Gap between ceremony/reception?

JoanE2012 · August 2015

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:
Invitations aren't subpoenae. I'm free to accept one, both or neither. By creating a gap, the couple has turned their event into two events.

I wonder if you'd find it 'tacky' if I attended a wedding ceremony, but not the reception. Or does it just work the other way?

No, they are not two events. Would you think it okay if you were invited to a ceremony and not the reception? I bet everyone would think that's one of the etiquette blunders of 2015 if someone did that, and rightly so.

And no, I'd have no problem with someone attending the ceremony and not the reception. Why would I? That's the important part. The reception is the thank you. If you'd rather not receive a thank you in the form of a free fancy dinner and alcohol, that's your choice. But when people skip the part that actually IS all about the couple just to go get free dinner afterwards, that's just classless. If you can't see that, then go right ahead and do what you're doing, but there are plenty of people thinking that's just as big a faux pas as creating a gap between the ceremony and the reception.

Free dinner? I ALWAYS bring a gift (cash) to the reception. I'm sure I'm not alone. It's no free dinner. If all I cared about was the reception meal, I'd much rather skip it and take that cash gift and go out on the town with my DH for one heck of a dinner. The reception meal is not the prize.

lyndausvi · August 2015

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:
There we go with the free dinner again. I have never attended a wedding for the 'free dinner.' Ever. What makes you think that people go to weddings for the food?

The classless people are the ones who expect guests to find something else to do so the bride and groom can have their evening reception hours after the ceremony.

FYI, I have never attended a ceremony and skipped the reception because my family members and friends have manners and don't have weddings with gaps.

The fact is that when people skip the ceremony and attend the reception, the perception is that they're there for the food and alcohol, not the couple. The part that was truly about the couple was the ceremony, not the reception. If you don't do that, then I obviously wasn't talking about you.

umm, not really. For the most part you can not socialize with the couple at the ceremony. Only witness them saying their vows. At the reception I can actually truly celebrate and socialize with them. The food and booze is just a bonus.

banana468 · August 2015

lyndausvi said:

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:
There
we go with the free dinner again. I have never attended a wedding for
the 'free dinner.' Ever. What makes you think that people go to weddings
for the food?

The classless people
are the ones who expect guests to find something else to do so the bride
and groom can have their evening reception hours after the ceremony.

FYI,
I have never attended a ceremony and skipped the reception because my
family members and friends have manners and don't have weddings with
gaps.

The fact is that when people skip the ceremony and attend the reception, the perception is that they're there for the food and alcohol, not the couple. The part that was truly about the couple was the ceremony, not the reception. If you don't do that, then I obviously wasn't talking about you.

umm, not really. For the most part you can not socialize with the couple at the ceremony. Only witness them saying their vows. At the reception I can actually truly celebrate and socialize with them. The food and booze is just a bonus.

Yeah, I think your definition of fact @snowywinter needs a refresher. Most people like receptions for more than the food and booze.

kmmssg · August 2015

banana468 said:

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:
There we go with the free dinner again. I have never attended a wedding for the 'free dinner.' Ever. What makes you think that people go to weddings for the food?

The classless people are the ones who expect guests to find something else to do so the bride and groom can have their evening reception hours after the ceremony.

FYI, I have never attended a ceremony and skipped the reception because my family members and friends have manners and don't have weddings with gaps.

The fact is that when people skip the ceremony and attend the reception, the perception is that they're there for the food and alcohol, not the couple. The part that was truly about the couple was the ceremony, not the reception. If you don't do that, then I obviously wasn't talking about you.

umm, not really. For the most part you can not socialize with the couple at the ceremony. Only witness them saying their vows. At the reception I can actually truly celebrate and socialize with them. The food and booze is just a bonus.
Yeah, I think your definition of fact @snowywinter needs a refresher. Most people like receptions for more than the food and booze.

Sing it ladies. I just don't understand this. I planned 2 weddings of my own and gifted weddings to our 4 daughters. There was never a single person on those guests lists who wasn't warmly thought of loved (or at least really liked). I would never, in a million years, dream of looking at one of our guests who missed the wedding as a freeloader looking for food and boooze. If anyone couldn't make it to the wedding they were very warmly welcomed to the reception, hugged, pointed to the bar and told where their table was. We were very humbled and appreciative of any time our guests could share with us. Our egos didn't need to be stroked by demanding them to attend the wedding.

Now did the overwhelming majority attend both the weddings and receptions? Of course they did because one of the rules to mama's checkbook is thou shalt not have a gap.

I have only been invited to one gapped wedding/reception. Wedding in the middle of the back end of BFE, 45 minutes away from the reception that was to start 3 1/2 hours after the wedding. We found an Applebee's about 30 minutes away to kill some time but were pissed about it. We were there for quite some time so we left the server an incredible tip so she wouldn't lose money by us taking up her table for 2+ hours.

If a couple can't plan any better than that with their guests in mind, it is MY choice which one I will attend - which one fits best in my day. If it is the reception, I will have no guilt whatsoever. I married into a Catholic family and have yet to experience a gap - my in-laws raised very polite and gracious children who know better than to treat people that way and have taught the same to their children.

If you choose to have a crazy gap you get no say to judge what your guests decides to attend. Be happy they cared enough to come - you invited them.

dramamonkey · August 2015

DH and I are attending a wedding at the end of the month with a 2 pm ceremony, 6 pm cocktail hour, and 11 pm after party....so we're probably looking at a 3+ hour gap. Oh, and the wedding is in a beach town with limited parking near the church so we're supposed to get there early.

This is a dear friend of mine from college, so we're going, but it's going to be a longggggg day. We actually are planning to take a nap in our hotel room in the interim....

The one thing that I appreciate is that they're providing a shuttle from the hotel to/from the reception....

MyNameIsNot · August 2015

Knottie88090707 said:

Our wedding is on a Saturday in July. The Catholic church ceremony is at 3 and should end by 4. We are expecting many people to drive 15 minutes to the hotel, drop off their cars, and get on a shuttle for the reception. The cocktail hour that starts at 6. There is a big festival in the area that may cause traffic and there may also be shore traffic as we live in NJ. I am hoping that it isn't too much of a gap.

Yep, that's a two hour gap and pretty rude.

This thread has gone off on a bit of a tangent, but I'd suggest you make a new post and try to get some logistical help with closing that gap.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie88090707 said:

Our wedding is on a Saturday in July. The Catholic church ceremony is at 3 and should end by 4. We are expecting many people to drive 15 minutes to the hotel, drop off their cars, and get on a shuttle for the reception. The cocktail hour that starts at 6. There is a big festival in the area that may cause traffic and there may also be shore traffic as we live in NJ. I am hoping that it isn't too much of a gap.

Yep, that's a two hour gap and pretty rude.

This thread has gone off on a bit of a tangent, but I'd suggest you make a new post and try to get some logistical help with closing that gap.

This. You need to close this gap up.

Also, if you can, I would try to get the shuttle to bring guests to the ceremony also (if you can guarantee check-in before 2 for your guests). It seems odd and unnecessary to drive to the hotel, check-in and get ready, drive to the ceremony, drive back to the hotel and grab the shuttle.

MandyMost · August 2015

I've been to a bunch of weddings with a gap. There seems to be 3 options on how to fill it:

1. Go to a bar and end up accidentally getting wasted before the reception. Then leave the reception early because you're tired and drunk.

2. Go to a coffee shop or some other place to sit, and sit uncomfortably until the reception, then show up at the reception in a bad mood and leave early because you're tired and irritated.

3. Go home or to the hotel and sit/lay still to try to rest until the reception, then show up at the reception in a bad mood and tired and cranky and leave early.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Not having a gap, never even heard of them until TK, but I've known friends who can't make the beginning of a ceremony so they just come to the reception instead...and I don't see why that's a problem. Like Kmmssg and Lyndausvi, I'd much rather have my friends and family just show up for the reception than not show up at all! Who cares if they miss the ceremony?! I'd much rather hang out with them at the reception and shake it on the dance floor than stick my nose in the air because they didn't take off work to stare at me getting married.

MairePoppy · August 2015

Knottie88090707 said:

Our wedding is on a Saturday in July. The Catholic church ceremony is at 3 and should end by 4. We are expecting many people to drive 15 minutes to the hotel, drop off their cars, and get on a shuttle for the reception. The cocktail hour that starts at 6. There is a big festival in the area that may cause traffic and there may also be shore traffic as we live in NJ. I am hoping that it isn't too much of a gap.

Your question is going to get lost in the shuffle. If you start a new thread, you'll get more advice.

Looks like you have a 2 hour gap there, which isn't polite. You could close that gap by hosting a hospitality room at the hotel. It doesn't have to be complicated -coffee and donuts or soft drinks and cheese and crackers, a place to sit, and restrooms. All guests should be aware of this option.

climbingsingle · August 2015

MairePoppy said:

Knottie88090707 said:

Our wedding is on a Saturday in July. The Catholic church ceremony is at 3 and should end by 4. We are expecting many people to drive 15 minutes to the hotel, drop off their cars, and get on a shuttle for the reception. The cocktail hour that starts at 6. There is a big festival in the area that may cause traffic and there may also be shore traffic as we live in NJ. I am hoping that it isn't too much of a gap.

Your question is going to get lost in the shuffle. If you start a new thread, you'll get more advice.

Looks like you have a 2 hour gap there, which isn't polite. You could close that gap by hosting a hospitality room at the hotel. It doesn't have to be complicated -coffee and donuts or soft drinks and cheese and crackers, a place to sit, and restrooms. All guests should be aware of this option.

This. That is too long of a gap. What if I'm not staying at the hotel and don't want to take a shuttle. What do I do for the next 2 hours? You could host something at the hotel or move up your cocktail hour.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

climbingwife said:

A gap is something you can ALWAYS work around. To insist otherwise is ridiculous. I live in gap land. NYC Metro area, lots of Catholic weddings. The church will tell you what time you can do your ceremony based on the day and their mass schedule. Once you know that, you then choose your venue.

What ends up happening here is that the church weddings start in the afternoon. And the bride/groom/whomever is set on an evening wedding. So instead of giving two shits about their guests, they book a venue that starts the reception at 5 or 6. And then the guests are left to kill 2 hours. And as a guest, it sucks majorly. I've never enjoyed or anticipated a gap. It's always been a HUGE pain in the ass.

There are venues that will start your reception for you right after your ceremony. It's not impossible to find.

This.

Cultural/regional differences are just a bullshit rationalization for rude behavior, honestly; If everyone in your social circle or your city does a rude thing, it means you are all being rude- it doesn't mean that this is an accepted regional norm.

If you have a gap between your ceremony and reception what it says to me as a guest is this- your wedding vision and the aesthetic of your venues was more important than my time as a guest, especially if I am an OOT guest, and that's rude as all hell.

I'm a wedding guest, I'm not participating in an athletic event, and therefore I don't need to waste time "frreshening up" after your ceremony. I don't need to go back to the hotel and rest after your ceremony- I was just sitting for an hour! I'm in town for your wedding, not to sight see like a tourist, so I don't want to waste time doing that after your ceremony, especially not in nice clothes. I want to attend your ceremony and then I want to attend the reception and dance and have a good time with you and everyone else. Nothing kills that vibe faster than having a gap that disrupts the flow of the day.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:

thisismynickname said:

I do honestly think it's rude to not attend a ceremony and still attend a reception. The ceremony is
To do otherwise is like, "I don't care about you saying your vows, but I do care about the free food and booze."
the most important part! I'd rather decline the entire day's worth of events than attend only an evening reception.
All the gapped events I've been to have been 2pm or 3pm ceremonies followed by a 5 or 6pm cocktail hour start time. Never anything as egregious as an 11am ceremony followed by a dinner reception.

Naturally, rudeness of guests would be negated by proper hosting, so there's that.

I have never attended a wedding for the free booze and food. Why would I do that? I can go out to eat and drink whatever I like for less than I give as a wedding gift. I go to weddings to celebrate the marriage of loved ones. I have only been invited to one wedding with a gap - and I went to the ceremony, not the reception. But if I chose the reception instead of the ceremony, it would have affected no one. The B & G didn't take attendance.

Their pocket book did.

Yes, and they had already budgeted and paid for each guest that RSVP'd "Yes" to their event. . . whether or not that guest attended their ceremony AND the reception, or just the reception. The costs to the couple would be the exact same.

The only way the couple would end up over paying in this instance is if more guests attended the ceremony and then ditched the reception. In that case the couple would have wasted money on food and booze that was never consumed.

MandyMost · August 2015

climbingwife said:

MairePoppy said:

Knottie88090707 said:

Our wedding is on a Saturday in July. The Catholic church ceremony is at 3 and should end by 4. We are expecting many people to drive 15 minutes to the hotel, drop off their cars, and get on a shuttle for the reception. The cocktail hour that starts at 6. There is a big festival in the area that may cause traffic and there may also be shore traffic as we live in NJ. I am hoping that it isn't too much of a gap.

Your question is going to get lost in the shuffle. If you start a new thread, you'll get more advice.

Looks like you have a 2 hour gap there, which isn't polite. You could close that gap by hosting a hospitality room at the hotel. It doesn't have to be complicated -coffee and donuts or soft drinks and cheese and crackers, a place to sit, and restrooms. All guests should be aware of this option.

This. That is too long of a gap. What if I'm not staying at the hotel and don't want to take a shuttle. What do I do for the next 2 hours? You could host something at the hotel or move up your cocktail hour.

Exactly. You expect people back at the hotel by 4:15...I'd expect you'd have a shuttle at 4:30 to the reception. Depending on how far away it is, cocktail hour should start as early as 4:31. :-) Any guests not planning to drop off their car and take the shuttle will head directly to the reception...since there ceremony is over at 4pm, cocktail hour should start as soon as anyone arrives, so as early as 4:01pm if there's no travel time.

In a situation like this, where you expect people to arrive at cocktail hour in a staggered manner, I think it's fine to extend the cocktail hour to 1.5 hours. It could be from 4:15 to 5:45, then the reception starting at 5:45, for example.

LD1970 · August 2015

snowywinter said:

And no, I'd have no problem with someone attending the ceremony and not the reception. Why would I? That's the important part. The reception is the thank you. If you'd rather not receive a thank you in the form of a free fancy dinner and alcohol, that's your choice. But when people skip the part that actually IS all about the couple just to go get free dinner afterwards, that's just classless. If you can't see that, then go right ahead and do what you're doing, but there are plenty of people thinking that's just as big a faux pas as creating a gap between the ceremony and the reception.

Free dinner? Not when I'm shelling out $250+ as a gift, it's not! It's a damned pricey dinner!

I've only ever been to one gapped wedding, though, and I was a wedding party member in that one so I didn't have to deal with the gap. So I've never had ot make the choice. My friends and family have apparently mostly figured out how to do it properly.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

I'm sure nobody here plays by the "cover your plate" rule. If you declined a wedding for any reason, would you still send a gift? If I'm very close to the couple and have to decline, I'm still sending something. My gift in honor of a couple's wedding does not reflect my expectation of getting food and booze in reciprocity. So in my mind, a reception's still a free meal / night out. Heck, I'm drinking far more at wedding than I would on my own dime too.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

thisismynickname said:

I'm sure nobody here plays by the "cover your plate" rule. If you declined a wedding for any reason, would you still send a gift? Only if I was close to the couple- like family or BFF- and I would have gone except for insert Act of God reason here. If I'm very close to the couple and have to decline, I'm still sending something. My gift in honor of a couple's wedding does not reflect my expectation of getting food and booze in reciprocity. So in my mind, a reception's still a free meal / night out. But it's not free, because you purchased a gift. . . which you are free not to do, but purchasing the gift negates the concept of the meal being free. Not to mention the money you had to waste on food and drinks and extra gas or cab fares all incurred while trying to kill time during a shitty gap. . . which is the whole point of this discussion- weddings that have gaps. Heck, I'm drinking far more at wedding than I would on my own dime too.

Gaps are fucking rude. When people are rude they don't then get to sit up on a high horse and pass judgement on how their guests choose to prioritize their own time and money for the day. . . nor do other guests.

Sure, the ceremony is the important part of the day, but if it actually was THAT important to the couple, then they would have prioritized the ceremony over their reception vision, and there'd be no gap.

LD1970 · August 2015

I DON'T drink more at weddings than I do on my own dime. It's exactly the same, if not less because I'm up dancing and mostly drinking water.

I will often send gifts - if I'm close to the couple - if I can't make the wedding, but they're also likely not as much monetarily as they would be if I go.

madamerwin · August 2015

abcdevonn said:

Not having a gap, never even heard of them until TK, but I've known friends who can't make the beginning of a ceremony so they just come to the reception instead...and I don't see why that's a problem. Like Kmmssg and Lyndausvi, I'd much rather have my friends and family just show up for the reception than not show up at all! Who cares if they miss the ceremony?! I'd much rather hang out with them at the reception and shake it on the dance floor than stick my nose in the air because they didn't take off work to stare at me getting married.

This. While I think it would be odd for guests to skip the ceremony for no reason when there is no gap (especially if the entire event is in one location), I would SO much rather have my friends and family at the reception vs. the ceremony, if they could only come to one part. I would not bat an eye if a guest had a valid reason to miss the ceremony, but could still come to the reception (due to work, childcare, travel time, etc.). We had a few guests show up to our ceremony as the processional was starting. So they waited outside until it was over. Did I notice? No. When I found out, did it matter to me? Not at all, because they were there to celebrate with me at the reception.

And I agree with PPs - once you introduce a gap, you are no longer having one event; you've turned it in to two events. At which point guests should be able to decide to attend one or both. And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

snowywinter · August 2015

tfmrserwin said:

And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

How much do they spend to attend a wedding? I was obviously talking about local weddings. I send a gift regardless of whether or not I attend, so for me, if the wedding is local, the cost difference between attending or not attending is 0.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

snowywinter said:

tfmrserwin said:

And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

How much do they spend to attend a wedding? I was obviously talking about local weddings. I send a gift regardless of whether or not I attend, so for me, if the wedding is local, the cost difference between attending or not attending is 0.

We can't possibly answer this question because it varies from person to person, wedding to wedding, etc.

But the minute you spend a single dollar to attend a wedding, that meal at the reception is no longer free.

And your cost difference if you attend a local wedding vs. sending a gift is not zero- how much is it to ship the gift vs. the gas you use to get to and from the ceremony and reception? Did you buy an outfit or any portion of an outfit to attend? That's going to cost more than shipping a gift. Do you require childcare to attend? That costs more than shipping a gift.

TrixieJess · August 2015

snowywinter said:

tfmrserwin said:

And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

How much do they spend to attend a wedding? I was obviously talking about local weddings. I send a gift regardless of whether or not I attend, so for me, if the wedding is local, the cost difference between attending or not attending is 0.

I went to a local wedding. It had a gap, the ceremony and reception were a half hour drive away from each other and there was a 2.5 hour gap. We spent $600 for this wedding. Just because it was local doesn't mean that money doesn't get spent. We had to pay for transportation, a babysitter, something to do before heading to the reception, wedding gift, shower gift etc.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

tfmrserwin said:

abcdevonn said:

Not having a gap, never even heard of them until TK, but I've known friends who can't make the beginning of a ceremony so they just come to the reception instead...and I don't see why that's a problem. Like Kmmssg and Lyndausvi, I'd much rather have my friends and family just show up for the reception than not show up at all! Who cares if they miss the ceremony?! I'd much rather hang out with them at the reception and shake it on the dance floor than stick my nose in the air because they didn't take off work to stare at me getting married.

This. While I think it would be odd for guests to skip the ceremony for no reason when there is no gap (especially if the entire event is in one location), I would SO much rather have my friends and family at the reception vs. the ceremony, if they could only come to one part. I would not bat an eye if a guest had a valid reason to miss the ceremony, but could still come to the reception (due to work, childcare, travel time, etc.). We had a few guests show up to our ceremony as the processional was starting. So they waited outside until it was over. Did I notice? No. When I found out, did it matter to me? Not at all, because they were there to celebrate with me at the reception.

And I agree with PPs - once you introduce a gap, you are no longer having one event; you've turned it in to two events. At which point guests should be able to decide to attend one or both. And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

I couldn't tell you if anyone skipped the ceremony and just attended the reception. . . but if I had had a sit down dinner with assigned seating I sure as hell would have been able to tell you who attended the ceremony and not the reception, and that would have pissed me off more because I would have had to pay per plate for the no shows at the reception. It costs me basically nothing for a guest to skip my ceremony.

But, I didn't have to worry about any of this shit! Know why? I didn't have a gap between my full Catholic Mass and my reception!

MairePoppy · August 2015

snowywinter said:

tfmrserwin said:

And the "free food" argument is ridiculous when you take into account how much money guests spend to attend a wedding. It's like saying I only attend conventions for the free swag.

How much do they spend to attend a wedding? I was obviously talking about local weddings. I send a gift regardless of whether or not I attend, so for me, if the wedding is local, the cost difference between attending or not attending is 0.

Why is it obvious that you're talking about local weddings? Is the etiquette different if you travel to attend vs. a local wedding? Guests assume the responsibilty of their own travel cost, either way, most bring a gift (in my case I bring $$ in a card), dress up and take time out of their day even if they only attend part of it. They aren't doing that for a slice of prime rib and a few drinks.

It's rude and classless to judge other guests reasons for attending the reception. I assume everyone is there for the same reason - because they care about the couple and want to celebrate the marriage.

snowywinter · August 2015

MairePoppy said:

Why is it obvious that you're talking about local weddings? Is the etiquette different if you travel to attend vs. a local wedding? Guests assume the responsibilty of their own travel cost, either way, most bring a gift (in my case I bring $$ in a card), dress up and take time out of their day even if they only attend part of it. They aren't doing that for a slice of prime rib and a few drinks.

It's rude and classless to judge other guests reasons for attending the reception. I assume everyone is there for the same reason - because they care about the couple and want to celebrate the marriage.

Because most people don't fly across the country and protest a gap by not showing up to the ceremony. I don't think it's rude or classless to judge guests at all, just as I don't think it's rude and classless to judge the hosts for having a gap. This isn't a "the guest is always right" scenario (as most seem to be among some) any more than it is for the B&G.

But at this point, I'm just going to agree to disagree. Most in my circle don't have gaps in their weddings. But on the rare occasions that we've been invited to some, we pass on the whole thing or we attend the whole thing despite the gap. That's how we do it. Other guests do it differently, fine. But it's not any more rude of me to judge them than it is them to judge the B&G.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2015

snowywinter said:

MairePoppy said:

Why is it obvious that you're talking
about local weddings? Is the etiquette different if you travel to attend
vs. a local wedding? Guests assume the responsibilty of their own
travel cost, either way, most bring a gift (in my case I bring $$ in a
card), dress up and take time out of their day even if they only attend
part of it. They aren't doing that for a slice of prime rib and a few
drinks.

It's
rude and classless to judge other guests reasons for attending the
reception. I assume everyone is there for the same reason - because they
care about the couple and want to celebrate the marriage.

Because most people don't fly across the country and protest a gap by not showing up to the ceremony. I don't think it's rude or classless to judge guests at all, just as I don't think it's rude and classless to judge the hosts for having a gap. This isn't a "the guest is always right" scenario (as most seem to be among some) any more than it is for the B&G.

But at this point, I'm just going to agree to disagree. Most in my circle don't have gaps in their weddings. But on the rare occasions that we've been invited to some, we pass on the whole thing or we attend the whole thing despite the gap. That's how we do it. Other guests do it differently, fine. But it's not any more rude of me to judge them than it is them to judge the B&G.

It might not be rude, but it's petty. It's petty for you or anyone to judge other guests- for prioritizing their time as they see fit, for what they are wearing, etc. It's just petty to judge people for shit that really doesn't affect you and isn't actually rude at an event that they aren't responsible for hosting.

Yes, yes, "But we judge people on these boards all the time!" Great, but that's not a valid justification. That doesn't mean we *aren't* being petty on occasion.

There's a huge difference between judging those who are supposed to be hosting an event for being shitty hosts, and judging other attendees of said event. It's *not* petty to judge a couple for having a gap; They're the ones bring rude to their guests.

banana468 · August 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

MairePoppy said:

Why is it obvious that you're talking about local weddings? Is the etiquette different if you travel to attend vs. a local wedding? Guests assume the responsibilty of their own travel cost, either way, most bring a gift (in my case I bring $$ in a card), dress up and take time out of their day even if they only attend part of it. They aren't doing that for a slice of prime rib and a few drinks.

It's rude and classless to judge other guests reasons for attending the reception. I assume everyone is there for the same reason - because they care about the couple and want to celebrate the marriage.

Because most people don't fly across the country and protest a gap by not showing up to the ceremony. I don't think it's rude or classless to judge guests at all, just as I don't think it's rude and classless to judge the hosts for having a gap. This isn't a "the guest is always right" scenario (as most seem to be among some) any more than it is for the B&G.

But at this point, I'm just going to agree to disagree. Most in my circle don't have gaps in their weddings. But on the rare occasions that we've been invited to some, we pass on the whole thing or we attend the whole thing despite the gap. That's how we do it. Other guests do it differently, fine. But it's not any more rude of me to judge them than it is them to judge the B&G.
It might not be rude, but it's petty. It's petty for you or anyone to judge other guests- for prioritizing their time as they see fit, for what they are wearing, etc. It's just petty to judge people for shit that really doesn't affect you and isn't actually rude at an event that they aren't responsible for hosting. Yes, yes, "But we judge people on these boards all the time!" Great, but that's not a valid justification. That doesn't mean we *aren't* being petty on occasion. There's a huge difference between judging those who are supposed to be hosting an event for being shitty hosts, and judging other attendees of said event. It's *not* petty to judge a couple for having a gap; They're the ones bring rude to their guests.

THIS.

snowywinter · August 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

MairePoppy said:

Why is it obvious that you're talking about local weddings? Is the etiquette different if you travel to attend vs. a local wedding? Guests assume the responsibilty of their own travel cost, either way, most bring a gift (in my case I bring $$ in a card), dress up and take time out of their day even if they only attend part of it. They aren't doing that for a slice of prime rib and a few drinks.

It's rude and classless to judge other guests reasons for attending the reception. I assume everyone is there for the same reason - because they care about the couple and want to celebrate the marriage.

Because most people don't fly across the country and protest a gap by not showing up to the ceremony. I don't think it's rude or classless to judge guests at all, just as I don't think it's rude and classless to judge the hosts for having a gap. This isn't a "the guest is always right" scenario (as most seem to be among some) any more than it is for the B&G.

But at this point, I'm just going to agree to disagree. Most in my circle don't have gaps in their weddings. But on the rare occasions that we've been invited to some, we pass on the whole thing or we attend the whole thing despite the gap. That's how we do it. Other guests do it differently, fine. But it's not any more rude of me to judge them than it is them to judge the B&G.
It might not be rude, but it's petty. It's petty for you or anyone to judge other guests- for prioritizing their time as they see fit, for what they are wearing, etc. It's just petty to judge people for shit that really doesn't affect you and isn't actually rude at an event that they aren't responsible for hosting. Yes, yes, "But we judge people on these boards all the time!" Great, but that's not a valid justification. That doesn't mean we *aren't* being petty on occasion. There's a huge difference between judging those who are supposed to be hosting an event for being shitty hosts, and judging other attendees of said event. It's *not* petty to judge a couple for having a gap; They're the ones bring rude to their guests.

That's your opinion. Mine is different (as is the opinion of many others, some of whom posted in this thread). I can live with that.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

Edited because each post can only handle one Big Lebowski gif.

MairePoppy · August 2015

Gap between ceremony/reception?

Re: Gap between ceremony/reception?

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