Im asking this on behalf of my MOH. I really didnt know the answer or what to expect from my one BM who is my FI bff and she is in the wedding I'm friends with her as well but shes not my BFF. So my shower is taking place in NY and the BM lives in Florida so she wont be attending mind you my one from Cali will be attending and helping out fully. My MOH asked if she thought the girl who wasnt coming was going to pitch in at least something...I really had no idea and my FI said good luck...to me if I was in a wedding and couldnt attend a shower I would still throw in at least 100 bux or at least offer up something. Mind you my MOH has email/FB messaged everyone all the same info asking for ideas and what everyones thoughts are and what have you and she hasnt even responded to anything. So i nicely just asked if she had gotten the messages just to be sure. I just found it kind of rude she couldnt even respond to anything. Thats besides the point question is woud you all chip in if you coukdnt go on something>? thoughts suggestions please? Im not sure if she has responded to the messages after i said anything...Im trying to stay out of things but its hard when you have people in different states and dont know one another.
Re: shower
This is damn near impossible to read. Punctuation is your friend.
First, why are you involving yourself in this? Its between MOH and BM. Not your monkeys, not your business.
And no, I would not pay for a party I could not attend. I am would likely not reply to messages where I was being volunTOLD how to participate.
If your MOH is the host of the shower, then she needs to bear all the costs associated with it. No one is required to pitch in to pay for a party in your honor, whether they are in the wedding party or not.
If people offer, great, but you guys need to stop badgering her- it's very rude of you both. I'm not surprised she's ignoring all the messages.
Formerly martha1818
@agenevieve22106 this is on your profile.
"I live in Florida and all of my family is in NY. I have. Huge family and my fiancé does not. We are having our wedding on the beach and we are paying for it ourselves and only have a budget of 8k. I am only inviting to the actual wedding my closets family and friends which is still nearing 70 and hoping at least 30 can't make it. I am going to have a BBQ party back in NY and my shower will also be there. What does everyone think on invites. I can't invite everyone to the wedding in Florida but I want all my family to be involved in the shower and after BBQ party. Does everyone think this is wrong and rude because everyone can't be invited to the beach???"
Ugh. The only people who can be invited to your shower, are those who are invited to your actual wedding.
And if you are on such a tight budget, why are you having a second party? The party is what costs the most money.
I genuinely have no idea what exactly you are trying to say. One doesn't need to be an English major to use punctuation or proper grammar. You will find that people will be more responsive when you communicate effectively.
But I think you need to remember two key things:
1) everyone invited to the shower MUST be invited to the ceremony
2) The host pays for the shower. That is the definition of a host. One volunteers to host a party (like your MOH did). She cannot tell others to host as well. Maybe you hosted showers in the past, but no one is obligated to pay for yours (except your MOH offered to host).