Whaaaaaat is going on here?

themosthappy91 · May 2015

Okay so I have been away from the boards for a while and I came back tonight and immediately felt like I've missed something big... and I have several questions:

1. Lots of references to past "mass exoduses" and I think I get the gist of what that's all about- every few years TOS changes, people get banned and people leave in protest of people getting banned and the community kind of dies down for a while. My question is for those who have stuck around through one or more of these exoduses- what has made you stay through that? Just curious.

2. Many people have pointed out that it's bad business to ban and alienate the people who form your core community, and yet apparently this also happens with some frequency so TK must regenerate its community pretty quickly. BUT based on experience with lurking TB, it's still pretty dead over there five months later... do y'all think this community just attracts new members more quickly?

So far from what I gather Ashley is the only one who has actually been banned... will you leave if a lot of other regs are banned (or choose to leave because of the TOS changes)?

WinstonsGirl · May 2015

Possibly new TOS, though very ambiguous, as per usual. Ashley banned after posting lots of middle finger gifs. See her TOS post below. Now it's sunshine, rainbows and lollipops on other threads.

1. I stay cos I hate Proboards. I can't read them cos they're too small, and if I make it bigger, half of the text is off the screen. I also found that they're mostly daily chats, and since I teach, I can't participate. Once I get on the boards, everyone is gone, which makes for boring conversation.

2. TK regenerates cos there are so many people getting married. I had assumed TB would bounce back eventually, with people having babies, but they are proving me wrong so far. Maybe there are just more places to get info on parenting/kids??

I will probably stay for the above mentioned reason. Many have already bailed to Proboards, so it appears TK has accomplished it's goal without mass bannings this time?? I also don't post as much as other people, so I guess it affects me less?? But I always hate the mass exoduses and love when you all come back to troll visit on those random days.

ETA - clarity

lyndausvi · May 2015

I'm a mod, so take my answers with a grain of salt.

1) I'm just not controversial like others. I'm well aware I do not own this board. I'm nothing more than a guest. I do not expect them (the owners of the board) to owe me anything. I'm a natural rule follower. I actively posting and/or lurk on other boards (for other topics) and they are way more conservative on content. Even the liberal ones are pretty strict on content. No off topic stuff with them. Cursing and other stuff. Yeah, no. Some of them do not even allow gifs of any kind.

I stay here because this board is way more liberal on content than others boards, which is cool. A lot of the users make me think. I think of things I might not have thought of on my own. I really like that. Sure I might not always agree with the content, but most of the users are articulate enough to make me question why I think why I do. And sometimes I've changed my view. I really, really appreciate that. I think this board has made me a better person, even if I do not agree with the opposite opinion.

2) I've been here for a long time. I think some people become too comfortable in thinking they run the boards. They think they run the place. They think without them the board is nothing.

We are all, mod or otherwise, are just guests. We do not pay for this service. As far as I'm concerned If I don't like the rules then I can just find another place. Which I have done, but I came back because this board is not as strict as others.

People are always getting married. They need a website. TK has proven that their websites are good (even if their other products are not). I don't see other mass exodus to be a deal breaker here.

I could be wrong, we will see, but i've been though a bunch of mass exodus and they have come out the other side unarmed.

laceykeo · May 2015

I've been here since the days of Lucy and Eddiebee.

I came because I needed some way of stopping my friend from having a horrendously rude wedding.

I stayed because I actually really like the community. I'm not a regular by any means, but every now and then I drop through a few different boards to see what's goin on. I like the regs here. I appreciate the no-nonsense tone, the blunt advice, and the overwhelming support I've seen them give others when real bad things happen. (By that, I mean deaths etc, not "my napkins are Sky blue and I ordered baby blue").

It was during one of my "away" points that Stage and Linger got banned, and that sucked. I still don't really know what happened there, but Stage especially was (that I saw) always very level-headed and helpful.
I came back and people like Addie and Ohannabel were the regs. Their opinions/advice turned out to be just as interesting to read, and so I still call through and every now and then.

The regs all know the TOS. They know what they can say and how they can say it to get their point across, and can explain when SSs moan exactly why their advice is sound.

Except now, it seems, they don't.
These new TOS are as clear as mud, and until TKGs start some explaining, they're gonna make for some... Interesting... Situations.

AddieCake · May 2015

I think TK remains despite the occasional exodus because yes, new people are always coming along with wedding questions. I was just a lurker before the one a few years ago, I was here for the last one and struggled with whether or not to stay because I had been part of the regs who were "working with" (we thought) admin to fix the problems and then we found out it was just sunshine being blown. I went and helped start Treehouse AND remained here because I like weddings.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

.

AddieCake · May 2015

pinkrevenge said:
The God honest truth why I still float around?

TK attracts the most insane, entitled, back-asswards lunatics, .

YES!

julieanne912 · May 2015

I'm a newer member so I wasn't around for the last mass exodus. However I've been "message boarding" for a long time (even met my FI on a message board), including admining and mod-ing elsewhere, so what I'm witnessing this time around is nothing new.

I'm like Lynda... a bit of a rule follower, and also acknowledging that these are not my boards, and they don't belong to any other member, regular or not. I also get why they're upset. People get comfortable on a board, form relationships, etc., so when something comes in to disrupt that, they don't like it. But, that's why they're free to go form their own groups on Proboards or wherever else if they're not happy with what's going on here.

I originally came on these boards just to get ideas for my own wedding as I'm pretty much clueless about them. I have learned a lot, and also had some nice discussions about non-wedding related topics. I imagine that those will continue, with or without the current regulars, because that's how I've seen it happen elsewhere.

I will also say, that as a newer member who isn't someone that would be classified as a "strong personality", I felt pretty intimidated by a lot of the regs. I think we've all witnessed someone asking an innocent and non-offensive question, and a few people just going nuts with it. That isn't the way to get and keep new members, especially those that aren't as used to interneting. Since the goal of this website is to make the owners money, I can see why they wouldn't want members around who hinder new folks from coming and participating.

Amberly88 · May 2015

lyndausvi said:
I'm a mod, so take my answers with a grain of salt.

1) I'm just not controversial like others. I'm well aware I do not own this board. I'm nothing more than a guest. I do not expect them (the owners of the board) to owe me anything.

We are all, mod or otherwise, are just guests. We do not pay for this service. As far as I'm concerned If I don't like the rules then I can just find another place. Which I have done, but I came back because this board is not as strict as others.

The thing most members don't realize is that you're not guests- you're the product. XO group made 21 million in online advertising revenue during Q1 this year. Without pageviews, there is no revenue.

XO doesn't host these boards out of the goodness of their hearts so people can connect with others going through the same thing. They host these boards because they're a cash cow and pad the bottom line.

flantastic · May 2015

pinkrevenge said:
The God honest truth why I still float around?

TK attracts the most insane, entitled, back-asswards lunatics, while still being way more legible than Bee or Wire, and there is still a (diminishing) amount of flack you can give a person for acting like children.This is where I go when I want to crack open some popcorn and feel better about my life. Treehouse, Banter, Facebook groups, and other proboards are where I have honest connections with people.

Because if the last banhammer taught me anything, it was that this place isn't a safe place to build relationships. But it's hella great for finding people who are ruining their weddings.

I'm over at Treehouse now because that seems the safest place if I want to chit-chat and build actual relationships with people.

However, I'm with Pink and Addie in that I like talking weddings and helping people get their shit together (or watching them respond hilariously if they won't) so I'll be floating here too.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Amberly88 said:

show previous quotes
lyndausvi said:
I'm a mod, so take my answers with a grain of salt.

1) I'm just not controversial like others. I'm well aware I do not own this board. I'm nothing more than a guest. I do not expect them (the owners of the board) to owe me anything.

We are all, mod or otherwise, are just guests. We do not pay for this service. As far as I'm concerned If I don't like the rules then I can just find another place. Which I have done, but I came back because this board is not as strict as others.

The thing most members don't realize is that you're not guests- you're the product. XO group made 21 million in online advertising revenue during Q1 this year. Without pageviews, there is no revenue.

XO doesn't host these boards out of the goodness of their hearts so people can connect with others going through the same thing. They host these boards because they're a cash cow and pad the bottom line.

I'm well aware of that. It's a business, they exist to make money. I'm not at all delusional that they run the boards out of the goodness of their hearts. The boards are just a by-product of the site.

To me, I'm simply a guest taking advantage of their free board. If they start changing the rules (which the TOS has not changed lately), so be it. I can either follow the rules or leave.

If stricter rules cause them to lose users, which causes them to lose money, that is their problem not mine.

I also think more people come on the site to look at pictures, read articles and search for vendors or products then come for the boards. I know I didn't come on to the site to join the community, it just kind-of happened. I like community boards. There a lot of people who do not even bother coming on a message boards.

doeydo · May 2015

I think when I first joined TK was about when there was that mass exodus after Stage and Linger were banned. I stayed because I liked the website and weddings and I didn't "know" the members that were banned. As of right now, I'm planning on sticking around. I love weddings and helping people with things related to them. I'm on Treehouse to try it out, too, though, because so many members I like have said they are done with TK and headed over there.

falsara · May 2015

I plan on floating around on here because I still have a wedding to plan and I like to see the crazies.

I'm also on TH because I can talk about other things besides the wedding there, and actually get to know people.

arrippa · May 2015

I lurked through Thunderdome and started posting, under my old name, during the last mass exodus. I stayed here because proboards are blocked at work. That's where I do most of my postings. It's as simple as that.

FiancB · May 2015

I like these boards because we are generally treated like adults and allowed to give opinions and post about naughty subjects.

If that stops, which it seems to have, I'm out. There are plenty of forums out there that have a fit if you drop the f bomb.

flantastic · May 2015

Also, I'm staying because people need good advice. I mean, TK the company probably would be totally okay with these boards getting the rainbow-enemas culture of WW or the hive. If everyone who speaks truth to crazy leaves, and those who just tell people what they want to hear stay or take their place, TK might get more ad revenue. If the boards were actually going to be dead, I'd have no qualms about leaving to "stick it" to XO, but they're not.

So I'll stay as long as I'm allowed, even if the decision-making about who's allowed to stay and who isn't is moderately arbitrary and ridiculous. At least we know.

themosthappy91 · May 2015

pinkrevenge said:
The God honest truth why I still float around?

TK attracts the most insane, entitled, back-asswards lunatics, while still being way more legible than Bee or Wire, and there is still a (diminishing) amount of flack you can give a person for acting like children.This is where I go when I want to crack open some popcorn and feel better about my life. Treehouse, Banter, Facebook groups, and other proboards are where I have honest connections with people.

Because if the last banhammer taught me anything, it was that this place isn't a safe place to build relationships. But it's hella great for finding people who are ruining their weddings.

I was wondering about this aspect- goodness know that it's entertaining to see selfish people throw fits and make asses of themselves. That's why I kind of wonder how long some of the people to go over to Treehouse will really stick around over there.

It seems to me that the people who are the most confrontational, and presumably enjoy being that way, are the most likely to get banned. But at Treehouse there are no SS to provide entertainment and drama. I guess it's good if you were really here for the connections... it's just hard for me to imagine some users being content with that.

MadHops21 · May 2015

julieanne912 said:
I'm a newer member so I wasn't around for the last mass exodus. However I've been "message boarding" for a long time (even met my FI on a message board), including admining and mod-ing elsewhere, so what I'm witnessing this time around is nothing new.

I'm like Lynda... a bit of a rule follower, and also acknowledging that these are not my boards, and they don't belong to any other member, regular or not. I also get why they're upset. People get comfortable on a board, form relationships, etc., so when something comes in to disrupt that, they don't like it. But, that's why they're free to go form their own groups on Proboards or wherever else if they're not happy with what's going on here.

I originally came on these boards just to get ideas for my own wedding as I'm pretty much clueless about them. I have learned a lot, and also had some nice discussions about non-wedding related topics. I imagine that those will continue, with or without the current regulars, because that's how I've seen it happen elsewhere.

I will also say, that as a newer member who isn't someone that would be classified as a "strong personality", I felt pretty intimidated by a lot of the regs. I think we've all witnessed someone asking an innocent and non-offensive question, and a few people just going nuts with it. That isn't the way to get and keep new members, especially those that aren't as used to interneting. Since the goal of this website is to make the owners money, I can see why they wouldn't want members around who hinder new folks from coming and participating.

You could not put this any better. Exactly this.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

.

luckya23 · May 2015

MadHops21 said:

show previous quotes
julieanne912 said:
I'm a newer member so I wasn't around for the last mass exodus. However I've been "message boarding" for a long time (even met my FI on a message board), including admining and mod-ing elsewhere, so what I'm witnessing this time around is nothing new.

I'm like Lynda... a bit of a rule follower, and also acknowledging that these are not my boards, and they don't belong to any other member, regular or not. I also get why they're upset. People get comfortable on a board, form relationships, etc., so when something comes in to disrupt that, they don't like it. But, that's why they're free to go form their own groups on Proboards or wherever else if they're not happy with what's going on here.

I originally came on these boards just to get ideas for my own wedding as I'm pretty much clueless about them. I have learned a lot, and also had some nice discussions about non-wedding related topics. I imagine that those will continue, with or without the current regulars, because that's how I've seen it happen elsewhere.

I will also say, that as a newer member who isn't someone that would be classified as a "strong personality", I felt pretty intimidated by a lot of the regs. I think we've all witnessed someone asking an innocent and non-offensive question, and a few people just going nuts with it. That isn't the way to get and keep new members, especially those that aren't as used to interneting. Since the goal of this website is to make the owners money, I can see why they wouldn't want members around who hinder new folks from coming and participating.
You could not put this any better. Exactly this.

Yup, me too.

I'm not really a "reg" here so I would not be interested in following anyone in particular out of here... Especially based on a hissy fit about rule changes which seem to be designed to make the community more polite and therefore accessible to all.

My wedding is in a month, so I can't say for sure if I will be as interested going forward but I still hope it does stay as active.

sophhabobopha · May 2015

pinkrevenge said:
The God honest truth why I still float around?

TK attracts the most insane, entitled, back-asswards lunatics, while still being way more legible than Bee or Wire, and there is still a (diminishing) amount of flack you can give a person for acting like children.This is where I go when I want to crack open some popcorn and feel better about my life. Treehouse, Banter, Facebook groups, and other proboards are where I have honest connections with people.

Because if the last banhammer taught me anything, it was that this place isn't a safe place to build relationships. But it's hella great for finding people who are ruining their weddings.

These are my feelings. I'm on both

MadHops21 · May 2015

luckya23 said:

show previous quotes
MadHops21 said:

julieanne912 said:
I'm a newer member so I wasn't around for the last mass exodus. However I've been "message boarding" for a long time (even met my FI on a message board), including admining and mod-ing elsewhere, so what I'm witnessing this time around is nothing new.

I'm like Lynda... a bit of a rule follower, and also acknowledging that these are not my boards, and they don't belong to any other member, regular or not. I also get why they're upset. People get comfortable on a board, form relationships, etc., so when something comes in to disrupt that, they don't like it. But, that's why they're free to go form their own groups on Proboards or wherever else if they're not happy with what's going on here.

I originally came on these boards just to get ideas for my own wedding as I'm pretty much clueless about them. I have learned a lot, and also had some nice discussions about non-wedding related topics. I imagine that those will continue, with or without the current regulars, because that's how I've seen it happen elsewhere.

I will also say, that as a newer member who isn't someone that would be classified as a "strong personality", I felt pretty intimidated by a lot of the regs. I think we've all witnessed someone asking an innocent and non-offensive question, and a few people just going nuts with it. That isn't the way to get and keep new members, especially those that aren't as used to interneting. Since the goal of this website is to make the owners money, I can see why they wouldn't want members around who hinder new folks from coming and participating.
You could not put this any better. Exactly this.
Yup, me too.

I'm not really a "reg" here so I would not be interested in following anyone in particular out of here... Especially based on a hissy fit about rule changes which seem to be designed to make the community more polite and therefore accessible to all.

My wedding is in a month, so I can't say for sure if I will be as interested going forward but I still hope it does stay as active.

My wedding is next year, so I'll continue lurking, but I might stay afterwards because at least TK has other boards like getting in shape, outdoor weddings (for home party ideas for myself), babies, etc. Real life stuff.

Do I suggest becoming sugar sweet and agreeing with everything that a SS comes in with? No, but the way some people give their advice rubs newbies the wrong way. If you look through a bunch of threads (not stating which, think that's a TOS warning), you can see newbies talking to certain people more while ignoring some of the regs.

I have some stories to share but won't because I'm thinking someone will quote it and dig at it and make something out of it. I've seen it happen so many times, it discourages people from posting. Which is why I think these TOS changes are coming into affect.

ohannabelle · May 2015

I like these boards because we are generally treated like adults and allowed to give opinions and post about naughty subjects.

If that stops, which it seems to have, I'm out. There are plenty of forums out there that have a fit if you drop the f bomb.

This x 1000.

I've seen some really good online communities ruined because of over zealous administration. I'm not saying this is happening, but there are multiple signs that it could happen.

I'm reserving judgement, and joining the treehouse as well. Lots of people belong to both sites. It looks like a fun place. Some of my favorite people are there.

It's not about flouncing, it's not about following, it's not about a "hissy fit." It's not about "quitting."

But if it comes down to having full time babysitters, hell, yes, I'm out, because this place will become Wedding Wire. Let's not mistake a "more polite" place with a more controlled and restricted place.

If a ban-a-palooza begins, or babysitters come in and start policing behavior, I would really hate to lose touch with people.

I just don't belong to groups that require me to censor myself. I do that all by myself, being a grown up and all. One of the reasons this is such a busy and active community is that it isn't run like a kindergarten class.

And sure, part of the entertainment here is the never ending parade of snowflakes, but a good part of why I'm here is because I've become really fond of people. I want to know how the wedding turns out, and if you've graduated, and see baby pictures, and hear about the new house, and if your batshit crazy parents are behaving. All that stuff.

dolewhipper · May 2015

ohannabelle said:
show previous quotes
And sure, part of the entertainment here is the never ending parade of snowflakes, but a good part of why I'm here is because I've become really fond of people. I want to know how the wedding turns out, and if you've graduated, and see baby pictures, and hear about the new house, and if your batshit crazy parents are behaving. All that stuff.

And this is why I'm staying.

I wasn't on during the weekend so I completely missed out on whatever happened as well, OP.

kaitlynmichelle · May 2015

I stay because of the drama really. I'm entertained by special snowflakes and their weddings. I also just love weddings in general and will be in a couple over the next two years, so why not. I do also love hearing about reg's KU announcements, etc.

Now that I'm married I'm still going to hang around. I lurk a lot because the mobile site drives me up the wall with logging me out frequently.

I've been around a very long time. I've seen a couple of mass exodus to treehouse or other boards.

SmileDamnit · May 2015

ohannabelle said:
show previous quotes

I'm reserving judgement, and joining the treehouse as well. Lots of people belong to both sites. It looks like a fun place. Some of my favorite people are there.

It's not about flouncing, it's not about following, it's not about a "hissy fit." It's not about "quitting."

But if it comes down to having full time babysitters, hell, yes, I'm out, because this place will become Wedding Wire. Let's not mistake a "more polite" place with a more controlled and restricted place.

If a ban-a-palooza begins, or babysitters come in and start policing behavior, I would really hate to lose touch with people.

I just don't belong to groups that require me to censor myself. I do that all by myself, being a grown up and all. One of the reasons this is such a busy and active community is that it isn't run like a kindergarten class.

And sure, part of the entertainment here is the never ending parade of snowflakes, but a good part of why I'm here is because I've become really fond of people. I want to know how the wedding turns out, and if you've graduated, and see baby pictures, and hear about the new house, and if your batshit crazy parents are behaving. All that stuff.

Yep - lots of double dippers!

I joined TH about a year ago and spent a good deal of time lurking while slowly starting to participate. It's a way, way different vibe than TK, but one I ultimately found I ended up liking better. Yep, still post here but not nearly as much - more just pop in to see if there is any drama or how some of the regs are doing. At TH, you are expected to act like an adult and will get treated as one in return. It can be harsh at times, and also hard to "keep up" as there are some very active (read: long!) daily threads, but the connections that can be made with some awesome ladies are real…if you're willing to invest the time to get to know them.

I'll be very interested to see how many of the people who are jumping ship actually stick around over at TH.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

I'll play.

1) I like talking about weddings. And I like helping people avoid common pitfalls or getting caught up in their wedding planning. For those who were here through the exodus a couple of years ago, you've probably gathered that this doesn't even come close. This isn't even really an exodus...it's one member who got banned after multiple warnings and all were not even from Friday. Other posters are choosing to leave TK, some will keep active accounts in both places. If people find that another community is a betted fit for what they want, cool.

2) Yea, I think it's important to have a core community and if administration goes on a banning spree without any warnings, that would be bad for business so to speak. But that's not what happened here and, objectively, these boards aren't XO's bread and butter anyway. There's been a core community for a long time. Some regs have been around for over a decade. There are always people getting married and newbies joining and deciding to become regs. I think @lyndausvi put it well that we are all guests, including mods, old regs, new regs, newbies... If they don't like the way I'm modding, they can say bye. If I break the rules, they can warn me (FTR, I have been warned). If I hit too many warning, they can and will ban me. No one is immune. And that's a good thing IMHO.

lyndausvi · May 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
I'll play.

1) I like talking about weddings. And I like helping people avoid common pitfalls or getting caught up in their wedding planning. For those who were here through the exodus a couple of years ago, you've probably gathered that this doesn't even come close. This isn't even really an exodus...it's one member who got banned after multiple warnings and all were not even from Friday. Other posters are choosing to leave TK, some will keep active accounts in both places. If people find that another community is a betted fit for what they want, cool.

2) Yea, I think it's important to have a core community and if administration goes on a banning spree without any warnings, that would be bad for business so to speak. But that's not what happened here and, objectively, these boards aren't XO's bread and butter anyway. There's been a core community for a long time. Some regs have been around for over a decade. There are always people getting married and newbies joining and deciding to become regs. I think @lyndausvi put it well that we are all guests, including mods, old regs, new regs, newbies... If they don't like the way I'm modding, they can say bye. If I break the rules, they can warn me (FTR, I have been warned). If I hit too many warning, they can and will ban me. No one is immune. And that's a good thing IMHO.

I have a warning also. It happened a few weeks ago. Even mods are not immune to getting warned.

AlexisA01 · May 2015

I was here a little bit before they got banned. I joined the Treehouse but remained here because it was the most helpful and I just prefer here over there.

APDSS22 · May 2015

I've been here since before the last exodus. I don't post as much lately, but I do like to try to help brides who want to treat their guests right. I also try to check the OK local board because people try to post there occasionally and it's fairly dead.

themosthappy91 · May 2015

Okay so follow-up questions (and I appreciate y'alls responses so far):

1. First the practical question- based on something Lynda said I think I misunderstood the initial incident that caused all this kerfuffle. Have the TOS changed recently or not? What exactly set Ashley off and caused her to get banned?

2. The bigger question: putting aside issues of how much power of censorship administrators should or should not have, do YOU think this community would benefit from being more polite? And I don't mean benefit in the financial sense (as in, XO's ability to profit off the forums), but benefit in terms of your increased enjoyment of being here. Basically, would you be happier if the community where somewhat less snarky?

Whaaaaaat is going on here?

Re: Whaaaaaat is going on here?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards