Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank You Note vs. Thank You Phone Call....thoughts?

13»

Re: Thank You Note vs. Thank You Phone Call....thoughts?

  • LD1970 said:

    I'm fairly certain "notdoingitbythebook" just likes to antagonize.


    I'm fairly certain you are very wrong. I like discussion, not just taking something at face value because that's just how it is. Surely we can discuss the rules of etiquette, not just enforce them on this board. Message boards are about discussion, no?
    The difference here is that you are basically thread-jacking the OP's thread to hop up on a soapbox and say that thank you notes are impersonal so you prefer a phone call. And then continue for 2 pages with exhausting nonsense. You have done this on almost every thread you've posted to and it's getting to be trolling garbage.

    Actual etiquette is to write a TY note for gifts given. That's the cold hard truth. 

    If you want to re-write the book, go write a book then. But discussions here are not for thread-jacking and/or trolling.

    I had no plans beyond stating my preference along with what is generally expected for thank you notes in my first post. I was neither thread-jacking and or trolling. The OP asked a question, I stated my preference and acknowledged that it was not what is actually expected and everyone else lost their collective minds. Why? Because despite saying that the notes are what had to happen, I also stated what was my preference. And then the insinuations started. Seriously. It's mind boggling that even though I agreed with what everyone else eventually posted, I was still eviscerated for stating my personal preference.
  • I think the issue is that a phone call is more convenient for YOU.   You have no way of knowing that it's more convenient for the recipient.   People often call when I'm in the middle of things.   I can't tell you how many times the phone rings when I'm eating dinner, changing a diaper, in the bathroom or just have my hands full.

    But I'll hold onto a thank you note for days / weeks / months / years.   
    Most people I know throw thank you notes out. I know I was in a group once and we did a poll and surprisingly most people threw them out. Some people kept them forever and forever but most don't. However I get what you're saying. Most people who get calls when they are busy call the person back. I thought that would be a given. I don't expect people to drop everything and talk. Good grief. However, in my family and with my friends we just return the calls afterward. I didn't realize that wasn't a global thing.


    Oh really?  Have you taken a poll of adequate sample size to make this determination statistically speaking?

    I met a girl in 2003 and we became friends.  I gave her a birthday gift and she sent me a Thank You note.  At the end of the note it said, "I hope we are friends forever".  I kept it.  She's one of my bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding.  I brought it out at my bachelorette party as we toasted our lasting friendship.

    When my baby cousin (another bridesmaid, 25 years old) was 12, she came to visit me all by herself in NYC.  She wrote me the most adorable Thank You note in 12-year-old writing. I kept it.  This was also brought out at the party and we all laughed about it and reminisced about the adventures we had on that trip, like rollerblading over the Brooklyn Bridge (which I had forgotten but she had drawn a picture of it in the Thank You note).  

    I think you're missing the point.   
  • I think the issue is that a phone call is more convenient for YOU.   You have no way of knowing that it's more convenient for the recipient.   People often call when I'm in the middle of things.   I can't tell you how many times the phone rings when I'm eating dinner, changing a diaper, in the bathroom or just have my hands full.

    But I'll hold onto a thank you note for days / weeks / months / years.   
    Most people I know throw thank you notes out. I know I was in a group once and we did a poll and surprisingly most people threw them out. Some people kept them forever and forever but most don't. However I get what you're saying. Most people who get calls when they are busy call the person back. I thought that would be a given. I don't expect people to drop everything and talk. Good grief. However, in my family and with my friends we just return the calls afterward. I didn't realize that wasn't a global thing.
    Oh really?  Have you taken a poll of adequate sample size to make this determination statistically speaking?

    I met a girl in 2003 and we became friends.  I gave her a birthday gift and she sent me a Thank You note.  At the end of the note it said, "I hope we are friends forever".  I kept it.  She's one of my bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding.  I brought it out at my bachelorette party as we toasted our lasting friendship.

    When my baby cousin (another bridesmaid, 25 years old) was 12, she came to visit me all by herself in NYC.  She wrote me the most adorable Thank You note in 12-year-old writing. I kept it.  This was also brought out at the party and we all laughed about it and reminisced about the adventures we had on that trip, like rollerblading over the Brooklyn Bridge (which I had forgotten but she had drawn a picture of it in the Thank You note).  

    I think you're missing the point.   


    The point of what? That you keep thank you notes. Good for you. Sounds like you had fun with them. The term "most of the people I know" should suffice when explaining what the sample size of my experience is. Thank you notes are not considered important in my circle. They are done when necessary (like wedding stuff) but very rarely beyond that. That was my point. However, you illustrate a very nice reason to keep them. My experience is my experience, just like yours is yours. What point am I missing? That thank you notes are expected and thus should be done? I've said that from the very start even though I think a thank you is a thank you is a thank you. The only point that should be made is that everyone should be thanked for things they do or give.

  • She asked for opinions and personal preferences. I stated my personal preference while stating that thank you notes are still expected. Not once did I say that she shouldn't write thank you notes. Not once did I say that *I* don't write thank you notes for wedding related stuff. It is so engrained in wedding etiquette, so they have to be done. I stated that from the very top. This group is different from any other group I have dealt with. I am used to a more mixed, less black and white opinion on this exact topic, so this is interesting and maddening at the same time to see that a personal opinion while still following the rules of etiquette is picked apart as if I am somehow breaking an etiquette rule.

    Honestly I am curious and not trying to be confrontational, but why do you have such a bad attitude toward etiquette?  I can see that you're resistant to it but I can't understand why.  Is it because so many people disagree with you that you have come to resent actual etiquette (aka good manners) just to be contrary?  Instead of your strange sounding assertion above (bolded), why not accept the fact that thank you notes should be written because they are a kind and proper gesture to thank your guests for gifts that they gave you?  Again, as Annabelle pointed out, etiquette is about making your guests comfortable or making someone else feel good other than yourself.

    Where is all this resentment of good manners coming from?  I'm honestly curious.  
  • I think the issue is that a phone call is more convenient for YOU.   You have no way of knowing that it's more convenient for the recipient.   People often call when I'm in the middle of things.   I can't tell you how many times the phone rings when I'm eating dinner, changing a diaper, in the bathroom or just have my hands full.

    But I'll hold onto a thank you note for days / weeks / months / years.   
    Most people I know throw thank you notes out. I know I was in a group once and we did a poll and surprisingly most people threw them out. Some people kept them forever and forever but most don't. However I get what you're saying. Most people who get calls when they are busy call the person back. I thought that would be a given. I don't expect people to drop everything and talk. Good grief. However, in my family and with my friends we just return the calls afterward. I didn't realize that wasn't a global thing.
    Oh really?  Have you taken a poll of adequate sample size to make this determination statistically speaking?

    I met a girl in 2003 and we became friends.  I gave her a birthday gift and she sent me a Thank You note.  At the end of the note it said, "I hope we are friends forever".  I kept it.  She's one of my bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding.  I brought it out at my bachelorette party as we toasted our lasting friendship.

    When my baby cousin (another bridesmaid, 25 years old) was 12, she came to visit me all by herself in NYC.  She wrote me the most adorable Thank You note in 12-year-old writing. I kept it.  This was also brought out at the party and we all laughed about it and reminisced about the adventures we had on that trip, like rollerblading over the Brooklyn Bridge (which I had forgotten but she had drawn a picture of it in the Thank You note).  

    I think you're missing the point.   
    The point of what? That you keep thank you notes. Good for you. Sounds like you had fun with them. The term "most of the people I know" should suffice when explaining what the sample size of my experience is. Thank you notes are not considered important in my circle. They are done when necessary (like wedding stuff) but very rarely beyond that. That was my point. However, you illustrate a very nice reason to keep them. My experience is my experience, just like yours is yours. What point am I missing? That thank you notes are expected and thus should be done? I've said that from the very start even though I think a thank you is a thank you is a thank you. The only point that should be made is that everyone should be thanked for things they do or give.


    My point is that not once have you referenced the feeling of the thank you note recipient throughout this exhaustive discussion.  You've provided a number of (IMO) invalid reasons that phone calls are more personal, take more effort to schedule, etc. and are therefore some sort of more grand gesture than a thank you note but again, you've not mentioned anything about how nice it is to be on the receiving end of a thoughtful, well-written note, or to be complimented on your efforts by a recipient.  It's all, "I think this" and "I prefer that" and "In my circle"...

    The point you are missing is to be thinking about how your actions affect other people.  I know you're writing them, great.  But why be so resistant to doing the right thing?  It's a very nice exercise to sit down and express your thanks to someone in writing.  If you stopped thinking of it like a chore (like a 5 year old) and try to enjoy it, your perception might shift.  
  • edited May 2015


    She asked for opinions and personal preferences. I stated my personal preference while stating that thank you notes are still expected. Not once did I say that she shouldn't write thank you notes. Not once did I say that *I* don't write thank you notes for wedding related stuff. It is so engrained in wedding etiquette, so they have to be done. I stated that from the very top. This group is different from any other group I have dealt with. I am used to a more mixed, less black and white opinion on this exact topic, so this is interesting and maddening at the same time to see that a personal opinion while still following the rules of etiquette is picked apart as if I am somehow breaking an etiquette rule.
    Honestly I am curious and not trying to be confrontational, but why do you have such a bad attitude toward etiquette?  I can see that you're resistant to it but I can't understand why.  Is it because so many people disagree with you that you have come to resent actual etiquette (aka good manners) just to be contrary?  Instead of your strange sounding assertion above (bolded), why not accept the fact that thank you notes should be written because they are a kind and proper gesture to thank your guests for gifts that they gave you?  Again, as Annabelle pointed out, etiquette is about making your guests comfortable or making someone else feel good other than yourself.

    Where is all this resentment of good manners coming from?  I'm honestly curious.  




    I will probably regret answering this since it will likely be torn apart somehow but I actually do not have a bad attitude towards etiquette. Two topics does not a bad attitude make. I actually teach classes about Victorian and Edwardian etiquette, so I actually understand the basis behind most customs discussed here.

    That said, while I agree that some kind of code of commonly accepted behaviours is needed for society to function, I strongly disagree that there is only one way to do everything... and the strong, blunt, often rude responses stating that if you don't do the board's way then you're a completely ungrateful clod who should be taken out back and flogged for being so stupid. Everyone preaches proper etiquette for the wedding but doesn't seem to acknowledge any kind of etiquette when addressing others. I find that really strange. I find it really strange that discussion of any alternatives to achieve the same outcome is not allowed. I've never come across an online community so set in their ways that anything outside of that set of rules is considered wrong and the person daring to post it is a troll. Yes, etiquette is etiquette, but it's only etiquette until someone realises that it no longer serves its purpose and the rule changes over time.

    Thank you notes are a kind gesture, absolutely. But they are no better at thanking someone than doing it in person, or calling that person on the phone or whatever method you choose. Writing a note is merely one method to thank someone, a method that many years ago became the accepted way to do things. That doesn't mean it's better, it just means it's the commonly expected way to do things. It's considered the right thing to do because that's what is expected. Writing "thank you" makes it no more meaningful than saying "thank you"... it's just more expected. It won't make people feel more comfortable or feel good any more than my walking over to them and saying the exact same thing.

    I don't resent good manners, even if my posts here give you that impression. I resent having "etiquette" rammed down people's throat without any allowance for discussion or conversation about achieving the same goal but maybe in a slightly different way. The immediate shut down of any conversation is what I resent, not the manners themselves.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    So taking time off of your busy schedule to call someone is more personable than taking the same time off to sit and write your feelings on the pieces of paper, then addressing an envelope, then stamping the envelope, then putting it in the mailbox?


    Did I get this right?


    I prefer a written TY.  I would not mind a call, but like others I'm on the phone all fucking day at work.  I like some down time after work and often do not answer the phone.    Just because it's a good time for you to call me, it might not be a good time for me to answer.  Plus I live in a different time zone then most of my family.  Trust me their good time often is not good for me.

    I take my dog to the mailbox everyday after work.  It's our daily routine.  I often read the mail walking back.  I would be much happier to get a TY note in the mail, then taking a phone call during that same time.

    I would hate a TY text.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015


    She asked for opinions and personal preferences. I stated my personal preference while stating that thank you notes are still expected. Not once did I say that she shouldn't write thank you notes. Not once did I say that *I* don't write thank you notes for wedding related stuff. It is so engrained in wedding etiquette, so they have to be done. I stated that from the very top. This group is different from any other group I have dealt with. I am used to a more mixed, less black and white opinion on this exact topic, so this is interesting and maddening at the same time to see that a personal opinion while still following the rules of etiquette is picked apart as if I am somehow breaking an etiquette rule.
    Honestly I am curious and not trying to be confrontational, but why do you have such a bad attitude toward etiquette?  I can see that you're resistant to it but I can't understand why.  Is it because so many people disagree with you that you have come to resent actual etiquette (aka good manners) just to be contrary?  Instead of your strange sounding assertion above (bolded), why not accept the fact that thank you notes should be written because they are a kind and proper gesture to thank your guests for gifts that they gave you?  Again, as Annabelle pointed out, etiquette is about making your guests comfortable or making someone else feel good other than yourself.

    Where is all this resentment of good manners coming from?  I'm honestly curious.  




    I will probably regret answering this since it will likely be torn apart somehow but I actually do not have a bad attitude towards etiquette. Two topics does not a bad attitude make. I actually teach classes about Victorian and Edwardian etiquette, so I actually understand the basis behind most customs discussed here.

    That said, while I agree that some kind of code of commonly accepted behaviours is needed for society to function, I strongly disagree that there is only one way to do everything... and the strong, blunt, often rude responses stating that if you don't do the board's way then you're a completely ungrateful clod who should be taken out back and flogged for being so stupid. Everyone preaches proper etiquette for the wedding but doesn't seem to acknowledge any kind of etiquette when addressing others. I find that really strange. I find it really strange that discussion of any alternatives to achieve the same outcome is not allowed. I've never come across an online community so set in their ways that anything outside of that set of rules is considered wrong and the person daring to post it is a troll. Yes, etiquette is etiquette, but it's only etiquette until someone realises that it no longer serves its purpose and the rule changes over time.

    Thank you notes are a kind gesture, absolutely. But they are no better at thanking someone than doing it in person, or calling that person on the phone or whatever method you choose. Writing a note is merely one method to thank someone, a method that many years ago became the accepted way to do things. That doesn't mean it's better, it just means it's the commonly expected way to do things. It's considered the right thing to do because that's what is expected. Writing "thank you" makes it no more meaningful than saying "thank you"... it's just more expected. It won't make people feel more comfortable or feel good any more than my walking over to them and saying the exact same thing.

    I don't resent good manners, even if my posts here give you that impression. I resent having "etiquette" rammed down people's throat without any allowance for discussion or conversation about achieving the same goal but maybe in a slightly different way. The immediate shut down of any conversation is what I resent, not the manners themselves.

    I don't know what you mean by "shut down." People have been taking the time to converse with you for pages.

    Someone comes here and asks, "Should I write a thank you note?" Someone who has thought a lot about this issue responds, "Absolutely, yes you should." The OP is then free to ask a simple "Why?" or say, "I was thinking about doing this instead, though, and I feel like it accomplishes the same purpose." The people who have thought through this a lot are happy to explain the logic of "why" or to point out difficulties with the alternate idea that aren't present in the etiquette-approved idea.

    This doesn't amount to shutting down conversation on the issue. It's having the conversation on the issue, but the reason the etiquette standards exist is because all the shitty ideas have already been sorted through and what you're left with is etiquette. So it wouldn't be surprising if "No, you really should do what etiquette says, and here's why" is the response.

    Frequently, the response to this help is, "You guys don't KNOW me and my situation" or "but I want to do what I WANT" in which case why help anymore? We've seen enough situations to know that there is very little that actually affects what etiquette would say about a situation, so a) we're not mind-readers, so commenting without knowing the whole story isn't our fault if you see that as "shutting you down" b) we probably don't even need to know the story in order to give the proper advice.

    ETA: The reason you are getting people saying that you're just trying to be obstinate is because all of your "reasons" for arguing what you're arguing have already been logically debunked pages back. They have. Most people can see this. So we're left with either believing that you're too obtuse to realize this and really have no idea how to make a good argument, or that you're purposely ignoring the actual points people are making to continue stirring shit up.
    onefootinthebayoumrsdee15redoryx
  • wmam35wmam35 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Well I ended up getting busy at work and I didn't think I would come back to all of this!  I don't know if my original question was as descriptive as it should have been.  I definitely wasn't asking if calling got me out of thank you notes or anything like that.  In situations where you're dealing with a large number of guests (weddings, showers, etc), it would be silly to even attempt to call all of those people and thank them.  Either way, like I said before, I always write thank you notes, because I know it is the right thing to do. 

    What I was more talking about was if I sent someone a gift, I personally wouldn't care how they thanked me (with a note, in person, call, text, email) as long as they thanked me.  When I wrote the question, I thought about one time when I sent a book that I found at a bookstore to my cousin for her son (he was 2 and a half), and she sent me a text the day they got the book and the text had the most amazing and wonderful picture of him sitting and holding the book with the biggest, cheesiest, most awesome grin on his face, and underneath of it it said a big "THANK YOU AUNT WMAM35!", and that was way better than any thank you note, at least to me.  Could she have printed the picture and mailed it to me and then stuck it in a card and sent it to me?  Sure, but to me it's kind of the same thing.  Now when I have kids and if she sends me a gift for them, I will text her the day I get it, but then also send a thank you note because I know she likes thank you notes.  But she knows my fairly laid back personality, and she knows that a text is enough for me, she probably won't send me a card, and that wouldn't bother ME.  I guess I was thinking more about instances like that.  Maybe to some though, it's no different than a more formal situation, which is fine. 

    I know from reading these boards and definitely from the conversation
    today that some people would definitely be offended if I didn't write a
    note no matter what, and I wouldn't want to do that either so that's
    another reason why I write notes, cause you never know what will leave a
    bad impression.  
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015




    That's very black and white thinking and shuts down a lot of discussion. Is there a reason why even discussion of an alternate to a rule of etiquette is shut down immediately and completely? Is no one interested in the intricacies of the rules rather than just following them blindly because those are the rules. I like to discuss things, I thought that was the point of discussion boards... not to just yell "THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT AND IF YOU DO NOT DO EXACTLY AS WE TELL YOU THEN YOU ARE A SELFISH UNGRATEFUL CLOD". Surely there can be a middle ground here where the rules of etiquette can be discussed instead of the constant immediate shut down when anything different is mentioned.

    *** sorry for the 3D box thing up there

    You may not think so, but this group is very open to hearing about non traditional ideas - AS LONG AS THEY MAKE SENSE.  Non white wedding dress?  Not a problem.  No bouquet toss?  Not a problem.  Uneven or mixed gender bridal parties?  100% supported.  These things do not impact or inconvenience their guests.

    There was a post a while back about someone who went to a wedding with an "untraditional" menu that each course was served only one piece of food at a time.  One shrimp cocktail, one leaf of lettuce, one piece of chicken, a scoop of mashed potatoes, you get the jist.  Untraditional?  Yes.  Inconvenient and strange?  Yes.  Do you see the difference?

    Your idea of thank you calls falls into this.  Logistically it's just odd.  No one gives a shit what time you wrote your notes and someone blowing up your phone to say thank you for a wedding gift is not the most inconvenient thing out there, but still strange enough that would make most of us say "WTF why couldn't they have just written me a note?"  The onus shouldn't fall on me to call you back for my thank you.  Bottom line.
    mrsdee15southernbelle0915ohannabelle
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    Double post, sorry.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I prefer cards to phone calls. I rarely answer my phone for most people.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    AddieCake said:

    I prefer cards to phone calls. I rarely answer my phone for most people.

    I'm still stumped how calling someone is more personable then someone taking time at 2am to write a heartfelt thank you?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited May 2015


    She asked for opinions and personal preferences. I stated my personal preference while stating that thank you notes are still expected. Not once did I say that she shouldn't write thank you notes. Not once did I say that *I* don't write thank you notes for wedding related stuff. It is so engrained in wedding etiquette, so they have to be done. I stated that from the very top. This group is different from any other group I have dealt with. I am used to a more mixed, less black and white opinion on this exact topic, so this is interesting and maddening at the same time to see that a personal opinion while still following the rules of etiquette is picked apart as if I am somehow breaking an etiquette rule.
    Honestly I am curious and not trying to be confrontational, but why do you have such a bad attitude toward etiquette?  I can see that you're resistant to it but I can't understand why.  Is it because so many people disagree with you that you have come to resent actual etiquette (aka good manners) just to be contrary?  Instead of your strange sounding assertion above (bolded), why not accept the fact that thank you notes should be written because they are a kind and proper gesture to thank your guests for gifts that they gave you?  Again, as Annabelle pointed out, etiquette is about making your guests comfortable or making someone else feel good other than yourself.

    Where is all this resentment of good manners coming from?  I'm honestly curious.  




    I will probably regret answering this since it will likely be torn apart somehow but I actually do not have a bad attitude towards etiquette. Two topics does not a bad attitude make. I actually teach classes about Victorian and Edwardian etiquette, so I actually understand the basis behind most customs discussed here.

    That said, while I agree that some kind of code of commonly accepted behaviours is needed for society to function, I strongly disagree that there is only one way to do everything... and the strong, blunt, often rude responses stating that if you don't do the board's way then you're a completely ungrateful clod who should be taken out back and flogged for being so stupid. Everyone preaches proper etiquette for the wedding but doesn't seem to acknowledge any kind of etiquette when addressing others. I find that really strange. I find it really strange that discussion of any alternatives to achieve the same outcome is not allowed. I've never come across an online community so set in their ways that anything outside of that set of rules is considered wrong and the person daring to post it is a troll. Yes, etiquette is etiquette, but it's only etiquette until someone realises that it no longer serves its purpose and the rule changes over time.

    Thank you notes are a kind gesture, absolutely. But they are no better at thanking someone than doing it in person, or calling that person on the phone or whatever method you choose. Writing a note is merely one method to thank someone, a method that many years ago became the accepted way to do things. That doesn't mean it's better, it just means it's the commonly expected way to do things. It's considered the right thing to do because that's what is expected. Writing "thank you" makes it no more meaningful than saying "thank you"... it's just more expected. It won't make people feel more comfortable or feel good any more than my walking over to them and saying the exact same thing.

    I don't resent good manners, even if my posts here give you that impression. I resent having "etiquette" rammed down people's throat without any allowance for discussion or conversation about achieving the same goal but maybe in a slightly different way. The immediate shut down of any conversation is what I resent, not the manners themselves.

    SIB********************************




    Now, that is actually intriguing to me. 
    Please answer this question:
    At what point did asparagus cease being exclusively a finger food, and why? 
    Thank you in advance for sharing your knowledge of historical western etiquette.
    lyndausvimrsdee15
  • Still waiting. Not constantly. Just checking in between coats of paint.
    lyndausvijustsieMairePoppymrsdee15
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I hate phone calls.  The only people who call me are service people telling me they're going to be late for the time window they gave me or telemarketers.  If anyone else ever calls me and they're not in my phone I do not answer.  If it's someone like a coworker who needed to get a hold of me but isn't in my phone, they leave a message and I call them back.  Anyone who doesn't leave a message will never get a call back from me. 

    It's good etiquette to return a voice mail.  It's not necessarily a good idea to call back every number that calls your phone.

    A thank you note is always a good idea for expressing gratitude.  If you are having a phone conversation with someone and want to say that you really enjoyed their gift, that's never a terrible thing to do but it's no replacement for a well-written, personal note.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    lyndausvi said:

    AddieCake said:

    I prefer cards to phone calls. I rarely answer my phone for most people.

    I'm still stumped how calling someone is more personable then someone taking time at 2am to write a heartfelt thank you?
    I agree. That comment was odd. Who gives a shit what time the notes get written? It doesn't invalidate their sincerity. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • If I didn't get a thank you card after I spent time picking something out for you and spending my hard earned money on said gift I'd be snarking on your ass for the next few years, probably longer.

    I probably wouldn't get you another gift again either.
    Anniversary

    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    AddieCake said:

    lyndausvi said:

    AddieCake said:

    I prefer cards to phone calls. I rarely answer my phone for most people.

    I'm still stumped how calling someone is more personable then someone taking time at 2am to write a heartfelt thank you?
    I agree. That comment was odd. Who gives a shit what time the notes get written? It doesn't invalidate their sincerity. 
    Not only what time it's written, but why is time spent calling someone better then time spent writing a heart felt thank you note?   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    AddieCake
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:

    AddieCake said:

    lyndausvi said:

    AddieCake said:

    I prefer cards to phone calls. I rarely answer my phone for most people.

    I'm still stumped how calling someone is more personable then someone taking time at 2am to write a heartfelt thank you?
    I agree. That comment was odd. Who gives a shit what time the notes get written? It doesn't invalidate their sincerity. 
    Not only what time it's written, but why is time spent calling someone better then time spent writing a heart felt thank you note?   
    When she originally said "take the time to schedule a phone call" as indicative of greater effort/personalization, I thought she meant taking the time to schedule a phone call at a time convenient to the giver, like a phone date or Skype date. That might have made some sense, at least with respect to "it takes more effort and more effort shows you're more thankful."

    But since subsequent posts just seemed to show she meant "I have to take time out of my day when I can step outside and make a phone call," without respect for the actual convenience of the call to the giver, there is at best an equivalency in time spent, and actually less concern for the needs of the thank-you receipient.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There is a reason why "phoning it in" is a bad thing.

    No one is offended by a thank you note. Plenty of people (including me) would be offended at just receiving a phone call.

    If these people are so important and you like calling them, why wait for this gift? You can always call people for a chat (when it is convenient for THEM).
  • kns1988kns1988 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015

    This is a personal preference of mine. I prefer a phone call over a note. I prefer seeing the person face to face over a note. I make the effort to call people if I can't see them face to face to thank them. That is my preference.

    No where did I say that I wasn't writing thank you notes. No where in my post did I say that anyone shouldn't write thank you notes. In fact, I said they were an engrained part of wedding etiquette and thus need to be done. The question in the OP was about preference and whether someone would be upset if they didn't receive a card as well. I answered with my preference.  

    Anything else you'd like to assume about me?

    *****QUOTE BOX*****

    Yes, I would be upset if I didn't receive a card. You can thank me all you want in person, on the phone, in an email, whatever... I'm going to be put off if I don't receive a thank you card.  

    ETA because quote box got entirely messed up.

  • I just want to know about the asparagus.
    lyndausvi
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its

    did you say  asparagus?



    image

    image

    image


    image






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Ohmygod, I want that prosciutto wrapped asparagus NOW. I wouldn't share it, either. 

    lyndausvi
  • I think it depends on the person? My grandma wants a phone call, because she wants to talk to me. So I call her instead for birthdays and stuff. I might send her a thank you note for a wedding present though. It would just depend. However, I do not think a thank you text would ever be appropriate.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards