Flower girl/Junior bridesmaid

Knottie18235371 · June 2015

My fiance has 2 nieces: an 11 year old and a 2.5 year old. He wants both to be in the ceremony, the littlest as a flower girl and the elder as a junior bridesmaid. I'm thinking the 2.5 year old will need help coming down the aisle. Is it reasonable to have the junior bridesmaid in a dress similar to the bridesmaids' walking the little one down the aisle or would that look strange? I feel that she's too old to be a flower girl and would look wrong in a flower girl dress.

Any opinions or other ideas?

I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.

Jen4948 · June 2015

First, the older girl should not be a "junior" anything. Just make her a bridesmaid.

Second, the 2.5 year old is too young for anything more than being in photos. No one should be responsible for carrying her up and down the aisle. Don't make anyone do that.

mikenberger · June 2015

Junior bridesmaid is a made up term to sell more dresses. "Hey! I have this 11 yr old that I want in my wedding! But I can't find her a dress... Wait! Junior bridesmaid dresses! Hooray!" Hello capitalism.

If your flower girl cannot walk by herself, she shouldn't be the flower girl. Everybody should be able to walk themselves.

mikenberger · June 2015

Knottie18235371 said:
My fiance has 2 nieces: an 11 year old and a 2.5 year old. He wants both to be in the ceremony, the littlest as a flower girl and the elder as a junior bridesmaid. I'm thinking the 2.5 year old will need help coming down the aisle. Is it reasonable to have the junior bridesmaid in a dress similar to the bridesmaids' walking the little one down the aisle or would that look strange? I feel that she's too old to be a flower girl and would look wrong in a flower girl dress.
Any opinions or other ideas?
I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.

JIC

AddieCake · June 2015

Ditto dropping the junior,and ditto to the baby being too young. If someone has to carry someone down the aisle, that someone is more like a prop than a member of the wedding. Get some pics with her and call it a day.

zitiqueen · June 2015

Try to talk him out of the 2.5 year-old for reasons already mentioned. If he still insists on the 11-year-old, she can stand up on his side.

CMGragain · June 2015

She might just throw a two-year-old tantrum and scream all the way down the aisle. I have seen it happen more than once.

lachattefatale · June 2015

When's the wedding? If it's in a year, the toddler might be old enough to walk herself down the aisle. If it's in two years, she probably will be. If it's in a month, no way.

If you're amenable to having the 11 year old in the wedding, she could be a bridesmaid, she could do a reading, she could be either the flower girl or ring bearer (but in an age-appropriate dress), etc. If there are any candles at the front of your venue, she could be in charge of lighting them at the beginning of the processional.

kaos16 · June 2015

lachattefatale said:

When's the wedding? If it's in a year, the toddler might be old enough to walk herself down the aisle. If it's in two years, she probably will be. If it's in a month, no way.

If you're amenable to having the 11 year old in the wedding, she could be a bridesmaid, she could do a reading, she could be either the flower girl or ring bearer (but in an age-appropriate dress), etc. If there are any candles at the front of your venue, she could be in charge of lighting them at the beginning of the processional.

Are 11 year olds supposed to be lighting candles? Serious question.

lachattefatale · June 2015

kaos16 said:

lachattefatale said:

When's the wedding? If it's in a year, the toddler might be old enough to walk herself down the aisle. If it's in two years, she probably will be. If it's in a month, no way.

If you're amenable to having the 11 year old in the wedding, she could be a bridesmaid, she could do a reading, she could be either the flower girl or ring bearer (but in an age-appropriate dress), etc. If there are any candles at the front of your venue, she could be in charge of lighting them at the beginning of the processional.

Are 11 year olds supposed to be lighting candles? Serious question.

o_0 Yes? I wouldn't suggest an 11 year old (or even many adults of my acquaintance) play with matches unsupervised or anything, but lighting candles in a ceremonial setting is a little different. I grew up in a church where kids from about 10 to 14 lit the altar candles during the service, and I was offered the position when my brother got married (I was 12). I declined and a friend of mine who was 11 did it instead. If OP's venue isn't conducive to this, it's a moot point, but if it is, it's something meaningful for the 11 year old to do.

southernbelle0915 · June 2015

kaos16 said:

lachattefatale said:

When's the wedding? If it's in a year, the toddler might be old enough to walk herself down the aisle. If it's in two years, she probably will be. If it's in a month, no way.

If you're amenable to having the 11 year old in the wedding, she could be a bridesmaid, she could do a reading, she could be either the flower girl or ring bearer (but in an age-appropriate dress), etc. If there are any candles at the front of your venue, she could be in charge of lighting them at the beginning of the processional.

Are 11 year olds supposed to be lighting candles? Serious question.

I see no reason 11 year olds can't light candles. Would I give that job to a 4 year old? No. But 11 is almost a teenager. Unless the kid has developmental issues or serious maturity issues, she's definitely old enough.

Anyway, OP... 2.5 is way too young to be a flower girl.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

I'm planning on having my 11 year old twin sisters as junior bridesmaids because I personally feel 11 is too young to be a full on bridesmaid, and the junior bridesmaids dresses are more age appropriate anyway. I do agree with a 2.5 year old being young, but I've definitely seen flower girls that young accompanied by someone and I don't see an issue with it.

justsie · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

I'm planning on having my 11 year old twin sisters as junior bridesmaids because I personally feel 11 is too young to be a full on bridesmaid, and the junior bridesmaids dresses are more age appropriate anyway. I do agree with a 2.5 year old being young, but I've definitely seen flower girls that young accompanied by someone and I don't see an issue with it.

Junior bridesmaid means nothing, just call them bridesmaids and call it a day. BMs don't have to wear the same dresses. There is no difference between a "full on bridesmaid" and a bridesmaid that is 11 years old.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

justsie said:

Knottie60860932 said:

I'm planning on having my 11 year old twin sisters as junior bridesmaids because I personally feel 11 is too young to be a full on bridesmaid, and the junior bridesmaids dresses are more age appropriate anyway. I do agree with a 2.5 year old being young, but I've definitely seen flower girls that young accompanied by someone and I don't see an issue with it.

Junior bridesmaid means nothing, just call them bridesmaids and call it a day. BMs don't have to wear the same dresses. There is no difference between a "full on bridesmaid" and a bridesmaid that is 11 years old.

Maybe not to you, but there is to me and in my family. I would absolutely never have an 11 year old bridesmaid. My 15 year old sister will be the youngest one, and I probably wouldn't go younger than that. I'm not planning on having all my bridesmaids wear the same dress, but they do all have to be the same color. I may have my 11 year old sisters wear a different, complimentary color, but I'm not sure. But you know, to each their own.

AddieCake · June 2015

To say you would never have an 11 year old bridesmaid but will have an 11 year old junior bridesmaid is ludicrous. They are the same fucking thing, just in different dresses.

mikenberger · June 2015

There is no difference between a junior bridesmaid and a bridesmaid but a few years. They both have the same "job": Show up in a dress or other attire selected, smile and be happy.

And that's a job an 11yr old can do.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

justsie said:

Knottie60860932 said:

I'm planning on having my 11 year old twin sisters as junior bridesmaids because I personally feel 11 is too young to be a full on bridesmaid, and the junior bridesmaids dresses are more age appropriate anyway. I do agree with a 2.5 year old being young, but I've definitely seen flower girls that young accompanied by someone and I don't see an issue with it.

Junior bridesmaid means nothing, just call them bridesmaids and call it a day. BMs don't have to wear the same dresses. There is no difference between a "full on bridesmaid" and a bridesmaid that is 11 years old.

Maybe not to you, but there is to me and in my family. I would absolutely never have an 11 year old bridesmaid. My 15 year old sister will be the youngest one, and I probably wouldn't go younger than that. I'm not planning on having all my bridesmaids wear the same dress, but they do all have to be the same color. I may have my 11 year old sisters wear a different, complimentary color, but I'm not sure. But you know, to each their own.

@Knottie60860932 - What exactly do you believe the difference is? I am truly curious about this.

Jen4948 · June 2015

@Knottie60860932, if you believe that the difference between a "junior bridesmaid" and a "bridesmaid" is that a "junior bridesmaid" isn't old enough to legally drink or go to "adult" places, that's not the case.

There's no such thing as a "junior bridesmaid" regardless of what your family thinks. You simply either don't have events at those places and/or don't have alcohol or other "adult" activities where your 11 year old attendant is going to be, and you let your 11 year old wear a dress that's appropriate for her age.

The only thing a bridesmaid of any age is required to do is get a dress, show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits, walk down the aisle and back, and pose for some photos. There is absolutely no reason an 11 year old can't do those things.

So why you feel the need to be so vehement about "absolutely never having an 11 year old bridesmaid," especially when you have a 15 year old bridesmaid who is only 4 years older and who also would not legally be allowed to do things adult bridesmaids can do, really doesn't make sense. It's also not helpful to other readers of this forum.

ohannabelle · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said: justsie said: Knottie60860932 said: I'm planning on having my 11 year old twin sisters as junior bridesmaids because I personally feel 11 is too young to be a full on bridesmaid, and the junior bridesmaids dresses are more age appropriate anyway. I do agree with a 2.5 year old being young, but I've definitely seen flower girls that young accompanied by someone and I don't see an issue with it. Junior bridesmaid means nothing, just call them bridesmaids and call it a day. BMs don't have to wear the same dresses. There is no difference between a "full on bridesmaid" and a bridesmaid that is 11 years old.
Maybe not to you, but there is to me and in my family. I would absolutely never have an 11 year old bridesmaid. My 15 year old sister will be the youngest one, and I probably wouldn't go younger than that. I'm not planning on having all my bridesmaids wear the same dress, but they do all have to be the same color. I may have my 11 year old sisters wear a different, complimentary color, but I'm not sure. But you know, to each their own.
*******BOXES*********

And yet, you are having an eleven year old bridesmaid. That's what a "junior" bridesmaid is. The "junior" is a term invented by department and bridal stores of the 60s and 70s to designate the various sized lines of available dresses. This is why it's dumb to apply it to a bridesmaid. It makes as much sense as calling someone a Plus Bridesmaid because you bought their dress from the plus sized line. Or maybe a Miss Bridesmaid, because it was a Miss's sized line?

What terrible thing happens if you drop the cutesy-puke word "junior" and just say "bridesmaid," exactly like people all over the world have been doing for the past few hundred years?

What's the logic in bestowing department store titles on any bridesmaid? Exactly what is the "difference," to you and your family?

They put on pretty dresses. They walk down an aisle. All parties dress in age appropriate clothing and celebrate in age appropriate ways.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

A junior bridesmaid doesn't necessarily go to the bridal shower, definitely doesn't go to the bacholorette party and wears age appropriate dresses, which to me, normal, adult bridesmaid dresses are not. If you guys disagree with me that's fine, but please don't berate me just because I hold different views than you. My opinions are just as valid as yours are and so are my family's traditions.

lyndausvi · June 2015

AddieCake said:

To say you would never have an 11 year old bridesmaid but will have an 11 year old junior bridesmaid is ludicrous. They are the same fucking thing, just in different dresses.

My 6,9,9,9 and 14 year old BMs wore the same dress as the adult ones. Well the younger BM's had straps and the older ones were strapless. But other than that they were the same.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

A junior bridesmaid doesn't necessarily go to the bridal shower, definitely doesn't go to the bacholorette party and wears age appropriate dresses, which to me, normal, adult bridesmaid dresses are not. If you guys disagree with me that's fine, but please don't berate me just because I hold different views than you. My opinions are just as valid as yours are and so are my family's traditions.

Why wouldn't they go to the shower or bach party? When underage BMs are involved it is generally nice for the host to plan something for the bach party that they can attend, like a dinner or a mani/pedi. Then after that you can have your "adult" portion. And showers, unless you plan on asking for only crotchless panties, is definitely age appropriate for a younger BM. IMO, it would be very rude to leave underage BMs out of these parties just because of their ages. It makes it seem like you are only including them in the wedding for the "cute" factor instead of really wanting them to be involved.

And so what if they have to wear a dress with straps as opposed to a strapless dress like the more adult BMs? They are still having to wear the chosen attire you selected and are walking down the aisle and standing up with you during your ceremony.

Using the word 'junior' just emphasizes their age which, when they are 11 compared to 20+ year old BMs is pretty damn obvious and does not need to be noted.

lyndausvi · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

A junior bridesmaid doesn't necessarily go to the bridal shower, definitely doesn't go to the bacholorette party and wears age appropriate dresses, which to me, normal, adult bridesmaid dresses are not. If you guys disagree with me that's fine, but please don't berate me just because I hold different views than you. My opinions are just as valid as yours are and so are my family's traditions.

Adult BMs do not have to go either. I've missed a few showers in weddings I was in. NBD.

All but one of my younger BMs were at my shower. The one that didn't come was OOT.

As I said above my younger BMs wore the same dress as the older ones. We just added straps.

I didn't have a b-party, but adult BMs do not have to attend those either. Again, I've missed some b-parties of weddings I've been in.

My younger BMs wore a dress and walked down the aisle. Just like the older ones.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

The OP asked for opinions, and I gave mine. Nothing you say will change it. I am having junior bridesmaids, end of story, and I think it is appropriate for the OP too.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

The OP asked for opinions, and I gave mine. Nothing you say will change it. I am having junior bridesmaids, end of story, and I think it is appropriate for the OP too.

Well you told us.

ohannabelle · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

The OP asked for opinions, and I gave mine. Nothing you say will change it. I am having junior bridesmaids, end of story, and I think it is appropriate for the OP too.

It's obviously a very important issue. Because if you don't call them by the invented cutesy name, the Invented Title Police will come along and ticket you for not saying "junior." And everyone in the world should say it, or the guests will be too stoopid to notice that your bridesmaids are children.

Congratulations. The Unneccesary Reinvention of The English Language Police should be sending you a certificate of commendation for contributing to the cutesypoo contrived dumb word movement.

I'll never get one, because I prefer the actual correct word. The correct word is bridesmaid, regardless of age. That's the end of the story. You're having bridesmaids, you're just choosing to call them a different thing, because it's so cute, or something.

You never said why.

justsie · June 2015

ohannabelle said:

Knottie60860932 said:

The OP asked for opinions, and I gave mine. Nothing you say will change it. I am having junior bridesmaids, end of story, and I think it is appropriate for the OP too.

It's obviously a very important issue. Because if you don't call them by the invented cutesy name, the Invented Title Police will come along and ticket you for not saying "junior." And everyone in the world should say it, or the guests will be too stoopid to notice that your bridesmaids are children.

Congratulations. The Unneccesary Reinvention of The English Language Police should be sending you a certificate of commendation for contributing to the cutesypoo contrived dumb word movement.

I'll never get one, because I prefer the actual correct word. The correct word is bridesmaid, regardless of age. That's the end of the story. You're having bridesmaids, you're just choosing to call them a different thing, because it's so cute, or something.
You never said why.

It's tradition, DUH! I mean, of course it will probably hurt my family's feelings by making them feel less deserving and less important because I INSIST on calling them Jr. BM's- BUT TRADITION DICTATES IT.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

For my wedding, the correct term for my 11 year old sisters is junior bridesmaid. You can argue all you want, I really don't care, but you can't change what it is for me just like I can't change what it is for you. Also, it's not giving them a lesser title, it's just giving them a title that indicates that they're younger.

Also: http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/01/difference-between-a-flower-girl-and-junior-bridesmaid.html

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Knottie60860932 said:

For my wedding, the correct term for my 11 year old sisters is junior bridesmaid. You can argue all you want, I really don't care, but you can't change what it is for me just like I can't change what it is for you. Also, it's not giving them a lesser title, it's just giving them a title that indicates that they're younger.

Also: http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/01/difference-between-a-flower-girl-and-junior-bridesmaid.html

But why is that even necessary? It is pretty obvious just by looking at them that they are younger. So if that is the only reason you feel it necessary to give them that title, well I think that is just plain dumb.

And yes, since a blog on the internet says it then it must be correct. And what an odd cutoff with the ages. Who knew that when you turned 15 you became so much older and can now wear sexy, grownup BM dresses.

lildropofsunshine · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie60860932 said:

For my wedding, the correct term for my 11 year old sisters is junior bridesmaid. You can argue all you want, I really don't care, but you can't change what it is for me just like I can't change what it is for you. Also, it's not giving them a lesser title, it's just giving them a title that indicates that they're younger.

Also: http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2014/01/difference-between-a-flower-girl-and-junior-bridesmaid.html

But why is that even necessary? It is pretty obvious just by looking at them that they are younger. So if that is the only reason you feel it necessary to give them that title, well I think that is just plain dumb.

And yes, since a blog on the internet says it then it must be correct. And what an odd cutoff with the ages. Who knew that when you turned 15 you became so much older and can now wear sexy, grownup BM dresses.

Don't know why you guys have to be so rude. Compared to the other forums I'm on, you guys are wolves!

Anyway, by 15, you're probably a sophomore in high school which means you've probably attended high school dances at which you wore "older" dresses that were mom approved. In some states you can drive at 15. And the difference between 15 and 11 is four years which is actually a lot which I say based on psychology (I have taken 2 different developmental psych classes, one specifically about children and adolescents) and personal experience.

justsie · June 2015

Edited for image

Flower girl/Junior bridesmaid

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