Updates on my FH

ILoveBeachMusic · February 2016

He certainly is a cutie! I'm glad to hear he is improving and that the WBC has returned to lower levels. With you by his side and the positive outlooks you both have, he will be great! Just a new great! Prayers are still being said for both of you!

spockforprez · March 2016

FH update -

Good stuff:

I brought him his iPad and so we get to text and FaceTime now. This makes the separation so much easier. We were long distance for over a year so while it's super shitty, it's something we've been through before, and it's better than nothing. He got to see the kitties on FaceTime, too, which was nice.
The iPad also helps his loneliness during the evening hours.
He sat in a chair today and loved it. He was there for about 7 hours. He really enjoyed having his foot on the floor, moving around, and not being on his back.
He had TWO visits from therapy dogs today. I was only there for one. He really enjoyed them and they lifted his spirits a lot I put a pic below.
He had physical therapy and did really well, he said the therapist told him he was the first patient who ever sat up straight with an external fixator in their pelvis with a smile on their face.
He gets lots of compliments on his positive attitude.

Meh stuff:

There's a spot in his shoulder/chest where the contrast dye from his CT scan didn't fill. Sometimes that can be normal and sometimes it can be a clot. This clot is not a risk to his lungs or getting a stroke, but it is a risk to his left arm, especially if part of it breaks off and travels further down the artery, could cause tissue death. For now, he still has strong pulses and capillary refill so the blood flow is still okay with that arm. They may do an arteriogram tomorrow.
He continues to have an elevated heartrate, in the 120's on the low end and the 140's on the high end. (Sinus rhythm.) So far it has not affected his other vitals and he says he doesn't feel anxious or otherwise weird, so they are just monitoring it for now.
WBC count is back up along with a low grade fever. Again, this could be residual from surgery. They will check WBC count again in the AM.

I hired a lawyer, we sign the contract Thursday. This will take a lot of stress off because I won't have to field calls from the insurance cos anymore.

I think we are going to plan a wedding for Wednesday the 16th. He should be able to have his pelvis surgery by then and be moved to step down (like a transition between ICU and "the floor") or even out to the main hospital, so his space will be more private and he won't have as many sensors hooked up to him. Hopefully by that point we can get some legitimate shower/bath action going and maybe have him wear a shirt, even if only for 30 minutes, just to feel normal. Working on the license part, it's a little complicated, but should be doable.

spockforprez · March 2016

Forgot the pic!!!

Image: https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/12495235_10205578924063441_1136618114939374367_n.jpg?oh=f1742425e991b07592a757271a2dbf03&oe=57588C31

SP29 · March 2016

Great update!!

kimmiinthemitten · March 2016

Love today's update! Is FI rocking a man bun in that pic;)?

spockforprez · March 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Love today's update! Is FI rocking a man bun in that pic;)?

Ha, it's heartbreaking... I spent 20 minutes trying to detangle a gigantic mat in the back of his head... I am praying so hard we do not have to cut his hair, but it's BAD

going to get some detangling spray and give it another shot tomorrow... so yeah, the manbun was the best I could do! I think he looks pretty handsome with it, the hipster!

sarahufl · March 2016

My friend is getting her dog certified to be a therapy dog, they seriously rock.

You are still amazing me with your attitude and positive outlook, so keep it up! But don't be afraid to break down if you need to. It's totally normal and expected.

You will both continue to be in my thoughts.

thefanciestbeckler · March 2016

Love it!!! And the picture is great!!!! I'm so glad to see that the good stuff list is longer than the meh stuff list.

spockforprez · March 2016

sarahufl said:

My friend is getting her dog certified to be a therapy dog, they seriously rock.

You are still amazing me with your attitude and positive outlook, so keep it up! But don't be afraid to break down if you need to. It's totally normal and expected.

You will both continue to be in my thoughts.

Thank you so much! Honestly, I feel okay right now. I take "me time" without guilt. Today I had a massage (thanks mom!) and then went to Buffalo Wild Wings with my (former lol) bridesmaids and had wings and a beer. I don't get up at the ass crack of dawn to come to the hospital anymore. FH knows and supports that it's physically and mentally exhausting, so he's okay with not seeing me until 9 or so.

I got sad a few times today, when I saw some bikers - just the easy pleasure and joy of riding that FH will never have again (even if he could he will probably never want to) - as well as going back to read some facebook updates from two of the women who were at the scene with FH and reading about how affected they were by the accident and by FH, and one of them (before she knew he survived) said she stayed with him because she didn't want him to die alone... I mean, goddamn. That was tough. But no breakdowns. There may be one coming, who knows. When it happens I will just cry and sob as needed. I do that in my everyday life anyway :P

MairePoppy · March 2016

And now it's time for a hug, spock. It's okay to cry, but just remember things will get better. I'll say a prayer for that woman who stayed with your fi. God bless her.

softkittywarmkitty · March 2016

Ok for his hair (hairstylist and I have worked on post hospital hair) get a Wetbrush, I think they have them at Sallys it's a brand. And use conditoner, if you can wash his hair after. If not use a good silicone based I'll like biosilk or any "repair oil" or shine serum (super skinny, glass, frizz ease) it'll absorb in his hair but make it slippery enough to detangle. Start from the BOTTOM of his hair and go on small sections.

If I lived closer, I'd come help. I've seen it to many times and I'd hate to hear he had to lose anything else.

nerdwife · March 2016

Also for hair, we just dealt with this situation with my grandma - she was in the hospital with unbrushed hair for over a week before we got to it. We got detangling spray (I think maybe it was pantene) and just sprayed a bunch, then went through slowly.

Also, someone makes shampoo caps, which look like the things you wear on your hair when you don't want to get it wet in the shower, but it actually has shampoo in it that you can scrub into his hair without having to wash out. I can't tell you how much better my grandma looked and felt after finally having her hair washed.

Both of your attitudes are amazing!

Heffalump · March 2016

nerdwife said:

Also for hair, we just dealt with this situation with my grandma - she was in the hospital with unbrushed hair for over a week before we got to it. We got detangling spray (I think maybe it was pantene) and just sprayed a bunch, then went through slowly.

I was going to post this re: the Pantene detangling spray. : DD has fine, curly hair, and a lot of it, and she's active so she gets tangles. Wet his hair down with the Pantene spray, and brush it out in sections with this:

httpmodcitymagcomwp-contentuploads201404magic-powers-of-The-Wet-Brushjpg

http://www.amazon.com/The-Wet-Brush-Detangling-Shower/dp/B000L596FE

(You don't have to buy it through Amazon, though. Target and Ulta and probably other places sell them, too. I just linked for the reviews.)

Jen4948 · March 2016

I'm really glad to hear that he's doing better. Continuing to offer you and your FI hugs and good thoughts.

Thanks for the updates. Best wishes!

spockforprez · March 2016

Ulta didn't have the wet brush but I bought a knock off and some detangling spray. Here's some nice braid action:

PamBeesly524 · March 2016

@spockforprez holy cow it's so long and shiny! I'm jealous

short+sassy · March 2016

That is one seriously good looking man with some seriously awesome hair that you have there, @spockforprez

levioosa · March 2016

That's an awesome braid. I don't know if they've offered it to you, but most hospitals have no rinse shampoo shower caps that you can use when showering isn't an option. Hopefully FI has been getting sponge baths as well. If he hasn't, or if he's been trying to hold out for a real shower/bath, I would encourage the sponge bath. A lot of my patients are really reluctant to have a sponge bath, but they always tell me how surprised they are, and how much better they feel once it is done. Feeling clean can go a long way.

sheknows6 · March 2016

My thoughts are with you @spockforprez - So happy to see him in good spirits and not having lost any hair!

Ditto on what levioosa said about being clean...sometimes that makes all the difference in the world.

drunkenwitch · March 2016

He is one handsome man! You both have been in my thoughts.

softkittywarmkitty · March 2016

Braid looks great. I'm so jealous of his hair!!

charlotte989875 · March 2016

Seriously his hair is shinier than mine!

holyguacamole79 · March 2016

Been thinking about you & FH. Hope yall are doing better.

spockforprez · March 2016

Thanks all for the encouraging words! FH and I both love his hair. His mother despises it and takes every opportunity to say so, even in the hospital. LOL whatever, lady, it's not up to you!

FH is doing pretty well. His WBC and heartrate continued to remain elevated over the last few days, although his WBC count comes down a bit each day. They checked repeatedly with multiple CT scans all over his body, and no signs of infection, so basically they were like "OK we give up" haha. So he is now taking a low dose of beta blockers to help lower his HR. And last night, he was finally moved out of ICU! Granted, it's on the same floor lol, but we aren't complaining since he still gets a private room, something we were worried about. This is called a "step down" unit and it's basically an intermediate room where there is some level monitoring and the ability to get urgent critical care if needed, but the assessments are less frequent and patients are not woken up in the middle of the night for testing, allowing more rest time.

Monday he will consult with his main surgeon on when he will be ready to have his pelvis plated and the external fixator pins and bar removed. The main concern there is the healing of his stump and avoiding infection. The longer it takes to do the surgery on his pelvis, the longer it will be before he can go to rehab (see below).

His main physical issue right now is retraining his bladder after having been on a Foley catheter 10+ days. FH drinks a lot of water and pees a LOT in our everyday life - the nurse yesterday said right now he is making about 3x the urine of an average patient. (We talked about maybe slowing down on water drinking, but it's something he enjoys and if you're thirsty, you're thirsty.) So the issue is, while he has been able to pee, he's not emptying his bladder all the way and he's ending up with a liter or more built up, and so they have to "straight cath" him, just go in and get it through a tube basically. He says it doesn't hurt, just unpleasant, but the mental part of it is the worst. Yesterday I thought he was going to have a panic attack during it. Poor, poor baby. That was actually the only time I've heard him reference the person who hit him, he wanted to know if he could go to court and tell them about everything he's had to go through. Hurts my heart

Mentally, he's doing pretty well. He's frustrated because he wants to start the rehab part of his healing and wants to get out of bed, move around, start using a wheelchair, etc. But he can't do much because of his pelvis. And he will almost certainly be transferred to a skilled nursing facility (aka nursing home) before he can go to rehab, because the pelvis will need anywhere from 4-8 weeks to heal before putting weight on his right leg will be possible. Other than the frustration of being stuck in bed, his outlook is good. He was reading the paper the other day about a young girl with terminal cancer and he said it reminded him how fortunate he is and how he doesn't have anything to complain about. lol, I can't say I agree with him 100% but it's a good perspective to have and he's such a sweetie!

Overall, we're okay. We will get there. It's hard - and some parts get easier and some parts get harder. Not being with your partner, your lover, man, it's the worst. Especially being near him but not being able to be near him. We get some "cuddling" in where I put the rails down on his bed and lean over him and he puts his right arm around me. But it's not enough, nowhere near enough. I miss him so much! Everybody please hug your SO's tight today, so that I can live vicariously through you all

kmmssg · March 2016

I can't tell you how much I admire his strength and attitude and your devotion. You guys are amazing. yeah, I know there are others who would do the same, but right now, you guys are amazing.

debbeau · March 2016

Hope things keep on getting better all the time. Positive thoughts always coming your way.

glasgowtolondon · March 2016

Such a good sign that he is impatient to start rehab, I'm sure that'll be a challenge that will need all the pma he can muster. So glad things are continuing on a positive path.

How are you coping with all of this at the moment?

spockforprez · March 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

Such a good sign that he is impatient to start rehab, I'm sure that'll be a challenge that will need all the pma he can muster. So glad things are continuing on a positive path.

How are you coping with all of this at the moment?

I'm okay. Yesterday was a little rough; I cried in front of FH twice. It's just so hard not to be able to spend time with him in the way that we want to. Like I would give anything at all, any amount of money, anything, just to lay in our bed together and snuggle for 15 minutes.

I also really miss his left leg. I've been getting emotional about it lately. I think at first we were just so grateful he was alive but lately I am grieving for his leg. I sleep on his left side so when we're laying together that's the leg I touch and I'm just so used to being able to reach down and rub his thigh or massage his calf or whatever (sorry if I am being totally awkward haha). And now it's crushed up and mangled and in a dumpster or god knows where. It just totally and completely breaks my heart.

It's hard not to go back to that day. We spent the morning together and then I left around 12:30 to go to a paint class thing with a friend. He took his bike out while I was gone. I know, cognitively, it's not my fault and there's nothing I could have done. But I just think, if I'd stayed home he wouldn't have gone out. He rarely went out unless I was away for the weekend or out of the house doing something. So it's not that I blame myself but I just wish I could turn back time and stay home. I painted a seahorse at the class and was almost done with it when he got hurt. So now we kind of think of that as a little symbolic guardian for him. We are talking about getting seahorse tattoos haha

CMGragain · March 2016

spockforprez said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Such a good sign that he is impatient to start rehab, I'm sure that'll be a challenge that will need all the pma he can muster. So glad things are continuing on a positive path.

How are you coping with all of this at the moment?

I'm okay. Yesterday was a little rough; I cried in front of FH twice. It's just so hard not to be able to spend time with him in the way that we want to. Like I would give anything at all, any amount of money, anything, just to lay in our bed together and snuggle for 15 minutes.

I also really miss his left leg. I've been getting emotional about it lately. I think at first we were just so grateful he was alive but lately I am grieving for his leg. I sleep on his left side so when we're laying together that's the leg I touch and I'm just so used to being able to reach down and rub his thigh or massage his calf or whatever (sorry if I am being totally awkward haha). And now it's crushed up and mangled and in a dumpster or god knows where. It just totally and completely breaks my heart.

It's hard not to go back to that day. We spent the morning together and then I left around 12:30 to go to a paint class thing with a friend. He took his bike out while I was gone. I know, cognitively, it's not my fault and there's nothing I could have done. But I just think, if I'd stayed home he wouldn't have gone out. He rarely went out unless I was away for the weekend or out of the house doing something. So it's not that I blame myself but I just wish I could turn back time and stay home. I painted a seahorse at the class and was almost done with it when he got hurt. So now we kind of think of that as a little symbolic guardian for him. We are talking about getting seahorse tattoos haha

All these feelings are very understandable and normal. He will need to grieve for his leg, too. I suspect he is putting on a brave face for other people. He sounds like a wonderful guy.
The leg no longer exists. It is not lying in a dumpster. It has been cremated cleanly.
You can learn to sleep on his right side. There will be a lot of adjustments for both of you. It will take time, and thank God, you will have that. You will have plenty of time to adjust to the changes and grow together. That is really what marriage is all about.
I have a dear friend who 's foot was severed in a terrible car crash. It was re-attached in surgery, but the scar is quite visible. This was the beginning of a new life for her. She resigned her teaching position and went to work for her church, along with her husband. They have both blossomed in their new calling.
I don't know what is ahead for the two of you, but you both sound like strong and mature people. God has blessed you both, though it might not seem like it right now. You have a lot of people praying for you. I hope you have a beautiful future together. Hugs.

tigerlily6 · March 2016

Thinking of you and still keeping you and your FI in my prayers, @spockforprez. My church had its pre-marriage retreat this weekend and one of the lectures was about facing unforeseen emergencies with your future spouse, and how as a couple you hope to face those together. After each lecture each couple had 10 minutes to review quietly together. I told FI about your story and how it has been so inspiring to me to hear how both you and your FH are working through this together. I don't always share TK stuff with FI, since it's usually my outlet for bride-to-be chat, but he was also touched by your story, and we both prayed together for you. I've never been through anything like this, but I do know that when my dad was very ill, that in many ways the hardest part (that I remember, anyway -- I think there was so much shock in the begining that I blocked a lot of that out, now) was once my dad had stabilized, and it was finally okay to grieve the suffering that had happened. I was a bit of a wreck for a while, and what made it hardest was feeling very alone, since I didn't want to show any of my own pain to my dad, who was hurting enough himself, albeit stoicly. Sounds like you are reaching that point. It is not an easy one, but know it will pass. I strongly recommend seeing a counselor or go-to person for yourself, even if just a few times. It helped me so much to have a person and place where I could completely break down, and helped me move forward into a place of recovery for myself. That person who hit your FI has brought injury not only to him, but to you as well, and you should not feel bad for feeling bad. Big, big hug as you continue to go through this long process.

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