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Separate gift for potluck wedding?

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Re: Separate gift for potluck wedding?

  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    The best man at our wedding was a head chef at a 5 star restaurant. He was also a former chef from the White House. He REALLY wanted to cook a gourmet meal for my husband and I as our wedding present. His meal was absolutely amazing and unforgettable that I really enjoyed it as a present.

    There would be no way in hell that I would ever employ him to cook for our wedding even though that's what he professionally does.
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  • Sioux1986Sioux1986 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.


    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    LondonLisa said:

    I 100% would not get this person a "gift," even the dish what you serve your food in. You preparing food IS her gift. Get them a card and nothing else.


    Frankly, I wouldn't even go to this Gimme Pig Monstrosity. But if you absolutely do go, she would be lucky to get a 1/2 eaten bag of doritos and a card. If she wanted something fancier, she could pay for it her damn self. 

    There is NO way I would be actually cooking and preparing food- and did you mention that you are staying in a hotel- how in God's green earth are you supposed to cook it with enough prep time, AND keep it cold in order to not make people sick if you are in a hotel???


    This comment made my morning.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sioux1986 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.
    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*


    This. Or what if they are disgusting hoarders who have 2 year old lettuce in their fridge? Or they live in the cat house and let the cats sit on the counter? 

    I wouldn't count on there being enough food, and I wouldn't eat anything made by someone whose house I haven't been to. I'd be a good sport and make a dish, but I'd stop for lunch on the way to the wedding. 
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My advice is eat a large meal before you go. Then leave when you get hungry again. 

    Potlucks are bad enough, but when people are traveling and sitting through a ceremony before eating there's no way that the food was help at a proper temp for hours and god knows how food prep went - gross!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • bluebell42bluebell42 member
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    @KatWAG - I don't have to travel terribly far; I mostly got a hotel so I can stay at the reception late and have a few drinks. So I can prep the food that morning before the wedding. But yes, out-of-town guests were asked to bring food too, though it seems like most are bringing alcohol.

    @photokitty - I'm definitely eating beforehand, and will park myself as close to the food I bring as possible. I don't think they have any refridgeration or heating at the venue (it's outside) but maybe I'm wrong -- the couple did list some dishes with dairy in them on the sign-up sheet.

    I know a few people above said I should try to talk my friends out of a potluck, but it's unfortunately too late for that. And I know some of their relatives already did try, as my friend mentioned that "some people" thought it was a tacky idea. I just kept my mouth shut...

    Thanks again for all the replies! I guess I'm also just stressed out on their account -- I could never throw an event for so many people as a potluck without tearing my hair out from worry.
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @KatWAG - I don't have to travel terribly far; I mostly got a hotel so I can stay at the reception late and have a few drinks. So I can prep the food that morning before the wedding. But yes, out-of-town guests were asked to bring food too, though it seems like most are bringing alcohol.

    @photokitty - I'm definitely eating beforehand, and will park myself as close to the food I bring as possible. I don't think they have any refridgeration or heating at the venue (it's outside) but maybe I'm wrong -- the couple did list some dishes with dairy in them on the sign-up sheet.

    I know a few people above said I should try to talk my friends out of a potluck, but it's unfortunately too late for that. And I know some of their relatives already did try, as my friend mentioned that "some people" thought it was a tacky idea. I just kept my mouth shut...

    Thanks again for all the replies! I guess I'm also just stressed out on their account -- I could never throw an event for so many people as a potluck without tearing my hair out from worry.
    A couple this rude is not going to consider things like the risks that come with serving food with dairy at an outdoor wedding.

    Also, a sign-up sheet? So they had, like, a menu planned and you needed to pick from that? 

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  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    MyNameIsNot said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.
    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*
    This. Or what if they are disgusting hoarders who have 2 year old lettuce in their fridge? Or they live in the cat house and let the cats sit on the counter? 

    I wouldn't count on there being enough food, and I wouldn't eat anything made by someone whose house I haven't been to. I'd be a good sport and make a dish, but I'd stop for lunch on the way to the wedding. 





    True story - a couple weeks ago I was watching Hoarders and one of the people they featured was from the city where I live. She looked oddly familiar. Then she said she worked at a furniture store and something clicked. I dug through the receipts from our last big ticket purchase. Lo and behold - she had sold us our bedroom set. I sure hope they dont have potlucks at the furniture store.
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  • justsiejustsie member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MGP said:

    MyNameIsNot said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.
    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*
    This. Or what if they are disgusting hoarders who have 2 year old lettuce in their fridge? Or they live in the cat house and let the cats sit on the counter? 

    I wouldn't count on there being enough food, and I wouldn't eat anything made by someone whose house I haven't been to. I'd be a good sport and make a dish, but I'd stop for lunch on the way to the wedding. 



    True story - a couple weeks ago I was watching Hoarders and one of the people they featured was from the city where I live. She looked oddly familiar. Then she said she worked at a furniture store and something clicked. I dug through the receipts from our last big ticket purchase. Lo and behold - she had sold us our bedroom set. I sure hope they dont have potlucks at the furniture store.

    Yes, there are some hoarders that hoard food and believe that they cannot go bad (or at least MAJORLY disregard dates on items). Any one of those people could easily be hiding their condition, and cook food that is OK by their standards but is absolutely not by anyone elses. *shudder*
    image
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  • japlanetjaplanet member
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    Oh god you guys are bringing up some good points re:food safety. It is making me seriously NOT want to attend the potluck/BYOB wedding I have at the end of the month (even more so than I didn't want to go before). Gah. I guess I will be drinking the wine I bring and when that's gone, we are going out for steak dinner.
    image
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  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MGP said:

    MyNameIsNot said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.
    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*
    This. Or what if they are disgusting hoarders who have 2 year old lettuce in their fridge? Or they live in the cat house and let the cats sit on the counter? 

    I wouldn't count on there being enough food, and I wouldn't eat anything made by someone whose house I haven't been to. I'd be a good sport and make a dish, but I'd stop for lunch on the way to the wedding. 



    True story - a couple weeks ago I was watching Hoarders and one of the people they featured was from the city where I live. She looked oddly familiar. Then she said she worked at a furniture store and something clicked. I dug through the receipts from our last big ticket purchase. Lo and behold - she had sold us our bedroom set. I sure hope they dont have potlucks at the furniture store.

    Gross. When I first read this I thought I would eat the food at a potluck but now, no way. I can't believe I forgot about this but I also saw an episode of hoarders that haunted me. She wouldn't throw any food away. There was a moldy cabbage and she said she could just cut the moldy part off. The worst part is her son said she "is the best cook" and she cooks for her church.
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    whovianstark said:

    MGP said:

    MyNameIsNot said:

    Sioux1986 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    Thanks for all the replies! You've made me feel a lot better about not giving a separate monetary gift. I do like the suggestion of gifting them the dish my food is in; I'd thought of that before but figured it went against their no-physical-gift policy. But I also really don't want to have to cart a dirty dish back to my hotel, so I think I'll leave the dish for them as a gift anyway.

    And @whovianstark is right -- the potluck wedding thing does put guests in an awkward position. Pretty much everyone I know who's going to the wedding has commented on it when I've seen them, though I'm sure no one would want to say it to the couple's face... Most people mainly seem concerned that there won't be enough food for all the guests, though. I'm planning to bring my dish and sit next to my other friend who I know is bringing something. :neutral:
    Gross. I'm sorry you're invited to something like this...

    Honestly, I would eat before you go. Sorrynotsorry, but I'm not eating a bunch of food cooked by strangers in kitchens I know nothing about. 

    And also, it's very sweet of you to gift the dish, but don't expect a thank you note.....they don't seem the type.
    To the bolded YES!

    People think I am weird-picky-high maintenance, but this is my daily every day policy. I do not eat food you bring to work/functions/try to give me if I don't KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

    Dear god, what if they are the type that tastes and stirs with the same spoon? *shudder*
    This. Or what if they are disgusting hoarders who have 2 year old lettuce in their fridge? Or they live in the cat house and let the cats sit on the counter? 

    I wouldn't count on there being enough food, and I wouldn't eat anything made by someone whose house I haven't been to. I'd be a good sport and make a dish, but I'd stop for lunch on the way to the wedding. 



    True story - a couple weeks ago I was watching Hoarders and one of the people they featured was from the city where I live. She looked oddly familiar. Then she said she worked at a furniture store and something clicked. I dug through the receipts from our last big ticket purchase. Lo and behold - she had sold us our bedroom set. I sure hope they dont have potlucks at the furniture store.
    Gross. When I first read this I thought I would eat the food at a potluck but now, no way. I can't believe I forgot about this but I also saw an episode of hoarders that haunted me. She wouldn't throw any food away. There was a moldy cabbage and she said she could just cut the moldy part off. The worst part is her son said she "is the best cook" and she cooks for her church.

    SO GROSS


    OP please come back and tell us how this shit show actually turns out!
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You guys are making me want to hurl with the hoarder stories... :P

    OP- Definitely DO NOT make another dish! You are already doing more than enough. A dish for 20-25 people is a big dish. 

    If you REALLY want to give a gift, I'd gift the dish you serve the food in. Otherwise, just a card. 

    Ack... this sounds so terrible. Please do tell us how it all turns out! 
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  • FutureMrsRigoneFutureMrsRigone member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love

    "I have a budget"=/= "YOU do it because I spent my money on the dress and honeymoon."


    DH and I work our tails off and when we have friends over, we host them.   None of us are trust fund people and we don't believe it's OK to ask our guests to fund the events that we CHOOSE to host.   If we didn't want to go to the expense of hosting, we wouldn't have invited them. 

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. If you can't afford to host a big elaborate event, then you don't.  Or you save up enough money until you can.  It's that simple.  I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • onefootinthebayouonefootinthebayou member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    ginnybinny17 said:

    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love

    I didn't realize having a small wedding budget meant you were outside the bounds of etiquette.  I also didn't realize that being able to serve your guests food (instead of demanding they feed themselves) meant you were a "trust fund baby."  I also also didn't realize that serving your guests food transformed a normal event into an "elaborate" event.  You've been so helpful today. 
    Stop!  You are making too much sense.  
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love

    H and I paid for our wedding and hosted our guests well. I need to have a talk with my dad about this trust fund I should have...dude must be holding out on me because there was nothing in my mom's will about it. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love

    No. What you do for friends you love is pay for the damn food, drinks, and other costs of hosting them-not charge them for it and then pat yourself on the back with "it's a sign of how much they love you that they'll happily cover the costs." What that attitude is is a sign of how selfish, entitled, and/or stupid you are not to expect the guests you invited to resent you for your bad hosting and horrible attitude.
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    FutureMrsRigone said:

    I think it's great that you are willing to help out your friend for her wedding. Not everyone is a trust fund baby or is financially able to host a large elaborate event. I'm glad you are going and showing your love and support for this person, and honestly, the wedding will probably be really fun and laid back which will let you and the happy couple enjoy the day more :) I don't think you have to make more food or send them any other kind of gift, but I would probably feel bad that people hadn't signed up and maybe make a little extra, too. It's what you do for friends that you love

    image

    Properly hosting (including providing food and beverages at no cost) =/= "elaborate".
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    @futuremrsrigone I cant see you up there on your high horse.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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