Cruise wedding

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

Okay so due to fiances and also the ease of it we have decided to have a cruise wedding. We will only be able to invite 25 people to the ceremony and hour reception and those people we will be invited to cruise with us for our honeymoon. So my question is about the people we can't invite. Would it be bad etiquette to invite the others to book cruises and enjoy our honeymoon with us even though they can't come to the wedding? Also if we do invite them how would I word the invitation?

lyndausvi · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:

Okay so due to fiances and also the ease of it we have decided to have a cruise wedding. We will only be able to invite 25 people to the ceremony and hour reception and those people we will be invited to cruise with us for our honeymoon. So my question is about the people we can't invite. Would it be bad etiquette to invite the others to book cruises and enjoy our honeymoon with us even though they can't come to the wedding? Also if we do invite them how would I word the invitation?

YES, it would be.

And honestly, it's just weird to invite someone to pay thousands of dollars to join you on your HM and not let them see you get married. I would be so confused.

jacques27 · May 2015

Nope. Nope nope nope. Don't do it.

Your wedding day is one day.

Your honeymoon is a vacation.

Don't treat giving the people the "opportunity" to spend their (likely very limited) vacation days and thousands of dollars on a vacation where they don't get a vote in when and where it takes place like it's some sort of consolation prize they should be grateful to receive, which is how that comes off. People understand that most people will have limitations on how big their wedding can be - either due to cost, venue capacity, or some other factor. Don't offer a consolation prize as if they are losing out on something, and especially one that will cost them thousands of dollars to participate in.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2015

jacques27 said:

Nope. Nope nope nope. Don't do it.
Your wedding day is one day.
Your honeymoon is a vacation.
Don't treat giving the people the "opportunity" to spend their (likely very limited) vacation days and thousands of dollars on a vacation where they don't get a vote in when and where it takes place like it's some sort of consolation prize they should be grateful to receive, which is how that comes off. People understand that most people will have limitations on how big their wedding can be - either due to cost, venue capacity, or some other factor. Don't offer a consolation prize as if they are losing out on something, and especially one that will cost them thousands of dollars to participate in.

Why on Earth would you want a bunch of other people to join you on your honeymoon? That sounds more like a Griswold family vacation than a honeymoon.

Plus, as PPS have covered, it's rude.

CMGragain · May 2015

I am assuming that your ceremony is taking place while the ship is in port? If you are being married while at sea, you must pay for the cruises for your wedding guests. You cannot invite anyone to a wedding where they have to pay to attend.
Your guests are responsible for their transportation to the port and any hotel expenses. You are responsible for their cruise expenses if that is a condition for attending your wedding.
Obviously, you cannot "invite" someone to spend their own money to take a cruise with you.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

We are having it in port in our home city so no one has to pay for any accommodation and the few people coming from out of state we offered our house as a place for them. I actually have family that loves to cruise so I thought it would be a nice thing to see if they wanted to join. It is not meant a consolation prize. In fact since some of the wedding party and my father in law, his wife and their 2 children are going and paying for themselves. I thought it would be nice to see if anyone else wanted to cruise with us.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:

We are having it in port in our home city so no one has to pay for any accommodation and the few people coming from out of state we offered our house as a place for them. I actually have family that loves to cruise so I thought it would be a nice thing to see if they wanted to join. It is not meant a consolation prize. In fact since some of the wedding party and my father in law, his wife and their 2 children are going and paying for themselves. I thought it would be nice to see if anyone else wanted to cruise with us.

but don't you think it's odd to invite people to join you on a HM when they are not invited to the 25 person wedding?

It might not be the intention, but it is a consolations prize. One that could cost thousands of dollars. Where the VIP guests can see your wedding for little to no costs depending where they live.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

I mean that makes sense. As for inviting people to our HM we don't mind as by the time we get married we would have been living together for over 4 years so we have had plenty of alone time and vacation wit just us. Plus we are very close with our families so we don't mind them being there and they are good about giving us time together. I actually thought people would be offended if we didn't ask if they would like to join us seeing as some of the wedding guest will be joining.

Jen4948 · May 2015

I wouldn't. As a non-wedding guest I wouldn't appreciate an invitation to a honeymoon cruise if I wasn't invited to the wedding.

CMGragain · May 2015

As I posted earlier, you cannot invite someone on a cruise unless you are paying for it.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

I guess I was viewing it more as "we are going on a cruise would anyone like to come?"

jacques27 · May 2015

Do you do that with every cruise or vacation you take?

wedding =/= honeymoon

Your honeymoon is just a vacation that's taking place in close proximity after your wedding.

If you want more than 25 people to be part of your wedding, then plan something else. Get a permit for the nearest public park to the port, have a short ceremony, offer up a continental style breakfast and have everyone there you want to be there and then drive on over to the port and go on your vacation. If anyone else, on their own, decides they want to also take a vacation at the same exact time and book that for themselves, so be it. But don't INVITE other people not invited to the wedding to spend hundreds to possibly thousands of dollars to spend time with you because you planned your wedding to be small and exclusive and wanted to take a group vacation each on their own dime to make up for it. If you are perfectly fine with having only 25 people, then just own that decision, accept it, and go enjoy your cruise and have fun hanging out with your friends and family when you get back.

Maggie0829 · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:

I guess I was viewing it more as "we are going on a cruise would anyone like to come?"

Yeah, but you are going on that cruise for a reason...to get married and have a HM. It isn't like you are taking a cruise just because.

Think about it. If these people you want to invite along on the cruise do come, they will be on the ship when you get married, but they aren't allowed to actually come and see you get married. Do you see how weird that is? They will know why you are taking the cruise but they aren't invited to join in on the festivities. It would be like if I had gotten married and had my HM at Disney World. I could only have 25 people at my wedding, but invited others to come down and vacation with us, but then had to say, "oh just to let you know on Saturday I won't be around because I am getting married and you aren't invited."

banana468 · May 2015

You can't really invite people on the cruise without paying for it - because an invitation implies you're hosting.

If people ask you about the wedding plans you can tell them what you're doing and there's nothing stopping them from booking the same cruise but I have to say, I would never want to spend someone's honeymoon with them.

RezIpsa · May 2015

I started a thread not too long ago on the etiquette issues that can be inherent in cruise weddings (the ones that occur on embarkation day with nonsailing guests). You might want to give it a read. It convinced me to forego that option.

I agree with the PPs on the issue of paying for guest's cruise.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:

I guess I was viewing it more as "we are going on a cruise would anyone like to come?"

Take the wedding part of of it out of the equation.

Have you ever received a formal invitation (i.e. paper invitation in the mail) inviting you on a vacation? These people you want to invite, do you travel with them regularly? At all?

Traveling with some of your guests on a cruise directly after your wedding is not a problem for me. Not my thing, but that often happens when you have a DW. Unless you leave directly after the wedding, some of your guests will be sticking around a little longer. NDB.

You are talking about inviting 25 people to a wedding, where they may or may not choose to take the cruise after the fact. Then inviting more people to just a cruise. Sorry, that is not a good idea.

ohmrs2014 · May 2015

The cruise wedding I attended was completely different. The couple were allowed to invite whoever they wanted to witness and participate in the festivities and then whoever wasn't going on the cruise had to exit the ship by a certain time.

DH and I had decided to cruise with the couple, though we did pay for ourselves. Luckily the brides aunt was a travel agent so we were able to get the discounted group rate for the trip. We only went on the cruise because we were married a few months before and hadn't taken a honeymoon so we took advantage of the cheaper rate.

But I agree, if they cruise, you should be paying for it.

Maggie0829 · May 2015

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I agree with this. And even take the wedding out of it, just because you invite someone to come along on a vacation with you doesn't mean you have to pay their way. If H and I were to go on a cruise and then decide to ask if some of our friends wanted to come along, we would not have to pay for their vacation just because we invited them. That is ridiculous.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

Translation: "well there are only 25 spots and you weren't important enough to make the cut......so want to spend thousands of dollars plus vacation time to hang out with us after we celebrate with the top 25?"

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if I got this invitation, this it how it would come off to me. Don't do it. Not worth it. Just invite the 25 and be done with it. It's a small wedding - there's nothing wrong with that!

lyndausvi · May 2015

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

Maggie0829 · May 2015

lyndausvi said:

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

I guess I would just assume that anyone who chooses to get married on a cruise would get married prior to the cruise debarking so that is why I would think paying for someone to go on the cruise isn't necessary.

But I guess my logic and common sense doesn't apply to people who would feel the need to have their wedding in the middle of a cruise so as to have to make all their guests either choose to go on the attire cruise or miss the wedding. So yeah, if you are getting married in the middle of a cruise so that your guests have to go on the entire cruise for it, then yes you should pay their way.

lyndausvi · May 2015

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

I guess I would just assume that anyone who chooses to get married on a cruise would get married prior to the cruise debarking so that is why I would think paying for someone to go on the cruise isn't necessary.

But I guess my logic and common sense doesn't apply to people who would feel the need to have their wedding in the middle of a cruise so as to have to make all their guests either choose to go on the attire cruise or miss the wedding. So yeah, if you are getting married in the middle of a cruise so that your guests have to go on the entire cruise for it, then yes you should pay their way.

People get married on the actual cruise or say Disney's private island you can only get to via the Disney's boat.

Maggie0829 · May 2015

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

I guess I would just assume that anyone who chooses to get married on a cruise would get married prior to the cruise debarking so that is why I would think paying for someone to go on the cruise isn't necessary.

But I guess my logic and common sense doesn't apply to people who would feel the need to have their wedding in the middle of a cruise so as to have to make all their guests either choose to go on the attire cruise or miss the wedding. So yeah, if you are getting married in the middle of a cruise so that your guests have to go on the entire cruise for it, then yes you should pay their way.

People get married on the actual cruise or say Disney's private island you can only get to via the Disney's boat.

Yeah that's true. I guess I just couldn't imagine asking people to have to spend like a week on a boat just to see me get married (even if I am paying for it, which makes me wonder how many couples actually do pay for everyone). Seems a bit extreme. At least with other DWs your guests are free to come and go whenever they want, but with a cruise you are kind of stuck.

Of course if the couple is paying for everyone and hosting everyone properly then go for it, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable asking that of my friends and family because it still requires them to use up vacation time and such.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie25806857 said:

I guess I was viewing it more as "we are going on a cruise would anyone like to come?"

Yeah, but you are going on that cruise for a reason...to get married and have a HM. It isn't like you are taking a cruise just because.

Think about it. If these people you want to invite along on the cruise do come, they will be on the ship when you get married, but they aren't allowed to actually come and see you get married. Do you see how weird that is? They will know why you are taking the cruise but they aren't invited to join in on the festivities. It would be like if I had gotten married and had my HM at Disney World. I could only have 25 people at my wedding, but invited others to come down and vacation with us, but then had to say, "oh just to let you know on Saturday I won't be around because I am getting married and you aren't invited."

That I understand that but they wouldn't be aboard as the cruise doesn't board at that time. The wedding and their guest board before they actually allow passenagers on.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

I guess I would just assume that anyone who chooses to get married on a cruise would get married prior to the cruise debarking so that is why I would think paying for someone to go on the cruise isn't necessary.

But I guess my logic and common sense doesn't apply to people who would feel the need to have their wedding in the middle of a cruise so as to have to make all their guests either choose to go on the attire cruise or miss the wedding. So yeah, if you are getting married in the middle of a cruise so that your guests have to go on the entire cruise for it, then yes you should pay their way.

Yeah we are doing in port so they can attend without cruising!

Maggie0829 · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

scribe95 said:

I certainly agree that you shouldn't invite people on your wedding cruise who you don't invite to the wedding. Just makes common sense.

But I don't agree that a person having a wedding cruise has to pay for guests' cruises. We don't say that people have to pay for someone to attend a destination wedding. How is this different?

I think if the wedding is on the cruise, then it's tacky to invite them on the cruise and not pay. As their only options are not attending or dropping thousands of dollars. That's it.

Other DW's there are options. People can stay at other places. Then can show up the day off and leave a few hours later if they so choose or they can stay for a month. Again options.

Plus weddings on a cruise ship are essentially making guests pay admission to see the event. If you had your wedding inside Disney park I would say you have to pay the admission fee to get your guests in the park.

Now the OP's wedding is off the ship before it embarks, so her guests have options. They do not have to pay for a 7 days cruise in order to see them get married.

I guess I would just assume that anyone who chooses to get married on a cruise would get married prior to the cruise debarking so that is why I would think paying for someone to go on the cruise isn't necessary.

But I guess my logic and common sense doesn't apply to people who would feel the need to have their wedding in the middle of a cruise so as to have to make all their guests either choose to go on the attire cruise or miss the wedding. So yeah, if you are getting married in the middle of a cruise so that your guests have to go on the entire cruise for it, then yes you should pay their way.

Yeah we are doing in port so they can attend without cruising!

Yeah, I got that. The posts above aren't talking about your situation specifically, but rather a general conversation about cruise weddings.

RezIpsa · May 2015

And if you are looking at an embarkation day wedding, definitely take a look at that older thread. There are a lot of things that routinely happen at those that can be really rude, and there is nothing you can really do about it if they do.

To recap that thread: it is common that guests are delayed getting on the boat, so they have to wait at the pier (nowhere to sit, nothing to eat, nothing to drink) for up to 1-1.5 hours. Then, because you boarded late, they can't go to the lido deck and get lunch. Then you have your ceremony (still nothing to eat or drink), and then the appetizer only (usually) hour long reception. So your people can have an unhosted and uncomfortable period of waiting, and can't eat a full meal over a meal period (usually, depends on your cruise line's departure time). While this doesn't happen at every wedding, a quick browse on the bigger cruise message boards (like Cruise Critic) will show you that it happens pretty frequently.

That scenario was so rude I decided it wasn't worth the risk, and I am looking at other options. If we did a cruise wedding, it would have to be an elopement.

I know cruise wedding like this are super popular, but so are honeyfunds and PPDs. Planning an event that has a substantial risk of rudeness to your loved ones is something that most people just don't care about because of the "It's My/Our Day" syndrome.

If you want a lower cost wedding, there are a lot of other options that are totally lovely and allow you be a gracious host, 100% guaranteed. Everyone here would be happy to help you explore those options.

Knottie25806857 · May 2015

It tried to find the thread you were talking about and couldn't. Is there anyway you can send me a link

SP29 · May 2015

I agree, you can technically invite anyone to travel with you (and you don't have to pay for it), but... personally, I would find this "invitation" VERY odd. Unless I was taking the cruise because I was attending your wedding- after which time I would not expect to see you and your DH much if at all (I would assume it was now my own vacation)- I would not feel comfortable sharing a friend's honeymoon.

DH and I lived together for a few years before we were married as well and dated many years before that- we still only wanted to spend our HM with each other.

I also agree that it does come off as a consolation, even if that's not what you intend. "Sorry I couldn't invite you to my wedding, but come spend a lot of money to go on a cruise with us!".

There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding. There is nothing wrong with taking a cruise. IMO, stop trying to "fit" everyone in and own the decisions you have made for a small wedding a cruise (because if it's really about money, you could have a much cheaper wedding with much more people without a cruise).

P.S. I am honestly curious though, if you actually did this, if you would get anyone who said, "Sure!".

RezIpsa · May 2015

Knottie25806857 said:
It tried to find the thread you were talking about and couldn't. Is there anyway you can send me a link

Sent you a PM with the link.

lightningsnow · May 2015

So I've read this thread and I just wanted to add my two cents in. My brother and SIL got married in Bermuda. The openly told everyone in both families and their friends this is what was happening. They said if you want to come on the cruise down there and see us get married you certainly can. If you couldn't afford it, they understood. Bermuda was the only stop on the cruise. The second day we were docked on the island was the day of their wedding.

My parents, my BF and I and my aunt and uncle were the only members of our family there. Her parents, her sister and BIL and her nieces were the only members of her family there. The rest were friends of the two of them. I'm not entirely sure if what they did followed etiquette but they did tell us all well in advance what they were planning on doing.

My parents hosted a BBQ at our house in celebration of the marriage a few weeks after the cruise. I would have never expected my brother and SIL to pay for our cruise when we were the ones who decided to go along. Honestly we had a great time and BF and I enjoyed most of the island those three days we were docked more than everyone else.

Again, I'm not sure what they did followed proper etiquette.

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