ready for the ceremony. I need someone I can trust and count on to do that, it's really important to me and I love you and this will really help me out. And he face lights up light a Christmas tree and she says " Does that make me the reception manager " and I say it sure does and everybody will see what a great job you did. This means soooo much to me, thank you so much.

I'm really confused where it went from me asking a best friend to be something more to me than just a bridesmaid to making my guests at my wedding do my grunt work while I sit around being Queen and insult everyone I know who offered, expected and wanted to be part of beyond just a guest.

Woah, slow down - no need to be so defensive. No one once criticized your decision to hire your friends as vendors.

1st bolded: That is patently untrue. Your wedding party are guests of honor whom you chose to stand by you to witness your marriage.

2nd bolded: No, it's not OK for anyone to assume they will be in your WP, although it often happens. Presumably, you are an adult and know that you should politely tell them "No". Actually, "Thank you, but my daughters are serving as my witnesses" is a perfectly nice way to rebuff someone who tries to insert themselves into your WP. No need to say, "I don't need you for anything". That's not even implied if you don't ask someone to be a bridesmaid.

3rd bolded: We explained this but I'll try again. It's not proper etiquette to ask for help with your wedding. This is not the only thread where you will read that. If you read some more threads you'll see that people who try to give those not in the wedding party "roles" or "jobs" as some sort of honor typically falls quite short and is actually an off-putting gesture. It comes across as a consolation prize and doesn't allow the person to just enjoy your wedding as a guest.

It honestly doesn't sound like a huge deal that this woman will be plugging in your lights. However, people come to these boards to learn what is correct and incorrect in terms of etiquette and the rules are not malleable to your special circumstances or anyone else's.

If it seems inflexible, it's because the rules of etiquette are meant to be standardized so they can be universally applied to all circumstances.

If you don't agree with the rules of etiquette and wish to break them, that is fine. However, coming to these boards and trying to defend poor etiquette choices, no matter how minor, is going to get you nowhere fast.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

Of course they can offer and you're free to accept, but it is 100% not their responsibility to have anything to do with the planning of execution of your wedding. They are guests of honor. End of story.

ABSOLUTELY. Yet how many brides ask them to help with the envelopes, help with the programs, help with the favors.... EXPECT a shower or Bachelorette party or both... or a weekend trip with the girls. Buy an expensive bridesmaid dress, shoes, and you must get your hair and makeup done for MY DAY and pay for all of that.

I told my daughters NO SHOWER... NO PARTY. I'll buy your dresses or you can wear what you want. I just want them there with me oh and I will need them to help me lace up my dress... I guess those pictures of the maids all getting ready together and helping the bride get ready... that's rude. Well that's the ONLY help I asked for. Just be there with me and help me on that day... you don't have to do ANYTHING else. So I'm sorry the guilt trip all you snotties ...oops Knotties.... are trying to heap down on me isn't working.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

When people say "you just want to be a Queen and expect your guests to do your grunt work" When the only friends not getting PAID is my reception manager and officiant insinuates that I expect to be waited on by everyone there. That they're suppose to worship me instead of being guests at my wedding.I asked someone to do me a favor because I wasn't going to have her as a bridesmaid and I knew how much she wanted to help me and be involved. I'm very sorry it broke ALL RULES of etiquette when cutting her out completely would have been cruel and made her miserable. As far as the rest of it I've gone out of my way to make sure my bridal party don't do ANYTHING else but stand by my side.

julesndean · May 2015

Getting back to the ORIGINAL topic at hand. Csenden, I too have had an issue with a bestie/BM. The difference in my situation is as follows: i live in Pittsburgh but am having my wedding in NYC, it is only immediate/close family invited (my 2 best friends are family). My BM has also been a total flake. She has ALWAYS been a flake, but when I asked her to be a bridesmaid.. I made it clear that if she wasn't comfortable committing to being a part of the wedding planning process, there would be no hard feelings if she felt the need to decline. She insisted that she be a bridesmaid and so on and so forth. Well, since that conversation... she has literally intentionally avoided the entire process. Not only that, when she got back together with her abusive ex, I explained to her that he was not welcome at my wedding, considering it is family only... 2 weeks later, she told me they two of them were looking at hotels near ours. Once again, I told her he was not invited. He is a drug addict and abusive and inappropriate, I think I have a right to not welcome him at my small wedding. ANYWAY, she also completely ignored me the 4 times I asked if she would be able to come and pick out wedding dresses with me. ALSO, she has asked me 9 times what day my wedding is.

Her and I have been friends for 10 years, and since we graduated high school.. i grew up, she didn't. I'm always there when she needs me, but she is never there when I need her. She promised she'd be apart of my wedding planning (I'm not even having a reception, just having dinner with everyone at our favorite restaurant / supper club.. so it's not like I have a lot going on in regards to planning).

So, her and I got into a huge fight the other night because since I told her that her shitty boyfriend wasn't welcome, she started saying that she doesn't know if she will be able to come or not. I have assessed the friendship, and I have decided that after the way she has been acting towards me in general, not just in regards to the wedding, I am perfectly comfortable ending the friendship. I didn't have high expectations for her at all, just showing up to help me find a wedding dress and maybe REMEMBERING WHEN THE HELL MY WEDDING IS AFTER I TOLD HER 9 TIMES. She outright said, "I don't give a f*#k about your wedding or anything else going on in your life." I literally never even offer up information about my wedding unless i'm directly asked about it! I don't want to be that girl who does nothing but talk about my wedding, so it's not like I was forcing it down her throat.

None the less, I chose to tell her that it would be better if she didn't come to my wedding. The fact that it's a tiny destination wedding makes it a bit less awkward, but either way I am prepared to lose that friend. She's one of my oldest friends, but we're just in two very different places in life. We grew apart a long time ago, but we kept trying to force the friendship. Tell me i'm rude and tell me i'm a bitch, that's fine. When it comes down to it, it's my wedding (just as it is yours) and it can go however you want it to. We're paying for it, it's our day, and if we want to uninvite someone to our wedding.. yes, it's not socially acceptable, but we can do that.

Good luck with your BM situation, I hope you figure out what you want to do.

flantastic · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
Of course they can offer and you're free to accept, but it is 100% not their responsibility to have anything to do with the planning of execution of your wedding. They are guests of honor. End of story.

ABSOLUTELY. Yet how many brides ask them to help with the envelopes, help with the programs, help with the favors.... EXPECT a shower or Bachelorette party or both... or a weekend trip with the girls. Buy an expensive bridesmaid dress, shoes, and you must get your hair and makeup done for MY DAY and pay for all of that.
I told my daughters NO SHOWER... NO PARTY. I'll buy your dresses or you can wear what you want. I just want them there with me oh and I will need them to help me lace up my dress... I guess those pictures of the maids all getting ready together and helping the bride get ready... that's rude. Well that's the ONLY help I asked for. Just be there with me and help me on that day... you don't have to do ANYTHING else. So I'm sorry the guilt trip all you snotties ...oops Knotties.... are trying to heap down on me isn't working.

What is your logic here? Because other brides are shitty friends and you are being less shitty and demanding than they are, what you're doing is okay? It's not. And we are not those brides.

The "guilt trip" is not just for you - it's so anyone just reading doesn't think what you've done is okay. Because it isn't.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

julesndean according to the rules of etiquette you are not suppose to ask your BM to help you with "planning the wedding" . I was schooled on this quite a bit. (Sorry.... anyway you can do what ever you want and ask who you want to be there with you or unask them)

Csenden listen to your gut..... it will tell you how to handle this situation.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

julesndean said:
Getting back to the ORIGINAL topic at hand. Csenden, I too have had an issue with a bestie/BM. The difference in my situation is as follows: i live in Pittsburgh but am having my wedding in NYC, it is only immediate/close family invited (my 2 best friends are family). My BM has also been a total flake. She has ALWAYS been a flake, but when I asked her to be a bridesmaid.. I made it clear that if she wasn't comfortable committing to being a part of the wedding planning process, there would be no hard feelings if she felt the need to decline. She insisted that she be a bridesmaid and so on and so forth. Well, since that conversation... she has literally intentionally avoided the entire process. Not only that, when she got back together with her abusive ex, I explained to her that he was not welcome at my wedding, considering it is family only... 2 weeks later, she told me they two of them were looking at hotels near ours. Once again, I told her he was not invited. He is a drug addict and abusive and inappropriate, I think I have a right to not welcome him at my small wedding. ANYWAY, she also completely ignored me the 4 times I asked if she would be able to come and pick out wedding dresses with me. ALSO, she has asked me 9 times what day my wedding is.
Her and I have been friends for 10 years, and since we graduated high school.. i grew up, she didn't. I'm always there when she needs me, but she is never there when I need her. She promised she'd be apart of my wedding planning (I'm not even having a reception, just having dinner with everyone at our favorite restaurant / supper club.. so it's not like I have a lot going on in regards to planning).
So, her and I got into a huge fight the other night because since I told her that her shitty boyfriend wasn't welcome, she started saying that she doesn't know if she will be able to come or not. I have assessed the friendship, and I have decided that after the way she has been acting towards me in general, not just in regards to the wedding, I am perfectly comfortable ending the friendship. I didn't have high expectations for her at all, just showing up to help me find a wedding dress and maybe REMEMBERING WHEN THE HELL MY WEDDING IS AFTER I TOLD HER 9 TIMES. She outright said, "I don't give a f*#k about your wedding or anything else going on in your life." I literally never even offer up information about my wedding unless i'm directly asked about it! I don't want to be that girl who does nothing but talk about my wedding, so it's not like I was forcing it down her throat.
None the less, I chose to tell her that it would be better if she didn't come to my wedding. The fact that it's a tiny destination wedding makes it a bit less awkward, but either way I am prepared to lose that friend. She's one of my oldest friends, but we're just in two very different places in life. We grew apart a long time ago, but we kept trying to force the friendship. Tell me i'm rude and tell me i'm a bitch, that's fine. When it comes down to it, it's my wedding (just as it is yours) and it can go however you want it to. We're paying for it, it's our day, and if we want to uninvite someone to our wedding.. yes, it's not socially acceptable, but we can do that.
Good luck with your BM situation, I hope you figure out what you want to do.

Yikes. This philosophy will not go over very well here. That is generally thought of as a "Bridezilla" mindset.

Yes, your wedding IS your day! Unless you invite guests. Then, the reception becomes the "Thank You" to your guests for attending your ceremony and they should be properly hosted. That's the way it works. If you care so little about hosting guests, being polite, or properly hosting a reception, I suggest eloping.

Once you invite guests, it is no longer "your day". The bolded is a very ungracious statement and will not be received kindly on an etiquette board.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

julesndean said:
Getting back to the ORIGINAL topic at hand. Csenden, I too have had an issue with a bestie/BM. The difference in my situation is as follows: i live in Pittsburgh but am having my wedding in NYC, it is only immediate/close family invited (my 2 best friends are family). My BM has also been a total flake. She has ALWAYS been a flake, but when I asked her to be a bridesmaid.. I made it clear that if she wasn't comfortable committing to being a part of the wedding planning process, there would be no hard feelings if she felt the need to decline. She insisted that she be a bridesmaid and so on and so forth. Well, since that conversation... she has literally intentionally avoided the entire process. Not only that, when she got back together with her abusive ex, I explained to her that he was not welcome at my wedding, considering it is family only... 2 weeks later, she told me they two of them were looking at hotels near ours. Once again, I told her he was not invited. He is a drug addict and abusive and inappropriate, I think I have a right to not welcome him at my small wedding. ANYWAY, she also completely ignored me the 4 times I asked if she would be able to come and pick out wedding dresses with me. ALSO, she has asked me 9 times what day my wedding is.
Her and I have been friends for 10 years, and since we graduated high school.. i grew up, she didn't. I'm always there when she needs me, but she is never there when I need her. She promised she'd be apart of my wedding planning (I'm not even having a reception, just having dinner with everyone at our favorite restaurant / supper club.. so it's not like I have a lot going on in regards to planning).
So, her and I got into a huge fight the other night because since I told her that her shitty boyfriend wasn't welcome, she started saying that she doesn't know if she will be able to come or not. I have assessed the friendship, and I have decided that after the way she has been acting towards me in general, not just in regards to the wedding, I am perfectly comfortable ending the friendship. I didn't have high expectations for her at all, just showing up to help me find a wedding dress and maybe REMEMBERING WHEN THE HELL MY WEDDING IS AFTER I TOLD HER 9 TIMES. She outright said, "I don't give a f*#k about your wedding or anything else going on in your life." I literally never even offer up information about my wedding unless i'm directly asked about it! I don't want to be that girl who does nothing but talk about my wedding, so it's not like I was forcing it down her throat.
None the less, I chose to tell her that it would be better if she didn't come to my wedding. The fact that it's a tiny destination wedding makes it a bit less awkward, but either way I am prepared to lose that friend. She's one of my oldest friends, but we're just in two very different places in life. We grew apart a long time ago, but we kept trying to force the friendship. Tell me i'm rude and tell me i'm a bitch, that's fine. When it comes down to it, it's my wedding (just as it is yours) and it can go however you want it to. We're paying for it, it's our day, and if we want to uninvite someone to our wedding.. yes, it's not socially acceptable, but we can do that.
Good luck with your BM situation, I hope you figure out what you want to do.
Yikes. This philosophy will not go over very well here. That is generally thought of as a "Bridezilla" mindset.

Yes, your wedding IS your day! Unless you invite guests. Then, the reception becomes the "Thank You" to your guests for attending your ceremony and they should be properly hosted. That's the way it works. If you care so little about hosting guests, being polite, or properly hosting a reception, I suggest eloping.

Once you invite guests, it is no longer "your day". The bolded is a very ungracious statement and will not be received kindly on an etiquette board.

Unless I die between now and "your day", it will be my day too. Everyone alive on that day gets to claim it as Their Day. Don't pull special snowflake My Day shit around here, it doesn't go over well.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

I never knew a wedding reception was only a thank you for guests attendin the ceremony. What about those guest that skip the ceremony and only come to the reception. If a guest doesn't like that a couple are only having a ceremony and then going to a restaurant. .. that guest can choose not to come. The bride and groom are having a ceremony and a celebration and asking people to be their to share their joy. There is no obligation to offer any specific type of party but the invitation should inform the guest of what type of celebraton is planned. Please join us at The Rainbow Room for dinner after the ceremony. The bride and groom should plan what they want and what they can afford. Guests shouldn't have expectations of what that should be.... only if they want to attend or not.

photokitty · May 2015

I'll just leave these here:

Actions have consequences.

Your wedding will never be as important to anyone else, as it is to you and your fiancé.

It's bridesmaid, not bride's slave.

flantastic · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
I never knew a wedding reception was only a thank you for guests attendin the ceremony. What about those guest that skip the ceremony and only come to the reception. If a guest doesn't like that a couple are only having a ceremony and then going to a restaurant. .. that guest can choose not to come. The bride and groom are having a ceremony and a celebration and asking people to be their to share their joy. There is no obligation to offer any specific type of party but the invitation should inform the guest of what type of celebraton is planned. Please join us at The Rainbow Room for dinner after the ceremony. The bride and groom should plan what they want and what they can afford. Guests shouldn't have expectations of what that should be.... only if they want to attend or not.

The bolded: Well, now you know.

The rest: It is rude for someone to show up just to the reception and not the ceremony. It is also rude for them to complain about what kind of celebration is being hosted, as long as what is hosted is fully hosted (i.e. they don't have to pay for anything) and the amount of food is appropriate to the time of day. No one should be upset about a restaurant reception. However, none of that is relevant to this, at all.

Why do you bring it up? Are you now trying to apply the logic that because wedding guests can be rude (they can) you are absolved of your obligation not to be rude to them?

ohannabelle · May 2015

adk19 said:

ohannabelle said:

Knottie1430751585 said:
I'm not making her do anything. I told her it would mean A LOT to me for her to help me out... and it will. My 2 daughter's and my 12 year old grandson are in my wedding party. Why would I partner him up with a woman over 50 in a bridal party. Taking charge of the reception decor doesn't mean she's "not good enough" to be a bridesmaid. It was a more appropriate request that i asked of her and a lot of responsibility. We asked my fiances cousin to be our DJ, a friend to be our officiant, a friend to do our cake, my cousin to do our photography. And yes we're paying them. These are people we know who do these things in their everyday lives. Yes my friend owns a bakery, his cousin is a DJ. We want this to be a celebration for all of our family and friends and have family and friends make the day even more special for us. Why would I put someone in a bridesmaid role just because she expected that when I got engaged? What she's doing to help me means more than that. Oh well I'm glad everyone we approached seems very happy and excited about the upcoming day including my non-bridesmaid friend.
WTF? You do realize, I hope, that when any two people are "partnered up" in a bridal party, it simply means two people are walking in and/or out of a room at the same time. It doesn't mean they're in a relationship, or they have to match in age or sex or whatever. They're walking into a room at the same time. That's it.
That's just a weirdass thing to say.
Oh, Annabelle. I don't think YOU realize that when you walk next to someone down the aisle at a wedding it is a known fact that you're destined to fuck later that day. Required even. At the very least they're required to makeout publically. It is COMPLETELY inappropriate to match up children with grown women because that be nasty. I can't believe you didn't know this.

Damn it! I missed out on a good time because I thought we were just walking?

Knottie7645085 · May 2015

edited by moderator

You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

@ flantastic. It's relevant because when Julesndean said since she was having a restaurant dinner that shouldn't take a lot of planning onefootinthebayou said if she didn't care about hosting guests and having a proper reception to thank her guests properly then she should elope. ----- how she can up with the idea that Julesndean didn't care about her guests I have no idea.... as a matter of fact I thought her assuming that was pretty rude.
I know you all think I'm rude to ALL of my guests because I asked one person to help me with something. I don't need absolution....I don't know anyone coming to my wedding that's rude and have never attended a wedding with rude guests..that thought never crossed my mind.
People who think it's funny to joke about the reason bridal party partners are together cause they have to make out and f*ck... that's really rude... just because a person wants to make sure her 12 yr old grandson not have to escort a.50 yr old bridesmaid that might indulge too much......... the rudeness around here trumps everything.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

Oh and I did want to let you all know I met with my venue today and they are going to provide me with linens and tables so I don't have to use picnic tables and will let me go the day before to set up all my DIY.decor!!!! I called my reception manager to tell her how the meeting went and apologized over and over for being so rude to her in a asking her to take on that job ...she told me to shut the hell up and tell her what time she needed to be there. 28 days to go.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie7645085 said:
Edited my moderator

Knottie7645085 said:
You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.

Lol wut.

If you could elaborate how explaining the accepted rules of etiquette are equivalent to bullying, I'm all ears. I'm sure that victims of ACTUAL bullying would feel much better about what they've endured when they see the evil we have perpetrated here by explaining how not to be a jerk to your guests.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
@ flantastic. It's relevant because when Julesndean said since she was having a restaurant dinner that shouldn't take a lot of planning onefootinthebayou said if she didn't care about hosting guests and having a proper reception to thank her guests properly then she should elope. ----- how she can up with the idea that Julesndean didn't care about her guests I have no idea.... as a matter of fact I thought her assuming that was pretty rude.
I know you all think I'm rude to ALL of my guests because I asked one person to help me with something. I don't need absolution....I don't know anyone coming to my wedding that's rude and have never attended a wedding with rude guests..that thought never crossed my mind.
People who think it's funny to joke about the reason bridal party partners are together cause they have to make out and f*ck... that's really rude... just because a person wants to make sure her 12 yr old grandson not have to escort a.50 yr old bridesmaid that might indulge too much......... the rudeness around here trumps everything.

*Sigh*

OK, I'm going to try again. Some advice: slow down, just read the thread, try to understand the words that are appearing in these boxes. I swear they make sense if you just read them.

I was NOT addressing OP in my comment about eloping. I did not suggest she elope. I'll let you go ahead and take that back. What I DID say, and I'll say it again since it seems to be a difficult concept to comprehend is that a wedding is not (and I'll use myself as an example instead of general "you") MY DAY. Yes, I will get married that day and we will all celebrate. (Yay!) BUT - the moment I invite guests to MY wedding, I have an obligation to host them properly. If I did not want to do this for any reason, I should elope. Make sense?

Your wedding is your day unless you invite guests. Then you must host them and treat them properly, whether it's a cake and punch reception in a park, a casual brunch, a BBQ or a blowout plated dinner with live band and full bar. You can have whatever kind of party you desire as long as you host your guests and don't ask them to work or open their wallets. *Again, no one criticized you for hiring your friends to provide professional services. Good for you! No one said you were rude to ALL your guests. You made that up on your own.

The advice you will see in general though is, host your guests properly, or elope, which is also great! Nothing wrong with it at all.

drunkenwitch · May 2015

Knottie7645085 said:
Edited my moderator

Knottie7645085 said:
You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.

"your" not "ur"

Knottie7645085 · May 2015

Edited my moderator

I read this entire thing and the girl was giving her opinion and asking for ADVICE not a fucking firing squad! She had legitamite points about how bridesmaids should help her and to distract her drunk ass friend from making a fool of herself which is a smart way to handle it so there's not a disaster and YOU are all telling her she's wrong and starting a thread of dickhead comments and ganging up on her. Shut the fuck up. I'm sure she doesn't need your bitchy "advice" (as you call it haha) anymore. I'm sure she's sorry she brought it up!!

flantastic · May 2015

Knottie7645085 said:
Edited by moderator

Knottie7645085 said:
I read this entire thing and the girl was giving her opinion and asking for ADVICE not a fucking firing squad! She had legitamite points about how bridesmaids should help her and to distract her drunk ass friend from making a fool of herself which is a smart way to handle it so there's not a disaster and YOU are all telling her she's wrong and starting a thread of dickhead comments and ganging up on her. Shut the fuck up. I'm sure she doesn't need your bitchy "advice" (as you call it haha) anymore. I'm sure she's sorry she brought it up!!

Knottie7645085 said:
You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.

TOS, anyone?

AddieCake · May 2015

Yeah, I can't say someone is insane for doing a mud run the morning of the wedding, but Newbs can call people dickheads and nasty bitchy bullies? @KnotRiley @KnotHolly Please explain that to us.

TrixieJess · May 2015

Knottie7645085 said:
Edited by moderator

Knottie7645085 said:
You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.

Crap! I'm on a mobile when the "bully" card is pulled! Inigo Montoya GIF anyone?

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie7645085 said:
Edited by moderator

Knottie7645085 said:
. I read this entire thing and the girl was giving her opinion and asking for ADVICE not a fucking firing squad! She had legitamite points about how bridesmaids should help her and to distract her drunk ass friend from making a fool of herself which is a smart way to handle it so there's not a disaster and YOU are all telling her she's wrong and starting a thread of dickhead comments and ganging up on her. Shut the fuck up. I'm sure she doesn't need your bitchy "advice" (as you call it haha) anymore. I'm sure she's sorry she brought it up!!

Did you? Did you really "read this entire thing?" It doesn't seem like it.

It's simple-minded to read a whole bunch if similar responses and call that "ganging up". Most posters gave the same advice b/c it's the correct advice. See how that works?

I assume you are new and don't quite understand the culture of these boards yet. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it but I will again: they are etiquette boards. People come here to get advice on proper etiquette (also read as "good manners" if you're unfamiliar with the term "etiquette"). They are a set of guidelines that can be universally applied over different circumstances to ensure you are being polite, in most cases here, when planning & hosting your wedding.

Etiquette can be useful in other aspects of life as well - for example, don't rush onto an elevator before people get off. Don't start eating until your whole table is served. Chew with your mouth closed, and so on....

What will not be received well or encouraged here are people who intentionally break the rules of etiquette and then stubbornly continue to defend their incorrect position. That's where you will start to see some impatience & snark from the other posters.

For example, "it's her day she can do whatever the fuck she wants!" Would be an example of extremely bad advice. It's not correct, it is completely rude, and not based on anything but an ignorant opinion. On the etiquette boards, people will point that out.

Does this make more sense to you now?

flantastic · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
@ flantastic. It's relevant because when Julesndean said since she was having a restaurant dinner that shouldn't take a lot of planning onefootinthebayou said if she didn't care about hosting guests and having a proper reception to thank her guests properly then she should elope. ----- how she can up with the idea that Julesndean didn't care about her guests I have no idea.... as a matter of fact I thought her assuming that was pretty rude.
I know you all think I'm rude to ALL of my guests because I asked one person to help me with something. I don't need absolution....I don't know anyone coming to my wedding that's rude and have never attended a wedding with rude guests..that thought never crossed my mind.
People who think it's funny to joke about the reason bridal party partners are together cause they have to make out and f*ck... that's really rude... just because a person wants to make sure her 12 yr old grandson not have to escort a.50 yr old bridesmaid that might indulge too much......... the rudeness around here trumps everything.

No, we don't. You're just defensive right now.

swagandmoxie · May 2015

This is so funny because....a day I reread it...one footin the bayou was responding to Jules dean and wrote "if you don't care about your guests ....I suggest you elope." Now if YOU Ms one foot in the bayou were not directing that at Julesndean the PROPER way to get your point across you be to use phrasing like ..."If a bride feels like...x SHE should do or consider y" ....then maybe people wouldn't assume you are being rude because you came across that way BIGTIME.... As for my statement that I think you consider me rude to all me guests that comes from people who said... I envision you bring pampered while your guests do your grunt work. You want to be the Queen... are you saying guests can be rude so you can be rude to them.....
Not really hard to come up with the general idea of opinion of me reading all those statements.
Thanks to the knotties who came to my defense. There certainly is a devide her between here between those who are in the know and their method of schoolling those they feel are not.
I read to my mother, fiance, daughter and reception manager and 2 of her friends not involved in my wedding some of what was said to me and they basically all have the same opinion. ... Carry on... I understand the way this works.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

Knottie1430751585 said:
This is so funny because....a day I reread it...one footin the bayou was responding to Jules dean and wrote "if you don't care about your guests ....I suggest you elope." Now if YOU Ms one foot in the bayou were not directing that at Julesndean the PROPER way to get your point across you be to use phrasing like ..."If a bride feels like...x SHE should do or consider y" ....then maybe people wouldn't assume you are being rude because you came across that way BIGTIME.... As for my statement that I think you consider me rude to all me guests that comes from people who said... I envision you bring pampered while your guests do your grunt work. You want to be the Queen... are you saying guests can be rude so you can be rude to them.....
Not really hard to come up with the general idea of opinion of me reading all those statements.
Thanks to the knotties who came to my defense. There certainly is a devide her between here between those who are in the know and their method of schoolling those they feel are not.
I read to my mother, fiance, daughter and reception manager and 2 of her friends not involved in my wedding some of what was said to me and they basically all have the same opinion. ... Carry on... I understand the way this works.

Not sure I followed all that but yeah, when people say "you", it typically means "general you", as in "anyone". That's why I clarified and used myself as an example. OP stated that she was paying and would do whatever she wanted so yeah, it does indicate that her guests comfort is not first in her list of priorities but I still think you're missing the point.

There's lots of good advice here if you don't get so riled up you can't work through the reasoning. (Again, general you, as in any person, not you in particular).

kmmssg · May 2015

flantastic said:

Knottie7645085 said:
YOU are all a bunch of dickheads. I read this entire thing and the girl was giving her opinion and asking for ADVICE not a fucking firing squad! She had legitamite points about how bridesmaids should help her and to distract her drunk ass friend from making a fool of herself which is a smart way to handle it so there's not a disaster and YOU are all telling her she's wrong and starting a thread of dickhead comments and ganging up on her. Shut the fuck up. I'm sure she doesn't need your bitchy "advice" (as you call it haha) anymore. I'm sure she's sorry she brought it up!!

Knottie7645085 said:
i think the girls on this thread are a bunch of nasty entitled bitchy bullies. You're all attacking this girl Knottie bc u all think ur the keeper of the rules of weddings. You're def not so leave her alone.. She can do whatever the fuck she wants, ask whoever for whatever help... You all need to get over ur selves.
TOS, anyone?

AddieCake said:
Yeah, I can't say someone is insane for doing a mud run the morning of the wedding, but Newbs can call people dickheads and nasty bitchy bullies? @KnotRiley @KnotHolly Please explain that to us.

Ladies just letting you know that this is being dealt with

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