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To Feed or Not to Feed...

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Re: To Feed or Not to Feed...

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    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Always feed your vendors. My boyfriend is a DJ and every event he's done that served food, he got to eat because we wrote it into his contract: "If a meal is served, talent requires a meal that is the same as or equal to the guests' meal." At a prom he did once, the coordinator actually told him to grab his plate first so he could eat a hot, fresh meal before the kids ravaged the buffet! It was such a considerate thing to do, and being treated like that by the people that hire you is truly appreciated
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    blushingbride8888blushingbride8888 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Our venue REQUIRES that we feed our vendors. I have a problem with that as I'd feed them anyway and I don't need my venue to tell me we have to - it's between me and the vendor but ours is like $35 a plate I think. Our regular meals are $100 - not including open bar or tax so we did get a big discount.

    Our venue is also not next to say a Panera or near any other restaurants so it'd be incredibly stupid not to mention rude for me not to feed them. I just think my venue wanted more guaranteed $$$ ;)

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    TheCheeseWenchTheCheeseWench member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment

    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).


    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????
    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend. Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours each week and shoots all of my stills. Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience), but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".
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    FosmohFosmoh member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    SoontobeMrsKlein said:
    Fosmoh said:
    Sorry for being so harsh and blunt. i am just completely blown away that this is even being considered...

    I just can't wrap my mind around ever being that disrespectful to someone i care about.

    If someone tried to pull this on me, it would be a deal breaker.
    i'd end the relationship/friendship if someone were to take advantage and humiliate me like that.
    nope, wouldn't happen. 

     I think you are confusing thecheesewench with the OP......

    omg i totally did!!
    So incredibly sorry. 
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    FosmohFosmoh member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    TheCheeseWench said:

    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).


    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????
    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend. Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours each week and shoots all of my stills. Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience), but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".

    I absolutely was way out of line, i totally thought your comment was from the OP, so i interpreted it in that context (which was just shocking but obviously so far from being on point).

    I am so incredibly sorry. reading your comments separately and in the proper context it makes so much more sense and isn't rude/mean at all.  

    Again i am so very sorry, i shouldn't have jumped the gun and just assumed it was connected to the OP i don't know why i overlooked the user names.

    Lesson learned by far, i'll make a point of not making a complete ass of myself in the future :(

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    TheCheeseWenchTheCheeseWench member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).


    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????
    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend. Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours each week and shoots all of my stills. Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience), but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".

    I absolutely was way out of line, i totally thought your comment was from the OP, so i interpreted it in that context (which was just shocking but obviously so far from being on point).

    I am so incredibly sorry. reading your comments separately and in the proper context it makes so much more sense and isn't rude/mean at all.  

    Again i am so very sorry, i shouldn't have jumped the gun and just assumed it was connected to the OP i don't know why i overlooked the user names.

    Lesson learned by far, i'll make a point of not making a complete ass of myself in the future :(

    Thanks @Fosmoh . I was actually surprised at how many people thought it was bad to also include them as guests. I figure by the time the reception rolls around, my hair/makeup will be done and my stylist will be in post-ceremony Bridesmaid mode, so if she wants to get drunk then she can have at it. My photog doesn't drink much despite being served wine at our tapings each week, and the 2 musicians are friends of a longtime family friend so I doubt they will behave in an unprofessional manner and embarrass themselves/someone who sends them business. My officiant (one of my best friends who was going to be a bridesmaid until she asked if she could marry us instead) will have said all of the sober words required of her for the evening. My Mother, who INSISTED on doing the flowers will be finished with all of her MOB duties and will almost certainly get tipsy because she is a lightweight and that's just what she does at this sort of thing. Even if they weren't all so close, I would still always prefer to err on the side of overly hospitable than under.
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    @TheCheeseWench said:


    Fosmoh said:


    TheCheeseWench said:


    Fosmoh said:


    TheCheeseWench said:





    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).



    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????

    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a
    weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not
    treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially
    since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been
    invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My
    photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my
    hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I
    asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do
    those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend.
    Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess
    of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours
    each week and shoots all of my stills.
    Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy
    it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it
    is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and
    bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience),
    but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the
    way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".


    I absolutely was way out of line, i totally thought your comment was from the OP, so i interpreted it in that context (which was just shocking but obviously so far from being on point).

    I am so incredibly sorry. reading your comments separately and in the proper context it makes so much more sense and isn't rude/mean at all.  

    Again i am so very sorry, i shouldn't have jumped the gun and just assumed it was connected to the OP i don't know why i overlooked the user names.

    Lesson learned by far, i'll make a point of not making a complete ass of myself in the future :(




    Thanks @Fosmoh . I was actually surprised at how many people thought it was bad to also include them as guests. I figure by the time the reception rolls around, my hair/makeup will be done and my stylist will be in post-ceremony Bridesmaid mode, so if she wants to get drunk then she can have at it. My photog doesn't drink much despite being served wine at our tapings each week, and the 2 musicians are friends of a longtime family friend so I doubt they will behave in an unprofessional manner and embarrass themselves/someone who sends them business. My officiant (one of my best friends who was going to be a bridesmaid until she asked if she could marry us instead) will have said all of the sober words required of her for the evening. My Mother, who INSISTED on doing the flowers will be finished with all of her MOB duties and will almost certainly get tipsy because she is a lightweight and that's just what she does at this sort of thing. Even if they weren't all so close, I would still always prefer to err on the side of overly hospitable than under.


    ****eta box*****

    Many of us think hiring friends as family members as vendors is a terrible idea for a number of reasons. I hope you don't find our first hand why we suggest against this. Many brides who come back to lament about poor jobs or ruined relationships bc of this. People are side eyeing the fact that you are blurring the line between guest as vendor, bc we think it is not the smartest choice. I hope, for your sake, we are wrong.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    So late to this... but geez, $20K is not a tiny budget. $20-25K is the *average* wedding cost in Canada these days. Average, not tiny.

    We had 72 guests, including vendors, fully hosted event with open bar, TOTAL wedding costs less than $14k. Our original budget was $15k.

    Priorities man (maybe the zoo is not the place for a wedding... but I digress).

    Our venue charged us the package cost minus the cost of the bar for our vendors. Vendors got the same meal as the guests. DJ ate at his booth so the music kept playing. The photographers ate at a guest table and snapped photos in between courses.

    I'm OK with vendors going last (though yes, they still need time to eat, so don't rush your first dance if you want photos taken!) in the buffet line, but I agree expecting 104 people to eat from a buffet prepared for 100 is dicey.

    To the poster who said they might not feed the DJ because they aren't showing up until 7pm- are you sure about this? What time will they start playing music? Set up requires time- do you want them setting up while your guests are eating dinner? No dinner music?

    I would be sure to ask them what time they plan to arrive, if it is during or before dinner, I would offer them a meal.


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    TheCheeseWench said:


    photokitty said:
    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    Fosmoh said:
    TheCheeseWench said:

    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).


    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????
    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend. Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours each week and shoots all of my stills. Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience), but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".

    I absolutely was way out of line, i totally thought your comment was from the OP, so i interpreted it in that context (which was just shocking but obviously so far from being on point).

    I am so incredibly sorry. reading your comments separately and in the proper context it makes so much more sense and isn't rude/mean at all.  

    Again i am so very sorry, i shouldn't have jumped the gun and just assumed it was connected to the OP i don't know why i overlooked the user names.

    Lesson learned by far, i'll make a point of not making a complete ass of myself in the future :(

    Thanks @Fosmoh . I was actually surprised at how many people thought it was bad to also include them as guests. I figure by the time the reception rolls around, my hair/makeup will be done and my stylist will be in post-ceremony Bridesmaid mode, so if she wants to get drunk then she can have at it. My photog doesn't drink much despite being served wine at our tapings each week, and the 2 musicians are friends of a longtime family friend so I doubt they will behave in an unprofessional manner and embarrass themselves/someone who sends them business. My officiant (one of my best friends who was going to be a bridesmaid until she asked if she could marry us instead) will have said all of the sober words required of her for the evening. My Mother, who INSISTED on doing the flowers will be finished with all of her MOB duties and will almost certainly get tipsy because she is a lightweight and that's just what she does at this sort of thing. Even if they weren't all so close, I would still always prefer to err on the side of overly hospitable than under.
    ****eta box***** Many of us think hiring friends as family members as vendors is a terrible idea for a number of reasons. I hope you don't find our first hand why we suggest against this. Many brides who come back to lament about poor jobs or ruined relationships bc of this. People are side eyeing the fact that you are blurring the line between guest as vendor, bc we think it is not the smartest choice. I hope, for your sake, we are wrong.
    I get that not everyone works with people who do these things week in and week out. I use these people much of the year, and they do a fantastic job, or I would not continue to employ them. We happen to also be friends (yes, the kind who socialize outside of work) after working so closely together for so long. What would be a shitty (and possibly friendship jeopardizing) move would be to say to these people "yeah, so I know I regularly trust my CAREER to your talents, but sorry, this day is speeshul so I need to find someone else". Truth is, I trust these people more than I would a stranger. Especially since I am getting married in another state. I would rather work with people who have proven themselves to me time and again than off of some internet review.
    I have to say, I do think it is wise to caution most people not to use friends for vendors, but Cheese's situation is quite different than people who just want John and Susie to do makeup and take some photos. She already has a professional, working relationship with these people. They just also happen to be her friends. I can imagine being very hurt if someone I worked for didn't ask me to do what I do, daily, for them on their wedding just because it's "a bad idea to work with friends." 
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    anjemonanjemon member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    TheCheeseWench said:
    I get that not everyone works with people who do these things week in and week out. I use these people much of the year, and they do a fantastic job, or I would not continue to employ them. We happen to also be friends (yes, the kind who socialize outside of work) after working so closely together for so long. What would be a shitty (and possibly friendship jeopardizing) move would be to say to these people "yeah, so I know I regularly trust my CAREER to your talents, but sorry, this day is speeshul so I need to find someone else". Truth is, I trust these people more than I would a stranger. Especially since I am getting married in another state. I would rather work with people who have proven themselves to me time and again than off of some internet review.
    That's doesn't really address what people are worried about/have had problems with. People have problems when 5 months after the wedding date you still haven't received images from your photographer. Now you have deal with potentially ending both a work relationship and friend realtionship when you're trying to get the photos. Or if your photographer has issues and the photos get lost, what happens to your friendship/working relationship? We recently had someone posting about this, their good friend took their wedding photos, had issues with not backing up or something and gave them the run around for months. It really hurt their friendship.

    Now it seems like your friends also do these things professionally so that takes away some worries. It's not the same as hiring great Aunt Mildred to do your flowers or inviting your friend to the wedding and asking them to "just take some photos" so you can get cheap work. But that is what usually comes to mind when people talk about hiring friends as vendors. It can go really wrong sometimes.
    image
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    TheCheeseWench said:




    photokitty said:

    @TheCheeseWench said:


    Fosmoh said:


    TheCheeseWench said:


    Fosmoh said:


    TheCheeseWench said:





    No, I was simply explaining that everyone I was talking about was someone who would be expected to spend the evening at the wedding anyway (therefore needing to be fed) as opposed to someone who simply drops something off and leaves (florist).



    WHOA.... WAIT A SECOND....

    I just realized what's going on....

    WOW... so you are being so incredibly beyond rude...
    I'm sorry but you gotta be called out on this.....

    - you're making your family and friends WORK your wedding. (yes, you're paying them. realize that)

    - you were SERIOUSLY considering NOT FEEDING THEM??? these aren't *JUST* vendors, these are family and friends that you would have invited anyway but because you're hiring them you didn't want to feed them?? Really???
    you were actually genuinely considering NOT feeding people you apparently care enough about to invite to your wedding regardless of making them WORK your wedding?? 

    - So you figured out how to feed your venders/family&friends... but you're feeding them freaking SCRAP ENDS of the buffet??? please clarify this... you are SERIOUSLY thinking it's okay to make your family WORK your wedding and feed them SCRAPS?????


    i'm sorry.... but what the actual F**k are you thinking?????

    @Fosmoh it would help if you actually read the thread and knew what the actual F**k you are talking about. I got called out because I commented that I was going to be inviting my vendors who would be coming from out of town to bring a date, and to enjoy the same food/open bar as the rest of my guests. I was disagreeing with the posters who thought it was okay to feed scraps to their vendors.

    No I am not "MAKING MY FRIENDS/FAMILY WORK". Most of my vendors happen to be people I use for those same services on a
    weekly basis for my job, who would have been offended if I hadn't offered them the paying job first before looking elsewhere. I would in NO WAY feel okay about not
    treating them with the same hospitality as everyone else, especially
    since they are traveling to be there. Most of them would have been
    invited as coworkers/friends even if they had declined the job. My
    photographer is the lead cameraman for my show. My stylist does my
    hair/makeup for it every week (and also happens to be a bridesmaid). I
    asked both of them if they would prefer that I find someone else to do
    those jobs so that they could just hang out and enjoy the whole weekend.
    Thankfully they both said no, since Susan knows how to manage this mess
    of hair better than anyone, and Don points a camera at me for hours
    each week and shoots all of my stills.
    Yes they are being paid for a service, but I also want them to enjoy
    it. I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe it
    is because the show we produce together is about delicious food and
    bevvies (and my entire crew is ALWAYS fed the same meal as my studio audience),
    but I just wouldn't feel good about saying "Thanks for coming all the
    way to Texas for me on a Thursday. Here's a ham sandwich".


    I absolutely was way out of line, i totally thought your comment was from the OP, so i interpreted it in that context (which was just shocking but obviously so far from being on point).

    I am so incredibly sorry. reading your comments separately and in the proper context it makes so much more sense and isn't rude/mean at all.  

    Again i am so very sorry, i shouldn't have jumped the gun and just assumed it was connected to the OP i don't know why i overlooked the user names.

    Lesson learned by far, i'll make a point of not making a complete ass of myself in the future :(




    Thanks @Fosmoh . I was actually surprised at how many people thought it was bad to also include them as guests. I figure by the time the reception rolls around, my hair/makeup will be done and my stylist will be in post-ceremony Bridesmaid mode, so if she wants to get drunk then she can have at it. My photog doesn't drink much despite being served wine at our tapings each week, and the 2 musicians are friends of a longtime family friend so I doubt they will behave in an unprofessional manner and embarrass themselves/someone who sends them business. My officiant (one of my best friends who was going to be a bridesmaid until she asked if she could marry us instead) will have said all of the sober words required of her for the evening. My Mother, who INSISTED on doing the flowers will be finished with all of her MOB duties and will almost certainly get tipsy because she is a lightweight and that's just what she does at this sort of thing. Even if they weren't all so close, I would still always prefer to err on the side of overly hospitable than under.


    ****eta box*****

    Many of us think hiring friends as family members as vendors is a terrible idea for a number of reasons. I hope you don't find our first hand why we suggest against this. Many brides who come back to lament about poor jobs or ruined relationships bc of this. People are side eyeing the fact that you are blurring the line between guest as vendor, bc we think it is not the smartest choice. I hope, for your sake, we are wrong.


    I get that not everyone works with people who do these things week in and week out. I use these people much of the year, and they do a fantastic job, or I would not continue to employ them. We happen to also be friends (yes, the kind who socialize outside of work) after working so closely together for so long. What would be a shitty (and possibly friendship jeopardizing) move would be to say to these people "yeah, so I know I regularly trust my CAREER to your talents, but sorry, this day is speeshul so I need to find someone else". Truth is, I trust these people more than I would a stranger. Especially since I am getting married in another state. I would rather work with people who have proven themselves to me time and again than off of some internet review.


    *****eta boxes*****
    Yes, you are the only one who works in the industry and had co-workers and friendships with talented professionals... :unamused:

    Your makeup artist is one thing. A photog is another, especially when you are friends as he is going to want to socialize during the reception. like I said, I hope it works out for you. It doesn't always, that is why extending a guest to your vendors is getting side eyed. You are just increasing the likelihood that your vendor will be distracted instead of working. You do you, but this is not the best advice for lurkers.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    photokitty said:

    *****eta boxes***** Yes, you are the only one who works in the industry and had co-workers and friendships with talented professionals... :unamused: Your makeup artist is one thing. A photog is another, especially when you are friends as he is going to want to socialize during the reception. like I said, I hope it works out for you. It doesn't always, that is why extending a guest to your vendors is getting side eyed. You are just increasing the likelihood that your vendor will be distracted instead of working. You do you, but this is not the best advice for lurkers.
    I agree with this.  I worked at a florist for over 4 years.  I became friends with the owner and another woman who worked there.  I used this florist as the florist for my wedding.  I also invited them to my wedding.  However, they did not have to work DURING the actual wedding.  Yes, they set everything up and made everything beautiful, but once that was done, they were now just guests and could enjoy the night.  This is not the same as asking a friend, who also happens to be a profession DJ or photog, to come to and work your wedding.  They are no longer guests at that point because they have to work the ENTIRE event.  I get that these are professionals and they are your friends and they may feel snubbed that you didn't ask them to work your wedding. But if they truly are your friends, then that should come first, meaning you should want them to enjoy the event rather then work it.  Also, having friends work your wedding can lead to all sorts of issues down the road like PPs have mentioned.

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    OfftheMap27OfftheMap27 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    My caterer provides "vendor meals" for $20 versus around $100 a plate for guest. If they are saying you need to pay the full $115 for vendors, I may ask to talk to management or negotiate it. It seems very unusual that a venue, especially a high priced one, would expect you to pay the full price for those working the event- maybe there was confusion?

    In terms of feeding your vendors, yes, you definitely should either way. Also think about it as an investment for you! If you don't feed them you may have to deal with a photographer missing an hour of photographs (if they have to take a break versus being fed) or being hangry and tired and not doing their best work. 

    Also depending on contracts- if they only require a *meal* be provided, and you are super stressed about the budget, be creative! Even if you bought and packed a full lunch box with a sandwich, snacks and brownies, you could feed all four for less than $100, I'm sure. Just read the contracts, take a deep breath, make sure you feed them, but maybe you can be creative and cost effective in doing so!
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    MGPMGP member
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    It would die if people just took the advice that the answer is "Feed".  Every time.
    lyndausvi said:
    the thread that never dies.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Ask the venue for the vendor price. Our vendor price is a third of the cost for a guest. That should help. You don't have to pay full price for the vendor because they are only receiving the entree and you don't need to provide them three courses, alcohol and appetizers. I wouldn't skimp on the vendors because they are providing a service to you. Make sure to be firm on receiving the vendor price. Every venue I know has one.

    Happy Vendor Happy Results, keep that in mind. Your vendors will be working for your entire wedding, 5-6 hours. Do you really want them to leave and possibly miss something...pure disappointment.
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    FosmohFosmoh member
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    TheCheeseWench said:
    I get that not everyone works with people who do these things week in and week out. I use these people much of the year, and they do a fantastic job, or I would not continue to employ them. We happen to also be friends (yes, the kind who socialize outside of work) after working so closely together for so long. What would be a shitty (and possibly friendship jeopardizing) move would be to say to these people "yeah, so I know I regularly trust my CAREER to your talents, but sorry, this day is speeshul so I need to find someone else". Truth is, I trust these people more than I would a stranger. Especially since I am getting married in another state. I would rather work with people who have proven themselves to me time and again than off of some internet review.


    I think there's a HUGE difference too that 1. these people are professionals. 2. they've offered (and you're comfortable and cool with that, you're not hiring them out of obligation) and 3. they have become a big part of your life.


    I HAVE seen the mistake of people employing family and friends for their wedding and it ends up being a disaster.  for example hiring someone who hosts a great family dinner for 20-30 people and asking them to cater an event for 250 guests. 

    I think it's also important for everyone to know their limit.  if someone is asked to do something that they don't have the skill or knowledge to complete, then they need to be able to recognize it's beyond what they're able to do and only agree to take on as much as they can handle.

    Since the people in your life do this for a living, they're well aware of what their limitations are (and YOU'RE aware of them as well) so i don't see that being a problem for you at all.
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