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Pre-wedding Parties
duderanchjosie
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Having trouble choosing between what I want and what I think others will like...
My bachelorette party is in June and I am having trouble settling on a location. I live in Northern California, and the two destinations I am torn between are Reno and Disneyland.
If it were up to me, and I was in charge of the party, I would choose Disneyland. The reason I hesitate is a) I don't know if everyone else would be as excited as I would be and b) my sister (who is my matron of honor and best friend) doesn't really enjoy Disneyland. It's very low on her list of places she would like to go.
Disneyland will run everyone about $50 more per person total and require a longer drive. It's basically my favorite place to go.
Reno is marginally cheaper and a much shorter drive (half the time). It's also a typical/traditional bachelorette party destination.
I don't have a close, core group of friends. My guest list is made up of my individual friends (who don't hang out with each other without me), family, and friends I've met through my sister. I want everyone to have fun, and I'm afraid Disneyland will be boring or childish for people who aren't me.
My sister wants me to pick the location, because it is my party and I don't have a close group of people to get together and plan it. It's basically just my sister (and maybe my two bridesmaids, if they have time) putting the trip details together.
So, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
If it were up to me, and I was in charge of the party, I would choose Disneyland. The reason I hesitate is a) I don't know if everyone else would be as excited as I would be and b) my sister (who is my matron of honor and best friend) doesn't really enjoy Disneyland. It's very low on her list of places she would like to go.
Disneyland will run everyone about $50 more per person total and require a longer drive. It's basically my favorite place to go.
Reno is marginally cheaper and a much shorter drive (half the time). It's also a typical/traditional bachelorette party destination.
I don't have a close, core group of friends. My guest list is made up of my individual friends (who don't hang out with each other without me), family, and friends I've met through my sister. I want everyone to have fun, and I'm afraid Disneyland will be boring or childish for people who aren't me.
My sister wants me to pick the location, because it is my party and I don't have a close group of people to get together and plan it. It's basically just my sister (and maybe my two bridesmaids, if they have time) putting the trip details together.
So, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
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Re: Having trouble choosing between what I want and what I think others will like...
Whose idea was it to have a destination party; yours or your sisters? If you told her to plan this or that it should be a destination party, I would walk this back and tell her you're happy with whatever type of party she has graciously offered to throw, wherever she can host it. A weekend away, with guests that are not all friends with one another sounds like a recipe for an awkward, expensive weekend.
Agree with charlotte that a weekend getaway with people that are strangers except for you sounds awkward.
Especially if it involves one person paying upfront for hotels , buying tickets together etc. it really stinks when people back out at the last minute. Almost every single destination bach party I've been a part of some version of this has happened, ESPECIALLY when the host is not close with those invited.
However, this is specific to my group, we are very much the Vegas party girl type. My MOH enthusiastically started planning an LV destination bachelorette party for me as soon as I told her FI proposed. I wouldn't plan this for myself and I would definitely not tell her it's what I wanted to do if I knew she disliked Las Vegas. Disneyland is expensive and knowing your sister doesn't enjoy it doesn't seem worth it to me. Save it for a trip with FI!
Is staying in your area even an option? Would you get more participation? For what it's worth, I would not go on a weekend getaway with a group where I am only friends with the bride. My introverted soul just cringes at that.
Honestly, the idea of going on a destination b-party where I barely know the rest of the attendees sounds like hell to me. I would not be comfortable sharing a hotel with other people I barely know, and I'd be uncomfortable and anxious about strangers the whole time. A local party is so much easier anyway, but it's really the best option when no one knows each other.
I think destination parties can work with an established tight knit group, but this is a group of women whose only connection to each other is you. Personally I think that can be pretty awkward. Even traveling with friends can be tough depending on the personalities. I think with destination parties the host really needs to be in touch with the entire guest list and taking them into consideration. I know if you're asking me to pay for airfare or gas money and a hotel room I sure as heck would like input into where we go or at least have my budget considered. If your sister isn't close enough with this group of women to be able to contact them ahead of time to discuss these sorts of options then perhaps a destination party isn't the appropriate option for this group of people.
Either that or she can just pick one, but then be comfortable with the fact that you may get more declines from people who don't care for thst type of location, cant afford it, or just dont want to or can't spend that amount of time away on something they didn't have input on. It's just the hazards of party planning, particularly destination parties when you're picking for them. Can't make everything work for everybody.
My sister opted to make a FB event page and let people vote on what destination works best for them. Almost all of the people I suggested for the guest list had previously shown an interest in going, even knowing that they wouldn't know everyone there.
However it all works out, it will be fine. Disneyland was my first choice, but if the girls who want to come (and are paying to come) prefer Reno, I would much rather do that. I have some really nasty anxiety around surprises and traveling, which is why my sister gave me the choice. But everything will turn out fabulous, no matter where we go.
Thank you again! I definitely needed some objective input!
I just went to a bachelorette party like this a few weekends ago and it was really irritating. bride wanted Texas and wanted very "country" activities like line dancing and mechanical bull riding. None of the other women were into country music, and bride knew that, yet she pushed for a Texas destination bach party anyway. I went, because she's a very close friend, but every time I had to pay cover to honky-tonk bar I became increasinly annoyed. It was a very selfish "it's my day and I get what I want" attitude and it has unfortunately changed my opinion of her as a person.
I'm all for a night out on the town with a few girls I'm close with or hanging out at a house with them but at the end of night I want to end up in my own bed and save these trips for time with DH!
duderanchjosie said: Thanks for all the input! Destination bachelorette parties are pretty much the norm around here. I just went to one for our friend in Tahoe a few weeks ago (a location that the bride chose). Not all of the girls knew each other, but we all came out of the trip as Facebook friends.
Oh and I'm sorry but I have to snark at this. We all know being fb friends is totally a huge accomplishment, I mean you can't become bffs without being fb friends first right?
Oh and I'm sorry but I have to snark at this. We all know being fb friends is totally a huge accomplishment, I mean you can't become bffs without being fb friends first right?
I agree that the trend for these destination trips seems unnecessary and frivolous. Orchestrating them is typically a hassle and headache. Even under the best of work situations, giving up an entire weekend has me playing "catch up" the entire following week.
I also paired an eye roll with a snort regarding the Facebook comment.