Friends Don't Respond to Engagement News

[Deleted User] · September 2015

One thing just came to mind, if you did it as a mass email, everyone may have not gotten it. I know many email systems will send mass emails straight to spam and if your friends/family are anything like my husband, well he doesn't go through his spam box for weeks, even months at a time. I know that any mass emails that go to my work email address that come from a personal email, I'll never see due to how our security is set up at work. The system is programmed to view those as spam and potential virus issues. And because of this, you may want to re-send your save the dates through the regular mail, even if it's a simple postcard. That will help to insure that your guests get the notice and save the date for your wedding.

Viczaesar · September 2015

AJC430 said:

Viczaesar said:

AJC430 said:

@viczaesar I mean that occasionally people you love genuinely don't like your partner or your relationship with your partner. Let them put it all on the table. If they still don't like it, cross them off your list.

But there's absolutely nothing in the OP that indicates that is in any way a problem, so don't go borrowing trouble. OP has no reason to assume that they haven't contacted her personally in response to her STDs to congratulate her because they don't like her FI. Telling her to let them tell her if they don't like her SO is bizarre advice in this context.

I understand your point but it's not completely off advice. She was upset to the point of being "less enthused to invite them to her wedding," which is kind of a big deal. But neither here nor there.

But that has absolutely nothing to do with thinking that the reason that they're not contacting her personally to say congratulations is because they don't like her FI. That's completely out of left field and would be one hell of an awkward and bizarre thing to bring up without provocation.

Knottie1436805937.defunct635832252505236958 · September 2015

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal!

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

MairePoppy · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal!

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

WTF?

OP - Don't take advice from anyone who says 'It's your big day, do whatever you want.'

It's horribly rude to send out STDs and not follow them with an invitation.

Viczaesar · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent. No, we're not assuming anything. She straight up said that she didn't contact these people to let them know that she was engaged 'because she had Facebook.'

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. Yep. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. Because STDs are not something that need to be responded to. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. ...and also because it's rude. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. Fuck no. That's terrible advice. It might not be the BEST manners,Call a turd a turd. It's fucking shitty manners, not 'might not be the BEST manners' but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. What a shitty person that would make you. STDs ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE RESPONDED TO. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal! Ick. Shitty advice and shitty manners.

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

themuffinman16 · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:
Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal!

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

This was the biggest cluster eff of bad etiquette upon crappy advice I have ever witnessed. Wow.
OP, Please do not listen to this terribly unsound advice as opposed to the general population of Knotties that are questioning your behavior.
I'm guessing your guests would agree with the majority. You do not have to reply to save the dates. If that was someone's way of announcing their engagement, I would not go out of my way to announce congratulations. And yes, STDs equal an invite. You should be calling these people to announce your engagement. Facebook has not been around forever.
What on earth did engaged couples do before Facebook? Answer: smoke signals.

SP29 · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

BOXES

Right, but if the OP *had* already announced her engagement, why would she be upset about not having guests congratulate her upon receiving her STD? STDs are not meant to be responded to.

Anyone who has been sent a STD needs to be sent an invitation.

Heffalump · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD.

Ugh.

Just once, I'd like to see "It might not be the BEST manners...so we decided not to do it, and did [well-mannered thing] instead."

lyndausvi · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal!

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

WTF? No, just no!

STD are NOT meant to be responded to. EVER.

Besides, if they are sending out STDs BEFORE knowing their venue and their capacity limits. Then they are just stupid and poor planners.

julieanne912 · September 2015

If we only invited people who responded to the STD, we would have only invited like 10 people... and those were the people who responded to tell us how cute it was... not whether or not they were coming.

NowIAmSyp · September 2015

Knottie1436805937 said:

Wow...people are being pretty rough on you about this - which I'm not quite sure why! Nobody knows your 100% exact situation, and are just assuming you didn't place ANY calls/texts to family and friends before the STD was sent.

I notified those closest to me via phone and text. Then I posted on Facebook, then did my STD's. Regardless of how I notified people, I'd say I got about 10% enthusiastic response, 80% cool (but somewhat lackluster response) and 10% no response. And yes...it hurt! It hurt more people were not super enthusiastic about our news. It hurt that some people didn't respond at all. But, at the end of the day, I realized, no matter what, as important as our day is to us, it will never be THAT important to anyone else. I'm not saying there are people who will not be excited/happy/congratulatory, but nobody can match the excitement and happiness we are feeling. And, that can feel a little bit like a let down. It isn't wrong or bad for you to feel the way you feel. I think - acknowledge the feelings, and then try to move on from them, so it doesn't dampen your day. You can't change or control what your folks did, but you can control how you respond to the situation.

If a particular person you were really hoping would respond hasn't; maybe give them a call, text or private email asking if the got the STD. Like someone else mentioned, my sister didn't get hers, no matter how many times I sent it. Her email just didn't like it!

I'd avoid eliminating people from the wedding, just because they didn't respond. As you stated, many people do not respond to STD's. If you were mad and unhappy at the response you got, I can see why you are wanting to say "forget them!" in the moment. But, I think you might end up regretting it. If you got a little over-excited (I sure did!) and invited practically everyone you know before thinking about it, and your guest list is now exceeded what it should, or you've had second thoughts about some people attending; I think you can eliminate. It might not be the BEST manners, but at the end of the day, if someone asks why they got the STD, but not the actual invitation, you can always apologize profusely and say that unfortunately, your guest list exceeded your venue capacity, and you only invited those who responded to the STD. I'm sure SEVERAL Knotties will fight me on this, and sure, they have a point. But, I'm a big believer in it being your day, and it being the way you want it. You have to pay for it. It will be your day and your memories. I say do what you want; as long as it's legal!

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

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