Should I ask her to be MOH?

AJC430 · September 2015

So, I have 5 bridesmaids:

1 is pregnant - due in October

1 was considering moving to NY in Dec (I don't think she is currently)

1 already lives in NY

1 lives in FL

1 (my sister) is underage and in college.

I want to ask the first lady to be my MOH but I don't want to overwhelm her as a new mom.

Thoughts?? Do I have to have a MOH?

Maggie0829 · September 2015

You don't have to have a MOH.

The only way she would feel overwhelmed is if you put pressure on her to do more then what she is required, which is to show up on at your wedding in the chosen attire and ready to smile for pictures.

southernbelle0915 · September 2015

You don't have to have an MOH.

Pupatella · September 2015

You don't have to have a MOH, but if you want her to be your MOH, I don't see anything wrong with asking her.

I would just have an open conversation with her, and be understanding if she can't commit to that.

Also, is your wedding kid friendly where she could bring her new son/daughter? That might help her say yes.

AJC430 · September 2015

@pupatella - our ceremony will allow children (we will likely have a babysitter at the church), but the reception will not likely have children. Thanks for the advice.

artbyallie · September 2015

AJC430 said:

@pupatella - our ceremony will allow children (we will likely have a babysitter at the church), but the reception will not likely have children. Thanks for the advice.

Okay, you can't tell people they can bring their kids to the ceremony but then have to take them home. Everyone, of whatever age, must be invited to the WHOLE wedding, not part of it. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. You also cannot expect people to leave their child(ren) with a stranger of your choice.

ETA: You are certainly free to not invite children at all. The problem comes in kicking them out midway through.

AJC430 · September 2015

@artbyallie understood! Thanks!

AddieCake · September 2015

If you want someone to be the MOH, you ask her. There should be nothing going on in her life that needs to be factored in because the role requires no more than any other bridesmaid.

DecemberKnot2016 · September 2015

As others have said, you don't need a MOH. But my question to you would be is the reason you're not choosing the others because of the things you've listed in your post? Because if so, you're going about this all wrong.

mollybarker11 · September 2015

Yeah those last two comments sum it up for me.

If your pregnant friend has already agreed to be a bridesmaid, she will not be "overwhelmed" by the additional responsibility (of, what, holding your bouquet during the ceremony?) just because she has an infant. It's fine.

If your favourite of the group is one of the others, you should ask her. Living near you and drinking are not remotely related to being a MOH.

But to answer your last question: No, you do not need to have a MOH.

aurianna · September 2015

I'm going to give some information that might help you choose:

The following are the requirements of the MOH:

Show up to the wedding, on time, in the agree upon attire (of which you asked her budget for, individually, before picking). She might hold your bouquet or fix your train and/or sign your marriage license during the ceremony. It would also be nice if she could smile for pictures.

The following are NOT requirements of the MOH (or anyone in the bridal party):

Hosting or attending showers
Hosting or attending bach-parties
Attending bridesmaid lunches/events
Attending group dress outings
Giving a speech at the wedding
Helping with wedding planning
Helping with DIY projects
Helping setup/tear down at the wedding
Showing up before the wedding (it's nice if she can make the rehearsal but she'll probably be fine if she can't).

Just putting that there in case any of that is influencing your decision. This is why there's no issue with someone who lives far away or who is underage, being the MOH.
Pretty much everything on that list is optional and any bridal party members, friends, family, etc can do it or not do it.

Also, with kids, as PPs have said, you can't invite kids to the ceremony and not the reception. You can totally not invite kids at all and that's fine. But you can also make exceptions. If you just invite children of the wedding party to ceremony & reception that could be fine too. So you can definitely invite your friend's baby and still not need to invite a bunch of other kids.

Should I ask her to be MOH?

Re: Should I ask her to be MOH?

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