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Pre-made "Will you be my bridesmaid" cards?

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Re: Pre-made "Will you be my bridesmaid" cards?

  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    BridetoB2016 said:

    THEY'RE NOT PROPS!! I mean my god, doesn't ANYBODY else consider nice even/equal numbers when creating their wedding party or am I the only one??

    If they're only there to even it up, they're essentially props. Extras, if you will, to fill up holes.

    I considered it, I will admit. But I have three people who are my absolute best friends in the world. FI has two, but one won't be a groomsman for social anxiety reasons. So he has one. Should I force him to pick two randoms? Should I be forced to choose between my two sisters and the girl who has been like a sister to me for the past ten years?

    The answer to either of those questions is no.

    Please - think about why you want those people up there. Do they mean the world to you? Or are they extras in your wedding-day movie?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    And yes, I think it's pretty atrocious to ask people you aren't really that close with to stand up with you just so you can have equal numbers for your pretty pictures.  People often feel obligated when asked to be a BM (I know I have, both times I've been asked) and it isn't easy to just say no to.  And what if one or more of these women say no?  Will you replace them so you have even numbers again?  What happens when your filler B-list BM finds out she was a replacement?

    Just relax on the aesthetics of everything.  Ask your nearest and dearest, no more, no less.  I'm regretting not asking a couple MORE women to be in my bridal party.  Meanwhile I've seen several posters on these boards wish they had asked FEWER people because they asked people they weren't that close with.  Just ask the people who are absolutely your closest friends and family.  Don't worry so much about the numbers.  You will still be married if you have an uneven bridal party.
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  • BridetoB2016BridetoB2016 member
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    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    BridetoB2016 said:

    THEY'RE NOT PROPS!! I mean my god, doesn't ANYBODY else consider nice even/equal numbers when creating their wedding party or am I the only one??

    So...if you only want them to look "nice and equal" how are they not props?  Especially if you don't even talk to them on a regular basis?  You're not going to pull the wool over anyone's eyes.  Whoever you ask is going to know they're just there to make your pictures looked "balanced" or whatever bullshit way you're trying to word it.  


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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
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    edited May 2015
    BridetoB2016 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    -------------------


    You are not in a weird situation, though. You are not in a special situation, you are not different. Everyone has different things they go through during the wedding planning process. Yours is no different.

    Your Fi, however, should not be telling YOU what to do with YOUR wedding party.

    ETF: F you boxes


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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    It would not look pathetic. I have one best friend. I have sisters, but I have one BFF. I'd go so far as to say I have three people I consider friends IRL. Total.

    I mean this in the most caring way possible: I think you need to sit down with your FI and figure out if there's some compromise. Because it sounds very much like your and your FI's wedding is not what you want it to be. And that's an awful feeling.

    Don't get space fillers, or extras, or whatever. The people you ask to stand with you - be it one, five, or fifteen - should be the people you'd call at 3 am to hide a body. Not space fillers to avoid looking "pathetic" - which you will not look. You will look radiant.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    JCbride2015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    DItto sweetie, we aren't trying to make you feel bad.  We're telling you it's TOTALLY FINE, and TOTALLY APPROPRIATE to have one BM, or none at all. But it is terribly rude to ask people to be fillers.  This is an internal problem on your part.  I only have 2 or 3 close girlfriends, but I don't feel bad about it.  I love them, and they are who I would want standing next to me.  It's not pathetic to have one or a few very deep and close relationships.  


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  • BridetoB2016BridetoB2016 member
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    JCbride2015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    Do you think people would really care though/get offended? I mean their still my "friends" even if we're not SUPER close u know? If the tables were reversed and I was invited to be in a friends wedding, even if we weren't closed, I would feel honored and totally do it, (assuming I had the money first). I wouldn't care if I was a "space filler" even if I knew it. I would just be honored they asked me to be a part of their special day. Idk why people would get "upset" over being asked to be a part of a wedding?? Idk again maybe it's just me.

    I'll have to have a talk with my fiance, again he seemed pretty adamant about wanting an equal party. He even made a fuss about if we would have a sweetheart table or table with our wedding party so it would "look nice". 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    dolewhipper said:

    Your Fi, however, should not be telling YOU what to do with YOUR wedding party.

    THIS. ENTIRELY THIS.
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    BridetoB2016 said:

    JCbride2015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    Do you think people would really care though/get offended? I mean their still my "friends" even if we're not SUPER close u know? If the tables were reversed and I was invited to be in a friends wedding, even if we weren't closed, I would feel honored and totally do it, (assuming I had the money first). I wouldn't care if I was a "space filler" even if I knew it. I would just be honored they asked me to be a part of their special day. Idk why people would get "upset" over being asked to be a part of a wedding?? Idk again maybe it's just me.

    I'll have to have a talk with my fiance, again he seemed pretty adamant about wanting an equal party. He even made a fuss about if we would have a sweetheart table or table with our wedding party so it would "look nice". 
    You and your FI neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to get on the same page.

    And yes. If I were asked to be a space filler bridesmaid - which again, three friends, if anyone outside that or my sisters asked me, it would be for filling a hole - I would be hurt, and I would decline.
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  • esstee33esstee33 member
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    edited May 2015
    BridetoB2016 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    Do you think people would really care though/get offended? I mean their still my "friends" even if we're not SUPER close u know? If the tables were reversed and I was invited to be in a friends wedding, even if we weren't closed, I would feel honored and totally do it, (assuming I had the money first). I wouldn't care if I was a "space filler" even if I knew it. I would just be honored they asked me to be a part of their special day. Idk why people would get "upset" over being asked to be a part of a wedding?? Idk again maybe it's just me.

    I'll have to have a talk with my fiance, again he seemed pretty adamant about wanting an equal party. He even made a fuss about if we would have a sweetheart table or table with our wedding party so it would "look nice". 


    Yes. 

    It's incredibly insulting to be asked to be in a wedding party just because you need to fill X number of slots. Maybe you enjoy being an afterthought to your friends for the sake of their nice pictures, but I sure as fuck don't. 

    If he's adamant about having an equal number of people in the wedding party, maybe he needs to reconsider how many people he has on his side. He has no control over yours. (ETA: I feel like I should clarify that this is SARCASM, lest you start actually trying to tell him to cut people from his side.)

    And, to the bolded, absolutely do not have a head table with your wedding party unless their significant others are also at that table. It's extremely rude to split up couples and make them sit separately. 
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    You Fi needs to get outta the 80's! I'm saying that in a totally teasing but totally serious way, btw.) 

    Head tables and even sides are so outdated. Let your wedding party sit with their dates/SOs/people they love, instead of being on display.

    I was asked, last minute, to be a BM for a friend. I love this friend dearly (but we are not ride or die material). I know it was because she "needed" even (or close to) sides. Do I still snark about it? Obviously. If she really wanted me in her WP she would have asked me at the appropriate time when she asked all the others. Did I tell her I was honored and did it anyway? Yep. 

    ETA: My H thought we needed even sides too. He was getting anxious because he couldn't figure out which 2 of his friends he wanted up there to match my 5. I told him not to worry; no one would side eye him, no one would think less of him (what he was really concerned about), and no one would think it was funny looking. Even if you have 1 and your FI has 7. 


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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    Yeah, your FI needs to butt out.  He gets ZERO say in who is in your BP.  That's completely your choice.  

    And to answer your question, yes, people care/get offended.  There are many stories here of brides who were asked as place fillers, and it was hurtful.  My Mom still talks about a wedding she was in thirty years ago where she was only asked as a filler for equal sides, and to help throw parties.  The way you treat people matters, and they will notice.  


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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    Do you think people would really care though/get offended? I mean their still my "friends" even if we're not SUPER close u know? If the tables were reversed and I was invited to be in a friends wedding, even if we weren't closed, I would feel honored and totally do it, (assuming I had the money first). I wouldn't care if I was a "space filler" even if I knew it. I would just be honored they asked me to be a part of their special day. Idk why people would get "upset" over being asked to be a part of a wedding?? Idk again maybe it's just me.

    I'll have to have a talk with my fiance, again he seemed pretty adamant about wanting an equal party. He even made a fuss about if we would have a sweetheart table or table with our wedding party so it would "look nice". 
    Personally, I would care.  And I know this from experience because a few weeks ago, one of Fi's best friend's Fi (got that?  the guys are very close, not so much the two of us) asked me to be in her wedding because "Groom has this big tight group of guy friends and I really don't, and Mr. JC is a GM, so I thought it would be fun to keep it even and ask the girls too."  And she said some stuff about wanting us to become closer, which is sweet but not really a great reason to ask somebody to be your BM.

    I said yes because she asked me at someone else's bridal shower in front of a group of friends, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and honestly I really love the groom and would be happy to stand up for him even I don't know her so well.

    But you know what?  I'd so much rather be a guest.  I feel like the kind of bride who stresses about having even numbers in the bridal party or looking like she has fewer friends than the groom is also the kind of bride who will be difficult in other parts of the wedding process.  And she made it pretty clear that I was only there as a filler, even as much as she tried to cushion it.

    Even if she hadn't said any of that stuff-- I would still know I was a filler.  I literally don't even have this girl's number in my phone contacts.  We have never hung out separately, only with a group.  Just not the kind of friendship you'd think means BM.

    But I will never tell her any of that, and neither would your not-so-close friends.  I'm going to be polite and buy the dress and smile and help throw her bridal shower, because I want to continue the good relationship between the two couples (and I can afford it; this would be a totally different scenario if being a BM was out of my budget).  So just because your friends don't call you on it, doesn't mean they don't still feel like filler props.  They might just be too nice to tell you.

    As for the bolded: keep in mind that your must seat your bridal party with their significant others (SO's) at dinner.  So if you both have 7, that means about 30 people at a very, very long table.  I suggest you do a sweetheart table and then seat your BP with their SO's at two tables near you guys, or with other friends and family.

    Ditto PPs: if you take a really big step back, I think the issue is that you and your Fi want different things out of this wedding.  I'm guessing he might be more extroverted and you are more introverted?  You guys need to talk to this and make sure you are both comfortable at your wedding.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    Thanks for having my back while I'm on mobile @dolewhipper ! :)
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  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
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    edited May 2015
    JCbride2015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    But we're not trying to make you feel bad about it at all.  We're telling you it's totally fine to have fewer BMs than your Fi has GM.  It won't look pathetic at all.  What would be pathetic would be to choose filler people just to stand up there for the sake of looks.  Also not very considerate of the time and money of these women; and I bet they will know they're only up there for the sake of even sides, considering you aren't that close and they can count.
    Do you think people would really care though/get offended? I mean their still my "friends" even if we're not SUPER close u know? If the tables were reversed and I was invited to be in a friends wedding, even if we weren't closed, I would feel honored and totally do it, (assuming I had the money first). I wouldn't care if I was a "space filler" even if I knew it. I would just be honored they asked me to be a part of their special day. Idk why people would get "upset" over being asked to be a part of a wedding?? Idk again maybe it's just me.

    I'll have to have a talk with my fiance, again he seemed pretty adamant about wanting an equal party. He even made a fuss about if we would have a sweetheart table or table with our wedding party so it would "look nice". 


    Personally, I would care.  And I know this from experience because a few weeks ago, one of Fi's best friend's Fi (got that?  the guys are very close, not so much the two of us) asked me to be in her wedding because "Groom has this big tight group of guy friends and I really don't, and Mr. JC is a GM, so I thought it would be fun to keep it even and ask the girls too."  And she said some stuff about wanting us to become closer, which is sweet but not really a great reason to ask somebody to be your BM.

    I said yes because she asked me at someone else's bridal shower in front of a group of friends, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and honestly I really love the groom and would be happy to stand up for him even I don't know her so well.

    But you know what?  I'd so much rather be a guest.  I feel like the kind of bride who stresses about having even numbers in the bridal party or looking like she has fewer friends than the groom is also the kind of bride who will be difficult in other parts of the wedding process.  And she made it pretty clear that I was only there as a filler, even as much as she tried to cushion it.

    Even if she hadn't said any of that stuff-- I would still know I was a filler.  I literally don't even have this girl's number in my phone contacts.  We have never hung out separately, only with a group.  Just not the kind of friendship you'd think means BM.

    But I will never tell her any of that, and neither would your not-so-close friends.  I'm going to be polite and buy the dress and smile and help throw her bridal shower, because I want to continue the good relationship between the two couples (and I can afford it; this would be a totally different scenario if being a BM was out of my budget).  So just because your friends don't call you on it, doesn't mean they don't still feel like filler props.  They might just be too nice to tell you.

    As for the bolded: keep in mind that your must seat your bridal party with their significant others (SO's) at dinner.  So if you both have 7, that means about 30 people at a very, very long table.  I suggest you do a sweetheart table and then seat your BP with their SO's at two tables near you guys, or with other friends and family.

    Ditto PPs: if you take a really big step back, I think the issue is that you and your Fi want different things out of this wedding.  I'm guessing he might be more extroverted and you are more introverted?  You guys need to talk to this and make sure you are both comfortable at your wedding.


    -------BOXESBOXESBOXES--------

    I was in the exact same situation and declined. It made me feel shitty, but I knew agreeing to be a bridesmaid for someone I wasn't close to who just needed fillers would also feel shitty. It leaves people no good option.

    My partner will probably have one groomsman, who has been like a brother since they were in kindergarten. I won't have any bridesmaids because I don't like the tradition and don't feel the need to have my two best friends stand up there with me. It will look absolutely fine, and will reflect who we actually are, rather than conforming to some weird wedding industry standard based around maximizing profit.

    You guys will look fantastic and amazing if your parties reflect your actual relationships.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    BridetoB2016 said:

    THEY'RE NOT PROPS!! I mean my god, doesn't ANYBODY else consider nice even/equal numbers when creating their wedding party or am I the only one??

    I'm sure people do consider that.  Those people are being idiots.



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    BridetoB2016 said:

    hellosweetie1015 said:

    BridetoB2016 said:

    Sooooooooo judgemental... I don't have enough close friends as my fiance so if I get the same amount of bridesmaids to be in the wedding as he has groomsmen so we can have a nice looking wedding party (even though most will be made of family members and some friends I've only known a few years) I'm suddenly acting with "atrocious" behavior I mean my god. 

    The people standing with you should be your absolute best friends. Not space fillers. What will you do if these people say no? Keep on going through your contacts until someone says yes, all for the sake of even sides?

    Yes, exactly. Trust me this is something that hasn't been easy for me and I've wanted to "elope" several times because of it, this wedding I feel like is a bigger deal to my fiance than it is to me. He has WAY more friends, particularly close friends, than I do.

    I only have ONE "best friend." THAT'S IT. She's already my maid of honor. So essentially yes, I have to find "space fillers" for my wedding party so we don't look ridiculous. It SUCKS but it is what is. Please don't make me feel bad about it, I already feel bad enough. My fiance wants equal/even wedding party and I do agree that would look the best and it would look pathetic if I had only one bridesmaid and he had 7 groomsmen you know? Like I said I have LOTS of friends, just nobody very close to me other than my one best friend. I'm in a weird situation, again it sucks but it is what it is :/
    No, you do not.  You are CHOOSING to do that, which is a shitty thing to do.  Get the hell over how it looks.  This is not a stage performance.  Nobody effing cares if you have the same number of people standing up next to you when you get married.  People DO care when you treat them like props and ask them to be in your wedding just for the sake of looks.



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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    BridetoB2016 said:

    THEY'RE NOT PROPS!! I mean my god, doesn't ANYBODY else consider nice even/equal numbers when creating their wedding party or am I the only one??

    Nope, I have no idea how many people are going to be on FI's side. I'm having 2. He could have 6. I have no idea. When he asks them and they say yes, then we'll discuss it. His groomsmen are his responsibility, my BMs are mine. Neither have any bearing on the other. The two I pick are two women I love dearly and want next to me on my big day. He has several friends that he wants to have standing next to him, he may only pick one, he may pick six. Meh, As long as they show up for the wedding, I'm good.
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If you're picking BMs so things "look nice" and "are even" then, yes, they are props. It's not that difficult to understand. But you get to pick your side and he gets to pick his and if they are different and uneven, it's not a big deal. 

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    BridetoB2016
    'I think a lot of us have been confronted with, "This appears to be normal, therefore I have to do it too." This is inserting a square peg in a round hole. 
    I had three women on my side and my husband had two men and a woman on his side (wearing a dress, not a suit "to match the men"), and we had another man as our usher. Our photos were set in a variety of different groupings, so any symmetry was out the window and they all turned out fabulous.
    Also, no one cares about the symmetry during a ceremony because all eyes will be on you and your husband, which is wonderful. 
    As far as head table/sweetheart table, again, no one cares. My husband and I sat at a regular round table with my siblings and our parents. Our honor attendants sat at tables with their friends. 
    If you want to see more pictures of uneven bridal parties, feel free to PM me and I'll share with you how awesome it can look. 
    It is far better to ask only people you really care about to be in your wedding than to force it with people you're just lukewarm with. Peruse the Moms and Maids board and the Wedding Party board and you'll see all the drama that occurs with people in bridal parties who don't have strong relationships with the happy couple. 
    A wedding isn't about the pictures. It's about you marrying the person you love. Please don't make decisions based on what appears to be "normal" like bridal party size. Other examples include not doing a garter/bouquet toss if you don't want to, not doing a parent dance if you aren't close to parents, that kind of thing. At the end of the day, treat your guests well and you'll have a wonderful wedding. 
    ________________________________


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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This is kind of the reverse; 9 BM + 2 GM:

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    This is 3+6:
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    2+8:
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    They all look absolutely beautiful! 

    Please trust us. You will look absolutely beautiful too. The number of people only matters insomuch as that number = the number of people you consider to be your best friends in the whole world.

    Although... this picture made me break out in hives. That is just too damn many people. That's more than I want to invite to my whole wedding. There are 15 BMs, 1 FG, 18 GMs and 2 RBs. 36 people, not counting B+G. Until this weekend, I was inviting 35.
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    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    thisismynickname said:

    BridetoB2016

    'I think a lot of us have been confronted with, "This appears to be normal, therefore I have to do it too." This is inserting a square peg in a round hole. 
    I had three women on my side and my husband had two men and a woman on his side (wearing a dress, not a suit "to match the men"), and we had another man as our usher. Our photos were set in a variety of different groupings, so any symmetry was out the window and they all turned out fabulous.
    Also, no one cares about the symmetry during a ceremony because all eyes will be on you and your husband, which is wonderful. 
    As far as head table/sweetheart table, again, no one cares. My husband and I sat at a regular round table with my siblings and our parents. Our honor attendants sat at tables with their friends. 
    If you want to see more pictures of uneven bridal parties, feel free to PM me and I'll share with you how awesome it can look. 
    It is far better to ask only people you really care about to be in your wedding than to force it with people you're just lukewarm with. Peruse the Moms and Maids board and the Wedding Party board and you'll see all the drama that occurs with people in bridal parties who don't have strong relationships with the happy couple. 
    A wedding isn't about the pictures. It's about you marrying the person you love. Please don't make decisions based on what appears to be "normal" like bridal party size. Other examples include not doing a garter/bouquet toss if you don't want to, not doing a parent dance if you aren't close to parents, that kind of thing. At the end of the day, treat your guests well and you'll have a wonderful wedding. 
    QFT. 

    We did a bouquet toss but not a garter toss or retrieval. We did a first dance but no parent dances. The first photo I posted was my wedding :) My best friend didn't have a bridal shower and her bachelorette consisted of two of her bridesmaids going to Disney and drinking "around the world". Do you; don't let the industry change your views on what you need. All you need at the end of the day is a spouse, an officiant, and a marriage license (and sometimes a witness). 


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  • onefootinthebayouonefootinthebayou member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    @BridetoB2016, agree with other posters that sides don't have to be even and I think the message behind that is really nice - that it's your nearest and dearest who you want to stand by your side to witness your marriage.  PPs have covered why it's not advised to ask people you're not super close with:

    - They'll likely know they are fillers
    - They may feel obligated
    - They may feel it's odd that you asked them, etc.

    Here's a pic of me as a groomsman in my best friend's wedding.  There were like 9 BMs and I think 5 GM.  I walked by myself unpaired down the aisle and it was great!  Afterwards, so many of the guests said, "you looked so cute up there, I love that he asked you to be a groomsman!".  It was certainly nontraditional and the groom was 40 so the parents were definitely of an older generation who were not used to seeing such a "new" concept, but they loved it!  

    I also advise you and your Fi get on the same page about this and that you try to find a way to expose him to some etiquette forums.  Good luck.

    Oh, I'd also check Amazon for BM cards/boxes, anything else.  I use Amazon for everything.  


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  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    dolewhipper said:

     My best friend didn't have a bridal shower and her bachelorette consisted of two of her bridesmaids going to Disney and drinking "around the world".
    100% stealing this and it is the only idea I have ever heard that makes want a bachelorette party.
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Guys I will NEVER stop taking delight in watching someone try to turn the tables and act like it's "mean" to tell someone their bad behavior is bad. It's better than TV.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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