Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie25806857
member
Cruise wedding
Okay so due to fiances and also the ease of it we have decided to have a cruise wedding. We will only be able to invite 25 people to the ceremony and hour reception and those people we will be invited to cruise with us for our honeymoon. So my question is about the people we can't invite. Would it be bad etiquette to invite the others to book cruises and enjoy our honeymoon with us even though they can't come to the wedding? Also if we do invite them how would I word the invitation?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Cruise wedding
YES, it would be.
Nope. Nope nope nope. Don't do it.
Your wedding day is one day.
Your honeymoon is a vacation.
Don't treat giving the people the "opportunity" to spend their (likely very limited) vacation days and thousands of dollars on a vacation where they don't get a vote in when and where it takes place like it's some sort of consolation prize they should be grateful to receive, which is how that comes off. People understand that most people will have limitations on how big their wedding can be - either due to cost, venue capacity, or some other factor. Don't offer a consolation prize as if they are losing out on something, and especially one that will cost them thousands of dollars to participate in.
Plus, as PPS have covered, it's rude.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Your guests are responsible for their transportation to the port and any hotel expenses. You are responsible for their cruise expenses if that is a condition for attending your wedding.
Obviously, you cannot "invite" someone to spend their own money to take a cruise with you.
wedding =/= honeymoon
Your honeymoon is just a vacation that's taking place in close proximity after your wedding.
If you want more than 25 people to be part of your wedding, then plan something else. Get a permit for the nearest public park to the port, have a short ceremony, offer up a continental style breakfast and have everyone there you want to be there and then drive on over to the port and go on your vacation. If anyone else, on their own, decides they want to also take a vacation at the same exact time and book that for themselves, so be it. But don't INVITE other people not invited to the wedding to spend hundreds to possibly thousands of dollars to spend time with you because you planned your wedding to be small and exclusive and wanted to take a group vacation each on their own dime to make up for it. If you are perfectly fine with having only 25 people, then just own that decision, accept it, and go enjoy your cruise and have fun hanging out with your friends and family when you get back.
I agree with the PPs on the issue of paying for guest's cruise.
To recap that thread: it is common that guests are delayed getting on the boat, so they have to wait at the pier (nowhere to sit, nothing to eat, nothing to drink) for up to 1-1.5 hours. Then, because you boarded late, they can't go to the lido deck and get lunch. Then you have your ceremony (still nothing to eat or drink), and then the appetizer only (usually) hour long reception. So your people can have an unhosted and uncomfortable period of waiting, and can't eat a full meal over a meal period (usually, depends on your cruise line's departure time). While this doesn't happen at every wedding, a quick browse on the bigger cruise message boards (like Cruise Critic) will show you that it happens pretty frequently.
That scenario was so rude I decided it wasn't worth the risk, and I am looking at other options. If we did a cruise wedding, it would have to be an elopement.
I know cruise wedding like this are super popular, but so are honeyfunds and PPDs. Planning an event that has a substantial risk of rudeness to your loved ones is something that most people just don't care about because of the "It's My/Our Day" syndrome.
If you want a lower cost wedding, there are a lot of other options that are totally lovely and allow you be a gracious host, 100% guaranteed. Everyone here would be happy to help you explore those options.
My parents, my BF and I and my aunt and uncle were the only members of our family there. Her parents, her sister and BIL and her nieces were the only members of her family there. The rest were friends of the two of them. I'm not entirely sure if what they did followed etiquette but they did tell us all well in advance what they were planning on doing.
My parents hosted a BBQ at our house in celebration of the marriage a few weeks after the cruise. I would have never expected my brother and SIL to pay for our cruise when we were the ones who decided to go along. Honestly we had a great time and BF and I enjoyed most of the island those three days we were docked more than everyone else.
Again, I'm not sure what they did followed proper etiquette.