Spock and her H

Cookie Pusher · March 2016

climbingwife said:

KatWAG said:

spockforprez said:

KatWAG said:

Congrats on your wedding! The flower crown is amazing!
But I am very curious about how the hospital called the news stations. I am not a lawyer but that seems like a HUGE violation of HIPAA.
And while I think your MIL behaved poorly, I can understand why she would want her son to be out of the hospital and a bit more independent before the ceremony.
And fyi, not to sound all internet creepy but with all the info you have given the news article (and your GFM page) are really easy to find.

Thanks! The nurse manager called and asked me about a hospital publicity photo and I said yes, assuming it was for their website. I had absolutely no idea the news stations were called until we got out of the elevator with cameras in our faces. My mom's friend set up the GFM page; I wasn't involved at all and never planned to share that with anyone on TK or any other website. I planned a quiet wedding for 12 people in the hospital, and what I got was a circus. I'm actually upset over some of the coverage for sharing details about the crash that we weren't ready to have out there and I'm nervous about how it will affect our legal proceedings. Believe me, I did not (nor did anyone in my family) call the news.

This isn't an elaborate scheme to get money from the Internet, though I understand why you're (and others may be) suspicious. I found TK to be the best place for me to journal out my thoughts but perhaps I should have kept things closer to my chest.

If you really wanted to keep the day private/ small why would you give the hospital permission to publicize your story? Whether on the hospital webpage or to a bigger audience.
I don't think this is some scheme for money but if you really didn't want a GFM (or think its appropriate) then why not ask for it to be shut down?
ETA: the hospital is no allowed to share ANY details about its patients without express permission (thus HIPAA) so someone gave permission. Otherwise the hospital would open itself up for a lawsuit.

I have to completely agree with Katwag. You opened yourself up to publicity. Why not say no to the nurse? I also feel that if you only agreed to a picture, wouldn't it still be against laws/HIPPA to then have news stations there? Why agree to let them film you? The news stations wouldn't be able to air the story without your specific consent.

No one accused you of an elaborate scheme to get money, so I don't know why you're defensive about that.

Seriously, HIPPA is a huge deal. None of the hospital staff are allowed to disclose anything to the news people without your DH's specific consent (or yours if you have POA). I worked for a staffing agency, and we had to schedule all hires for HIPPA seminars and they were required to sign paperwork agreeing not to share healthcare information. Violating HIPPA opened employees up to immediate termination and possible legal action. I can't imagine anyone thinking it would be a good idea to put their job at risk by telling a news crew such sensitive information. If this really happened, who knows what other information this person is sharing with people.

charlotte989875 · March 2016

The news can cover events and can share information about people that came from witness without a patients consent. HIPAA prevents the release of medical information but if a witness or police office shares what they saw at the scene this isn't protected by HIPAA. So if his accident was covered by the news and they spoke with people at the scene this information can be released without Spok or her H even knowing about it.

Also Spok didn't share the newscast publicly, but sent it to people who asked. She clearly isn't posting a GFM here or asking for anything but a space to share things she hasn't with her family.

KatWAG · March 2016

ShesSoCold said:

KatWAG said:

holyguacamole79 said:

@KatWAG , @climbingwife - go easy on Spock. She and her H (and their families) have been through a whirlwind of hell the last few weeks. I can appreciate concern regarding HIPAA, but what's done is done. I'm sure that if Spock & her husband had legal privacy concerns, they'd take the appropriate measures.

Can we please just focus on the fact that she's now married and that she & her husband were able to enjoy the day in light of all the pain?

No. Thanks though. I will post however I feel like.
And for the record, I asked a simple question. And Spock decided to get all defensive, which makes me even more suspicious.
FTR, I still don't understand the giant rush to get married. Spock got POA relatively quickly and her H didn't seem to need access to her insurance. I do understand wanting to get married, but like MIL pointed out, May is not far away. And it might have been easier on everyone (her H included) if they had waited.

Oh CHRIST. Are you kidding me with this? Dude nearly died and you're being critical of his choices? And the way his wife is posting? I don't see anything defensive about her posts, but I do read an accusatory tone in yours. What are you trying to accomplish here?

I am not trying to accomplish anything. Spock chose to share every intimate detail. No one forced her. But I am not going to sit by and blow glitter and rainbows up her ass when there are some inconsistencies. For example, she was really upset that her wedding turned into a "circus" but she (or her H) gave permission for this "circus" to happen.

spockforprez · March 2016

@katwag @climbingwife

Sorry, on mobile so hard to quote and such. My husband is still a normal human being like you and me with all his mental and reasoning faculties perfectly intact. I wasn't at the hospital so I don't know how it happened, but I'm sure whatever they needed to have him agree to, he agreed to, otherwise it wouldn't have happened, as you say. There are two of us in this marriage!

As far as the nursing manager, I didn't say no because I thought it would be sweet. The hospital has been so amazing to us and every doctor and nurse that has come into his room this week (even ones we've never met) has been so excited about the wedding. By the time I got off the elevators and saw the cameras, I was an hour late and just so ready to get married that I didn't even care and certainly wasn't about to put up a big scene to shoo them away.

Regardless of what I thought I was agreeing to, I'm not upset that our wedding was a news item and didn't meant to imply I was; I only wanted to convey that our plan was for a ceremony with family only and what we got was much bigger and crazier. I just wish I had been better prepared and maybe talked to our lawyer first. Also I was very upset because H was watching live when they showed photos of the crash (photos I hadn't even seen; the reporter talked to the state police I guess) and I was so concerned he'd be upset. He was okay, though. Other than that and other crash details we had no control over, I thought it was sweet. My friends and family have really appreciated being able to see the wedding, too.

KatWAG · March 2016

charlotte989875 said:

The news can cover events and can share information about people that came from witness without a patients consent. HIPAA prevents the release of medical information but if a witness or police office shares what they saw at the scene this isn't protected by HIPAA. So if his accident was covered by the news and they spoke with people at the scene this information can be released without Spok or her H even knowing about it.

Also Spok didn't share the newscast publicly, but sent it to people who asked. She clearly isn't posting a GFM here or asking for anything but a space to share things she hasn't with her family.

So how do you think the news stations found out? By luck?

Spock said that the hospital wanted to share their story on their webpage, the hospital would need permission to do that.

holyguacamole79 · March 2016

We'll just have to agree to disagree here. My intent was not to say how to post.

spockforprez · March 2016

The only "rush to get married" is that there was NO good time to get married for the next several years. H has so much pain in his future, especially once we start dealing with prosthetics. He is a grown man able to reason and make decisions and if he didn't want to get married now, he wouldn't have. We didn't want to be engaged another six months or a year or two years. We wanted to be married. (If I hadn't agreed to have a big wedding we'd already have eloped back in September!)

And I haven't even used my POA for anything except hiring the lawyer and the other day at the post office. H is not incapacitated. He's just not mobile.

I regret that the news coverage has exposed my and H's full names and information to the Internet, but I don't regret sharing details with TK. This community has been a boon to me, a neutral place to come and share our struggles. I don't know if folks are looking for a GBCK but there won't be one.

pegasuskat · March 2016

I can see how things could get out of hand with the media, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm happy you got to have your day, MIL can come around or not, she missed out on a day that could have been happy for her, she should be celebrating her son is even around to get married!

ohmrs2014 · March 2016

Congrats on your wedding Spock!

Who cares if she already had POA, they wanted to get married. Yes they could have waited until May, but they chose now. I'm sure their mindset right now is that "anything can happen, lets make the most of life and live in the now."

And an FYI, news stations are like lawyers. They have scanners to keep track of accidents. If its a bad enough accident, they will be there, trust me on that. So no, people don't report accidents to news stations. They found out through their police scanners.

The nurse calling them, that's another story as I feel the nurse lied about the photo going on their website. I'm sure she had good intentions, especially if the news stations covered the initial crash and subsequent followups. They probably wanted to see the happy ending get the coverage and bring light to a horrific tragedy.

Now the GFM, this is one of those "life happens when we least expect it" which I feel is appropriate for GFM and the main reason why sites like this exist. Last year (I'm sure some of you remember), my DH's nephews were involved in a horrific hit and run, with the oldest passing away a few weeks later. They were left with bills totaling close to the million dollar range. Insurance got in the way (too much details to get into) and they needed the help. Very similar to what Spock is going through.

thefanciestbeckler · March 2016

I agree with @ohmrs2014. Somebody else created the GFM for spock's H, and I think that is totally fine. She didn't come on here broadcasting it. I think in cases like this, GFM can actually be a great tool for helping those in need.

glasgowtolondon · March 2016

ShesSoCold said:

KatWAG said:

holyguacamole79 said:

@KatWAG , @climbingwife - go easy on Spock. She and her H (and their families) have been through a whirlwind of hell the last few weeks. I can appreciate concern regarding HIPAA, but what's done is done. I'm sure that if Spock & her husband had legal privacy concerns, they'd take the appropriate measures.

Can we please just focus on the fact that she's now married and that she & her husband were able to enjoy the day in light of all the pain?

No. Thanks though. I will post however I feel like.
And for the record, I asked a simple question. And Spock decided to get all defensive, which makes me even more suspicious.
FTR, I still don't understand the giant rush to get married. Spock got POA relatively quickly and her H didn't seem to need access to her insurance. I do understand wanting to get married, but like MIL pointed out, May is not far away. And it might have been easier on everyone (her H included) if they had waited.

Oh CHRIST. Are you kidding me with this? Dude nearly died and you're being critical of his choices? And the way his wife is posting? I don't see anything defensive about her posts, but I do read an accusatory tone in yours. What are you trying to accomplish here?

Ditto this. I only see defensiveness following what sounds like accusations.

I don't find it unusual at all to have moved the wedding up. Her H almost died, after something like that I don't think POA would be enough for me either. Unless spock was all in for the big wedding (which it never really sounded like she was anyway) I can totally see how a life changing incident like this would change your priorities.

Frankly who gives a fuck whether spock did or didn't want cameras there. I don't. I'm glad you had a great day, Spock.

climbingsingle · March 2016

No one has accused her of starting a GFM. Katwag mentioned it and Spock got defensive.

spockforprez · March 2016

Thanks people. I love you guys. I wish TK had international conventions so we could all meet up.

spockforprez · March 2016

climbingwife said:

No one has accused her of starting a GFM. Katwag mentioned it and Spock got defensive.

I've been around TK long enough to recognize side eye when I see it. I don't think my reaction was inappropriate. Just wanted to clear the air and make sure everyone knows I have absolutely no intention of asking TK or any other website for money.

kvruns · March 2016

congrats! How do you feel about the coverage - are you glad they did something or would you have rather not had it (especially since it upset H )

ETA: I posted this before reading all of the other comments about it and your thoughts. You can disregard but I didn't want to delete or change my post to make it look shady!

sal2015 · March 2016

Congrats to you and your H! I'm so glad you had a good day (even with the news coverage and cranky MIL). Sending the best wishes your way!

MairePoppy · March 2016

I usually don't outright criticize other members of this community, but what the fuck - bringing up the go fund me page and questioning spocks motives for moving up the wedding is the shittiest thing I've ever seen @KatWag do.

KatWAG · March 2016

MairePoppy said:

I usually don't outright criticize other members of this community, but what the fuck - bringing up the go fund me page and questions spocks motives for moving up the wedding is the shittiest thing I've ever seen KatWag do.

I didn't criticize her GFM. Spock had mentioned several times that she would send the media stories around to those who are interested. I pointed out that the stories (one of which inked her GFM) was easy to find online.

And if you want to call me out, fee free to tag me.

LadyMillil · March 2016

old reg, current lurking lurker

It took me one Google search to find a news article with the GFM and lots of personal information. You never know who is reading posts and what they could do with your information, particularly when you are in a situation with lawyers involved. Maybe it's just me, but I would want to know if I was easily found so I could edit my posts accordingly.

climbingsingle · March 2016

KatWAG said:

MairePoppy said:

I usually don't outright criticize other members of this community, but what the fuck - bringing up the go fund me page and questions spocks motives for moving up the wedding is the shittiest thing I've ever seen KatWag do.

I didn't criticize her GFM. Spock had mentioned several times that she would send the media stories around to those who are interested. I pointed out that the stories (one of which inked her GFM) was easy to find online.
And if you want to call me out, fee free to tag me.

Katwag mentioned that with all the details provided already, it's very easy to find the news stories and the GFM. That's it! You guys are reading into things that are not there.

kimmiinthemitten · March 2016

I think it's only natural to feel defensive when you think you're being criticized, even without all of the trauma over the past month!

No one really knows how they'd react to a situation like this until they're in it. Spock, you have exhibited grace, compassion and humor in the face of a horrible experience. At the end of the day, that is what matters; a GFM, POA or even marriage license can't change that.

I would still like to see the video if you don't mind sharing.

spockforprez · March 2016

LadyMillil said:

old reg, current lurking lurker

It took me one Google search to find a news article with the GFM and lots of personal information. You never know who is reading posts and what they could do with your information, particularly when you are in a situation with lawyers involved. Maybe it's just me, but I would want to know if I was easily found so I could edit my posts accordingly.

What should I delete? I've been quoted dozens of times.

spockforprez · March 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

I think it's only natural to feel defensive when you think you're being criticized, even without all of the trauma over the past month!

No one really knows how they'd react to a situation like this until they're in it. Spock, you have exhibited grace, compassion and humor in the face of a horrible experience. At the end of the day, that is what matters; a GFM, POA or even marriage license can't change that.

I would still like to see the video if you don't mind sharing.

Thanks lady! ❤️

madamerwin · March 2016

KatWAG said:

ShesSoCold said:

Oh CHRIST. Are you kidding me with this? Dude nearly died and you're being critical of his choices? And the way his wife is posting? I don't see anything defensive about her posts, but I do read an accusatory tone in yours. What are you trying to accomplish here?

I am not trying to accomplish anything. Spock chose to share every intimate detail. No one forced her. But I am not going to sit by and blow glitter and rainbows up her ass when there are some inconsistencies. For example, she was really upset that her wedding turned into a "circus" but she (or her H) gave permission for this "circus" to happen.

This is not necessarily an inconsistency. Just because Spock did not herself give permission does not mean that her H did not (and given he is the one in the hospital, it seems far more likely the news would have approached him for permission). So, it is 100% possible that permission was indeed given, and at the same time Spock was not happy with the circus it turned in to.

And to echo @kimmiinthemitten - it is completely natural to feel a little defensive when people start mentioning that they think there are inconsistencies, and that they are suspicious of the story now. And implying that she must have contacted the news herself because there is no way they would have found out? Come on now, how do you think news stations get their stories? They have scanners. They do not rely on people calling them for their breaking news, it's their job to find out about these things. Crashes in particular are pretty easy for the news to find out about.

And about whether Spock shared more info online than you deem appropriate - she is an adult, and what she chooses to share is her business. She did not advertise her GFM (and by the way, I definitely do not side-eye the GFM in this situation). Sure, it might be easy to find the story and GFM based on a Google search, but who cares? Why does that automatically make her story suspicious?

photokitty · March 2016

climbingwife said:

KatWAG said:

MairePoppy said:

I usually don't outright criticize other members of this community, but what the fuck - bringing up the go fund me page and questions spocks motives for moving up the wedding is the shittiest thing I've ever seen KatWag do.

I didn't criticize her GFM. Spock had mentioned several times that she would send the media stories around to those who are interested. I pointed out that the stories (one of which inked her GFM) was easy to find online.
And if you want to call me out, fee free to tag me.

Katwag mentioned that with all the details provided already, it's very easy to find the news stories and the GFM. That's it! You guys are reading into things that are not there.

I'd like to introduce you to this fun feature called your inbox. You can send another user a private message instead of calling out a woman who married the love of her life after a near death experience that resulted in the lose of a fucking leg and possible paralysis and other issues.

Keep it classy, TK...

hellohkb · March 2016

Congratulations, Spock

I am truly happy to hear about your good news!

Googling someone and coming back here to side eye her GFM and whatnot isn't being concerned, it's just being douchey and immature. If you're truly concerned, a private message is a good way to start.

ShesSoCold · March 2016

climbingwife said:

KatWAG said:

MairePoppy said:

I usually don't outright criticize other members of this community, but what the fuck - bringing up the go fund me page and questions spocks motives for moving up the wedding is the shittiest thing I've ever seen KatWag do.

I didn't criticize her GFM. Spock had mentioned several times that she would send the media stories around to those who are interested. I pointed out that the stories (one of which inked her GFM) was easy to find online.
And if you want to call me out, fee free to tag me.

Katwag mentioned that with all the details provided already, it's very easy to find the news stories and the GFM. That's it! You guys are reading into things that are not there.

Alright, sure. Since you're KatWag's spokesperson now, what did she mean by "And Spock decided to get all defensive, which makes me even more suspicious."? How is saying she's suspicious (of what?) in any way related to her fake-ass concern for OP's internet safety? And her "for the record" bullshit about how she thinks it would have been easier on OP's H to have waited for the wedding? What does that have to do with locating information online?

photokitty · March 2016

For the record, I felt like a huge ass when I questioned if it was a good idea to push the wedding up bc I was concerned about her then FI possibly having to declare bankruptcy bc of financially devastating hospital bills.

I can't imagine what I'd feel like posting "I found your GFM" on a site full of women who openly hate on GFM, hell just last night a girl asked if she could set one up for her dad's skilled nursing care so he could attend her wedding and was told NO! But I'm sure you're post totally came from a place of genuine concern for her safety

natswild · March 2016

Good for @spockforprez and Mr. Spock for deciding to push the wedding forward and getting it done. I don't see any reason why they should have waited, and she brought up a good point that when the original date was, it would have been potentially far more painful and difficult to have the wedding done then. She is a real class act, and she is a real inspiration to me for how do deal with life in a crisis.

ETA, I would also be interested in the video.

CMGragain · March 2016

Ha! Spock, I feel for you! My MIL sat in a corner at our wedding, crying, and told everyone who would listen to her that her son was making the worst mistake of his life! Most people knew she had mental issues, and they expressed sympathy to me afterwards. I just kept smiling.
I won. I outlived her. We have been happily married for almost 40 years. That is the best revenge!
Just go with the flow, honey. You and your FI will have a long, long time to make adjustments to your new life together. We all know it won't be unicorns and butterflies in the rose garden, but there will be lots of happy times ahead to balance the lows. You are surrounded by love and good wishes.

Spock and her H

Re: Spock and her H

Choose Another Board

Search Boards