DIY Weddings
OkapiFarmer
member
Maybe
nobody else will think it's creepy.....just something to consider and
keep in mind if you choose to publicly honor a few selected people or
relationships at your wedding.
"Love" table - with a word of caution
OkapiFarmer
member
in DIY Weddings
While
scrolling through my facebook feed, I saw a "Love Table" from someone's
wedding, and I thought I'd share the idea (along with a word of
caution). The wedding couple had a small table with 10-15 framed photos
of important couples in their lives (mostly grandparents, parents,
aunts/uncles). There was a framed sign explaining the table (sorry I
can't provide the exact text), and small signs next to each photo
identifying each couple They chose (according to the description)
couples that they love & admire, feel grateful for, and who set an
example to them of real love. It is a very sweet gesture to honor those
whose relationships gave you an example of what a healthy and loving
marriage could be.
So here's my word of caution:
If
you're going to have a table for COUPLES that you admire, and whose
relationship provided you with an example for your own, then consider
limiting it to relationships that you actually witnessed, and to couples
where you've actually met both halves.
There
are other options available if you have more people to honor outside of
couples whose relationship you witnessed and wish to emulate. Having
an "in loving memory" table would be appropriate for family members (or
other loved ones) who departed too soon. A table with a message that
says "thank you" to those featured for their loving guidance or advice
would be a very appropriate place to feature a mentor. A "wall of
honor" or "table of gratitude" or "table of admiration" to honor
important people in your life who could or couldn't make it to the
wedding is a sweet gesture. Tailor your table to fit those who you wish
to honor. Or, you could always thank your guests uniformly for
attending, and then make private gestures to those who are special in
your life (that would actually be my preferred method).
The reason why I add the caution:
The
table that I saw on facebook today contained a photo of my uncle and
late aunt. My aunt passed away when I was very young, so I don't
remember much about her. I've heard wonderful things about who she was
as a person (poise, demeanor, etc.).
The
person whose wedding held the "love table" was my ex boyfriend. My ex
met my uncle a few times in person when we dated (and they are still
facebook friends), but he never knew my aunt, and so he never witnessed
their relationship or knew how they behaved/interacted/loved each other
as a couple. Listening to memories that my uncle shares and seeing
memorial "Mother's day" facebook posts are not the same as witnessing a
couple's marital endurance. I'm not facebook friends with my ex (that
relationship went down worse than the Hindenburg), but to see my aunt
& uncle tagged in their table display for couples who have impacted
them felt very odd. Aside from the whole "my ex still worms his way
into my family's presence every chance he gets" issue, it cheapens their
admiration for the relationships that they DID witness by including one
that they only heard about through a few filtered and well selected (and one-sided) stories. It wasn't
my aunt's participation in her marriage that my ex witnessed and
admired, it was the sweet memorial musings of a widower that my ex
enjoyed hearing and admired.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Love" table - with a word of caution
In case this is a new trend, I felt a little compelled to create the account specifically so I could point out the fact that you really need to tailor the table to the people you're honoring. That is....if you feel comfortable putting a few of your invited guests on a pedestal.
Will you have a sign with a description on the table? If so, do you have your wording planned out yet? Care to share?
My family is so full of divorced couples, this wouldn't work for us, anyway.
Eta: I wouldn't do it in a 'we strive to be like them' way. More like a 'here's our immediate families pictures, look how pretty/handsome and young they are. And man, that 60's/80's hair.'
Knottie - "I wouldn't do it in a 'we strive to be like them' way. More like a 'here's our immediate families pictures, look how pretty/handsome and young they are. And man, that 60's/80's hair.'" I think this is a great suggestion. Old family wedding photos are fun to look at, and can add a touch of sentimentality to your wedding decoration.
You've all provided a lot of good input. I hope anybody considering using old photographs of family weddings takes note!
I'm personally not a fan of publicly putting anyone on a pedestal (people are full of flaws, and you're just setting yourself up for disappointment when you idolize imperfect people or relationships), but I do still like the idea of including family photos as your wedding decoration (note: YOUR family, not the family of someone else - and I do realize not every family will be able to do this easily if there are many divorces). If you're going to label the photos or display, just be sure to word your description very carefully.
A funny thing about those tables- my (2nd?) cousin did one when he got married 5 years ago. He included a picture of my grandparents on the table. He assumed what a lot of my cousins assumed, that my grandmother was a widow. Not quite right- they were married 40 years but, instead of dying, my grandfather decided to bang and marry the cellist in his chamber music group. They never heard about him because he had lost interest in his "old" family by the time they were old enough to remember anything.
Fortunately, my grandmother (divorced 30 years at this point) thought it was hilarious. I take it as a sign that she is an amazingly classy lady who never said a negative word about a horrible divorce- and was such a wonderful grandmother-type to all that it would never occur to them that someone could leave her.
I suppose it depends greatly on a person's area, culture, religion, or family dynamics, but for many people through history (and for many people still today), divorce is never an option, no matter how miserable they are. And as it has also been pointed out - some people hide their misery from others really well.