Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Baby shower after baby born. Tacky?

I know bridal showers after wedding are tacky because you're not a bride anymore.
What about baby shower after baby is born?

The sitch:
I'm due beginning of January.

My dad's family all lives about three hours away from me, in the country.
A shower with that side of the family would need to be where they are (grandmother is in poor health, cousins have small children, etc).

My step-mother (who has no children) wants to throw a shower.
I've pretty much decided I won't be traveling more than an hour from my house come November.
I have told my step-mother that timing/travel just might not work out for a shower.


Just heard from my cousin that step-mother was talking to her about throwing a shower for me after baby is born (I guess this would need to be in the early spring?). It would probably also serve as "meet the new baby!"


What are people's opinions on this?


I don't have a strong need for a shower at this point (by spring we'll have already had to buy the big stuff she needs ourselves).
But apparently it's something she wants to do, so I'm ok with it assuming it's not some huge etiquette nightmare.

If she brings it up to me, do I graciously accept or decline?
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Re: NWR: Baby shower after baby born. Tacky?

  • I think it depends on the circumstances. First instead of calling it a baby shower maybe calling it a "meet the new baby" party. I'm sure someone can suggest a much better name for it. But there are times when I think it's ok to do it afterwards. Like if the mom to be is on bed rest or due to medical issues is unable to travel. A friend of mine didn't have hers until the baby was a month old. In her case, it was an adoption of a local baby. They didn't do it before hand just in case the mother changed her mind after the birth.

    And I would still register for things. Even though like you said you'll have all the big things by that time, think of the things you'll need as the baby gets older. Like bigger clothing or toys for the future. Also there may be things you think of that would be nice after the baby is born that you can add to the list.

    Congrats on your upcoming family addition!!!

  • I do not see a problem with this, but if you want to decline that is fine too.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I just hosted one for a friend who adopted a baby.  Logistics made it nearly impossible to do it before, and also with adoption, there was no guarantee that they'd come home with a baby since there's a waiting period, the birth mom could change her mind, etc etc. 

    I think it actually makes more sense to do it after the baby arrives.  The baby doesn't need a whole lot in the first couple months of life, other than the parents and the basics.  Also I think it would help prevent a stream of visitors coming to your house to meet the baby, which from what I've heard, is kind of tiring for new parents.  By having a little party after the baby arrives, everyone can come at once and meet the baby.  
    Married 9.12.15
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  • I don't think this is a bad thing. My friend's baby shower was actually planned for a date in December, and she went into labor a month early. Her shower turned into a "meet the baby" thing (invitations and RSVP's had already gone out at this point), and it was totally fine. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to accept of decline, but I wouldn't side eye a shower after the baby is born. 
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  • I don't think this is a bad thing at all. I know several people who have gone to what they called a "Sip and See" for the new parents and new baby versus the more traditional shower before the birth. Some of these were for adopted babies, but some people had them post baby because it was just more convenient for all parties, plus I personally think it makes it a little more fun since you get to see and interact with the new little one!

    My only cautions would surround what you don't know and won't know until the baby is born/you're in labor, like if you have a c-section and have a long recovery, or the baby has some problems after birth....but it sounds like the shower is being planned for early spring and there should be enough recovery time for both of you to feel comfortable. Good luck with everything! My little sister is going to have her first baby any day now and it's such a fun time!



  • Thanks for all the input!

    I feel comfortable saying yes now if she proposes it to me directly.
    It will also be a good way to see the family since I'm going to miss the holidays down there this year.

    This could be good.


    Thanks all!
  • Totally fine by me. More fun even
  • edited September 2015
    banana468 said:
    I think in some cultures there isn't a lot of pre-baby prep.   Jewish Knotties, could you please chime in?   

    I wouldn't side eye this at all.   As long as you're not double dipping, it's fine IMO. 
    Not Jewish but this is what I came to say.  Had a co-worker whose wife was Jewish; when she was pregnant they had the shower after the baby was born b/c I guess it was considered bad luck to buy things in advance... 

    Jewish Knotties- correct/incorrect?

    Just saw this was already answered.
  • This is what we do in our circles. It's like a meet and greet. I had one that was planned for 6 weeks from my due date, and my son came a couple of weeks early so he was 9 weeks by the shower and a little more lively. 

    It was a fun day, and bonus, mommy can drink!
  • I had a friend from Egypt and he said Arabic people do NOT have them before the baby is born.

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  • No problem with this- it's pretty common in many circles and cultures. Often preferred as a way for everyone to meet the baby. 

    I've noticed in my circles here in ON it's most common to have the shower before baby arrives, but in AB it's most common to have the shower after the baby arrives. 


  • I live in AB and agree it's common to have the shower after baby arrives- for many of the reasons Pupatella mentioned. This would be super normal here. The baby is still a baby! You can still shower it with gifts ;) 
  • I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby.

    Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
  • I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
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  • This is fine, and is normally called a "sip and see" when done after the birth.  Even though it's not called a "shower" people usually still bring gifts.  Make sure you register for clothing in larger sizes (6m, 9m, etc) and some items for older babies (exersaucer, play mat, high chair, upright stroller) so that people know what you still need.  Presumably you will have purchased all of the stuff you need immediately (crib/bassinet, car seat, newborn clothes, etc) before the shower occurs.


  • I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby.

    Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.

    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.

    You need to be careful. Such a goal just isn't all that realistic and it isn't great for mom's mental health. So it can be fine but I think guests should be smart, use hand sanitizer, not attend if sick and not expect baby to be passed like a tray of mini quiche.
  • banana468 said:
    I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
    You need to be careful. Such a goal just isn't all that realistic and it isn't great for mom's mental health. So it can be fine but I think guests should be smart, use hand sanitizer, not attend if sick and not expect baby to be passed like a tray of mini quiche.
    Oh it's not me! I just agree it's better to wait a bit. I think the minimum I'd want to wait would be 2 months. 
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  • I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
    Totally see where you are coming from. The ones that I've been to, the baby is usually not passed around, and is usually sleeping, or in a bassinet for everyone to "look at but don't touch". Well, except for the grandparents that is. :) 

    Agree with @banana468 that as long as the people attending are not sick, and they have good hygiene and wash their hands, the baby should be fine.

  • The "after" baby showers I have been to were usually 2-3 months out. I'm cool with that too. I want to hold the baby!!

    We had a work shower for one of my friends and those who wanted to pitched it towards getting one of those jumping exer-saucers. Baby was still too young for it at the time, but my friend looked forward to it's use! 
  • banana468 said:
    I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
    You need to be careful. Such a goal just isn't all that realistic and it isn't great for mom's mental health. So it can be fine but I think guests should be smart, use hand sanitizer, not attend if sick and not expect baby to be passed like a tray of mini quiche.
    Oh it's not me! I just agree it's better to wait a bit. I think the minimum I'd want to wait would be 2 months. 
    You will completely loose your mind (not joking at all) if you wait 2 months to take your baby out in public.
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  • KatWAG said:
    banana468 said:
    I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
    You need to be careful. Such a goal just isn't all that realistic and it isn't great for mom's mental health. So it can be fine but I think guests should be smart, use hand sanitizer, not attend if sick and not expect baby to be passed like a tray of mini quiche.
    Oh it's not me! I just agree it's better to wait a bit. I think the minimum I'd want to wait would be 2 months. 
    You will completely loose your mind (not joking at all) if you wait 2 months to take your baby out in public.
    This is true. I was out with my son 5 days after I gave birth walking around the city. And I had a 3rd degree tear. I was going stir crazy sitting at home though!
  • banana468 said:
    I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby. Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.
    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.
    You need to be careful. Such a goal just isn't all that realistic and it isn't great for mom's mental health. So it can be fine but I think guests should be smart, use hand sanitizer, not attend if sick and not expect baby to be passed like a tray of mini quiche.
    Oh it's not me! I just agree it's better to wait a bit. I think the minimum I'd want to wait would be 2 months. 
    I'm guessing you haven't been inside for a long period of time.   Let me tell you.   It's a great way to go crazy.   It sucked enough having a newborn during a snowy winter when I wouldn't go outside for walks.   I sure as hell wasn't staying in for two full months! 
  • LOL... my comment was directed toward having the shower with a few dozen people trying to hold your baby, not leaving the house. Sorry for any confusion, I guess! We are not having any children, so I will never face this dilemma myself. Phew!
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
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    edited September 2015
    This is very common where I'm from. Having the shower after the baby comes prevents having all that stuff in your house if the worst should happen. I have heard that some cultures / religions do it this way, because it is bad luck to do it before (not sure if that is accurate).

    ETA and I'm from northern ON

    Also, almost no one held DS at the shower. He was about five weeks old with colic. My aunt just walked around the church kitchen with him the whole time.
  • Sort of unrelated but I didn't think it merited its own thread...

    So I post on a baby community message board. I won't say where. And we had a thread talking about our showers... and someone posted this today and I want to vomit:

    We are throwing it in early November in a local venue since my guest list has grown to about 30 people. I NEED to put together my registry, but I'm actually kind of dreading it. Researching "the best ______" is overwhelming! Admittedly, I'm terrible at registries anyway! All I had on my wedding registry was cash, gift cards, beer and wine, and towels. I'm also wanting to take on the task of DIY the nursery since I got laid off, have tons of time now, and trying to save some money... Let it be known I am not too crafty, so thank you Pinterest!!
  • I would be completely OK with this.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I have been to many showers after the baby is born. They are super common, and I like them better because then I get a chance to see and hold the new baby.

    Usually, that's within a few weeks of the birth though. I would think it a bit odd to have one 3-4 months after the birth, but I'd still go if I was able.

    My only thing with that is germs. I thought it was standard not to have the baby out and about until a set amount of time has passed, like six weeks. Maybe I'm getting that mixed up, though.

    ----------box----------
    I've never heard this. My sister's baby shower (just a few months ago) was two weeks after the birth. All the after-birth showers I've attended have been within a few weeks of the birth.

    Also, in my family it's common to be taking the baby to church right away. I was born on a Wednesday and in church with my parents that Sunday. And it's not just my family, I know plenty of people who bring brand new babies to church and elsewhere. Heck, I traveled on a plane at just a couple weeks old!
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