Updates on my FH

dyerwise · February 2016

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

JoanE2012 · February 2016

Oh my goodness - so sorry to hear this! I can't even imagine what you're going through or feeling. Just remember, one day (or hour!) at a time. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

pinupbride6189 · February 2016

I'm so sorry to hear this! You are handling this all so well, it seems! Keep it up! I'm glad to hear he's doing as well as he is right now. Sending you warm wishes for a speedy recovery.

softkittywarmkitty · February 2016

I'm so sorry this happened. You both have amazing attitudes about the situation which is amazing. You are both in my thoughts.

drunkenwitch · February 2016

I wanted to add my thoughts and prayers.

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

How are you & FI today, @spockforprez ?

spockforprez · February 2016

Got my laptop, eating some oatmeal at my aunt's house before heading to the hospital. I slept okay last night, the cats kept me up some, but I know I got at least 5 solid hours, so that's good. I plan to come back later for a nap anyway.

FH's condition is good, trauma-wise. His amputated leg is clean, they don't think they have to remove anything more. His left arm continues to do well. He doesn't have any surgeries today - one is scheduled for his arm on Wednesday and one for his leg on Friday.

Right now we are dealing with the effects of the trauma on FH's body and that's where things are starting to need balancing and extra care. For example, his BP is still fine but it's on the low end. That means they can't take him down to a heavy sedation level because the BP will drop too low and he will need meds. If they give him meds, they are designed to bring blood up from the body into the heart. Obviously we want to keep as much blood as possible in his left arm, so BP meds are not something we want to do. However, it is life over limb at all times. The problem with being lightly sedated is that he is in a state where he is jerked awake constantly by stimulation, noises, light, etc. so it's hard for him to rest. We are limiting visitors so he can sleep and rest today since no surgeries.

He also has a small tear in his pulmonary artery, the treatment for that is blood thinners. His blood loss is well controlled, his hemoglobin has been steady in normal ranges, so that shouldn't affect anything. It will just cause more seepage from his lines, the open wounds in his arm, etc.

I am up and down. Yesterday when I was at our house, it was really bad. My FH is a guy's guy. He loves to fix things, work outdoors, do tasks around the house. Seeing his fishing gear, his bicycle, his gym stuff was really tough. Seeing his guitars was tough since we don't know if he'll regain function in his left arm. Everything was tough. lol. Last night was really bad too. My family and I were leaving the hospital and I was parked one place and they were parked another and as soon as we split up I felt totally overwhelmed and wigged out. I had to talk on the phone to my mom the whole drive to my aunt's house and then when I got upstairs and was alone I really lost it. I don't really care, though, I'm a crier anyway and I'm fine with crying. It's just hard because the person who comforts me and hugs me and holds me when I'm crying can't do that right now, and he's the reason I'm crying, to boot. I did feel better after, though, and my aunt stayed up late and talked with me a lot too.

Obviously the wedding... well, the May 28th backyard wedding is not happening, clearly. I will wait to make decisions until Patrick can talk to me later this week or next week but I know he will want to get married soon. His parents have been wonderful and I don't resent them at all, but it's hard to watch them sign consent forms and get calls from the surgeon while I wait to hear secondhand. I think it will also help me to feel somewhat in control of the situation.

Thank you so much for all of the comments and encouragement from this community. I don't want to share a lot of details on facebook, and although I'm obviously texting and talking with family members, writing things out in my own time and way here has been a good outlet. I will probably keep updating. Don't feel like you have to comment, if I were on the outside I wouldn't know what to say lol. But hopefully it's okay for me to do a bit of journaling here.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

Glad we can be a safe place to share; we're all here to listen and support as needed. Glad to hear you were able to get some sleep and find some solace talking with your aunt. Sounds like he's gonna pull through this, which is great. Life will indeed be different for both of you, but I have full faith you will be able to adapt together and still have a full, rich life, as husband and wife, like the strong people you both are. Continued thoughts and prayers.

luckya23 · February 2016

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear this! Sending you all the good thoughts...

CharmedPam · February 2016

Just saw this now, I am SO sorry about this, my thoughts and prayers and healing vibes go out to him. I agree with PP's about taking care of yourself too (((hug)))

KatWAG · February 2016

I am so sorry that you are going through this but I am glad to hear that he seems to be improving.

I know you don't need one more thing on your plate, but once your fi can communicate you might want to talk to him about hiring a lawyer, especially if the police are saying he wasn't at fault. A personal injury lawyer can help you figure out insurance and what the other drive is responsible for.

SP29 · February 2016

Thanks for the update. Glad you feel you have a place where you can let it all out.

Rough road ahead for sure, and I hope one day you'll both look back on this as tiny blip in your amazing journey together

.

spockforprez · February 2016

KatWAG said:

I am so sorry that you are going through this but I am glad to hear that he seems to be improving.
I know you don't need one more thing on your plate, but once your fi can communicate you might want to talk to him about hiring a lawyer, especially if the police are saying he wasn't at fault. A personal injury lawyer can help you figure out insurance and what the other drive is responsible for.

Legal and insurance things are certainly on our mind. Obviously my #1 concern is my FH and his life and health, but I think TK knows me well enough to know that my mind goes 10000000 miles an hour when it comes to planning and possibilities. lol. So we're definitely there. And we will absolutely be getting a lawyer to advocate for him and will not sign anything from the insurance company without legal counsel.

We know that the other driver crossed the line, probably on a curve because the limit was 55 but the officer wrote "max safe speed 45." She was doing 70. (She is uninjured.) My FH is an extremely safe biker and wore all the safety gear he needed to wear and took all the precautions he needed to take. He strongly disapproves of what he calls "crotch rockets" and bad biking behavior like going up the middle of lanes, etc. So what I think happened (won't know until we get accident reconstruction from state police) is he saw her coming across the line and tried to swerve to miss her, which is why his injuries are concentrated on his left side.

We are waiting for calls from his benefits at work, he will be covered on pay at 100% for at least two months and then he will be at half pay. However, people at his job can donate their accrued time to him to help get him back to full pay. Depending on his employer's life insurance policy, most of them have a dismemberment clause and we can get a fractional benefit there.

I don't know if that driver had insurance or not, I hope so. We can get a settlement all day long but you can't get blood out of a stone... I am absolutely not looking for a payday but the fact is he will need a lot of accommodation if we stay in our current home or if we can't, we will need a home where he can life safely and comfortably.

SP29 · February 2016

Not to try and worry you, or make you think about too much, but don't forget about therapy once he is stable post op- potentially inpatient and outpatient. He may require long term outpatient therapy for the left hand/arm. Hands being as intricate as they are take a long time to heal/ regain function.

Don't sell yourselves short when dealing with insurance.

pinkcow13 · February 2016

Omg, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Haven't logged on to TK, and I'm now just reading this. You and your FI are in my thoughts.

ernursej · February 2016

I'm very sorry that you and your family are going through this. Trauma is horrible. I know that a lot of people will tell you to stay strong, but you can do/think/feel/be any way you want. If you are strong on day and needing every person to hold you up the next, happy about progress and swearing like a sailor in the next moment, you are allowed and it is completely okay. Your world has been turned upside down. I will hope for little bits of progress each and every day for your FI. There has been so much work done on trauma and post trauma care that will hopefully help your FI. If you wanted, most hospitals have the ability to complete a wedding ceremony onsite (even in the hospital room) if you both wanted to keep your date or even get married sooner to make it easier for the transfer of information. You could always have a celebration of the marriage at the one year mark down the road. I'll hold you in my thoughts!

thisismynickname2 · February 2016

I know what you mean about a brain going thousands of miles per hour. I'm a problem solver and a realist and that's where my brain always goes so.....
If I've read everything correctly, he's lost one leg and the use of one arm remains to be seen. In regards to what you said about seeing his fishing and biking gear and all that... People of all abilities, whether they were born that way or as a result of an accident, still manage to enjoy life to the fullest. Look at the people who do marathons in wheelchairs. I had a sorority sister with bone cancer who walked with, well, it's hard to describe but her leg was off at the hip but they gave her something that allowed her to walk, looked more like a pole than a regular leg. (She had great humor about it- dressed as a pirate with a peg leg for Halloween.) He can re-learn guitar even with limited use of one arm, with some creativity.
Surely it'll be a long road of recovery and physical therapy but I bet he'll still be able to do plenty of things he did before. Stay positive! The medical field is incredible.

arrippa · February 2016

I am so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your FI.

princessleia22 · February 2016

thisismynickname said:

I know what you mean about a brain going thousands of miles per hour. I'm a problem solver and a realist and that's where my brain always goes so.....
If I've read everything correctly, he's lost one leg and the use of one arm remains to be seen. In regards to what you said about seeing his fishing and biking gear and all that... People of all abilities, whether they were born that way or as a result of an accident, still manage to enjoy life to the fullest. Look at the people who do marathons in wheelchairs. I had a sorority sister with bone cancer who walked with, well, it's hard to describe but her leg was off at the hip but they gave her something that allowed her to walk, looked more like a pole than a regular leg. (She had great humor about it- dressed as a pirate with a peg leg for Halloween.) He can re-learn guitar even with limited use of one arm, with some creativity.
Surely it'll be a long road of recovery and physical therapy but I bet he'll still be able to do plenty of things he did before. Stay positive! The medical field is incredible.

People do overcome a lot of physical disabilities and thrive. But, attitude is everything. Yes, there will be tough times and times where it's hard to stay positive. But, keeping an overall good attitude is critical to thriving and making the best recovery. I went through a time where I had major back surgery then got a serious infection. I required 4 back surgeries within a year, spent over 30 days in hospital, and spent a full year with an IV in my arm for antibiotics. Yeah, it sucked, but I don't remember it being particularly all that bad. I stayed positive and rolled with the punches as they came at me and just made the best of my shitty situation. People kept saying how impressed they were with how well I handled it, but I didn't want to spend all that time depressed and hating life. As far as I was concerned, I didn't have a choice but to keep positive, because the alternative (dwelling in the suckiness of it) would just make me miserable and I didn't want to be miserable about it. It was easier to take it all in stride and joke about it and stay positive. We get to chose how we react to life's problems, whether they are big or small. It's okay to have breakdowns and cry and scream, but then pick yourself back up and choose to thrive and push through it with a smile on your face.

Moppet82 · February 2016

I am very sorry to read this! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your FH. Positive juju is being sent your way!

short+sassy · February 2016

I am so sorry! You just never imagine that something like this can happen to someone you love. Life is so, so precious. I'll keep you all in my prayers. I'm especially praying that his left arm can be saved.

And please take care of yourself also. Get as much sleep as you can. Don't forget to drink lots of water. Make yourself eat something at mealtimes, even if you aren't that hungry.

scrunchythief · February 2016

I really, really hope the other driver has insurance.

I'm really awed by how well you're handling everything. Hang in there and keep being kind to yourself.

Also, if it helps, there's some really cool tech being researched for prosthetic limbs. Even if the options today are limited, this field should continue to improve.

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

You are on my heart throughout the day.

MairePoppy · February 2016

So sorry to hear this. I'll keep you and fi in my prayers.

natswild · February 2016

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, and FI's and my prayers are with you. Hoping that he heals quickly. Please make sure to take time for yourself, and to allow yourself to feel the full gamut of emotions.We're all here for an ear when you need to blow off steam. Good luck with the benefits through work, and especially good luck with the insurance.

spockforprez · February 2016

princessleia22 said:

thisismynickname said:

I know what you mean about a brain going thousands of miles per hour. I'm a problem solver and a realist and that's where my brain always goes so.....
If I've read everything correctly, he's lost one leg and the use of one arm remains to be seen. In regards to what you said about seeing his fishing and biking gear and all that... People of all abilities, whether they were born that way or as a result of an accident, still manage to enjoy life to the fullest. Look at the people who do marathons in wheelchairs. I had a sorority sister with bone cancer who walked with, well, it's hard to describe but her leg was off at the hip but they gave her something that allowed her to walk, looked more like a pole than a regular leg. (She had great humor about it- dressed as a pirate with a peg leg for Halloween.) He can re-learn guitar even with limited use of one arm, with some creativity.
Surely it'll be a long road of recovery and physical therapy but I bet he'll still be able to do plenty of things he did before. Stay positive! The medical field is incredible.

People do overcome a lot of physical disabilities and thrive. But, attitude is everything. Yes, there will be tough times and times where it's hard to stay positive. But, keeping an overall good attitude is critical to thriving and making the best recovery. I went through a time where I had major back surgery then got a serious infection. I required 4 back surgeries within a year, spent over 30 days in hospital, and spent a full year with an IV in my arm for antibiotics. Yeah, it sucked, but I don't remember it being particularly all that bad. I stayed positive and rolled with the punches as they came at me and just made the best of my shitty situation. People kept saying how impressed they were with how well I handled it, but I didn't want to spend all that time depressed and hating life. As far as I was concerned, I didn't have a choice but to keep positive, because the alternative (dwelling in the suckiness of it) would just make me miserable and I didn't want to be miserable about it. It was easier to take it all in stride and joke about it and stay positive. We get to chose how we react to life's problems, whether they are big or small. It's okay to have breakdowns and cry and scream, but then pick yourself back up and choose to thrive and push through it with a smile on your face.

I am "enjoying" some opportunities for dark humor. I figure it's best not to be squeamish and to face his injuries head on and accept his body the way it is now. Here are some of the things that have made me chuckle lately:

When I was at our house I was packing up random things to take to the hospital, not knowing when he would be able to use them of course, I was going through his socks trying to match them up. Then I remembered... oops, only one foot left! Double the sock value! Very frugal.
Totally going to pimp him out as the VIP treatment for parking, seating at concerts and events, etc. Yassssss. Thanks FH!
I told him he'd only have to worry about me tickling one of his feet from now on :P
Poor thing, because of all the fluids, he is super swelled up and fat. So I was peeking under his gown and his balls are the size of a grapefruit! I feel so bad but it was really funny at the same time!

spockforprez · February 2016

thisismynickname said:

I know what you mean about a brain going thousands of miles per hour. I'm a problem solver and a realist and that's where my brain always goes so.....
If I've read everything correctly, he's lost one leg and the use of one arm remains to be seen. In regards to what you said about seeing his fishing and biking gear and all that... People of all abilities, whether they were born that way or as a result of an accident, still manage to enjoy life to the fullest. Look at the people who do marathons in wheelchairs. I had a sorority sister with bone cancer who walked with, well, it's hard to describe but her leg was off at the hip but they gave her something that allowed her to walk, looked more like a pole than a regular leg. (She had great humor about it- dressed as a pirate with a peg leg for Halloween.) He can re-learn guitar even with limited use of one arm, with some creativity.
Surely it'll be a long road of recovery and physical therapy but I bet he'll still be able to do plenty of things he did before. Stay positive! The medical field is incredible.

My brother is a former US Marine and knows a lot of guys from his deployments with amputations or paralysis. He knows one guy who lost both legs and an arm, and apparently he is a super busy guy with a great quality of life. I would love for FH to hang out with similar folks who have overcome their injuries. And hell I would like to spend time with them, lol. I also have a friend with a spinal cord injury and have talked with her and she said she is more than happy to give us advice and guidance about being in a chair full-time.

spockforprez · February 2016

General update...

FH got to sleep and rest today, with no major surgeries. His BP was much improved. It had been down around borderline--there is some kind of ratio or differential they use and it should be over 60. He was hanging out right around 58-60 yesterday, but today he was 74-80 pretty much all day.

He did have to have a procedure around 6:30pm to add another chest tube - he's got one on the right side already but they added one on the left. This is to remove fluid from his lungs where they are bruised and beaten up. He had two breathing episodes today, where they were experimenting with weaning him off the ventilator and his OSAT went down. They checked for clotting, etc. but it seemed to be mostly related to the fluid in his lungs. So, that's good. That's something they can monitor and control and will help them know when to wean him a little more. However, in addition to the two dips in his breathing, he also had a panic attack where he was indicating that he couldn't breathe even though his oxygen intake was 100%.

Poor, poor baby. I wasn't there for that and I'm sorry I couldn't comfort him.

Prior to his procedure at 6:30, he was very lightly sedated today and therefore able to wake up many times. I feel like I really got to hang out with him today. He's still in a C collar so he can't turn his head, so no eye contact yet, but he does try! He opens his eyes and moves them toward my voice. He nods yes and shakes his head no. (He's able to tell the nurses when he's in pain, when he needs meds, etc.) He smiled several times today! He also tried to talk a bit but I quelled that of course. He is squeezing my hand and also giving thumbs up! Although his right arm is injured (probably fractured) he moves it around quite a bit, he was scratching a spot on his leg a bit. I was able to talk to him a lot, telling him about the cats and about his coworkers and everyone who is sending him good thoughts. I asked if he wanted to get married and he said yes. Haha.

Speaking of, mom and I are discussing wedding plans. I called our officiant and will call the city courthouse tomorrow to see what our options are. For legal and financial reasons, both for his benefit and my own, it would be better if we were married as soon as possible. I plan to wait until FH is extubated and we can discuss it together. Our officiant did say even if he is intubated, she is willing to marry us if he can nod and give a thumbs up when she asks if he wants to be my husband, but only because we obviously already had the intention to marry and weren't calling her trying to do it as strangers. (We hired our officiant over a year ago!) However, I would strongly prefer to wait, if possible, until he's extubated. I'm hoping that will happen Friday after his arm surgery, as long as his lungs continue to strengthen. So, we could be married next week!

You guys are so awesome. Thanks for talking through all of this with me. Thank you for my amazing gif thread, I've already looked at it like 5 times. We aren't out of the woods but we are going to keep on keeping on!

DarthV8r · February 2016

I'm sorry you guys are going through this my thoughts and prayers are with you.

PamBeesly524 · February 2016

@spockforprez, your updates sound so positive! You and FI both sound like strong, amazing people. Your bullet list of things that made you laugh made me giggle at my desk! I'm glad to hear that you both seem to be doing as well as possible.

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