I'm not making my bridesmaids wear matching shoes. Dress is one thing, but they are all free to wear whatever shoes they want. In the long run, is your friendship worth the argument over shoes?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:2e3f8488-bd34-4aff-848c-ff054e4650e9">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]I'm not making my bridesmaids wear matching shoes. Dress is one thing, but they are all free to wear whatever shoes they want. In the long run, is your friendship worth the argument over shoes? Posted by Rachel405[/QUOTE]
Exactly. And TBH, completely matchy-matchy bridesmaids look bad to me. Each of your friends is her own individual. Why do they have to look like they're in a costume or uniform?
I can understand specifying color and formality of shoes. I was told to buy strappy silver shoes for a friend's wedding, and I found something I liked and I have been able to wear them again and even lend them to a friend for someone else's wedding. If I had a certain pair shoved at me, I might not have liked it and might have resented having to pay for it. Also, I have wide feet and not everything that is comfortable on most people is comfortable for me.
As a PP said, if you don't trust your friends to interpret "silver" as you want them to interpret it, ask them to run it by you before they buy a pair. I can understand not wanting your BMs to have disco balls on their feet, but I can't fathom forcing them to wear a pair that is uncomfortable or not their taste.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:d9f10e8a-5381-417d-9e20-2e1a9fd78b1b">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]Seriously though, she is just being messy. I hate to say it but she just seems like she wants to make issue with something. I have been in other weddings where my dress was $120 alone and she's bitching about paying that for her entire outfit?!? Uh uh honey! We all know that being in someone's wedding party is not without its financial obligations. She knew that going in. It isn't like you just sprung this on her. Posted by Dannitra01[/QUOTE]
So just becuase you can afford that you assume that everyone else in the world can and should be grateful? No. You do not get to determine other people's budgets based off of your own.
OP, I can understand being frustrated and wanting to vent, but you have to understand that you're venting on a public forum with people who do not know you or your friend and are going to respond and the responses are not always going to support you 100% or validate everything you've done.
Does it sound like your friend is being rude about her birthday party? Sure, absolutely. But that doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude. Whatever you may think of her finances if she's complaining that something's too expensive then it's probably outside of her spending budget and you should respect that. Is it frustrating that this is coming up now rather than when you first asked? Absolutely. But I can definitely get behind her being upset that she's having to pay for new shoes on top of the dress. Why not just tell all the girls to get "silver shoes," why do they have to all be the same shoe? No one notices the shoes. Ever. I promise.
And you just kicked one of your best friends out of your wedding party over a pretty shallow argument - shoes and a birthday party. I hope there are other issues going on that aren't showing up in this post otherwise you <em>both</em> look like pretty shallow, petty and immature friends.
OP, you are ruining a friendship you've had since high school over a pair of shoes. There is literally nothing you can say that will convince me that shoes are more important than a friendship you've had your entire adult life. You really need to work on your priorities.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:88a197dc-a68c-4f15-90ce-06d4c2928f17">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : <strong>Exactly. And TBH, completely matchy-matchy bridesmaids look bad to me. Each of your friends is her own individual. Why do they have to look like they're in a costume or uniform?</strong> I can understand specifying color and formality of shoes. I was told to buy strappy silver shoes for a friend's wedding, and I found something I liked and I have been able to wear them again and even lend them to a friend for someone else's wedding. If I had a certain pair shoved at me, I might not have liked it and might have resented having to pay for it. Also, I have wide feet and not everything that is comfortable on most people is comfortable for me. As a PP said, if you don't trust your friends to interpret "silver" as you want them to interpret it, ask them to run it by you before they buy a pair. I can understand not wanting your BMs to have disco balls on their feet, but I can't fathom forcing them to wear a pair that is uncomfortable or not their taste. Not worth ending a friendship IMO. Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
Yes I am truly aware that making them look like their in an uniform is too much. That's why I gave them the OPTION to pick out their own shoe 1st. EVERYONE responded with the same answer. So that's why I took charge with my MOH's help to pick a shoe... Didn't want to step on people's toes!! I honestly tried to give people the option!!
OP, I am very sorry that you got terrible advice from Mrs Richard in the beginning of this thread. Brides should always pay for shoes, hair, MU etc if it is being required. Please listen to the other wise ladies who have posted. Kicking a BM out over shoes is not a good idea and not matter how you tryto spin it, it reflex poorly on you.
you are getting dangerously close to zilla territory IMO, take a step back and re-think this.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:d9f10e8a-5381-417d-9e20-2e1a9fd78b1b">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]Seriously though, she is just being messy. I hate to say it but she just seems like she wants to make issue with something. I have been in other weddings where my dress was $120 alone and she's bitching about paying that for her entire outfit?!? Uh uh honey! We all know that being in someone's wedding party is not without its financial obligations. She knew that going in. It isn't like you just sprung this on her. Posted by Dannitra01[/QUOTE]
Really? Everyone's budget is different. No one is obligated to pay out the nose for your pretty princess day. There are no financial obligations. I told my MOH that if she had a dress that she wanted to wear in her closet already, that was fine by me. I did not expect her to spend any money, not even on a dress. I was in a wedding recently in which I wore a dress that I already owned. $120 is a lot to some people. I would never spend that much money on a dress or outfit that I would only wear once.
This is on the OP. She is the one making an issue out of something that is easily solvable. She is the one being messy.
Let her pick her own shoes out. This is not a hard concept.
in a friends wedding (I think it was a 5 inch heel!). We all had the same dress and same shoes and I hated both. I wore them down the aisle and in pictures and that was it, rest of the evening was barefoot. I about broke my ankle twice, I NEVER wear heels.
They are still in my closet where I put them the day after her wedding. They were $80 and we paid for them. Complete waste of money!! When she asked me to be a BM I calculated a cost that I was comfortable spending (it wasn't much, I was a FT student and worked PT) and told her that.
I'm sorry she didn't give you a solid $, but I think in her opinion $50 is a lot for shoes that she will more than likely never wear again. If I were you I'd apologize ASAP for acting a little bridezilla-ish and offer to buy the shoes for her. (I don't know if this is a good idea but maybe tell her they can be her BM gift?)
If you don't want to keep the friendship I guess just wash your hands of it and move on.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:fd19c7c3-19e4-494e-b4cd-9dda97f5b874">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]OP, you are ruining a friendship you've had since high school over a pair of shoes. There is literally nothing you can say that will convince me that shoes are more important than a friendship you've had your entire adult life. You really need to work on your priorities. Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
This... 100 times over. All of it.
OP get your head out of the clouds, you kicked somebody out of your wedding over shoes?
UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me) to get other people to complain to you is childish. You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her. If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?) needs to come back to reality.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:dd782de9-67b0-4de0-a953-961ddba45de1">Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive. ($49.99) So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes. My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation. Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea. So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max. Mind you this is the same BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well. So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color. Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation. (FURIOUS!!) So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!" I was shocked! This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..." (EXTRA FURIOUS) So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it! You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person... That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations.... SORRY LONG!! Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]
My reponse to THIS (before I read any other comments).
1st-I HATE when brides are control freaks about the shoes...wth is such a big deal if the shoes don't match?! Some brides have BMs wearing different dresses *GASP*. Different shoes won't hurt you.
2nd-I can kind of see how this girl is being a drama queen. I would NEVER complain to a bride how expensive the dress is. I would say my budget would be x amount of dollars, if the dress is at that exact amount then fine, that's what I said I can do. Plus the other girl that had to shove her kids b-day in your face. I mean, she agreed to the wedding knowing the b-day date, however that is quite a sacrifice for you. (I would be honored).
3rd-Are you saying you kicked her out?! If you did, then you are not a very nice person AT ALL!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:1cd7d18b-e618-429c-bc45-59133aadf4d4">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page<strong> (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me)</strong> to get other people to complain to you is childish. You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her. If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?) needs to come back to reality. Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE] I really hate the idea of BM Facebook pages. My MOH was just engaged. <1 day after she announced it (via posting a ring pic on FB), she sent a mass text to the 10 women she wanted as BMs. Her wedding is 1 yr 2 mo away. I told her she shouldn't ask this early, but too late. Almost immediately, my phone was blown up with these BMs trying to organize showers & bachelorette parties. Then one made a FB group, added me & made me administrator...without my consent. Naturally, I can't delete myself without looking evil. I can already see that this is going to end up a hot mess...ugh
First: breath child! Second: Think. If she's not there with you on your wedding day, how will that make you feel? If you're ok with it, then let things stand and the friendship die. If the thought of it makes you sad, talk to her. I'm not saying that you have to come to a decision now, or that you are out of bounds (my personal opinion really don't matter, but I think the chick needs her head checked for a $40+ plate supper for a BDay! That's 4x more then my wedding!) or that you are just plain wrong. I'm saying that after your done being mad, think about everything that's all jumbled up right now and evaluate if it's more important for you to choose the shoes or save the friendship.
So while I think you have some good reasons to be upset I would call your friend ASAP and apologize. Losing a friend over shoes or a wedding is just ridiculous.
Plans change, budgets change. If you had first allowed them to pick whatever shoe then why would you care if she doesn't have a matching shoe.
I think wedding is getting you emotional and having a one year old plus going to school is making your friend emotional.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:aef94e09-79c3-4b2e-bd89-bf8c2f29edae">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I really hate the idea of BM Facebook pages. My MOH was just engaged. <1 day after she announced it (via posting a ring pic on FB), she sent a mass text to the 10 women she wanted as BMs. Her wedding is 1 yr 2 mo away. I told her she shouldn't ask this early, but too late. Almost immediately, my phone was blown up with these BMs trying to organize showers & bachelorette parties. Then one made a FB group, added me & made me administrator...without my consent. Naturally, I can't delete myself without looking evil. I can already see that this is going to end up a hot mess...ugh Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:8203cec8-944f-4787-98e1-fed3c30c0572">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : w...t...f... Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE] Fo realz!<div> </div><div>I was flabbergasted. 45 text message later, I had to ask my MOH to take me off of her mass text list unless the message was super important. I already have enough personal anxiety, on top of business anxiety & wedding anxiety, I couldn't take it. Things seem to have calmed down for the moment. I think I should tell her to get on TK too...muahaha</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:d1d91096-7179-4f36-b843-7491bf4893cf">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Fo realz! I was flabbergasted. 45 text message later, I had to ask my MOH to take me off of her mass text list unless the message was super important. I already have enough personal anxiety, on top of business anxiety & wedding anxiety, I couldn't take it. Things seem to have calmed down for the moment. I think I should tell her to get on TK too...muahaha Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
OMG please do! Not only to get her off your back but so we can educate this wacko.
First of all, I can understand your frustration at her going back on what she originally agreed to, but regardless, kicking her out of the wedding party was very, very wrong and you are the one that looks bad in this situation. There are very few reasons where it's acceptable to kick someone out, and not a single one of them involve shoes. Be prepared to lose this girl as a friend forever over this. You see it as something simple, but to her, you are choosing shoes over a several year friendship...how would you feel if you were basically told that all your friendship was worth was less than $50? It's not acceptable and it's very hurtful.
Secondly, as PP's have mentioned, regardless of the original agreement to buy the shoes, if this was a requirement from the get-go, you should be paying for them. Even if they decided after some conversation to go with a specific shoe, you cannot get upset when she decides now they are too expensive. Situations can change and since shoes are never part of the "acceptable to dictate specifics" category, you should have really let this go as soon as it came up.
Also, you do not know the state of her finances, so you can't make the determination at any point what she can and cannot afford. FWIW, I never spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes. My own wedding shoes were only $35, so I wouldn't be happy if I was pressured into spending more for shoes for someone else's wedding. It's not that I can't afford $50, it's that I would much rather spend it on something other than shoes that I'll likely never wear again.
I highly advise that you call her and apologize for overreacting, ask her for forgiveness, and restore her to your WP sans specific shoes. Trust me, you'll feel like an asshole if she never speaks to you again because of shoes...that's a really crappy reason to end a friendship.
People actually make BM facebook pages? People really don't have lives do they?
I really don't have a suitable comment to the problem at hand...I basically just sat here and laughed at the craziness of it all. At first I thought the show "Bridezilla's" was staged but now I can honestly say that all those crazy women on that show are real. Why do wedding's make women insane?!?!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:1cd7d18b-e618-429c-bc45-59133aadf4d4">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me) to get other people to complain to you is childish. You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her. If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?) needs to come back to reality. Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE]
No, no, and no to all of this. A wedding is one fricken day. If I ever treated one of my friends like this I would hope they would put me in a loony bin. They were your (general your) friends before the wedding, and hopefully you'd still be friends after. Because the OP just lost a friend over shoes....really?
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:1cd7d18b-e618-429c-bc45-59133aadf4d4">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me) to get other people to complain to you is childish. <strong>You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her.</strong> If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?)<strong> needs to come back to reality. </strong>Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE]
Ummm, this is wrong in so many ways. The BM's don't run up to the Bride and tell her what their budgets are. The bride should politely ask them. Not the other way around.
The OP is flipping for nothing and is completely in the wrong to have kicked this girl out. That is straight up, a friendship ending move. Period.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:a12ecf90-7eec-4673-a7a1-87d12f313797">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : My thought exactly. Some people really take this bridesmaid stuff WAY too seriously. Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
No thanks to movies such as "Bridesmaids". Which is odd, if people think that is really how it is then why would they think it's ok to kick somebody out? In "Bridesmaids" is shows how it hurt their relationship when the main character was asked to 'step down'.
First, OP you seriously need to stop ending all your sentences with two exclamation points.
Nothing you’ve described warrants kicking her out. As several PPs have said, you’re ruining an extensive friendship over shoes. Shoes. Seriously, shoes? Also, $49.99 is steep for shoes. You should pay for anything required beyond the dress, regardless of the fact that they offered. I stood up in a wedding where we kept asking the bride if she was sure she didn’t have a specific shoe in mind. She was very firm about us picking out our own shoes so we were comfortable and would wear them again. Her only requirement was that they were black. If you repeated it enough times, they would eventually go get their own shoes. It’s not like they’d show up to your wedding barefoot. You could have asked them to send you a picture before they bought them just to be sure they’re weren’t crazy.
It may be frustrating to you that she appears to be able to afford it, but that doesn’t matter. You don’t get to dictate how people spend their money.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:034039f4-4941-4142-af21-fc839b908928">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Unintentional pun FTW! :) Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
Bahahahah! Thanks! Wow, I hadn't even noticed I did that.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:d45b939e-8313-4622-b4dc-879e26832577">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]Are we still RANDOMLY capitalizing words in ORDER to make it seem like we are LESS rude for choosing A pair of shoes OVER a friend? COOL. Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
<div>This made me giggle. </div><div> </div><div>I wonder if she really talks like that such as "I use a normal voice BUT I ALSO LIKE TO YELL in the middle of my SENTENCES!"</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:dd782de9-67b0-4de0-a953-961ddba45de1">Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive. ($49.99) So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes. My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation. Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea. So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max. Mind you this is the same BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well. So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color. Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation. (FURIOUS!!) So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!" I was shocked! This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..." (EXTRA FURIOUS) So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it! You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person... That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations.... SORRY LONG!! Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]
I don't blame you for your decision. $50 isn't really that bad for shoes especially wedding attire. Discussing it on fb before bringing it to you was rude. Hope everything else goes well.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridesmaid-dramavent-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e6587263-4223-43c5-bc4b-49db90d31927Post:52aeee44-5637-4ac7-a29d-ac9f50c9158d">Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I don't blame you for your decision. <strong>$50 isn't really that bad for shoes especially wedding attire</strong>. Discussing it on fb before bringing it to you was rude. Hope everything else goes well. Posted by FutureMrsPrice2013[/QUOTE] That's not OP's decision to make it's the person who has to buy the shoes. <div> </div><div>Also, OP if you have a problem with the way she is planning her birthday...don't go. You can't dictate what she spends her money on. When your bridesmaids said "Oh we'll wear whatever you want" you should have just said "I want you to pick your own pair of silver shoes."</div>
Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!)
I'm not making my bridesmaids wear matching shoes. Dress is one thing, but they are all free to wear whatever shoes they want. In the long run, is your friendship worth the argument over shoes?
[QUOTE]I'm not making my bridesmaids wear matching shoes. Dress is one thing, but they are all free to wear whatever shoes they want. In the long run, is your friendship worth the argument over shoes?
Posted by Rachel405[/QUOTE]
Exactly. And TBH, completely matchy-matchy bridesmaids look bad to me. Each of your friends is her own individual. Why do they have to look like they're in a costume or uniform?
I can understand specifying color and formality of shoes. I was told to buy strappy silver shoes for a friend's wedding, and I found something I liked and I have been able to wear them again and even lend them to a friend for someone else's wedding. If I had a certain pair shoved at me, I might not have liked it and might have resented having to pay for it. Also, I have wide feet and not everything that is comfortable on most people is comfortable for me.
As a PP said, if you don't trust your friends to interpret "silver" as you want them to interpret it, ask them to run it by you before they buy a pair. I can understand not wanting your BMs to have disco balls on their feet, but I can't fathom forcing them to wear a pair that is uncomfortable or not their taste.
Not worth ending a friendship IMO.
[QUOTE]Seriously though, she is just being messy. I hate to say it but she just seems like she wants to make issue with something. I have been in other weddings where my dress was $120 alone and she's bitching about paying that for her entire outfit?!? Uh uh honey! We all know that being in someone's wedding party is not without its financial obligations. She knew that going in. It isn't like you just sprung this on her.
Posted by Dannitra01[/QUOTE]
So just becuase you can afford that you assume that everyone else in the world can and should be grateful? No. You do not get to determine other people's budgets based off of your own.
OP, I can understand being frustrated and wanting to vent, but you have to understand that you're venting on a public forum with people who do not know you or your friend and are going to respond and the responses are not always going to support you 100% or validate everything you've done.
Does it sound like your friend is being rude about her birthday party? Sure, absolutely. But that doesn't give you carte blanche to be rude. Whatever you may think of her finances if she's complaining that something's too expensive then it's probably outside of her spending budget and you should respect that. Is it frustrating that this is coming up now rather than when you first asked? Absolutely. But I can definitely get behind her being upset that she's having to pay for new shoes on top of the dress. Why not just tell all the girls to get "silver shoes," why do they have to all be the same shoe? No one notices the shoes. Ever. I promise.
And you just kicked one of your best friends out of your wedding party over a pretty shallow argument - shoes and a birthday party. I hope there are other issues going on that aren't showing up in this post otherwise you <em>both</em> look like pretty shallow, petty and immature friends.
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OP, you are ruining a friendship you've had since high school over a pair of shoes. There is literally nothing you can say that will convince me that shoes are more important than a friendship you've had your entire adult life. You really need to work on your priorities.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : <strong>Exactly. And TBH, completely matchy-matchy bridesmaids look bad to me. Each of your friends is her own individual. Why do they have to look like they're in a costume or uniform?</strong> I can understand specifying color and formality of shoes. I was told to buy strappy silver shoes for a friend's wedding, and I found something I liked and I have been able to wear them again and even lend them to a friend for someone else's wedding. If I had a certain pair shoved at me, I might not have liked it and might have resented having to pay for it. Also, I have wide feet and not everything that is comfortable on most people is comfortable for me. As a PP said, if you don't trust your friends to interpret "silver" as you want them to interpret it, ask them to run it by you before they buy a pair. I can understand not wanting your BMs to have disco balls on their feet, but I can't fathom forcing them to wear a pair that is uncomfortable or not their taste. Not worth ending a friendship IMO.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]
Yes I am truly aware that making them look like their in an uniform is too much. That's why I gave them the OPTION to pick out their own shoe 1st. EVERYONE responded with the same answer. So that's why I took charge with my MOH's help to pick a shoe... Didn't want to step on people's toes!! I honestly tried to give people the option!!
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you are getting dangerously close to zilla territory IMO, take a step back and re-think this.
[QUOTE]Seriously though, she is just being messy. I hate to say it but she just seems like she wants to make issue with something. I have been in other weddings where my dress was $120 alone and she's bitching about paying that for her entire outfit?!? Uh uh honey! We all know that being in someone's wedding party is not without its financial obligations. She knew that going in. It isn't like you just sprung this on her.
Posted by Dannitra01[/QUOTE]
Really? Everyone's budget is different. No one is obligated to pay out the nose for your pretty princess day. There are no financial obligations. I told my MOH that if she had a dress that she wanted to wear in her closet already, that was fine by me. I did not expect her to spend any money, not even on a dress. I was in a wedding recently in which I wore a dress that I already owned. $120 is a lot to some people. I would never spend that much money on a dress or outfit that I would only wear once.
This is on the OP. She is the one making an issue out of something that is easily solvable. She is the one being messy.
Let her pick her own shoes out. This is not a hard concept.
in a friends wedding (I think it was a 5 inch heel!). We all had the same dress and same shoes and I hated both. I wore them down the aisle and in pictures and that was it, rest of the evening was barefoot. I about broke my ankle twice, I NEVER wear heels.
They are still in my closet where I put them the day after her wedding. They were $80 and we paid for them. Complete waste of money!! When she asked me to be a BM I calculated a cost that I was comfortable spending (it wasn't much, I was a FT student and worked PT) and told her that.
I'm sorry she didn't give you a solid $, but I think in her opinion $50 is a lot for shoes that she will more than likely never wear again. If I were you I'd apologize ASAP for acting a little bridezilla-ish and offer to buy the shoes for her. (I don't know if this is a good idea but maybe tell her they can be her BM gift?)
If you don't want to keep the friendship I guess just wash your hands of it and move on.
[QUOTE]OP, you are ruining a friendship you've had since high school over a pair of shoes. There is literally nothing you can say that will convince me that shoes are more important than a friendship you've had your entire adult life. You really need to work on your priorities.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
This... 100 times over. All of it.
OP get your head out of the clouds, you kicked somebody out of your wedding over shoes?
I would consider that friendship over.
[QUOTE]So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive. ($49.99) So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes. My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation. Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea. So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max. Mind you this is the same BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well. So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color. Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation. (FURIOUS!!) So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!" I was shocked! This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..." (EXTRA FURIOUS) So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it! You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person... That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations.... SORRY LONG!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]
My reponse to THIS (before I read any other comments).
1st-I HATE when brides are control freaks about the shoes...wth is such a big deal if the shoes don't match?! Some brides have BMs wearing different dresses *GASP*. Different shoes won't hurt you.
2nd-I can kind of see how this girl is being a drama queen. I would NEVER complain to a bride how expensive the dress is. I would say my budget would be x amount of dollars, if the dress is at that exact amount then fine, that's what I said I can do. Plus the other girl that had to shove her kids b-day in your face. I mean, she agreed to the wedding knowing the b-day date, however that is quite a sacrifice for you. (I would be honored).
3rd-Are you saying you kicked her out?! If you did, then you are not a very nice person AT ALL!
Fall Wedding Bio
[QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page<strong> (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me)</strong> to get other people to complain to you is childish. You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her. If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?) needs to come back to reality.
Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE]
I really hate the idea of BM Facebook pages. My MOH was just engaged. <1 day after she announced it (via posting a ring pic on FB), she sent a mass text to the 10 women she wanted as BMs. Her wedding is 1 yr 2 mo away. I told her she shouldn't ask this early, but too late. Almost immediately, my phone was blown up with these BMs trying to organize showers & bachelorette parties. Then one made a FB group, added me & made me administrator...without my consent. Naturally, I can't delete myself without looking evil. I can already see that this is going to end up a hot mess...ugh
My Bio
First: breath child! Second: Think. If she's not there with you on your wedding day, how will that make you feel? If you're ok with it, then let things stand and the friendship die. If the thought of it makes you sad, talk to her. I'm not saying that you have to come to a decision now, or that you are out of bounds (my personal opinion really don't matter, but I think the chick needs her head checked for a $40+ plate supper for a BDay! That's 4x more then my wedding!) or that you are just plain wrong. I'm saying that after your done being mad, think about everything that's all jumbled up right now and evaluate if it's more important for you to choose the shoes or save the friendship.
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So while I think you have some good reasons to be upset I would call your friend ASAP and apologize. Losing a friend over shoes or a wedding is just ridiculous.
Plans change, budgets change. If you had first allowed them to pick whatever shoe then why would you care if she doesn't have a matching shoe.
I think wedding is getting you emotional and having a one year old plus going to school is making your friend emotional.
Fall Wedding Bio
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I really hate the idea of BM Facebook pages. My MOH was just engaged. <1 day after she announced it (via posting a ring pic on FB), she sent a mass text to the 10 women she wanted as BMs. Her wedding is 1 yr 2 mo away. I told her she shouldn't ask this early, but too late. Almost immediately, my phone was blown up with these BMs trying to organize showers & bachelorette parties. Then one made a FB group, added me & made me administrator...without my consent. Naturally, I can't delete myself without looking evil. I can already see that this is going to end up a hot mess...ugh
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
w...t...f...
Fall Wedding Bio
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : w...t...f...
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]
Fo realz!<div>
</div><div>I was flabbergasted. 45 text message later, I had to ask my MOH to take me off of her mass text list unless the message was super important. I already have enough personal anxiety, on top of business anxiety & wedding anxiety, I couldn't take it. Things seem to have calmed down for the moment. I think I should tell her to get on TK too...muahaha</div>
My Bio
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Fo realz! I was flabbergasted. 45 text message later, I had to ask my MOH to take me off of her mass text list unless the message was super important. I already have enough personal anxiety, on top of business anxiety & wedding anxiety, I couldn't take it. Things seem to have calmed down for the moment. I think I should tell her to get on TK too...muahaha
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
OMG please do! Not only to get her off your back but so we can educate this wacko.
Fall Wedding Bio
Secondly, as PP's have mentioned, regardless of the original agreement to buy the shoes, if this was a requirement from the get-go, you should be paying for them. Even if they decided after some conversation to go with a specific shoe, you cannot get upset when she decides now they are too expensive. Situations can change and since shoes are never part of the "acceptable to dictate specifics" category, you should have really let this go as soon as it came up.
Also, you do not know the state of her finances, so you can't make the determination at any point what she can and cannot afford. FWIW, I never spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes. My own wedding shoes were only $35, so I wouldn't be happy if I was pressured into spending more for shoes for someone else's wedding. It's not that I can't afford $50, it's that I would much rather spend it on something other than shoes that I'll likely never wear again.
I highly advise that you call her and apologize for overreacting, ask her for forgiveness, and restore her to your WP sans specific shoes. Trust me, you'll feel like an asshole if she never speaks to you again because of shoes...that's a really crappy reason to end a friendship.
I really don't have a suitable comment to the problem at hand...I basically just sat here and laughed at the craziness of it all. At first I thought the show "Bridezilla's" was staged but now I can honestly say that all those crazy women on that show are real. Why do wedding's make women insane?!?!
They are just shoes...geesh!
[QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me) to get other people to complain to you is childish. You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her. If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?) needs to come back to reality.
Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE]
No, no, and no to all of this. A wedding is one fricken day. If I ever treated one of my friends like this I would hope they would put me in a loony bin. They were your (general your) friends before the wedding, and hopefully you'd still be friends after. Because the OP just lost a friend over shoes....really?
[QUOTE]UGH.... this is craziness! First if she really had a specific budget then she should have told you in the first place. Going on a facebook page (seriously a bridesmaid facebook page... sounds like drama to me) to get other people to complain to you is childish. <strong>You have every right to tell her that she doesn't need to worry about being in your bridal party if it's really just too much for her.</strong> If she's causing all of this drama now just wait until your wedding day. I have had friends who have had girls like this in their wedding parties and they all regreted keeping them in their bridal parties. I'm sorry but anyone who is having a black tie event for their own birthday and making people pay $40+ per plate for their meal (what is it a sweet 16?)<strong> needs to come back to reality.
</strong>Posted by amf0613[/QUOTE]
Ummm, this is wrong in so many ways. The BM's don't run up to the Bride and tell her what their budgets are. The bride should politely ask them. Not the other way around.
The OP is flipping for nothing and is completely in the wrong to have kicked this girl out. That is straight up, a friendship ending move. Period.
You should come back to reality.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : My thought exactly. Some people really take this bridesmaid stuff WAY too seriously.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
No thanks to movies such as "Bridesmaids". Which is odd, if people think that is really how it is then why would they think it's ok to kick somebody out? In "Bridesmaids" is shows how it hurt their relationship when the main character was asked to 'step down'.
Fall Wedding Bio
Oh man, where to begin?
First, OP you seriously need to stop ending all your sentences with two exclamation points.
Nothing you’ve described warrants kicking her out. As several PPs have said, you’re ruining an extensive friendship over shoes. Shoes. Seriously, shoes? Also, $49.99 is steep for shoes. You should pay for anything required beyond the dress, regardless of the fact that they offered. I stood up in a wedding where we kept asking the bride if she was sure she didn’t have a specific shoe in mind. She was very firm about us picking out our own shoes so we were comfortable and would wear them again. Her only requirement was that they were black. If you repeated it enough times, they would eventually go get their own shoes. It’s not like they’d show up to your wedding barefoot. You could have asked them to send you a picture before they bought them just to be sure they’re weren’t crazy.
It may be frustrating to you that she appears to be able to afford it, but that doesn’t matter. You don’t get to dictate how people spend their money.
Having a backup/ replacing her is rude.
The birthday party thing is ridiculous.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : Unintentional pun FTW! :)
Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]
Bahahahah! Thanks! Wow, I hadn't even noticed I did that.
[QUOTE]Are we still RANDOMLY capitalizing words in ORDER to make it seem like we are LESS rude for choosing A pair of shoes OVER a friend? COOL.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
<div>This made me giggle. </div><div>
</div><div>I wonder if she really talks like that such as "I use a normal voice BUT I ALSO LIKE TO YELL in the middle of my SENTENCES!"</div>
[QUOTE]So I receive a text message from one of the bridesmaids that inform me that the shoe that I picked was tooooo expensive. ($49.99) So at first I was willing to compromise and look for another shoe, although its taken me almost to find a shoe that have all 4 BM sizes. My MOH informed me that on FB, the BM's have a group page that the question about shoes and prices were brought up in conversation. Apparently everyone decided that as long as the shoe didn't cost MORE than the dress (79.99) then everyone was good with the idea. So after hearing this I'm now frustrated to the max. Mind you this is the same BM that complained that the dress was toooooo expensive as well. So I tell her look, I'm sorry that you feel it's too expensive but this shoe is available and I'm paying for them to be dyed in the color. Still after our conversation she goes onto the FB group page and tries to get the other BM to bitch about the shoe as well.... Now I'm receiving calls/texts about this situation. (FURIOUS!!) So I texted her and let her know kindly that I have picked the shoe and MOH has already ordered her shoe NOW she flips the script and says, "WELL some of us have other obligations... My son's 1st birthday is on your wedding day but you don't see me complaining about that!!" I was shocked! This was the same person that said, "Oh don't worry about it, I will make proper arrangements for his birthday party blah blah..." (EXTRA FURIOUS) So it hits me... HOLD UP dang it! You're complaining about a shoe BUT you're requesting people come to your birthday party in two weeks in formal attire and dinner is 43.00 per person... That was it, I told her NOT to worry about it and that I would make adjustments and get someone that doesn't have other obligations.... SORRY LONG!!
Posted by FutureMzHayden[/QUOTE]
I don't blame you for your decision. $50 isn't really that bad for shoes especially wedding attire. Discussing it on fb before bringing it to you was rude. Hope everything else goes well.
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Drama...VENT (LONG!!) : I don't blame you for your decision. <strong>$50 isn't really that bad for shoes especially wedding attire</strong>. Discussing it on fb before bringing it to you was rude. Hope everything else goes well.
Posted by FutureMrsPrice2013[/QUOTE]
That's not OP's decision to make it's the person who has to buy the shoes. <div>
</div><div>Also, OP if you have a problem with the way she is planning her birthday...don't go. You can't dictate what she spends her money on. When your bridesmaids said "Oh we'll wear whatever you want" you should have just said "I want you to pick your own pair of silver shoes."</div>