Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Snarky Brides
Knottie1446223751
member
They stole our wedding!
So here's the thing...
My SO and I have been dating for over 5 years but only engaged for a month or two, there's a couple in our social circle who've only been dating for less than three years but have been engaged for nearly two of those. Their wedding is coming up before the end of the year whereas ours isn't till next year.
When we first announced our engagement we invited this couple to a nearby winery to celebrate with us. We mentioned how much we loved the space and how we were considering having our wedding there, the owner overheard us and us being long time regulars he instantly pulled up a chair and started discussing options with us.
Skip ahead to last night when we went back to said winery - just my SO and I. The owner instantly flagged us down and said that the prices he gave us were special prices for us and he hadn't intended that knowledge going public but that he was ok this time since it was our friends....
Turns out they stole our spot for their rehearsal dinner!!! I'm so furious! According to the owner of the winery - the details for their rehearsal dinner are eerily similar to what we had discussed for our reception! What should I do? I want to confront her - what kind of person thinks that's ok to do?!?! That was our spot that they had never even heard of before we invited them! And it's only good enough for their rehearsal?!?! So now all of our group of friends will think I'm so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat?
I know I'm overreacting and we can both very happily use the same place. But it just doesn't seem fair to steal our spot without ever talking to me or telling me - I bet since I'm not actually in her wedding and thus not invited to the rehearsal she just assumes I'll never find out. But how low can you seriously get!? I honestly have no desire to see this b*tch again but he's pretty good friends with my SO and there's not much I can do about the matter.
My SO and I have been dating for over 5 years but only engaged for a month or two, there's a couple in our social circle who've only been dating for less than three years but have been engaged for nearly two of those. Their wedding is coming up before the end of the year whereas ours isn't till next year.
When we first announced our engagement we invited this couple to a nearby winery to celebrate with us. We mentioned how much we loved the space and how we were considering having our wedding there, the owner overheard us and us being long time regulars he instantly pulled up a chair and started discussing options with us.
Skip ahead to last night when we went back to said winery - just my SO and I. The owner instantly flagged us down and said that the prices he gave us were special prices for us and he hadn't intended that knowledge going public but that he was ok this time since it was our friends....
Turns out they stole our spot for their rehearsal dinner!!! I'm so furious! According to the owner of the winery - the details for their rehearsal dinner are eerily similar to what we had discussed for our reception! What should I do? I want to confront her - what kind of person thinks that's ok to do?!?! That was our spot that they had never even heard of before we invited them! And it's only good enough for their rehearsal?!?! So now all of our group of friends will think I'm so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat?
I know I'm overreacting and we can both very happily use the same place. But it just doesn't seem fair to steal our spot without ever talking to me or telling me - I bet since I'm not actually in her wedding and thus not invited to the rehearsal she just assumes I'll never find out. But how low can you seriously get!? I honestly have no desire to see this b*tch again but he's pretty good friends with my SO and there's not much I can do about the matter.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: They stole our wedding!
Yes, that was a bit sneaky, but as you admitted yourself, you are really overreacting. There was no harm done. I certainly don't think that the couple booking the venue you are using for your wedding for their rehearsal dinner means that she is a bitch. Admittedly, that was a strange and kind of sneaky thing to do, but I doubt your friends will think ill of you (nor should you say anything about it to anyone). I also think that a venue is "good enough" for anything people book it for. The owner certainly thought it was good enough for a rehearsal dinner, so I'm not sure why you should think it's so special that it can only be used for weddings. Just take a deep breath, be a big girl, and get married.
Sweetheart, you're not the only couple using this place for your wedding. Others used it before you and others will use it after you. Get over it. The owner can and will rent it out to anyone with the means to pay for it, he doesn't have to clear each couple with you first.
If they merely decided to book the same location for a different date and/or time than you did, they had that right. You are not entitled to be the one and only customer to book the winery for a rehearsal dinner. And if your friends think that you're "so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat," even after you explain that you got the idea first, you need new friends.
Honestly, maybe it's just because I'm totally a country bumpkin and there aren't millions of venues, but I've been to weddings in the same season at the same location many times. And it's just a rehearsal dinner; it's unlikely there will even be professional photos taken of the place on that night, unlike at your wedding.
I doubt your friends will even notice and you certainly shouldn't bring it up. I hope your planning at the venue goes well!
I sure hope my brother isn't angry at me for having my shower at the same "venue" (my dad's bar/garage) where his annual birthday party is...
Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem. One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding". It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes. It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship). But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans. Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?
Yikes.
Seriously, there is no such thing as calling "dibs" on wedding ideas. I've been to several weddings that had similar colors / themes. I can't tell you how many weddings I've been to where the colors are black and red. Or how many weddings I've attended where the table theme was a locale that the couple visited. Or how many weddings had a sparkler exit.
Plan your wedding. One day she will plan hers. If you have similar things, the world will keep turning and your marriage will be just as wonderful.
A couple of our friends actually booked OUR commissioner for their wedding next year ON our wedding day this past August, and I thought it was great! They got to meet him in person and get a feel for his style and locked him in before he got too busy. And they're using the same photographer our other friends used at their wedding too.
My point is, while these are 2 completely different issues to picking venues, you may have saved her the stress of finding a location for her own event by introducing her to a really great place. Regardless of if she's a bitch for completely different reasons!
I would either stop sharing your ideas/wedding details with her, or just let her know that these are the things you've decided and want, and that's what you're doing. What she envisions for her future (hypothetical) wedding could change drastically by the time she gets there. Hell, what I was "planning" in my head 2 or 3 years ago is SO different from what we ended up doing. Don't change all your details just because she is trying to call dibs on them... it will feel extra shitty if she changes her mind and doesn't actually use any of them, and then you just changed your wedding for her.
augsum15 said:
A couple of our friends actually booked OUR commissioner for their wedding next year ON our wedding day this past August, and I thought it was great! They got to meet him in person and get a feel for his style and locked him in before he got too busy. And they're using the same photographer our other friends used at their wedding too.
My point is, while these are 2 completely different issues to picking venues, you may have saved her the stress of finding a location for her own event by introducing her to a really great place. Regardless of if she's a bitch for completely different reasons!
***boxes***
I was a bridesmaids in a friends wedding. We loved her hall. As I was leaving, we decided to just ask if they had our date open. They did and we signed a contract that day. Friend was just excited for us told us we made a great choice because they'd been great to her.
In my town there are three places to hold a wedding reception. Three (unless you rent a tent and do it on someone's property - three halls). One of those halls has a huge capacity; you would use it for a 400 person wedding. So most likely two choices. All the weddings happen at the same places. My brother and BIL had their weddings in the same place - less than a year apart. The summer after DH and I got married, we had six weddings to go to. One was OOT, one was an intimate family wedding at my aunt's cabin, three were at one location, and the last was at the other. The sun rose the next day. No one cares that the weddings are in the same place. DH and I got married first (out of our family and friends). We don't think anyone stole our venue. It didn't cheapen or invalidate anyone's wedding for it to be in the same location. And - one of the locations is a hall owned by the largest employer in town, so if you work there you get it ridiculously cheap (as we did because my dad worked there when we booked; DH was working there when we got married).
Be happy you have variety.
ETA posted before I read your follow up. Glad you're not really upset. My response stands for lurkers. I am a chronic worrier (and stewer) so I get how nothing big can become a huge issue when you're up too late and think too much.
Or not make it a competition at all. I think I'd hate my wedding day if I knew everything about it was meant to be measured against someone else's day.
Useless past-due rant over.
Do you have copyrights to the song? I'm curious as to what the song is.
That is the tiniest thing. And it made your "blood boil"? I've probably said that about a dozen songs in my lifetime, in a relationship or not. I would assume that unless it's I Used to Love Her by GNR, the song has been used countless times before.
Unless you wrote the song, it isn't yours and you're being petty as shit.
New flash - other couples will get married on the same day as you. Other couples will get married in the same location as you. Other brides might have the same or similar dress as you. Other couples will use the same song as you. And yes, some will pick the same honeymoon destination as you. Sometimes those other couples are people you know.
Most people's choices are not all the unique after all. Most have been done before. The couple is the only thing truly unique item at a wedding. Sorry, but that is the way it is.
Last summer my sister and I got married 7 weeks apart. She told me that she was going to use Will You Be There by Michael Jackson for her Father/Daughter dance, and she told me I should do the same (even though I was getting married before her! Gasp!). Yes, people probably noticed we used the same song, but the world did not explode and I venture to guess that no. one. cared.
A couple went on holiday and their next door neighbour stole their garden shed, garden walkway, plants etc.
Unless she ran in on your wedding day and stole your dress, centrepieces, food, kidnapped your vicar and ran off in your 'just married' car, she can't "steal your wedding"
Eh. One of my bridesmaids bought me a "Wifey" shirt to wear at the rehearsal, but it is a nickname she has called me for nearly 10 years. The night we met (at a dinner party I hosted and she was a +1) she said "Damn I wish I was into women, I always wanted to marry a chef. I'd snatch you up in a heartbeat".
Would I have bought it for myself? No, but I wore it, it made her happy, and the underlying joke actually had nothing to do with my husband.