What the actual fuck? Your vendors can eat leftovers and you are only inviting SOs if you know them? I don't like you.
Yeah this quickly took a turn for the worse!
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
Having the vendors hit up the buffet after everyone has gone through is not a problem for me. Feeding them a cold turkey sandwich when everyone else is having hot filet does.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
As long as there will be enough food, having them go last through the buffet is fine. I paid for my vendors' food, but they went through the stations after all the guests had food. I don't see the difference.
But yeah, you need to invite everyone's SO. Not just the one's you know personally. Do you not see how rude it is to invite someone to witness your love and commitment to another person when you don't respect their relationship enough to invite the person they love?
20K is not a small budge. My budget was bigger than that, but you can throw a beautifully hosted wedding for much less, so you're not going to get any sympathy there.
What the actual fuck? Your vendors can eat leftovers and you are only inviting SOs if you know them? I don't like you.
Yeah this quickly took a turn for the worse!
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
Having the vendors hit up the buffet after everyone has gone through is not a problem for me. Feeding them a cold turkey sandwich when everyone else is having hot filet does.
Vendor meals exist for a reason; If the vendors are OK with them (as per their contracts), then I am too and I'm not going to give a couple shit over it or try and guilt trip them. As long as the couple feeds their vendors.
If a couple can afford to feed vendors the same as guests and chooses to do so, great!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Everyone's SO needs to be invited, not just the ones you know/are married/engaged. If you invited me without my SO because your vision trumped treating me properly, we probably wouldn't be friends for much longer after that.
I actually declined a wedding for this exact reason a few months ago. Returned the gift I had already purchased as well.
Wow. I was actually going to say something that I thought might garner some criticism when I was on Page 1 of this thread, which was "Look, if your budget is ~$11,500 for just food & drinks for your guests, what the hell is another $400 or so to feed your vendors" (even tho I think it's insane that the venue would charge the full plate + bar price to feed a vendor) but damn - you have a pretty robust budget compared to a lot of people who post here, it doesn't appear you have a head count limitation that is prompting this feeding of vendors question and now I see you're only inviting SO's of guests if you know the SO?! No.
Feed your vendors, then address the rest of your etiquette missteps FFS.
Kind of random but I was always raised to offer cold drinks/refreshments to workers if we ever had them in the house (painters, plumbers, landscapers, whoever). It's just logical this attitude would extend to the people you hire to work your wedding only I feel like I'd be bending over backwards to treat them well so they would do their best job for us! Mutually beneficial relationships and all...
My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.
My venue isn't a normal wedding venue, its a zoo. Weddings aren't their thing, they do mostly corporate events and educational type shindigs. They have done weddings before and offer a wedding package but its very straight forward and has pretty firm rules since it is a non-profit, public place and they hold utmost regard of the safety of their animals and the zoo grounds. The venue is very important to us, it has a lot of sentimental meaning for all of my life so far and now my fiance's as well. The venue isn't changing and its already been booked months ago with a deposit and signed contract.
I never said i was never going to feed my vendors, like I mentioned before I was asking to see what other people thought and what they did since there is soooo much info out there on both sides of the topic.
I made plenty of cuts as i also mentioned before, things that I don't care about cause they are small details that I think fluff up a wedding budget anyway. Its only one single day of the rest of our life together so there are a lot of frivolous things at a wedding a can do without. (No transportation, cheap grocery store premade flower bouquets, silicone wedding bands, no decorations except for good ole mother nature since its outdoors & yes, we have a plan B for bad weather, we also got all our vendors from one company so we could get a 20% discount on booking 3 different packages, no engagement party, no honeymoon, no engagement pictures by a professional) Cuts are def being made to afford the more important things. I am no where near a bridezilla. The dress I am interested in is even way under $1000.
I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.
Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!
My total budget is $5,000. 50% of that is food. You are being rude if you don't invite everyone's SO whether you have met them or not. Maybe you should rethink your "vision" for something that works with the money you have.
Btw, my friends' weddings have spanned from $2,000 - $200,000, from 10 people to 300. None of this has any bearing on what we are doing for our wedding.
FYI...your photog and dj should eat at the same time as you. Otherwise they are still eating when you are done. Want pics of you doing table visits? To bad, they are waiting at the end of the buffet line. Ready to start your first dance? Dj is still scarfing down his meal and his mouth is too full to talk.
I know this will fall on deaf ears with the op, so lurkers take note. You need to feed your vendors first, not last...you need them to get back to work asap, not sitting, waiting during the limited down time of you eating.
What the actual fuck? Your vendors can eat leftovers and you are only inviting SOs if you know them? I don't like you.
Yeah this quickly took a turn for the worse!
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
Having the vendors hit up the buffet after everyone has gone through is not a problem for me. Feeding them a cold turkey sandwich when everyone else is having hot filet does.
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If OP paid for them and they just happened to go last I dont see a problem with that. But she said she is having the vendors go to the buffet after everyone is done and that she is not being charged. She's trying to be sneaky here and not only is she being cheap these poor people risk not getting enough food. Being allowed to pick at people's leftovers is about as "second class citizen" as you can get. What a Bridezilla.
What a clusterfuck this has turned into with the lack of SO's too.
ETA - maybe a good budgeting tactic is to budget a "full" meal for each vendor. Then after reviewing contracts and asking preferences change it to a vendor meal if everyone agrees on it. Seriously the price difference of a few meals should not break your budget. Another reason why you should reserve 10% of your overall budget for situations like this.
What the actual fuck? Your vendors can eat leftovers and you are only inviting SOs if you know them? I don't like you.
Yeah this quickly took a turn for the worse!
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
Having the vendors hit up the buffet after everyone has gone through is not a problem for me. Feeding them a cold turkey sandwich when everyone else is having hot filet does.
---------
If OP paid for them and they just happened to go last I dont see a problem with that. But she said she is having the vendors go to the buffet after everyone is done and that she is not being charged. She's trying to be sneaky here and not only is she being cheap these poor people risk not getting enough food. Being allowed to pick at people's leftovers is about as "second class citizen" as you can get. What a Bridezilla.
What a clusterfuck this has turned into with the lack of SO's too.
ETA - maybe a good budgeting tactic is to budget a "full" meal for each vendor. Then after reviewing contracts and asking preferences change it to a vendor meal if everyone agrees on it. Seriously the price difference of a few meals should not break your budget. Another reason why you should reserve 10% of your overall budget for situations like this.
A lot of caterers allow the vendors to have the "leftovers" for free. Most caterers make about 5% more than they need + there are generally a no show or 2. In most cases the vendor isn't getting the scrapes, but just the last ones through the line. The vendors are normally just appreciative they got some food.
Now, I would not recommend "sneaking" the vendor through the line. All the places I've worked monitor the buffet lines. We know the amount of people we feed. We know who the vendors are. Not many people can get away with sneaking in more people then you said. Vendor or otherwise. Always check with your venue/caterer first.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
What the actual fuck? Your vendors can eat leftovers and you are only inviting SOs if you know them? I don't like you.
Yeah this quickly took a turn for the worse!
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
Having the vendors hit up the buffet after everyone has gone through is not a problem for me. Feeding them a cold turkey sandwich when everyone else is having hot filet does.
---------
If OP paid for them and they just happened to go last I dont see a problem with that. But she said she is having the vendors go to the buffet after everyone is done and that she is not being charged. She's trying to be sneaky here and not only is she being cheap these poor people risk not getting enough food. Being allowed to pick at people's leftovers is about as "second class citizen" as you can get. What a Bridezilla.
What a clusterfuck this has turned into with the lack of SO's too.
ETA - maybe a good budgeting tactic is to budget a "full" meal for each vendor. Then after reviewing contracts and asking preferences change it to a vendor meal if everyone agrees on it. Seriously the price difference of a few meals should not break your budget. Another reason why you should reserve 10% of your overall budget for situations like this.
A lot of caterers allow the vendors to have the "leftovers" for free. Most caterers make about 5% more than they need + there are generally a no show or 2. In most cases the vendor isn't getting the scrapes, but just the last ones through the line. The vendors are normally just appreciative they got some food.
Now, I would not recommend "sneaking" the vendor through the line. All the places I've worked monitor the buffet lines. We know the amount of people we feed. We know who the vendors are. Not many people can get away with sneaking in more people then you said. Vendor or otherwise. Always check with your venue/caterer first.
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True, any good caterer is going to know how much to prepare. Its just the OP's attitude about all this that bugs me.
My total budget is $20,000. So to me it is a tiny budget since I was in two of my friends weddings one that was $100,000 and my other friends was a little over $32,000.
My venue isn't a normal wedding venue, its a zoo. Weddings aren't their thing, they do mostly corporate events and educational type shindigs. They have done weddings before and offer a wedding package but its very straight forward and has pretty firm rules since it is a non-profit, public place and they hold utmost regard of the safety of their animals and the zoo grounds. The venue is very important to us, it has a lot of sentimental meaning for all of my life so far and now my fiance's as well. The venue isn't changing and its already been booked months ago with a deposit and signed contract.
I never said i was never going to feed my vendors, like I mentioned before I was asking to see what other people thought and what they did since there is soooo much info out there on both sides of the topic.
I made plenty of cuts as i also mentioned before, things that I don't care about cause they are small details that I think fluff up a wedding budget anyway. Its only one single day of the rest of our life together so there are a lot of frivolous things at a wedding a can do without. (No transportation, cheap grocery store premade flower bouquets, silicone wedding bands, no decorations except for good ole mother nature since its outdoors & yes, we have a plan B for bad weather, we also got all our vendors from one company so we could get a 20% discount on booking 3 different packages, no engagement party, no honeymoon, no engagement pictures by a professional) Cuts are def being made to afford the more important things. I am no where near a bridezilla. The dress I am interested in is even way under $1000.
I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.
Conclusion: I went back and forth with the venue all day and the agreement we came upon was that the vendors can eat the same food we are serving on the buffet but not till after the guests have finished. This way I will not have to pay for them and they also will not have to be part of my guest count. Basically she said they can have the left overs after everyone is done eating, Which since it is a buffet style I am sure will suit just fine. The vendors will be eating at my wedding!!!
Sorry, but if you don't invite everyone's SO, whether you know them or not, the people you do invite who are in couples where you don't invite their SO won't attend. Them's the breaks.
I experienced that a couple of years ago where I was invited by myself to the wedding of someone who was, up until that point, a very close friend. I was at that time in a 3-year relationship and would have valued the opportunity to introduce my then-BF to my friend, and he had the same "no ring, no bring" bullshit policy, so it wasn't going to happen. I declined the invitation-I wasn't going to put up with that kind of disrespect for my relationship.
OP, you need to invite the SO of anyone who considers themself in a relationship. You are asking these people to spend their day celebrating your relationship while disrespecting theirs.
I never understood the "not wanting random strangers" argument. There were a lot of "random strangers" at our wedding because they were people that were important to H that I hadn't met yet, and vise versa.
Look at it this way, if she doesn't invite SOs she doesn't know of some her guests, perhaps those guests will decline (like I would) and boom, vendors fed on the declines. Problem solved!
Look at it this way, if she doesn't invite SOs she doesn't know of some her guests, perhaps those guests will decline (like I would) and boom, vendors fed on the declines. Problem solved!
Yeah, this problem may be fixing itself. She may be sitting and dining with the real drama llamas.
It's one thing to have a buffet and have four vendors counted towards the total (i.e. 104 people need a buffet). It's another, to me, to have a buffet for 100 and hope there's enough leftoever for 4 more people. Even when I've had buffet as a wedding guest, it's a total crapshoot whether I get up there with a fresh platter available or cold scraps right before something's replaced.
Getting guaranteed cold scraps as a vendor is pretty second class to me.
But yeah, with the SO thing, this problem is going to fix itself.
With that reasoning, my FI's Best Man wouldn't get an invite because I've never met him. He and his family moved to Germany 3 months after FI and I got together, and they lived in another state before that, so I never got a chance to meet him. Nevermind he and FI have been friends since they were in diapers.
While I'm not doing Plus Ones for truly single people (due to space, not money), everyone in a relationship that you're aware of needs to get an invite with their SO, period, whether you've met them or not.
I agree if vendors go last it's maybe not a big deal (except possibly like PhotoKitty was saying about when they need to work) because SOMEONE has to be last in line, right? But the attitude seems so skeevy to me. She even used the word leftovers, which rubbed me the wrong way. She doesn't want to have to feed them, as we know, so the way she described it just seems very off-putting.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
Ignoring the SO bullshit (cause oh man such bullshit) I will say that I used to photog for events and I HATED being fed the same as the guests. I preferred my little sandwich in the back because this was a WORK event for me not a pleasure event. I was there to do my job, not be catered to. I was not the same as the guests who were enjoying a very special day and any time they fed me the same as them (especially when I had to go out and get the food in, say, buffet line) I always felt incredibly awkward. So I don't think you have to feed your vendors like you're feeding your mother in law and guests.
This thread just keeps getting better and better. OP, you should truly take the advice of the great peeps on here to heart. If you didn't know about the "must invite all SOs" rule before, you do now, and not following it is going to lead to lots of hurt feelings from your guests, even if they never tell you.
$20,000 is not a small budget. 100 people is not a small wedding. With less than a third of your budget, we covered everything for everyone. My wedding was really small (12 people) but I cut out whatever wasn't necessary when extra budget issues came up. I also worked two jobs to save enough.
Silicone rings are actually great. We have a set as our work/camping rings and we love them.
Make it work, feed your vendors, and for the love of whatever deity you choose, invite ALL SOs. Rework your budget more to fit them in. To me, not inviting my SO is an auto decline and makes me wonder how much you value our friendship.
Another thing to consider is have you already sent out your save the dates and invitations?
If you have, then cutting 4 guests is out of the question. you can't uninvite people that you've already invited to the wedding, that's incredibly rude and grounds for ending a friendship/relationship.
Also speak to your venue, your venders will not be drinking alcohol (i sure as hell would NOT want a drunk photographer or DJ, not cool) so that should lower some costs there.
I really hope this doesn't come across rude but $460 isn't TOO much money, i get it money sucks and staying in a budget sucks.
But i'm sure you could find things around your house you could sell on Craigslist or Kijiji and put that money towards the extra expenses needed.
Also the cost of a meal for the venders should have been calculated into the budget for your vender, but i TOTALLY get that not many of us are expert wedding or even event planners and thinking ahead like that is hard, i definitely wouldn't have thought of it off the bat
I would just like to thank everyone that answered my question seriously and maturely. That's what forums are all about, reaching out to others to get a consensus on the topic of question. I see that some of the things i wrote were taken out of context or interpreted poorly, could of been the way i worded things.
I am NOT splitting up any couples by not inviting their SOs. I am just
not allowing my SINGLE family and friends to bring a plus one. Which is
actually a money saving tip that I got straight from theknot.com wedding
planner binder I bought. So again to clarify, single family and friends
will not be inviting a plus one, this way I'm saving money in the
budget and I am not having random people I don't know at our wedding.
My vendors ARE eating! Its a buffet style dinner, so after the last table of my guests gets to go up and get their food then the vendors go up and can get theirs. They will be eating at the same time as everyone else but they are going up to the buffet last. Doing it that way costs us nothing and they wont have to be included in our guest count, we don't have to cut anyone.
I already listed all the cuts I made in the last post that we are not having for our wedding, not going to repeat the whole list. As for invitations and save the dates (since it was brought up a few times), I am a graphic designer, I'm designing them myself. The cost is extremely minimal for me since it was my profession for 11 years. I also have a professional connection that gave me a great deal on the printing since I worked for them.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings from my postings. I am sure people will still find something negative to say no matter how many times I try to clarify. For those people, its not your wedding and your not invited to mine, so no worries.
I truly do appreciate all the helpful answers and suggestions. I hope that everyone has a great wedding day and for the already married couples out there that responded, I wish you many years of happiness. Thank you everyone!
I would just like to thank everyone that answered my question seriously and maturely. That's what forums are all about, reaching out to others to get a consensus on the topic of question. I see that some of the things i wrote were taken out of context or interpreted poorly, could of been the way i worded things.
I am NOT splitting up any couples by not inviting their SOs. I am just
not allowing my SINGLE family and friends to bring a plus one. Which is
actually a money saving tip that I got straight from theknot.com wedding
planner binder I bought. So again to clarify, single family and friends
will not be inviting a plus one, this way I'm saving money in the
budget and I am not having random people I don't know at our wedding.
My vendors ARE eating! Its a buffet style dinner, so after the last table of my guests gets to go up and get their food then the vendors go up and can get theirs. They will be eating at the same time as everyone else but they are going up to the buffet last. Doing it that way costs us nothing and they wont have to be included in our guest count, we don't have to cut anyone.
I already listed all the cuts I made in the last post that we are not having for our wedding, not going to repeat the whole list. As for invitations and save the dates (since it was brought up a few times), I am a graphic designer, I'm designing them myself. The cost is extremely minimal for me since it was my profession for 11 years. I also have a professional connection that gave me a great deal on the printing since I worked for them.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings from my postings. I am sure people will still find something negative to say no matter how many times I try to clarify. For those people, its not your wedding and your not invited to mine, so no worries.
I truly do appreciate all the helpful answers and suggestions. I hope that everyone has a great wedding day and for the already married couples out there that responded, I wish you many years of happiness. Thank you everyone!
OK. This is what you said in your other post:
I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.
The above is a direct copy and paste from your post yesterday. You said that you were only inviting SOs if you knew them. Are you truly inviting all guests who have a significant other to bring that person? It doesn't matter if you met the person or not. You need to invite anyone in a relationship to bring their other half.
I would just like to thank everyone that answered my question seriously and maturely. That's what forums are all about, reaching out to others to get a consensus on the topic of question. I see that some of the things i wrote were taken out of context or interpreted poorly, could of been the way i worded things.
I am NOT splitting up any couples by not inviting their SOs. I am just
not allowing my SINGLE family and friends to bring a plus one. Which is
actually a money saving tip that I got straight from theknot.com wedding
planner binder I bought. So again to clarify, single family and friends
will not be inviting a plus one, this way I'm saving money in the
budget and I am not having random people I don't know at our wedding.
My vendors ARE eating! Its a buffet style dinner, so after the last table of my guests gets to go up and get their food then the vendors go up and can get theirs. They will be eating at the same time as everyone else but they are going up to the buffet last. Doing it that way costs us nothing and they wont have to be included in our guest count, we don't have to cut anyone.
I already listed all the cuts I made in the last post that we are not having for our wedding, not going to repeat the whole list. As for invitations and save the dates (since it was brought up a few times), I am a graphic designer, I'm designing them myself. The cost is extremely minimal for me since it was my profession for 11 years. I also have a professional connection that gave me a great deal on the printing since I worked for them.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings from my postings. I am sure people will still find something negative to say no matter how many times I try to clarify. For those people, its not your wedding and your not invited to mine, so no worries.
I truly do appreciate all the helpful answers and suggestions. I hope that everyone has a great wedding day and for the already married couples out there that responded, I wish you many years of happiness. Thank you everyone!
Yes, because something the "Wedding Industry" puts out couldn't possibly go against etiquette?
I would just like to thank everyone that answered my question seriously and maturely. That's what forums are all about, reaching out to others to get a consensus on the topic of question. I see that some of the things i wrote were taken out of context or interpreted poorly, could of been the way i worded things.
I am NOT splitting up any couples by not inviting their SOs. I am just
not allowing my SINGLE family and friends to bring a plus one. Which is
actually a money saving tip that I got straight from theknot.com wedding
planner binder I bought. So again to clarify, single family and friends
will not be inviting a plus one, this way I'm saving money in the
budget and I am not having random people I don't know at our wedding.
My vendors ARE eating! Its a buffet style dinner, so after the last table of my guests gets to go up and get their food then the vendors go up and can get theirs. They will be eating at the same time as everyone else but they are going up to the buffet last. Doing it that way costs us nothing and they wont have to be included in our guest count, we don't have to cut anyone.
I already listed all the cuts I made in the last post that we are not having for our wedding, not going to repeat the whole list. As for invitations and save the dates (since it was brought up a few times), I am a graphic designer, I'm designing them myself. The cost is extremely minimal for me since it was my profession for 11 years. I also have a professional connection that gave me a great deal on the printing since I worked for them.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings from my postings. I am sure people will still find something negative to say no matter how many times I try to clarify. For those people, its not your wedding and your not invited to mine, so no worries.
I truly do appreciate all the helpful answers and suggestions. I hope that everyone has a great wedding day and for the already married couples out there that responded, I wish you many years of happiness. Thank you everyone!
OK. This is what you said in your other post:
I am not doing "plus one" for everyone. Only people who are in a relationship where I know their significant other or of course if they are married. I don't want a bunch of random strangers being brought/invited to our special day esp since we are very budget conscious. Those are the breaks.
The above is a direct copy and paste from your post yesterday. You said that you were only inviting SOs if you knew them. Are you truly inviting all guests who have a significant other to bring that person? It doesn't matter if you met the person or not. You need to invite anyone in a relationship to bring their other half.
Going to clarify Significant Other (SO) vs. +1 for lurkers and anyone else who needs to know:
1. SO - a person that your guest identifies as their boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, partner, or any other title that establishes them in a relationship. With the very rare exception of safety concerns or threats of abuse or physical violence - SO's MUST be invited. They are a package deal. If a guest enters a relationship after you made your guest list but before invitations go out, they still must be invited. If a guest enters a relationship after invitations go out, it is not necessary but a very nice gesture to invite the SO.
THINGS THAT DO NOT MATTER - whether or not you have met them, whether or not you like them, how long they have been together, whether or not they live together, whether or not they are engaged, or how serious YOU think the relationship is. It is not your place to judge other people's relationships.
2. +1 - an option for a truly single guest to bring a date, escort, companion, caregiver, wingman/woman, etc. to your wedding. Offering +1's is not required but a very nice, kind idea if your budget and space allow.
THINGS THAT DO NOT MATTER - who they decide to bring. You cannot veto their choice. If you have doubts on the person's selection of a +1, just don't offer it to them.
OP if you are not following this please take a long, hard look at your guest list and do the right thing. I am saying that as respectfully as I can. You have the potential to seriously damage relationships.
Look at it this way, if she doesn't invite SOs she doesn't know of some her guests, perhaps those guests will decline (like I would) and boom, vendors fed on the declines. Problem solved!
I don't know about that one...op hasn't mentioned her "research" on if B listing Is polite or not...
Re: To Feed or Not to Feed...
Having the vendors eat the buffet leftovers would make them seem like 2nd class citizens to me.
Can't you get the zoo to make them a plate of something else at a lesser cost?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Vendor meals exist for a reason; If the vendors are OK with them (as per their contracts), then I am too and I'm not going to give a couple shit over it or try and guilt trip them. As long as the couple feeds their vendors.
If a couple can afford to feed vendors the same as guests and chooses to do so, great!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Feed your vendors, then address the rest of your etiquette missteps FFS.
Kind of random but I was always raised to offer cold drinks/refreshments to workers if we ever had them in the house (painters, plumbers, landscapers, whoever). It's just logical this attitude would extend to the people you hire to work your wedding only I feel like I'd be bending over backwards to treat them well so they would do their best job for us! Mutually beneficial relationships and all...
Btw, my friends' weddings have spanned from $2,000 - $200,000, from 10 people to 300. None of this has any bearing on what we are doing for our wedding.
I know this will fall on deaf ears with the op, so lurkers take note. You need to feed your vendors first, not last...you need them to get back to work asap, not sitting, waiting during the limited down time of you eating.
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If OP paid for them and they just happened to go last I dont see a problem with that. But she said she is having the vendors go to the buffet after everyone is done and that she is not being charged. She's trying to be sneaky here and not only is she being cheap these poor people risk not getting enough food. Being allowed to pick at people's leftovers is about as "second class citizen" as you can get. What a Bridezilla.
What a clusterfuck this has turned into with the lack of SO's too.
ETA - maybe a good budgeting tactic is to budget a "full" meal for each vendor. Then after reviewing contracts and asking preferences change it to a vendor meal if everyone agrees on it. Seriously the price difference of a few meals should not break your budget. Another reason why you should reserve 10% of your overall budget for situations like this.
If OP paid for them and they just happened to go last I dont see a problem with that. But she said she is having the vendors go to the buffet after everyone is done and that she is not being charged. She's trying to be sneaky here and not only is she being cheap these poor people risk not getting enough food. Being allowed to pick at people's leftovers is about as "second class citizen" as you can get. What a Bridezilla.
What a clusterfuck this has turned into with the lack of SO's too.
ETA - maybe a good budgeting tactic is to budget a "full" meal for each vendor. Then after reviewing contracts and asking preferences change it to a vendor meal if everyone agrees on it. Seriously the price difference of a few meals should not break your budget. Another reason why you should reserve 10% of your overall budget for situations like this.
A lot of caterers allow the vendors to have the "leftovers" for free. Most caterers make about 5% more than they need + there are generally a no show or 2. In most cases the vendor isn't getting the scrapes, but just the last ones through the line. The vendors are normally just appreciative they got some food.
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True, any good caterer is going to know how much to prepare. Its just the OP's attitude about all this that bugs me.
Sorry, but if you don't invite everyone's SO, whether you know them or not, the people you do invite who are in couples where you don't invite their SO won't attend. Them's the breaks.
I experienced that a couple of years ago where I was invited by myself to the wedding of someone who was, up until that point, a very close friend. I was at that time in a 3-year relationship and would have valued the opportunity to introduce my then-BF to my friend, and he had the same "no ring, no bring" bullshit policy, so it wasn't going to happen. I declined the invitation-I wasn't going to put up with that kind of disrespect for my relationship.
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$20,000 is not a small budget. 100 people is not a small wedding. With less than a third of your budget, we covered everything for everyone. My wedding was really small (12 people) but I cut out whatever wasn't necessary when extra budget issues came up. I also worked two jobs to save enough.
Silicone rings are actually great. We have a set as our work/camping rings and we love them.
Make it work, feed your vendors, and for the love of whatever deity you choose, invite ALL SOs. Rework your budget more to fit them in. To me, not inviting my SO is an auto decline and makes me wonder how much you value our friendship.
If you have, then cutting 4 guests is out of the question. you can't uninvite people that you've already invited to the wedding, that's incredibly rude and grounds for ending a friendship/relationship.
Also speak to your venue, your venders will not be drinking alcohol (i sure as hell would NOT want a drunk photographer or DJ, not cool) so that should lower some costs there.
But i'm sure you could find things around your house you could sell on Craigslist or Kijiji and put that money towards the extra expenses needed.
Also the cost of a meal for the venders should have been calculated into the budget for your vender, but i TOTALLY get that not many of us are expert wedding or even event planners and thinking ahead like that is hard, i definitely wouldn't have thought of it off the bat
I am NOT splitting up any couples by not inviting their SOs. I am just not allowing my SINGLE family and friends to bring a plus one. Which is actually a money saving tip that I got straight from theknot.com wedding planner binder I bought. So again to clarify, single family and friends will not be inviting a plus one, this way I'm saving money in the budget and I am not having random people I don't know at our wedding.
My vendors ARE eating! Its a buffet style dinner, so after the last table of my guests gets to go up and get their food then the vendors go up and can get theirs. They will be eating at the same time as everyone else but they are going up to the buffet last. Doing it that way costs us nothing and they wont have to be included in our guest count, we don't have to cut anyone.
I already listed all the cuts I made in the last post that we are not having for our wedding, not going to repeat the whole list. As for invitations and save the dates (since it was brought up a few times), I am a graphic designer, I'm designing them myself. The cost is extremely minimal for me since it was my profession for 11 years. I also have a professional connection that gave me a great deal on the printing since I worked for them.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings from my postings. I am sure people will still find something negative to say no matter how many times I try to clarify. For those people, its not your wedding and your not invited to mine, so no worries.
I truly do appreciate all the helpful answers and suggestions. I hope that everyone has a great wedding day and for the already married couples out there that responded, I wish you many years of happiness. Thank you everyone!
***spoiler alert - it is rude as fuck***