Dear Prudence,
My father, whom I love dearly but can be difficult, has always had a controlling relationship with my mom. She had a large group of close friends in the town where I grew up, but once they retired they moved thousands of miles away and she feels isolated. He’s content to just spend time with her. Though she is very social, he wouldn’t be happy with her taking a trip without him. This upsets me to no end, but I also feel it’s not my place to do anything about it. The trouble is, she comes to me anytime he does or says something that frustrates her. It puts me in an uncomfortable position to listen to her vent about her difficulties with her husband, who’s my dad, and sometimes the things she tells me make me angry at him. My husband thinks it’s inappropriate for her to gripe to me about my dad, but I don’t want to cut her off when she obviously so desperately needs to talk to someone who understands. I know she does love him and doesn’t want to leave him. What can I do?
—Caught in the Middle
Re: Mom, you're not my friend.
...buy a small foreclosure in what previously was their home town as a "Vacation Villa" so Mom can escape anytime she wants and give her a "project" excuse to do so and she can be around her friends/social circle again! Then flip it down the road...
lol jk
My parents are great, I love them with all my heart but they both complain to me about the other at times. Well we all kinda do. Its funny when we do it we usually start with verbally disowning the person "You better tell your mother to <blank>." (Dad complaining about mom to me) or "Your daughter is driving me nuts." (Me complaining to mom about my sister) Etc.
We all love each other, its just the general family stuff, nothing major. I guess this is just a family by family thing.
For this I would say she should encourage her mom to join social groups in her new area. If she truly feels uncomfortable listening to her mom about her dad she needs to speak up.