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Wedding 911

Eloped: Breaking the News

GamersElope16GamersElope16 member
10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
edited May 2016 in Wedding 911

I'm not sure if this belongs here, there isn't an Elopement board :/

We eloped on 4/8/16 and only his family and my older sister know (his step dad married us). We wanted to wait to tell everyone until his job transferred and he was living permanently in the same state with me.

For all those who have eloped, how did you tell your family? How did they respond to the news? 

*I can supply some backstory if needed. This would have been a long post if I included it here*

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Re: Eloped: Breaking the News

  • The easiest way would be to send out formal printed wedding announcements.  This is what they are for!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdommollybarker11SP29MesmrEwe
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'm not sure if this belongs here, there isn't an Elopement board :/

    We eloped on 4/8/16 and only his family and my older sister know (his step dad married us). We wanted to wait to tell everyone until his job transferred and he was living permanently in the same state with me.

    For all those who have eloped, how did you tell your family? How did they respond to the news? 

    *I can supply some backstory if needed. This would have been a long post if I included it here*

    Can you define/clarify "eloped".  An elopement typically means that the bride and groom married secretly and ALONE.  You state that your FI's step dad married you.  Were other family members witness to your wedding?

    If some family members were included while others were not, that may change the dynamics of the expected responses.  Were you engaged prior to your elopement?

    You should expect some hurt or disappointed feelings.  If some people were able to witness your ceremony, you might have to prepare for angry responses as well.  @Jells2dot0 , do you have any suggestions or advice?
    mollybarker11
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    IMO you should phone your family or whomever else you consider close ASAP. You got married a month ago and haven't told them yet... you can probably expect at least some to be a little peeved. Not that they get to dictate how/when/where you get married, but I would be offended if someone in my family went a whole month without telling me they got hitched.

    Then mail out announcements. But anyone you have a close relationship with should be told personally.
    I agree with this.

    And I would definitely expect hurt feelings. Obviously, it's up to you how and when and with whom you get married, and I don't know your family situation, but I know my parents would be extraordinarily hurt if I got married without them there, especially if H's family got to be there. 

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I think a lot depends on your situation and dynamics with your family/friends. Absolutely NOONE had hurt feelings when we told them we eloped and married for several reasons- we were married previously, we have a ton of family drama, and no one waned to travel for our wedding anyway (we don't live near any of our family). Almost everyone found out about our wedding on Facebook because our photographer uploaded photos the day after and tagged me in them. I was not at all mad and everyone who saw them was either really happy for us or relieved that they didn't have to worry about another wedding! I never sent out announcements and had no intention of doing so. I really don't think anyone cared about our wedding other than us and we really didn't want to make a big deal out of it because, again, second marriage. I didn't even tell my dad until a month afterward and when we did tell him, he was so relieved that he didn't have to deal with my mom. LOL

    HOWEVER, I know for a FACT that if we invited only some of our family to the wedding and not others, there would be hurt feelings. What you did is not technically an elopement and people are less hurt by running off and getting married alone than getting married with only a few who are deemed special enough to keep the secret. Again, we don't know your family dynamics and maybe your family won't care, but I think you need to tell them in a more personal way (call, visit as opposed to announcement) sooner rather than later.

     







    SP29OurWildKingdommollybarker11short+sassy
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree that you should personally tell your immediate family and any close friends. For anyone else, send wedding announcements. Do this sooner than later.
    OurWildKingdom
  • GamersElope16GamersElope16 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016

    okay I guess I did need to include some backstory.

    We were not engaged before we got married. I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship (engaged for 6 months) and I had just started to tell my family about the new guy. He lives in a different state than I do (we met playing video games online). We decided to get married only about 2 weeks before we did it. We could not find an officiant in his small rural town that could marry us on short notice so that's why his step dad did it. His mom and sister were there because it was at their house. We were waiting for him to get his job transferred to my state and him living with me before we told my family (he will be here in less than 2 weeks). We were going to tell my mom and dad in person (they are divorced) and I'll call the rest of my close family, everyone else will get some kind of announcement (not on facebook). My aunt eloped, my sister eloped, and my mom and dad had a private ceremony so this kind of thing isn't unheard of in my family. I know there will be some hurt feelings, I'm just trying to think of ways to cushion the blow. There are some photos and a video of the ceremony so maybe that will help.

    If I missed any details please let me know.

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    That's quite a story!
  • I think PPs have covered it well. Time to rip off the band-aid and tell family, and send out announcements to any other friends or non-immediate relatives. 

    Whatever you do, don't try to "hide it" and have a PPD. My FBIL did this. Only FI and me and FI's parents know FBIL is actually married and not engaged, as the rest of the family believes. He and his W are having a PPD in a foreign country. It will be expensive and may be a difficult trip for some of the older relatives like his grandparents, but they feel like they need to go since it's his wedding. I don't know how pissed they would be if they discovered it was a PPD -- they might not care. But then again, they might a lot. I certainly feel a bit put upon to have to spend over $1000 on a plane ticket to see an event that's already happened. 
                        


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    OurWildKingdom
  • @scribe95 - Wow. I was looking for advice, not judgement.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    @scribe95 - Wow. I was looking for advice, not judgement.
    No judgment, only concern. 
    Knottie1452098987
  • @scribe95 - If you would have read the back story I provided, you would have known the reasons for my delay in telling my family.

    I am looking for advice from people who have eloped and their experience telling their families. If you haven't eloped and have nothing constructive to offer, please move along.

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    @scribe95 - If you would have read the back story I provided, you would have known the reasons for my delay in telling my family.

    I am looking for advice from people who have eloped and their experience telling their families. If you haven't eloped and have nothing constructive to offer, please move along.

    That is incredibly rude. Get a grip.
    InLoveInQueenswink0erin100yroldblinddogDrillSergeantCat
  • @scribe95 - If you would have read the back story I provided, you would have known the reasons for my delay in telling my family.

    I am looking for advice from people who have eloped and their experience telling their families. If you haven't eloped and have nothing constructive to offer, please move along.

    Hello and welcome to the Forums, no one was rude. People are giving you advice based on what you have told them. Scribe's advice is spot on and seems to have hit a nerve. 

    Also, please don't tell people how to post, that doesn't go over well here. 
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensKnottie1452098987
  • What is incredibly rude is when other criticize the way someone leads their life. Yes my marriage was fast, but guess what, that's how it happened and the most important part is that both of us are happy. If I wanted to be judged and criticized on how I want to live my life, I would have posted this on Snarky Brides. I thought this "community" was supposed to help on another.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    If you don't like what you're reading, you know what you can do.
  • scribe95 said:
    Wow. Sounds like a fast marriage in a rebound relationship in which you never dated or lived in the same city. I'm sure your parents are going to be concerned and the longer you wait to tell them the worse it's going to be.

    When did I say we never dated? I also didn't tell you how long ago I broke up with my fiancé. Way to jump to conclusions.
  • @scribe95 - If you would have read the back story I provided, you would have known the reasons for my delay in telling my family.

    I am looking for advice from people who have eloped and their experience telling their families. If you haven't eloped and have nothing constructive to offer, please move along.

    Hello and welcome to the Forums, no one was rude. People are giving you advice based on what you have told them. Scribe's advice is spot on and seems to have hit a nerve. 

    Also, please don't tell people how to post, that doesn't go over well here. 

    What Scribe said was rude and very condescending.
  • Everyone else had something of value to offer and I thank them for their input.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2016
    I dated DH in high school.  We broke up towards the end of senior year and went our separate ways.  After some bad choices on my part, I contacted him seven years later.  He showed up on my doorstep, having flown 1100 miles across the country.  After four days together, we decided to get married.  I planned a simple church wedding in two months time while we were separated by the miles.  His mother was horrified.  We have been happily married for 40 years.
    Don't judge.
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    GamersElope16OurWildKingdommadamerwinSP29
  • GamersElope16GamersElope16 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    scribe95 said:
    I did read your background. I don't know what living in the same state has to do with telling your family.

    I didn't say you didn't date. I said you didn't date in the same city. And I did give you advice - tell them quickly before there is more damage than there already is. 
    "relationship in which you never dated or lived in the same city." 

    And not that you would care, but while we were "dating" we spent 500+ hours on Skype in 2 months. We even did regular couple stuff like have dinner together and watch movies, we even fell asleep every night and got to say Good Morning to each other the next day. Long distance relationships are not less serious than in-person relationships.
  • justsiejustsie member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    scribe95 said:
    Wow. Sounds like a fast marriage in a rebound relationship in which you never dated or lived in the same city. I'm sure your parents are going to be concerned and the longer you wait to tell them the worse it's going to be.

    When did I say we never dated? I also didn't tell you how long ago I broke up with my fiancé. Way to jump to conclusions.
    scribe95 said:
    I did read your background. I don't know what living in the same state has to do with telling your family.

    I didn't say you didn't date. I said you didn't date in the same city. And I did give you advice - tell them quickly before there is more damage than there already is. 
    "relationship in which you never dated or lived in the same city." 

    And not that you would care, but while we were "dating" we spent 500+ hours on Skype in 2 months. We even did regular couple stuff like have dinner together and watch movies, we even fell asleep every night and got to say Good Morning to each other the next day. Long distance relationships are not less serious than in-person relationships.


    She was saying you never dated or lived in the same city. Not that you never dated period. 
    image
    Knottie1452098987
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    OP, you are getting unnecessarily defensive. Nobody was rude to you, and those you think were rude are simply offering very valid points about why this might be a situation that gives your family pause. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    OurWildKingdomartbyallieInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
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